|
|
|
|
|
| | Decoding the Female LanguagePage 11 of 31 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31) | | And I was referring to post 235. I had to actually go back and read it again and came to the conclusion that it must be difficult for you to be so confused.....that's what happens when you overthink the situation.....seriously, sometimes you just have to go with the flow and use common sense. | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/18/2009 3:08:19 PM |
You grab his left hand, focus on the ringless ring finger so that he focusses on it as well, and then ask him "Now why is an intelligent well-spoken hunk like you not out with his wife?" Easy as pie, cute, charming, teasing, you're touching his hand flirting.
Bikeman! You get a gold star! Finally a concrete answer to the question at hand! Actually, I have asked the, "where is or (why don't you have a) your wife (girlfriend, if I see no evidence of a ring) question." or "what silly woman let you go out alone?"
My this has been a raucous meeting of the male and female minds! Sometimes, just as I begin to think men are really people, I wonder anew if they really are from another planet. Why are we still here on POF? Because we are old and crotchety.
The underlying issue here is the ubiquitous double standard. Women, who really are endeavoring not to play games or be ambivalent, trying to ascertain whether a fellow is interested in her without giving him the impression she is a hussy. I have read the posts of fellows who automatically put her in that catagory because she is in a bar. Most really good local live music is played in bars, maybe I am there to listen to the original songs of a local blues band? The double standard is still alive and well. | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:33:33 PM | You guys have your own little language that us women have to decode...works both ways
Arguments
Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Cats
Women love cats.
Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.
Future
A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future -- until he gets gets wife
Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
A successful woman is one who can find that a man.
Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
Dressing Up
A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.
Children
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the Day
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.
No rude comments please...it's all in fun | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:04:41 AM | | If we all stopped playing these silly games and where honest with one another, we would not be so confused and wound not end up alone and heart broken, | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:54:39 AM | | One signal that I've seen that is 100% accurate is when she makes eye contact AND smiles. If she does that, that's an invitation for you to strike up a conversation. | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:25:13 AM | And I was referring to post 235. I had to actually go back and read it again and came to the conclusion that it must be difficult for you to be so confused.....that's what happens when you overthink the situation.....seriously, sometimes you just have to go with the flow and use common sense.
And I knew you were. I had to reply via PM because I was over my daily posting limit.
I wasn't confused, this thread is about improving the male/female communication and it is obvious many men have a hard time interpreting what women do. (I honestly think many do that on purpose).
I simply stated a way in which you can get your point across and leave NO room for misunderstanding.
Why are some so militantly against that?
Again, if you go into starbucks and walk up to the cash do you tell the clerk what you want or do you leave it up to them to interpret what it is they think you want?
It is written in many places that when men ask a woman out, they should state precisely where, when, and what. Not "we should go out sometime". So what is so wrong with women doing the same if they want to be treated that way? | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:44:36 AM | Hmmmm
Decoding what women say is easy. They're usually lying through their teeth. With the exception of my sister and Gran, I've yet to meet a woman who knows how to tell the truth. | |
|
| |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:58:43 AM | | I don't give a rat's furry ass! I no longer care what they say or do to me - because I'm just as entitled to my opinion as they are to theirs. | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:02:45 AM |
....it boils down to this basic communication style difference:
MEN: Direct, literal
WOMEN: Indirect, figurative
^^^ Some may be a bit +/- to one degree or another on this, but generally this is how we are. As well some people may be have better results in a medium that uses words to express intent others are better at understanding non-verbal cues. Regardless of which style of communication, we are all wired to for the most part 'get' each other and decode interest in the other.
I've never had any problems getting my interest across whether at a function or online if I wanted it (or not). If the guy 'doesn't get it'...my interest isn't directed at him and I'm capably communicating that.
Everyone has her/his preference and attitude to meet or date what kind of person who she/he will like or prefer. Why does she need any excuse to leave you alone?
^^^Agreed no excuses necessary. What's going on in posts like these are people who aren't attractive to many, find solace in the repeated lament of it's not me it's the bait or something that you're using/doing,
At the end of the day there's often a harsh truth out there...but as long as it continues to spin just beyond reach...people can and do avoid the reality of what that is and what that means in their lives.
