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Savona
| | Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 301 | |
| | Decoding the Female LanguagePage 13 of 31 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31) | Oh gawdddd Zangie I just loved your post it is so on the mark.
I didn't want to get into that other thread over women asking men out as to who comes to whom ... I am done with that thread. But since you brought those ideas here I want to say yes for me that is what it is all about.
I don't ask men out. PERIOD. And for all the reasons you stated above.
Well I tried hard folks to not get into this about men wanting us to communicate that we want to go out with them ... we know how to and if you want the reasons we don't please I am begging you to read Zangie's post. I am going to copy and keep it for further review, maybe even use it as part of a questioner for men.
Nice post !!!
Savona
EDIT ::: DARK please write to me | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:54:28 PM | Want me to right the opposing view Savona? It'd be pretty easy.....
It's not easy for anyone.... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:59:43 PM | Wasn't the old zangie slightly warped as well - only in a slightly different way? LMAO
OK, picky time.... Need to work on question #4 - there's no "good" response, whereas you're allowing women D) it's a nice thing to do
Then there is this one...
If the sex is awesome...will you forgive some of my flaws/failings?
^^ I tried that one on my sweetie. Nope, it it's still the commoditization of sex, making it an exchange rather than sharing. Dammit. LOL | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 2:23:08 PM | Yes, itsmargo..I am warped..or, at least weird...that's why I'm on here , and still single..lol..
As to number 4: Option "C" is what I think is a positive? The nice and/or manly thing to do?
As to the sex thing...it isn't predicated on a I will if you will thing..it was mainly the observation that if things like the sex ( which I only used because it is a biggie), love, caring, consideration etc are great ( everyone would have a different definitoin of great?)..then those areas where I stumble of fail ( and in reference to the post, things I don't think are major in the scheme of things), such as if I make the mistake of not always being clear enough, for instance...then, I won't be punished ( or will be forgiven) for making them will I? It's more about if I take care of the important things, the minor things I might get some slack on? | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 2:28:11 PM |
Hardly. The guys that have 'got it' ime are the ones who readily understand what the heck is going...and are good at reading the cues 'that are directed their way'...for the rest aren't similarly blessed, might be time to up your game or find another way to relate that's more in keeping with your limitations in what's effectively been around and working forever---btw, good luck with that. I'm one of those who are extremely bad at picking up on cues, but for me, the way around those limitations was dating online. I've found that women ARE very direct here. I think that by being forced to put something in writing, quite a lot of ambiguity is eliminated. Perhaps that accounts for the fact that a lot of people who find meeting n real life to be easy find it much harder online. They aren't used to being direct. Online, there is no pretense with respect to why someone is sending a message. In ``real life,'' one has to go through a song and dance before getting to the point. Being good at the song and dance is not useful online. Being good at talking about going out and doing something (i.e., the point) is. I've never had to decode anything to meet women online.
^^^Completely agree Abelian. Most people who write to me are direct in their intent---there really is no 'mystery'...some muddy the water somewhat by rambling around on something or by asking me to respond to something rather inane. All that to say, I'm never unclear around 'why' someone is writing me---the simple act of contacting me is commonly understood as 'interest' or 'hitting on someone', regardless of the 'reason' proffered. Differentiating oneself from all the rest is taking it a step beyond that...and most don't understand the strengths of the medium to make it work for them in the best way.
That said, for all those who are gifted and enjoy writing, they will always find the like-minded and real interest through exploring contacts through the written word...not only does it play to their strengths, it demonstrates the type of breadth of personality that can be missed 'doing the song and dance stuff'.
I think people should invest their time in understanding what works best for them and use the appropriate method according; it's not about attracting everyone out there, more about using the correct 'bait' to interest who it is you want. I've connected to many people this way.
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I don’t have any confidence left. My ex-wife told me, as she was walking out of the door, that no-one else would ever want me. How true that has proved to be!
^^^If you keep this as the foremost thought in your head you will unwittingly turn away that which you seek and genuinely deserve. It's high time for a change dontcha think? I completely agree with the below poster who counseled you with the following as this has happened to me more than a few times...
Looks may initially attract someone but they dont necessarily keep them there. The man i happened to fall the most in love with wasnt what most women would find attractive. My friends would often ask what i found so appealing about him. He had heart and a way of always making me feel good about myself. When i looked at him i seen the most handsome man in the world.
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 3:19:24 PM |
the simple act of contacting me is commonly understood as 'interest' or 'hitting on someone', regardless of the 'reason' proffered.
