| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 8/21/2009 12:40:55 PM | I am now 38 with a 21 year old daughter and a one year old grandson. That door is slammed and bolted for me. Although many of my friends are just now starting their families, I no longer have the need or desire to add any more of my own to the planet. A few years ago, possibly but now for the first time in my life, I am able to focus on what it is I want (selfish possibly but I did not have the early-20s stage and opportunity that many of my friends did) and enjoying the freedom of not worrying about daycare, school schedules, birthday parties, etc. I do help my daughter out a fair bit with her l'il man and I cherish the time I spend playing with my grandson or exploring the city with him but also am loving the ability and resources to explore more adult persuits and interests.
That is not to say that I would not welcome someone else's child into my life just that I am not wanting to have another of my own at this stage. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 8/21/2009 12:55:50 PM | | I'm edging closer to the 'stick a fork in me, I'm done' side of the equation. It takes alot out of a woman at my age to maintain a pregnancy - it's a very high price. I have one and he stil is a handful. I would not mind adopting if I ever got married again or welcoming a s/o's child. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 8/21/2009 2:00:46 PM | I used to always say if the Army wanted me to have kids they would have issued them to me... My daughter wasn't born until I was 36 and at the very end of my military career. She is the light of my life and I would love to have 10 more of them. However, recently I came to realize just how old I am. Two different times I've had people ask me; "Can your granddaughter have ______?"
I've done the math and I do realize where they are coming from but I also realize at 43 if I have another one I'll be 61 by the time she graduates from high school. My grandfather lived to 48, my father to 58. So long lifespan just isn't in the family. I would hate to worry about how the mother would have to cope with being a widow with a child to raise. Then again, I could just take out some huge insurance policies... | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:32:45 PM | I would be more interested in dating a guy with a child or children than one who wants to start a family.
I love children, I just hated being pregnant. So if I can meet a great guy who already has kids and build a relationship with him and them, then that's an ideal situation in my book. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:30:02 PM | Nope, I'm done. In fact was done many years ago. I had my son when I was 24 and that was enough for me. At 28 I wanted to get my tubes tied but my OB/GYN refused. He told me that if I really, really wanted to he would do it, but wanted me to go home and really think about it. I never did have the procedure done as he told me that my periods would become heavier and more painful so I was hesitant. Fast forward 3 years and after being in a relationship for a couple of years with a wonderful guy we discussed having a child together. I went through one month of insanity as I actually considered it! Thankfully I talked myself out of it. I really didn't want the possibility of having to raise another child on my own, and since there couldn't be a guarantee that we would be together forever, well that was that.
My mother throughout the years has said to me and my son "aww wouldn't you love to have another child/sibling?", most recently about a month ago. I was playing with my brother's girlfriends kids and she said "see? you're so good with kids, you should have another one. I just give her a WTF!! look and gently remind her that I will be picking out her retirement home. LOL | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:32:26 PM | | Only ever wanted one. I got him plus a bonus one...then I was cut, tied & burned...I AM DONE!!! I love my boys, but I sure as he77 don't want any more! I'm looking forward to being a grandma someday tho.... | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/5/2009 1:56:02 PM | Interesting how most of these responses tend towards 'no.'
Those who have kids and want more are probably afraid of getting lambasted so they won't even posts of their desire.
Well fvck yall. I got some and open to having to having more if I'm able and the universe is willing. Now you deal with that and take it how you wanna.
The universe will set herself straight on overpopulation. Disease, drought, infant mortality, man, famine, natural disasters and all continue to kill off people at a nice little rate.
So what? Me Worry?
Me thinks not.
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miz k
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Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 60 | |
| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/5/2009 1:56:15 PM | | i have 3 kids already and im definently open to having more but i wont rush into it. Im dating a guy atm that wants kids and this topic has come up. I want to make sure that time is right but i also dont want to be too old if i have another one. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:25:14 PM | I'm done. mine are either on their own, or back on a temp basis while getting more schooling. I told both of mine I'd help them as long as they were advancing themselves in their lives.
As far as finding enough candidates to date who are ALSO done, I've found I have to really dial down very early in conversation about their "more children wishes" the younger the woman is and also with the number and ages of any kids she already has.
I still hone in on it in EVERY case, but since I dont want to waste HER time if she even has a smidgen of a hint of wanting more, I accelerate that part of the dialog, sometimes on the first meetNgreet.
Frankly I think that any UNmarried woman who has reached 40(an arbitrary number I know) and who HASNT had any kids.. is sort of fooling herself. The babybus has left the terminal.
I mean think about it for a minute.. The percentages of higher risk birth defects start to climb exponentially with first-children birthed when the mother is over age 40.
Here you are, trying to date a man and learn if he is a LIFEMATE. however YOU have an agenda with a ticking bio-clock chiming louder than Big Ben. forget speed dating, this is speed-marriage where the ageing of your eggs trumps anything else that really needs to be done with slow dating. You are less concerned with true life-long compatibility than wanting to know if he's fertile.
Generally speaking.. it takes 2 years to really know someone enough to make a RATIONAL decision to marry FOR LIFE (or at least for the 18yrs & 9 months to raise a child to adulthood)
Then you should really get to know them as a spouse, to build the bond that gets you through life-s struggles when they come.. probably for 3 to 5 years.
That means that if a 40 yr old woman met a 45 yr old man.. SHE would be 45 to 47 when she gave birth.. Giving her kid a "grandmother-aged" mom to come to the Highschool graduation. And the dad? well IF he lives that long, he'll be on so many geriatric meds the kid will be tempted to sell them to get a bigger allowance.
The rush to procreate NO MATTER WHAT is so single-minded and lemming-like that it reeks of selfishness and not caring what any unborn kid would WISH for .. IF that kid had a say in it all.