Most people who are successful in dating especially in face-to-face know 'exactly' what they're doing---by you not being selected...or not being communicated to...there is something 'essential' that is being communicated....and what that is is often zero interest. In a few cases people are just better communicating with words...but that's not true of the majority and it seems to be a hard thing for some folks to understand.
Dating is a marketplace concept pure and simple and is prejudicial against any idea that suggests leveling the playing field so that all can be winners. All can't be winners--not at the same time and not with everyone. The ones who do win, despite whatever their perceived 'attraction level is' are often the more mature and confident types of people that understand that they can't be everything to everyone...so they get on with understanding enough of about the who and what stuff about themselves so that they can present a unique proposition to a select few that they are interested in.
And in doing so, and by getting on with it...they play to their intrinsic strengths and develop a hook that's specific to catching the interest of the type of person that clicks with them rather than throwing a broad net out and being disappointed with the sundry variety that's been simply caught up.....If the message is being lost on the some of you...it's like email---no response is a response. jmo.
vvvv DBB, methinks you 'get' every word.... ;) | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:13:51 AM | I keep reading all these posts, and I can't figure out what any of you women are saying.
 | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:24:39 AM | ^^^^ that's why non-verbal communication is so much fun.
:::points and laughs:::
;)
blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah
blah blah
blah | |
|
Savona
| | Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 263 | |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:35:18 AM |
I don't give a rat's furry ass! I no longer care what they say or do to me - because I'm just as entitled to my opinion as they are to theirs.
Dark Passion I really feel for you. I read your profile and I am assuming that you have had some very bad results from dating on line. Now why am I not surprised about that. Meaning ... it is VERY VERY hard to meet anyone on line and have it turn into a full relationship. Me? I date in real life. I have been duped, tricked, led on by enough men from on line to accept that is the way of internet dating. I have only know of a few and I do mean a precious few who have met on here POF and have had what I would consider a NORMAL courtship to further into a strong relationship.
Now when I use the word normal I don't want to confuse people as I know the only true normal is the setting on the washing machine, otherwise normal is speculative.
You are entitled to your opinion and I am sure that you opinion has derived from your life experiences and so I feel bad that it is so for you. I see that in your profile you say you are ugly, well I highly doubt that, but again if it is your own opinion of yourself who am I to argue. I will tell you though, I have dated men whom some would consider ugly, as for me its not the ""look"" it is the ""style"" of a man that attracts me. The way he holds himself, his self confidence and other such traits that make a man look manly in my eyes.
Everyone on here has different opinions on how to decode the female language, but few who offer up suggestions are willing to learn the language. They want to tell us women to speak in mars language to understand them.
I guess if someone is interested in decoding a new language they actually take the time to learn that language. If I was in say .... oh China and I was decoding their language I would have to actually learn that language to understand it. Otherwise I would have to be happy with sign language, movement, and perhaps a translator.
I feel that learning the language of women means to try to accept it and not tell women that our language is WRONG and that in order to catch a man we have to SPEAK different. So I guess it goes both ways.
For me I don't want a man to speak woman language, there is nothing more a turn off for me than a man with effeminate behaviour or ways or attitudes. I think let the man be a man and let the women be women. Viva la difference ... Love the difference, take pleasure in the difference. Go over and above to try to accept each others different ways and perhaps people will begin to find those differences endearing.
Why in the word would I want to date a man who acts life a woman, and why oh why would a man want to date a woman who acts like a man. Yet right here in this thread we see men tell us how to act. That they are right and if we don't act like they do ... in other words act manly or we won't get dates and it serves us right for being alone and that is all we will ever get ... bla bla bla and out of millions of people if we don't change we will still be alone.
Well I guess those people wish that on the other posters, wish hate and sadness and loneliness for all those who do not agree with them when we are only here trying to ACCEPT rather than LEARN that new language.