That may work, if you aren't in the fora, but I found that I have men and women write to me, because of something I wrote here. And they were not hitting on me. And I've also written others in response to something they wrote and it was also not with other intent. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 3:24:33 PM |
It's more about if I take care of the important things, the minor things I might get some slack on?
You're being all reasonable on this stuff. I went right for the jugular, or so I thought. Y'know, along the lines of... "I get extra points for bein' a sex goddess and all" Au contraire, apparently that is the buy in position, no extra points given or allotted.
sheesh, this relationship stuff was easier when they could be manipulated, ya know what I'm sayin'??? LOL
On a more serious note, we all need to cut each other slack, regardless.
And yes, this has been my experience more than a few times in the past as well...
Looks may initially attract someone but they dont necessarily keep them there. The man i happened to fall the most in love with wasnt what most women would find attractive. My friends would often ask what i found so appealing about him. He had heart and a way of always making me feel good about myself. When i looked at him i seen the most handsome man in the world. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 3:34:50 PM |
Back OTopic ... Don't think I don't know when a man is sending me signals that he is interested ... I am seriously not as thick as a brick (Jethro Tull?) but as PERSONAL PREFERENCE ... if a man is dancing about and not really able to COMMUNICATE to me in ENGLISH that he would like to go out then I am just not interested.
I rest my case. Completely and unequivocally a woman FINALLY admits that she sets rules that guys have to follow yet she herself openly admits that those very same rules DO NOT APPLY TO HER.
that's called HYPOCRASY and thy name is Savona...... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 3:41:14 PM | Let's flip this a bit...
Why don't men understand this verbal/direct statement: "I'm not interested" - or - I'm not interested X's 2? Ugh! 
OT: The woman's message is direct.. observe body language! Most verbal communication is not applicable or lost in translation anyway. If a woman is interested (for me anyway).. my non-verbal language will let you know. I'll slither in your personal space... feeling out an intimate connection (not necessarily SEX). Hair twirling means I'm focused... on YOU! Lipstick is maintenance but, but, but... if you're incline (already welcomed into my personal space) - muah!  | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 4:01:44 PM |
sheesh, this relationship stuff was easier when they could be manipulated, ya know what I'm sayin'??? LOL
Well, here is the interesting thing..I have no clue how to manipulate someone...never understood it, I try to always just be me...whatever that is...I have actually had two male friends tell me recently that I need to learn to manipulate, because that is why I am not getting what I want. Both said that all manipulation wasn't bad..sigh..
I have just come to the conclusion, that "me" isn't enough...if the fact that I am basically a good person, who genuinely cares about other people, and I'm trying to do the best I can isn't enough...I have no where else to go..(forgive me, I am in an uncharacteristic black hole of despair today...lol)...Nothing I do or say, is ever, in any way, intended to annoy/frustrate/alienate or just tick off men. But, online it seems to happen all the time...there are evidently standards I am incapable of living up to. And that sucks.
Looks may initially attract someone but they dont necessarily keep them there. The man i happened to fall the most in love with wasnt what most women would find attractive. My friends would often ask what i found so appealing about him. He had heart and a way of always making me feel good about myself. When i looked at him i seen the most handsome man in the world.
Also been my experience....dark...many women are attracted by the behavior of men, more than what they actually look like, turned on even. Some of the men I think are the sexiest on the forums, don't even have a picture. But, everyone will tell you that what you project is what people will believe about you. I have been called fat and ugly most of my life..yet, somehow, there have been quite a few men who disagree, and who have actually loved me. And being negative ( which I just did...lol..but, that is a rare event for me..so, do as I advise, not as I said...lol) will be a bigger handicap in the long run. It isn't easy for most of us, regardless of what we look like, or what we have to offer...that's why these types of threads exist...
Completely and unequivocally a woman FINALLY admits that she sets rules that guys have to follow yet she herself openly admits that those very same rules DO NOT APPLY TO HER.
I don't know..regardless of what the behavior is...I kind of expect men to act differently than I do most of the time...because, otherwise , what is the point? Not interested in dating women...
( and thank you savona....I'm usually not very good at satire or humor...but, I gave it a shot) | |
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Savona
| | Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 311 | |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 4:44:53 PM |
I rest my case. Completely and unequivocally a woman FINALLY admits that she sets rules that guys have to follow yet she herself openly admits that those very same rules DO NOT APPLY TO HER.
Ok smartie pants ... I am only going to explain this to you one time. Tell me what it is about a woman that would turn you on or off ... People actually have choice as to what turns them on. Some people won't date fat or skinny, short or tall women it is all choices as to what makes our heart skip a beat right ????