Your RIGHT to make a kid, is trumped by that kids RIGHT to have you make them within a responsible framework allowing for the best scenario for that kid to grow up in.
The incredibly high percentage of messed up young people today CAN be traced right back to the parents.
Edit: I will say this. ANY person who has child-creation on their short list NEEDS to NEVER try to force or trick their partner who is saying a clear NO and accept that your time passed, or time to get a new partner. The NO should win, EVERY TIME.
The "exception-rule thinking" where the desireous partner is convinced that they can change their other's mind later on is being deceitful and disrespectful to that partner. NEVER force an unwilling partner into being a parent, Stop with the harlequin-esque thinking that the deceived partner will "come around to adoring the child once it's there) is evil. It's just plain wrong. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/5/2009 3:18:36 PM |
I will say this. ANY person who has child-creation on their short list NEEDS to NEVER try to force or trick their partner who is saying a clear NO Bullshit. With few exceptions that I cited in another thread on female-on-male sexual assault, there is no way in hell that men can be tricked or forced into getting someone pregnant - unless it's a saved-the-sperm-in-a-turkey-baster type of thing, and how often does that happen to these guys claiming they were tricked, trapped, or forced into having a baby?
I mean if you truly and really don't want to have a baby - GET A VASECTOMY!!!
If you don't get a vasectomy, then you leave that door open regardless of what you say.
And I don't wanna hear that bullshit of 'she told me she was on the pill' - that's passing the buck and putting the responsibility on someone else. If men wanna go raw - they take the responsibility of going raw. But men have just as much of a right and responsibility to
1) SAY NO TO SEX!
2) GET A VASECTOMY!
3) USE A CONDOM!!
And as luck they would have it, I think they are even coming out with a male version of the pill. Lucky you!!
It's pretty dam simple. And it's the same shit yall always harpin on for women/girls to do and think about.
Now if you made your decision to go raw or pass the BC responsibility to someone else, then you're pretty much shit outta luck and can't blame nobody but yourself. Betta hope for a miscarriage because after that it's the woman's decision to have, abort, or keep.
Or adopt. Whatever.
If you're tying to convince her to abort, betta have at least 1/2 grand because an abortion in the early stages is just about $500 or so. If she has to pay for it herself, her stupid ass should NEVA, EVA DATE OR HAVE SEX WITH YOU AGAIN!!
'you' being general, not specific. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/5/2009 3:35:47 PM | 1kindman, what the heck is it that you do?
Did you say you lecture people?
As in interrogate?
As in college lecture?
As in a long drawn out talk to bore your suitors to death?
I'm guessing it's not #2 since you are 'self-employed.' Must be 1 or 2. I'm guessing the last one. Wow what women will listen to for the potential to have a man. And that's not just you, I'm totally against the the overload of bullcrap on the shelves for women read, everything from 'He's Just Not Into You' to 'Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady.' And these women think because a man is writing it or saying it they can offer more perspective on it.
Soooo not.
But good luck with that. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/6/2009 10:44:55 AM | | I am done tubes were tied at my c-section, not medically wise the doctor said all scarred up from my IUD I had apparently. Had the darn thing removed 6 months after it was put in due to complications with it. Plus the previous c-section for a 10lb 4 oz breech baby was enough. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/7/2009 11:03:41 AM | I'm 25 with an 8 yr old and a 7 month old so for now i'm done having kid's but i could change my mind later down the road if and when the time is right and i pass guy's that don't want or have kid's i perfur men that do have children for the simple fact they know my kids come frist as there kids should come frist  | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/7/2009 1:49:08 PM | | i have raised my son...he is nineteen...but i am interested in meeting men...and if the case of being with someone younger...and to have another child...sure...i will probably be a mother of children-fostering...thanks | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/7/2009 4:02:11 PM | I have one child. I am open to the idea of having more children but I am not dead set on having more at this point and time. I want to wait until my career is in line and I have the right person, we are married and I know its solid.. nothing like my past marriage..
I have had people pass me up because I was undecided or they didn't want kids at all which I am very flexible. My mind could change in a couple of years and so could theirs!
I love my daughter and I love kids it would make since to have more.. but we will see.. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/8/2009 7:20:51 PM | Something in my "Wiring" says to ADOPT one day down the road....there really are so many kids out there that need a decent family & home.
Think about it....how many times do you get disgusted by those horrible news stories of babies being left in dumpsters or abandoned?!?
I know at times I feel I don't do enough with my present kids...but somehow some way I'd like to reach out nonetheless. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/9/2009 8:29:04 AM | | I have one son... and though caring for him alone is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I think that it is possible that in meeting someone responsible I would be willing to consider another... an no, if she had children already, that would not change my decision. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/9/2009 9:48:42 AM | DONE DONE DONE DONE.....FACTORY IS CLOSED DOWN PERMANENTLY, LOL
After having 7 of my own and now raising 2 and possibly 3 of my grandchildren.....Forget about it buddy.
I let them (men) know ...right off the bat and if they can't handle it then there are plenty and I mean PLENTY of women on here and other sites that will have a kid/kids with them BUT it won't be me........
I have definatly contributed more than my fair share to the "world population explosion" in the last 30 years. | |
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| do you want more kids or are you done
Posted: 10/9/2009 10:29:50 AM | Three is enough for me. After the third I got fixed and haven't looked back. I love my kids to death as they have given me the perfect reason to act like a kid again and do fun things like build snowmen, scarecrows, decorate the house.
But I just don't feel an urge for more and will pass on profiles that say they want kids. I don't mind if she has existing kids since I love kids but I am done in the creation department. | |
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