Rent for instance ... I feel wants women to date like him, and date the way he does. But for me ... well he is a man and I don't date in a manly fashion. So if I am out skirting and heels dancing and playing with my friends ... or pretty in pink at the golf course and meet a man ... and we are chatting and we are both interested (so it seems) and he doesn't TAKE the LEAD and ask me out well we aren't really suited to each other.
I guess it is kinda like dancing, I LOVE to dance and very much appreciate a great dance partner, one who can lead. BUT often it is the one who follows who with subtle movements GUIDES the lead man to not stumble, bump into another couple, step backwards off the step ... sometimes it takes a great dance partner to keep the lead partner from those danger zones.
But that is just silly old me and my really ridiculous ways in thoughts of dating and understanding the languages of love.
Savona  | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:00:21 AM | Re: Msg 268 - Sweetest.
That's exactly what is happening here. The truth is some know what dating is about, and get real good at learning how to make it work to their advantage. Not by manipulating but by finding out what works for them with people they are attracted to WHO ARE MUTUALLY ATTRACTED. The part of the sentence in all caps is the part most people have trouble with.
I see a guy I have interest in and approach him, I don't fear rejection...I WILL experience mismatches. If I cannot handle the fact that not everyone I like will like me back, then I guess the dating process isn't for me. I need to find something else to do that gets me more positive results more quickly. Dating DOES NOT DO THIS. Nor should it.
IMO I have nothing to lose, because someone who's not into me mutually is not my type. Therefore there's no loss, no disapppointment, no bitterness...there's only a shrug and I move on. SOME people will find me attractive, but not all will, and not all that do will be people I find attractive.
My usual theory on this is that if your life is good anyway, you won't care - staying single isn't a death sentence, and if you think it is, no wonder your heart breaks everytime someone doesn't dig you back.
None of this is personal. None of this is about my self worth, or someone else's loss or any of that. People cannot help who they are attracted to any more than I can. All you are trying to do is find out whether or not someone's attraction is the same yours is. If it isn't then you continue until someone's is. It's supposed to be rare so that when you find it you appreciate it. | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:13:32 AM | it is obvious many men have a hard time interpreting what women do
The first thing is that one is able to use his brain that can work. For example, what I tell in my profile presents that I am a positive, successful person and take good care of myself. Some guys with a beer belly told that life is short, but they sent me messages to tell me that they really liked my profile, hoping hear from me. Some ones even complained about my standards in a man. I understood they liked my profile. I understood their complaining. We are no longer at 20s. I enjoy working hard to reach my goals, and I am proud of my accomplishments. Some guys never understand this. They think all Asian women like them although some guys don't know how to write with their native language. Does each of them believe I am his peer or just try to have a good luck? Does each of them has a brain that can work for himself? | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:54:49 AM |
They want to tell us women to speak in mars language to understand them.
I guess if someone is interested in decoding a new language they actually take the time to learn that language.
I feel that learning the language of women means to try to accept it and not tell women that our language is WRONG and that in order to catch a man we have to SPEAK different. So I guess it goes both ways
Rent for instance ... I feel wants women to date like him, and date the way he does. But for me ... well he is a man and I don't date in a manly fashion.
I wasn't going to respond but you keep bringing me into it.....just like Pacino: I wanted out but they dragged me back IN....lol...
Do you listen to yourself? It's all ME ME ME ME. Learn our language, learn to understand our signs, blah blah blah. YOu are doing the exact same thing you're accusing us of: learn OUR language or else.
For the last time: I never said ONCE that the way women do things is wrong. NEVER so STHU about it. I simply pointed out a way of communicating in a slightly different manner that would get your point across.
All I (and I believe others like me) are saying is that ONCE again: If you ordered a coffee the way you communicate with a guy you're interested in, you'd never get the coffee you like. EVER.
No. I don't want to date a woman who acts like a man. I want a woman who is intelligent enough and secure enough to communicate openly and honestly and isn't afraid of taking risks. One who understands that communication is the KEY to any relationship.
I find it so baffling how women can communicate in business, in public life, to their kids, to their parents etc in one way, but when it comes to dating or a relationship, that goes out the window?