So what is it that I am making rules ... that is the biggest buillshiit I have ever read on the forums ... and I got to tell you I have read some shiit.
It is my preference, it is what I LIKE in a man, it is called confidence. Have you ever heard or that word or do all our choices have to do with looks. Seriously I don't give a crap about looks ... but I can tell you 90% of the men on their profiles say height and weight proportionate ... do you get that ... they go for looks and I go for confidence. Short fat bald missing teeth ... what the hell ever who know what attracts some women to some men.
So if I like confident men you are saying I am making up the rules ... well you are right on the money there. I make up the rules for my life. As do most people. We control our lives and who we let into it. I don't date for 5 years a person which whom I can not communicate in the manner to which would make me feel comfortable.
You are bitter for some strange reason towards me for not wanting to ask men out. You think it is some kind of vamp method of dating and not following the rules at all ... my rules ... whose rules are you following. Whose rules are you telling me to follow ???
You should read what you are writing ...
It is PREFERENCE ... do you have a preference. Do you have a looks preference? Or do you just date everyone who asks you no matter what?
OK I had to erase that last line because I don't want to lost my posting privileges ... I give up on some men.
Can't understand women, then tough shiit.
that's called HYPOCRASY and thy name is Savona......
This is just insane. I actually now feel sorry for you rent I truly do. I wish you all the best fishing in this pond. I hope for you that a great woman asks you out and finds you attractive enough outwardly and inwardly. Good luck and happy fishing. I won't respond to another of your posts.
Savona ....
is getting ready for this exorcism. Burn me on the cross ... my name is Savona and I like it when men ask me out as a preference ...
HYPOCRISY I like men that can spell does that break anyone's rules here ??? | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 5:09:22 PM |
that's called HYPOCRISY and thy name is Savona......
This is just insane. I actually now feel sorry for you rent I truly do. I wish you all the best fishing in this pond. I hope for you that a great woman asks you out and finds you attractive enough outwardly and inwardly. Good luck and happy fishing. I won't respond to another of your posts.
Yes, we finally agree on something. It IS insane to set rules which men have to follow yet excuse oneself from following those same rules. Don't try and muddy the waters with who asks whom out. This thread is not about that. It is about how one chooses to communicate and how one chooses to communicate in vagaries yet DEMANDS that a man communicate openly and honestly.
Respond or not, that makes you a hypocrite...... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:35:37 PM | | Women play the 'hint' game to see if you're paying attention. If you 'don't get it' then you're not paying enough attention and not worth their effort. Wake up, and pay attention. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:38:08 PM | Let''s see that biased post here, am gonna have to create and add my own answers as this is oriented, superficial and narrow.
1. If a woman asks you on a date ( or initiates or apporaches you first) do you think:
A) she's needy and desperate
B) a feminazi
C) a woman who has "balls" ( in a good way..lol)..or, "equal"
D) a man in drag
She is an equal human being just like me, reaching to another
(sub question..if you don't find her attractive , will your shock cause you to forget that? Or, will you insult her for assuming you'd be interested?...lol)
Answer: Neither! I will simply reply in a polite and civil manner, that am flattered but no..
2..Can you decode female body language or innuendo? ( yes or no)
NO and some YES, but refuse to play that child game.
Or, do you need it spelled out for you? (yes or no)
Nice insult, thank you, now go change your diaper.
3. Do you want me to pay my own way ( or, possibly for you too)? (yes or no)
Do I look like your bank or sugar daddy?
Or, do you feel more comfortable treating? ( yes or no)
Am a generous and giving person, but never let myself abused
4. If you pay for my drink, coffee, dinner..does this mean:
A) You expect sex
B) You are just a "nice" guy
C) You think it is the polite and "manly" thing to do
D) You are a "player" and think this will work
E) You are an "old fashioned " guy, and expect barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen to go along with it
I do not even give it a second tote
5. If I pay for your drink, coffee, dinner, does this mean:
A) I am ball busting feminist and I don't "need" men
B) I want sex, on demand
C) I'm just a "nice" girl
D) I think it is a nice thing to do
Appreciate the nice gesture of a fellow human being.
