| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/11/2009 7:38:58 PM | A mucktub is a mucktub and you will end uptarred with the same brush and guilty by association....
If she is putting it about and letting owt with a pulse nail her then she will eventually drag those around her into her seedy little world.
As ive said before in other threads we all know someone who is lax with both morals an standards and has been mentioned in this thread once a gal gets a tag as being a slag,trollop or what ever local term is used then its almost impossible to regain any standing with those around her.
Best thing is let 'li lo Lil' get on with it and keep yaself at a discreet distance..nobody wants to be known to be mates with a walking sperm bank with all the morals of a brass nail. | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 12:18:05 AM | i knew someone would bring up the fact that i have single on my profile..
it's a long story, and probably just another example of 'problems' in my own relationship. but the fact is that at the moment i AM single...he's not talking to me etc...that doesn't mean to say that i am single in my heart or my head though, i'm not.
there are a few difficulties in me speaking my mind to this friend...firstly i haven't been part of the group of friends for that long and don't feel it's my place to say anything, so no, she isn't one of my 'closest' friends.
i also think the problems go a lot deeper, and believe that she has some serious self esteem issues...she's a lovely girl with a heart of gold, but sense just seems to go out of the window when a man comes into the picture.
there have been a couple of little incidents that make me believe that i may be getting tarred with the same brush...all of which i have dealt with in the appropriate manner...
sooo, yes, shoot me, but my main concern is what my parner (or ex-partner if you like) thinks i'm getting up to...but that doesn't mean that i don't care about her issues...i'm just not sure that bringing it all out in the open wont make her feel even worse about herself. | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 12:54:07 AM | | It depends on what sort of relationship you have with your friend but I think I might say something in a tactful way. I would tell her it didnt make any difference to your friendship but you were a bit worried about her. People may not be tarring you with the same brush - Ive had friends that sleep around but I dont think it made any difference to my reputation - or maybe it did and I just didnt know it! lol | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:02:47 AM |
I think you should may be curtail your activity for awhile until your friends stop gossiping about you. It's not nice being labelled a slag and i know of a few friends of friends who ended up with that label and now men just treat them like a bed for the night. I haven't though because you just don't know what you can catch from women like that. Lice and stuff.
Curtail her activity? The thread isn't about the girl who started it, it's about a friend.
PS It is possible for people to sleep with other people without being diseased and for every "mucktub" there's someone willing enough to sleep with them.
As for the issues in the relationship with your partner, quite frankly I wouldn't be letting someone who has obvious trust issues and someone who you aren't even with at the moment dictate what you do or who you speak to.
If you do ditch this friendship and all is rosy believe me, there will be something further down the line that he might take the huff at. Do you really want to be involved with someone who cannot listen to you and understand that you are faithful to him?
Regardless of what your friend may be doing. I'd wonder about your motivation for speaking to this girl, are you concerned about her primarily or are you concerned about the effect it is having on you?
There is a simple solution, stop socialising with her, if you haven't known her that long and you do want to placate your partner it isn't like you are giving up a life long friendship. But I'd be very wary of going down that route. I'd also be very wary of pandering to someone who sounds at the very best huffy and insecure, no matter how much you love them. | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:20:31 AM | What consenting adults get up to is no-one's business but their own.
The people with the real problems are the idiot's who are busy gossiping about other people, rather than getting on with "having a life" themselves.
It's also another annoying example of the double standards applied to sex. If it was a man doing this, he'd be seen as a stud, someone to admire and look up to. Possibly that's an example of the hidden shallows us men have got.
If your friend is having a good time, and harming no-one, then b*llocls to the idiots gossiping.
I'll give you 4 to 1 odds, it's jealousy talking. | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:35:10 AM | I'm tending to agree with Cargy and Foxy, and top post by Musician.
Nip gossip in the bud, tell them to sod off and mind their own business! No-one knows but her if it's true anyway! How judgemental people are ... | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 3:00:10 AM | As I read through I saw that Kitten and Brown Eyes had already written down what I was going to say. That's the issue really, that it has made your fella feel insecure.
It's an understandable emotion from him, but time for a bit of a reassuring chat methinks, and maybe a few special nights just for him!?!?
Shag his brains out luv! | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 3:21:15 AM | relationships should..on the whole..make you happy.
This can be the relationship you have with a friend, a boyfriend or whatever. This does not seem to be the case here.