Further to my starbucks example: When a woman goes to get her hair done, does she kindof sortof maybe possibly leave it up to the hair dresser to determine what it is she wants? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. She goes in (and I've been in enough to see this first hand) and sits down and says: I want it cut this way, this short, this colour, this this this and this. AND SHE GETS WHAT SHE WANTS.
Why is it so hard to do the same for a guy she's interested in? What are you so afraid of?
I will tell you why I find this SO frustrating (and frankly infuriating).
I dated this one woman for 5 yrs. She was the most wonderful woman I ever met. I loved her immensely. I loved her so much I didn't even consider Jennifer Aniston attractive any longer. One problem was that she was very sensitive. I could go from Hero to Zero in 1.2 ms and believe me, it happened a LOT.
A perfect example:
We were at a pub in a small town on the south shore of lake ontario. We were dancing, partying, having a great time. AWESOME time. It was a perfect summer evening. Not too hot, not too cold, dancing under the stars......PERFECT.
Well we were sitting at our table and all of a sudden she clams up. Totally shuts down. She is FUMING. I am like wth????? What's wrong, NOTHING really, what's wrong NOTHING. She gets up and storms off the patio.
I rush to catch up to her and What's going on? NOTHING.....she storms off down the pier and returns about 20 minutes later.
Well after 3 fricken hours of begging cajoling, she finally opens up and says: if you want to go F that waitress, just go do it!!!!
I said "what waitress"?
She said "the one that was serving the table 3 down from ours".
I had to laugh...really. I said "I don't know what you are talking about"
She said "well you were STARING at her".
I then almost lost it: I said "I wasn't staring at her, I knew the group of guys at the table but couldn't remember where I'd seen them before and was trying to remember their names and it was bugging the heck out of me".....
The whole thing could have been explained in under a minute and we could have continued having an awesome evening.
So yeah, I want a woman who can communicate and frankly I WILL not ever put up with THAT BS ever again. If a woman cannot openly communicate her thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, desires, then I would rather be single for the rest of my life than have any more of it ruined because she can't.......... | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:06:24 AM | ^^^^ POINTS & LAUGHS ^^^^
omg that is so funny it ain't even funny. i am not lauging @ you, i am laughing @ the volatile, hyper-sensitive, hair trigger, assume-the-worst-about-every-inconsequential-damn-thing temperament and the silent treatment that infamously comes with it. what a total relationship killer. i would have been pretty pissed about that at the time, too.... maybe even enough to end it right there on the spot.... a veritable bitch slap right back into reality for silly, childish bitches. ugh. i would ask whether that was an isolated event, or part of a larger pattern. and if the latter, then why put up with it for so long?
except for places like POF forums, something like 80% of communication is nonverbal. therefore as much as 80% of that 80% of all communication is completely missed or misinterpreted by the other party. layer on top of that all the little complexities that come with individual personalities, and it's no wonder that even sometimes our best efforts to get our points across fail. it is not necessarily intentional.... and in fact it's usually unintentional.... so it is unfair or at least unrealistic to assume that it is with the associated chip on your shoulder, as it were. there are subconscious issues that often come into play that can repeatedly sabotage all attempts at communication... i.e., various forms of personal insecurity. which is the root cause of the so-called silent treatment.... passive aggressive bullshit. i have learned that clear communication skills require a constant level of proactive effort and focus (i.e., listening not just hearing) IN ADDITION TO a certain basic level of internal integrity. and even then, sometimes it still is not entirely successful. i am in a business that requires constant and often highly detailed communication with people at various levels and in various professions, a million and one different personalities from receptionists to engineers to CEOs. i have gotten a lot better at it but i'll never be perfect. i'll tell you what though, CEOs are generally VERY GOOD at communicating effectively even though a lot of people don't like the message, lol. | |
|
Savona
| | Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 268 | |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:29:07 AM | I wasn't going to respond but you keep bringing me into it.....just like Pacino: I wanted out but they dragged me back IN....lol...
Do you listen to yourself? It's all ME ME ME ME. Learn our language, learn to understand our signs, blah blah blah. YOu are doing the exact same thing you're accusing us of: learn OUR language or else.
Actually you are wrong. I did not say to learn our language, I said viva la difference. I said to be accepting so you are basically full of crap ...