and to add to Savona: thinking that all women KNOWS how to talk but choose not too, is simply delusional, Btw. but piece of advice: Stop calling Rent or any other male poster bitter, even if you are right, before taking a good look at yourself....It's like the blind making fun of the one-eyed jack. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:44:43 PM | | I can see why you aren't having any luck here - based on your own admission from your profile. Let me clear up a few things for you - from the "female" perspective that is - (1) If I play with my hair when I am with anyone, it is abolsutely NOT any kind of a "hint" - it is a subconscious act. (2) If I put on lipstick, it is absolutely NOT any kind of a "hint" - it is what I felt like doing. (3) If I say something that to you makes no sense......and you are dumbwitted enough NOT to ask for clarification, then who exactly would the nitwit be????? Obviously everyone speaks in their own words - whether you are male or female, so obviously there will be times when you don't understand someone....if you choose to see only the women you don't understand and try to turn that around into it being some kind of "sign", then maybe you should be on a psychology website rather than a dating website. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:01:10 PM |
I rest my case. Completely and unequivocally a woman FINALLY admits that she sets rules that guys have to follow yet she herself openly admits that those very same rules DO NOT APPLY TO HER.
that's called HYPOCRASY and thy name is Savona......
Then it's name should be Savona/Rock Man. There is no question that I fit into certain gender rolls for certain types of women. Just as certain women fit into mine.
There "will be" things I look for and "do not offer myself". That's nothing more then basic two halves make a whole. Common sense I would have thought. But if you kids are calling that "Hypocrisy" these days so be it. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:44:16 PM |
I have to wonder, how many women miss out on meeting great guys because they "expected them" to "pick up" on their subtle "female language" hints that they were interested??
If he can't "get" a warm smile, eye contact, and a friendly conversational gambit, IMO, he's not all that great. (I don't play with my hair and put on lipstick, or say things that don't quite make sense)
Maybe you need to reconsider the kind of women you find attractive, that you think are "hinting." Or would you have trouble with a woman who was just treating you like an interesting human being,preferring instead those who do "female language hints",despite what you SAY you want? It doesn't matter much to me,I handle each situation on it's own circumstances,but you would be surprised how many guys talk one way and walk another.
I can usually tell if a woman is interested in me on a first date by two things: OK now we are mixing scenarios. Sweety, in my world, if I'm on a DATE with you, I'm interested. If you routinely go on dates where all the woman wanted was to go on a date with somebody,anybody! so that you have to look for evidence of her interest; (or lack thereof) maybe you need to step back and re evaluate what YOU are doing. Yes, I do understand that dating from an online contact is different...and we hear all the time about women who accept dates with guys they have NO real interest in, just for something to do. I myself do not operate that way. I have to sense a connection on some level before I accept a date with a guy. Frankly, I've found I vastly prefer dating guys I meet in the course of real life.
If a woman has to throw a hundred hints your way, IMO you're not paying attention.... that would be my thinking, too.
But if the eye contact lingers and eyes shine ... oh oh oh... anything said or done seems like knowing them for a long long time Absofreakinlutely.
and women wonder why they never meet guys? Spark? Do you truly expect a spark from a guy standing across a crowded bar, at the other end of a pool party, 10 seats over at the concert? All without ever saying two words to him? or simply looking at him? So there's no "spark" if he doesn't return you stare?
IMO, this is where this thread BEGAN turning into a trainwreck. The OP was talking about "female language" on a DATE or other setting where an acquaintanceship had been made. RH is talking about the initial contact in some sort of public venue/event. 2 different issues.
And there you have it!
Today's rant by a guy that blames women for doing things the 'wrong way', which is why 'he' isn't getting laid.
Unfortunately, that's pretty much the gist of it, IMO,also.
So why not start out as friends forming a solid base, and when feeling comfortable enough, let them know? Why not? Because it makes SENSE. I'm sorry to have to say this, but I'm beginning to think that a lot of the "confusion", "mixed messages" "lack of clarity" and just plain anger, are a(probably subconscious) intentional ploy to AVOID serious relationships.
And while I'm getting my ass fired at work for coming on to the locals....will he still be interested in dating me when I'm unemployed?
You are projecting. That's a woman thing. I've never known a guy who cares about a woman's employment status. OMG. She was making a joke!! And just becaue you personally do not know any men who sustained permanent emotional wounds from nonpermanent financial adversity encountered as a byproduct of divorce, or men who've f*cked up their lives and are looking for a financially stable woman to live off of, doesn't mean such men DON'T exist. They do. But it was a comment I believe that poster meant to be HUMOUROUS.
It was actually ment to help women find the right guy and go after him, so she doesn't have to settle for a persistent bum Speaking strictly for myself, if he's so lazy and unmanly that I have to persistently chase after him, he's really worth no more than the "persistent bum". I have no problem in being quietly proactive but if I have to lay down in front of him and spread my legs to get his attention, he's either not interested ENOUGH for the RIGHT reasons, or he's just plain dense. I can do without any of those categories.
It's not that hard to see the traits in a sharp guy when you come across one. What I'm finding hard is just to come across a sharp guy.