If this woman is not a close friend...then its entirely your call if you continue to socialise with her. I would add tho..does it matter who she does or does not sleep with? Does it matter what anyne else says? If YOU like her and YOU get on well with here and YOU lead your life in a way that makes YOU happy then why care or get upset? YOU can have a chat with her and just let her know what you have heard and reassure her that to YOU it doesnt matter as YOU are her FRIEND or you can cut ties.
As for your parnter if he is ready to accept such gossip and will readily believe it applies to you...or judge you on someone elses behaviour and someone elses say so then perhaps he is not the kind of man you need.
If i were in your situation i would continue to live my life as i felt was right and if i liked the woman i would stay her friend..as what she does is her call and anyone judging me like we were at school could go take a flying feck to themselves...
as to the boyfriend..current or even worse an ex..id tell him that if he was any kind of man and any kind of judge or character or if he even knew me a little then he would have no reason to think anything like that of me and that frankly he was a dissappointment to ME and not the other way around...for displaying what a shallow and judgemental person he really is and that perhaps ..despite my feelings for him....this was HIS loss and not mine.
peachy
xx | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:16:10 AM |
as i said, if it were just a case of my friend enjoying a harmless (to her or others) bit of 'how's your father' then i wouldn't take a bit of notice...i'm pretty non judgemental as it goes....but it isn't harmless stuff, and it's made my partner (believe that i must be behaving the same way just because we're friends...
Surely that's an issue between you and your partner to discuss and not really appropriate for the forums. Would having a gay male or female friend upset you because you might get tarred with the same brush? What about someone with a physical disability? do you think oh I cant walk down the street with them because of what people think?
I have friends who have their own problems, be it being overweight, drinking to excess or doing drugs and tbh I don't care what people think, they are my friends I make my own decisions in life and I rarely drink or smoke.
If I had a girlfriend who was concerned one of my mates was a compulsive womaniser I would remind her that she is my partner and I am with her not anyone else. I think you need to sit down and have a chat with your partner and sort out any underlying jealousy issues that may be lurking there. | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 11:45:30 AM | I accept my friends for who they are. I don't judge and if others want to judge me then that's their affair.
If a friend was acting out of character I would make sure that they knew that I was there for them no matter what. | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/12/2009 1:00:38 PM | I try not to be judgemental so i wouldnt judge my friend on her bedtime antics, hey - nobody's perfect, besides i wouldnt wanna be judged by anyone - as my profile states; "I try not to be judgemental as I don’t like to be judged by others".
Nor would i distance myself from my friend because of a fear of being tarnished with the same brush by association... If people want to think that of me let them!! those that are closest to me me, my true friends will know me - only their thoughts matter.
Personally i'd say nothing, what my friends gets up to is her business & shes a grown woman however If this behavior was out of character and i suspected that there was some underlying problem only then would i sit her down and have a chat with her, attempt to get to the bottom of the cause of her change in behavior.
I'm wondering if the issue here isnt your friend and her sexual behavior, but the fact that your partner thinks that your getting up to the same things......would this lady's promiscurity bother you if it didnt bother your partner? Not much trust on your other halfs behalf is there?? | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/17/2009 7:51:01 PM | firstly it sounds like your friend is afraid she will lose the guy if she says no.
secondly if your would be current fella has a problem with who you choose to be friends with.
then your only problem should be is he worth the trouble. if he cant get over it then i would say no he's not.
if he's not talking to you, write it off.
because talking is the one thing that is needed here.
it sounds to me like his friends have been telling him what they think.
the trouble is he's been listening to them instead of defending you.
not exactly the recipe to a rosy future is it! | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:07:53 AM | OP I have friends who are gay, I'm sure that doesn't make me gay by association, as to having a reputation for sticking by friends, even if they have a "very active social life" sod the busy bodies.
Just keep a life raft handy for when you, or you and your friend need to bail out. To err is human yada yada yada. | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:41:41 AM | I think there is a fundimental difference in the way the 2 sex's deal with that type of thing.
I believe women would want to nuture and help the person whereas a bloke would say "Stop being a twat or you can fook right off" | |
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| People getting a reputation for themselves..
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:44:02 AM | well thank you for all your comments and insightful advice..
i don't really think there's a lot more to be said here as most of it has been said several times over so it seems a bit repetitive now.
i have made my position perfectly clear to the people who may have tarred me with the ame brush so that's no longer an issue now...as other's have said, what happens now is none of my business...i'll just be there to listen if and when needed. | |
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