All I (and I believe others like me) are saying is that ONCE again: If you ordered a coffee the way you communicate with a guy you're interested in, you'd never get the coffee you like. EVER.
There you go again saying women don't communicate correctly ...
I want a woman who is intelligent enough and secure enough to communicate openly and honestly and isn't afraid of taking risks. One who understands that communication is the KEY to any relationship.
I want a MAN who is intelligent enough and secure enough to communicate openly and honestly and isn't afraid of taking risks. One who understands that communication is the KEY to any relationship. And a man who WON'T tell me what to do. To accept me as I accept him and like me not ask him to change.
I find it so baffling how women can communicate in business, in public life, to their kids, to their parents etc in one way, but when it comes to dating or a relationship, that goes out the window?
I find it baffling that men can run a business, be confident at work and woss out when it comes to asking women out. All that confidence just goes out the window.
I WILL not ever put up with THAT BS ever again. If a woman cannot openly communicate her thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, desires, then I would rather be single for the rest of my life than have any more of it ruined because she can't..........
Well you picked her and stayed with her for 5 years ... so what you biitching about ??? Your example was not so good as I don't know any of my female friends who behave like this. Sorry if you use her to judge all women by.
Well Rent the one thing that I have going for me, other than on allot of the forums where things tend to get topsie turvey and quite far from real life ... in real life most men do the asking and most women don't do the asking ... so if I were to bet on who will wait the longest to get asked out I would put my money on the women.
And frankly allot of men , ,,, and I do mean ALLOT like to pursue. so no translator needed for that !!! hahaha
Oh and sorry if me posting is bothering you ... I am a member here just like you and have opinions just like you ... you can check the rules if you like.
S | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:39:15 AM | Man alive! Is there some third gender from which to choose? Cuz from the sounds of it, I'd be an ass just by being one of the existing two.
 | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:41:04 AM | Man alive! Is there some third gender from which to choose? Cuz from the sounds of it, I'd be an ass just by being one of the existing two.
oh, I think you have azz covered either way sweetie. ' ' | |
|
Savona
| | Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 271 | |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:51:44 AM | ^^^ Awww come on your guys ... it is just fun forum banter. We all know to get a date you got to be the one to ask ...
So which of you asked first ... oh yea .... I remember, Margo flirted outrageously and DBB was able to take a hint ... she must have been checking out his belt buckle ...
And so viola the language problem was bridged. Give us a break ... not everyone is multilingual like you two.
S | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:53:10 AM | | I agree that if men don't care to ask or don't care to decipher what women do, not dating anymore is a good move. | |
|
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:56:08 AM | All I (and I believe others like me) are saying is that ONCE again: If you ordered a coffee the way you communicate with a guy you're interested in, you'd never get the coffee you like. EVER.
I think here is the crux of the problem, though. Most women DO get what they want being the way we are. It's the MEN saying we don't get what we want by doing the things the way we do. The system works fine for us--a guy started this thread and the myriad others telling women how to do things "correctly". (Another part of the problem is what works for YOU, the coffee ordering system, doesn't work on ALL guys. MANY men think 'aggressive women' are a turn-off. You'll just have to trust us on that!)
Believe me, if the system did NOT work for most people, the system would change tout de suite (<--for our Canadian friends). It seems that the system is not working for a few people on PoF--not the majority of Americans out there. We're pairing up all over the place!
Also, if a woman really wants you, and her hints aren't working, she WILL hit you over the head with it. If she decides you're too stupid to decipher her hints and passes on you, well, that's her choice, isn't it? (I'm not calling anyone stupid, here, I'm just saying this is what she may be saying in HER head--she's doing it, not me!) | |
|
| |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:06:14 AM | | It's easy to understand men. When they say, "Life is short", they care about nothing and play around for nothing. When they say, "I work hard, play hard", they earn one cent and will spend two cents. When they have no rose left, they are rush to find anyone and don't know what they want. When they show their pictures with their old girlfriends, they look for new ones to play again...LOL! | |
|
|
|
|
Page
11
of
31 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31)
|
|
Home
login 