The dating/mating thing isn't a game. It's a dance. And a lot of guys don't want to learn how to dance. They're just like, "That's dumb. Give it to me now." They don't understand that if women were all 100% direct all the time, it would take a huge amount of excitement and enjoyment out of the whole process. It would become boring for both parties. There's an art to sexual tension, and women are generally much more adept at it than men. But if you take the time to learn the steps and dance with them rather than rejecting the offer, you'd be amazed at how much more electric the connection becomes. THANK YOU. Maybe a couple of guys will actually be able to process that solid, spot on! information and use it. We can only hope.
Even in this modern age, the traditional rules apply. Women want to be women and we want men to be men. We give off subtle hints because that's ladylike and classy. If you are interested, and you have the balls to show it, you'll make your way to us and initiate. We like that...! I have learned that being up front and honest is the best way. If I'm interested, you'll know. If I'm not, you'll know that too.
ps: if she had to "practically drag you over to her house", you really weren't that interested to begin with were you?
Dead on! And yeah, one can't help but wonder sometimes about these guys you have to about beat over the head to get anywhere with, "does he really want me for ME, or is he looking for the 'easy road' because he's emotionally lazy?"
It appears commonsenseless doesn't realize females are not coming out with direct info in order to see if the male is smart enough to get it on his own. Only the ones who are paying attention do and they pass the test.lol He isn't the only one who doesn't realize how it works. And, no, people(guys) it's NOT a "game"...it is a dance, a ritual, and it's at least partly instinctive, reinforced by years of social conditioning. YES, we GET that it is not "consistent" with "equal rights"...equal rights has to to with the workplace, the marketplace and the law, not social customs. And over time this age old "dance" probably will to a certain extent adapt to changing paradigms. But for right now, for the most part, women may smile, flirt, open a conversation,etc. But she's probably NOT going to pursue a completely passive man who sits there and leaves her wondering"does he really like me, or am I just 'convenient'? Is my assertiveness leading me into a relationship with a passive agressive guy who isn't looking for love so much as he's looking for an easily acquired girlfriend?" Guys? Just how long do you think this is really gonna last(unless this woman is desperate and codependent) when she figures out she's doing all, or at least most of, the work??
But you fall right into my theory on why there are so many single women: they can come up with any number of excuses why they won't date a guy. And most of them are just ways to gloss over our dismay at the incredible amount of hostile, resentful, angry, bitter, damaged men out there that we are supposed to find ACCEPTABLE?? This is not to say that there are not ANY acceptable, and even impressive men out here, but I think a lot of women posting or lurking on this thread would heartily agree with me were I to remark that the dating pool could use a little chlorine. There are so many single people because it's no longer a near necessity to be half of a couple. If I go to a market to buy honey I'm damn sure not gonna buy bullshit because they're OUT of honey. I'll just keep checking back and hope to catch the next shipment of honey before it sells out. And you damn betcha I'm gonna be mighty careful( what you call "any number of excuses")...because it's not at all uncommon for bullshit to try and pass itself off as honey.
Again, if you go into starbucks and walk up to the cash do you tell the clerk what you want or do you leave it up to them to interpret what it is they think you want? This is utterly ridiculous, it compares apples to oranges. Maybe if some men actually had some RESPECT for women and didn't continually convey an opinion that they(women) are borderline retarded(or little crippled hamsters, as one remarked in another thread) they might actually be able to get dates and develop relationships.
staying single isn't a death sentence, and if you think it is, no wonder your heart breaks everytime someone doesn't dig you back.
I suspect that a lot of the guys here THINK women see being single as a death sentence, and the term "single" as an effective insult. They haven't gotten some of the most recent memos, that say it's perfectly fine to be single if you can't find the kind of partner you want.
just like Pacino: Oh dude, not even CLOSE.
If you ordered a coffee the way you communicate with a guy you're interested in, you'd never get the coffee you like. Again, apples to oranges. And there's no need to worry that the coffee you like is effed up in the head from bad relationship experiences,and will therefore provide an unsatisfying if not downright UNPLEASANT encounter.
and especially get a laugh out of the peanut gallery trying to bring me down to their level. Dude! We're trying to bring you UP to our level but you keep chewing thru the damn rope!
just want to add that some have written to me and given me the scoop on some of the more diligent posters here and I found that very amusing and it kind of fit the opinion I formed Daisy??! Is that you??!
I'm one of those who are extremely bad at picking up on cues, but for me, the way around those limitations was dating online. Arrgh. You CANNOT "date" "online". You can establish contact with someone. But dates happen in real time, in real places. Communicating via electronic means, or jungle drums, smoke signals, messages carried by homing pigeons, is simply socializing...to actually DATE you have to put down the mouse, step away from the computer, shower, get dressed and leave your house. If this is what you atually meant, I apologize for the lecture.But I have encountered people here who "date" and even "have a relationship" with someone they have never met in person. The internet is a form of media, folks, not an alternate reality.
based on the collective opinions of most of the male forum posters...women can never win, no matter which way they go..and they have to be one way or the other, never a combination of both.. No kidding. And it's OK for MEN to dig in their heels and yell "This is all too crazy...I'M SINGLE BY CHOICE!" and in the next paragraph 'attempt' to INSULT a female poster with "you're still single, aren't you?"Guess what guys, if having a creature with a Y chromosome in our lives,regardless of whether we could stand the sight of him, or whether he was worth the space he takes up, was all we aspired to,none of us would be single. So don't even try to do the double standard thing that if a man is single it's by choice and if a woman is single it's because she's defective. That flag don't fly here no more.
Back OTopic ... Don't think I don't know when a man is sending me signals that he is interested ... I am seriously not as thick as a brick (Jethro Tull?) but as PERSONAL PREFERENCE ... if a man is dancing about and not really able to COMMUNICATE to me in ENGLISH that he would like to go out then I am just not interested.
I rest my case. Completely and unequivocally a woman FINALLY admits that she sets rules that guys have to follow yet she herself openly admits that those very same rules DO NOT APPLY TO HER. But there are many rules that don't apply to both genders exactly the same...or so I thought. Who is going to make the decision as to whether women must now stand up to pee, or will it be dictated that men have to sit down. RH, I'm sorry, but I gotta tell you you are beginning to remind me of a persistent 8 yr old kid trying to get his way about something.
(1) If I play with my hair when I am with anyone, it is abolsutely NOT any kind of a "hint" - it is a subconscious act. (2) If I put on lipstick, it is absolutely NOT any kind of a "hint" - it is what I felt like doing. (3) If I say something that to you makes no sense......and you are dumbwitted enough NOT to ask for clarification, then who exactly would the nitwit be????? good point.
Why do people not get that dating and relationships are so much about just positioning oneself to encounter one of those people that the Universe holds as a good match for you? And yes, if you are plain, chubby, older, not wealthy,are challenged in some respect, you may not get as many applicants as those who are "conventionally" attractive or have significant money, power,social position( any one of those, or combination), but that does not mean you should think you have no hope, and resign yourself to either aloneness or 3rd rate interactions. No one should feel so pressured to be 'unsingle' that they force themselves to be involved with someone they really don't feel much for. While it never hurts to seek new ideas and learning experiences, no one should be expected to completely turn around from the way they've been conditioned to relate to and interact with the opposite gender,within the context of acceptable behavior,of course. I'm not suggesting that pathological behavior should continue.
But generally speaking, it's still kind of on the guy to be doing the asking out. It's certainly OK for the woman to indicate interest, to initiate contact, encourage the asking. And for those women who feel fine with doing the asking,either across the board or under certain circumstances, more power to them. Any reasonable way 2 people wind up in a happy relationship ought to be fine. But you cannot expect it to be instant results,and yes there will be things that just don't work out. You may even have a run in with a person or 2 with distorted values, dubious ethics, ulterior motives, hidden agendas. That doesn't mean the rest of the gender is equally undesirable/untrustworthy/dishonorable.
Just be the best person you can, and have a little faith, instead of getting all bent because this dating stuff doesn't always go exactly the way you want it to.
Cindy O | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:52:43 PM | OP, it is not only women who do this; men do it too. I have often said that one of the most sincere things a man can do is to let me know that he finds me interesting and likes me. If he starts playing head games with me or throws around innuendo I know he is too immature to hold my interest.
Men and women are a dime a dozen, and nobody needs to put up with any BS. Playing games at the onset of meeting someone is never a good idea. And the best way to find out if someone is sincerely interested, is to cut though the bull.
Thankfully, I'm not in a position that I ever have to put up with childish antics, or grovel for attention from the opposite sex. I assure you, the fastest way to turn me off, is to bore me with your ambivalence, and I don't care how "hot" you think you are. There's always another one just as "hot" as you are, who won't hesitate to communicate directly, like an adult.~verityone~
+1
Suddenly they are not so hot when coyness takes over; then it is merely borrrrring. Engaging with another is an opportunity. Why waste it with drivel and silly antics…….
Well, I'd like to think of myself as being a pretty straight forward person....I have no problem speaking my mind,
I will basically flirt with him....smile alot, make little jokes, maybe make open ended remarks so he can reply so I can get a feel for him..... .cautiousluv
Anyone who did that to me would elicit a prompt, “Please excuse me”. There is nothing more trite than “little jokes”.
It has been my experience that persons who cannot communicate and hide behind “jokes” are usually hostile. They try to cover up their adverse nature by saying they were merely joking or teasing.
I was in a party last night: and the barmaid, a very lovely well mannered young lady, within minutes was smiling, playing with her hair, talked to me by looking into my eyes, bend over to get close to talk, told me she was single, was asking questions etc etc
As she was talking, I was thinking of this thread: How many will say or assume that she is thus flirting with me or sending me messages?
Because she wasn't and simply was a human being talking to another human being and been friendly and social.
I really do not appreciate the wait person getting friendly, it is not necessary in order to do their job well. So in your scenario I would think she might be flirting or seeking to increase her tips. Why mention she is single? Does that impact her ability to properly bartend?
I never engage a wait person in extraneous or personal conversation nor do I like it when they try to engage me in this manner. Recently I was on a business lunch date when the man I was with started telling the waitress about his home. She could care less what this guy thought of his place but she was a captive audience for his bragging. Guess since he did not impress me with his homestead he had to see if he could the waitress.
Or maybe he was flirting? | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:00:39 PM | really do not appreciate the wait person getting friendly, it is not necessary in order to do their job well. So in your scenario I would think she might be flirting or seeking to increase her tips. Why mention she is single? Does that impact her ability to properly bartend?
I never engage a wait person in extraneous or personal conversation nor do I like it when they try to engage me in this manner. Recently I was on a business lunch date when the man I was with started telling the waitress about his home. She could care less what this guy thought of his place but she was a captive audience for his bragging. Guess since he did not impress me with his homestead he had to see if he could the waitress.
Or maybe he was flirting?
I do not see "wait" persons to be servants, slaves or second class citizens; therefore, if they want to talk with me, fine, I have no problems with it; but I do not engage them at the mentioned level of your example. That they do (or not) doesn't jeopardize their abilities to do a fine job.
She mentioned that she was single probably because the party was a single party organized by my former partner? Or is it because people talking to me directly has a tendency to open up? Both ? does it matters or influence anything ? No. Do I want to date anyone to begin with? No, and double no on the maybe I was flirting with her, am not dense as a rock to believe I need another half in order to be whole and/or needed to play a game with a person in order to reach that person.
That she did that to increase her tips is , as I mentioned earlier, is a possibility, but a failed one if it was as I do not fall for those: am fair and just, not a sucker; but do agree that it is a common "technic" used by a lot of them. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:07:32 PM | Well, well, this thread has certianly brought out a lot staunch opinions. I get the feeling that a few will never really make the effort to understand the other's side...ever!
Hell, I wont dictate what another should or shouldn't do, but I think there is an opportunity to learn from the other side here in this thread that some are adamently opposed to. So be it.
I'm one of those slow-ones that don't get the "female language" all that well. My sister (deceased) used to slap me on the arm after she witnessed an encounter I had with a woman, telling me, "You are SO slow! She was flirting with you!" I've tried, boy have I tryed, to understand the language. I've gotten better, but I'm still completely off base, at times.
That's the thing that gets me about some women. I've tryed to understand "female language." Sometimes I get it right, other times I don't. Sometimes I might miss the signals because I'm too busy having a good time with my life/friends/activities. I guess in those circumstances, some women would conclude I lack "confidence" and am unworthy of further consideration. That's pretty short-sighted on her part and not the type woman I'd be interested in any way.
Point being, I HAVE TRYED!
In addition, I supported my Mother (also deceased) and sister during the upheaval of equal rights for women (yeh, I'm old). I truely encouraged and bolstered their efforts to gain independence/education/self-relience(sp?). It pissed-off my Dad and his piers, but I stuck to what I saw as fair.
So, I made all these efforts to support "freedom of choice" in the lives of the women I loved (at a very young age, I might add) while tolerating the scorn of the older men in my life. Now, to hear some of the contemporarily aged women implying that there is no freedom of choice when it comes to approaching men; that if a man doesn't decifer the female code, he's a wuss, lacking confidence, unmanly, or gay - it's very dissappointing!
For the majority of my life I have made the effort to understand what women want and fight for it. I feel I've helped carry some of burdens during a confusing time for women. I have and continue to do many of the historically (for instance, I'm a pretty damn good cook) female roles in my life. I didn't stick to old dogma, because it just didn't seem fair to women. I stepped out of my comfort zone because I thought it was the right thing to do.
Now, for me, a man, it's a confusing time. I fought for equal rights and freedom of choice for women. Now I'm hearing, from some women, that that's all fair and good, but it doesn't apply to dating/romance. And, that if I don't "get it" (again) I'm a wuss, unmanly, lacking confidence, or I'm gay.
Granted, that doesn't bother me too much because if a woman is not of a mind to reciprocate with empathy, well.....she's probably not the right woman for me. She can could sit and look pretty til hell freezes over. I may or may not approach her. If I don't, it's not because I lack confidence or an understanding of what real women want. It's because I do not find her attractive, I haven't notice her or her encryptions of interest, or she is exuding an overestimate of her self value (yes, men are intuitive also).
Point being, it's all about her attitude. If she's willing to empathize and walk in my shoes, as I feel I have for her, it doesn't matter to me who approaches first. If she irrovocably expects men to always approach first her first, it'll probably never happen with me. I can sense that attitude a mile away. IMO, an all-or-nothing attitude is a bad place to start a relationship.
Maybe I'm the only guy that feels this way, but I suspect not.
just a 'good luck to all' thought
PS: I get the feeling someone will take a snippet of my post and attempt to minimize it's entirety. So be it. For one that does that, there'll be many more that will "get it." | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:38:34 PM |
that's called HYPOCRASY and thy name is Savona......
Since you have difficulty recalling where it is in the forums that you're rude and out of line by calling people out and baiting them AND flaming them - allow me to point this one out to you.
 
But yeah I can see that I'm the one picking fights with posters, and it's definitely not you.
On Topic: I wrote that in a female secret code so hopefully only the females and dogs with incredible pitch will pick up on it! | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:21:30 PM |
I do not see "wait" persons to be servants, slaves or second class citizens;
Since I am usually with someone when being waited on; the wait person is not part of my party and not included in our conversation. That does not equate to thinking they are slaves or second class anything. I think it is rude for persons waiting on me to try to engage me in conversation…..they are not my acquaintances they are merely taking my food/ beverage order.
You may chat them up all you like.
double no on the maybe I was flirting with her, am not dense as a rock to believe I need another half in order to be whole and/or needed to play a game with a person in order to reach that person.
LOL, maybe you are a “dense rock” as I never so much as implied that your were flirting with her……I said she may have been flirting with you.
My “Was he flirting” was in reference to my business lunch date.
It wasn’t all about you. Please reread. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:42:29 PM |
Let''s see that biased post here, am gonna have to create and add my own answers as this is oriented, superficial and narrow.
It was satirical, do you understand satire?...and trust me when I say I have experienced everyone of those points I made...since I date men, I think that is a valid observation...and oddly, never met a man yet who reacted the way you and some others insist is the "norm".
Levi: which man should I emphasize with? You all aren't on the same freaking page..that is my point...I am very empathetic...and you know what..it is wasted on the forums..all I get for my trouble is more insults , men privately emailing me to tell me off, men who stop talking to me because they don't like my opinions, and absolutely no understanding of where I am coming from, I'm up to my eyeballs in trying to be understanding..I have always been willing to listen to the other side...but, I have to be honest...I don't see the same courtesy extended at all...these threads are always about men telling women what's wrong with them, and belittling their opinion, and when women defend themselves...they are called names...a man started this thread, not a woman..same with the other one...
I have tried and tried to be sympathetic or see the other side ( which is my nature with all people)...and the end result is I now have a bunch of men who hate me....I'm done...
I do not respond well to insults and name calling, and just general hatred for me, or women in general...and I have never done it...till now...like I said, welcome to the dark side...if you can't beat them, join them...
I actually am quite willing to meet in the middle...it doesn't appear to me that most men are at all...I haven't read too many posts on here from men where it is suggested we find a compromise or even an acknowledgment that we are different, and for a reason ( and thank you to those who did)...and this equality thing is BS...if it was up to me..we'd turn back the clock and wipe the whole thing out...and start over...because, never in my wildest dreams would it have occurred to me that the price would be this high...men ( and some women) actually despising women for being women...that isn't a choice..it is emotional blackmail...
And for the record...I never said that men were unmanly for not reading "Code" or not pursuing...unlike those who say women who don't do what they are told are evil...
The forums can suck the life/soul right out of you...and I think I need to go back to the happy place where men like women, even when they are different from them....because this is not me, and it is very scary..... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:44:12 PM |
OP, it is not only women who do this; men do it too. I have often said that one of the most sincere things a man can do is to let me know that he finds me interesting and likes me. If he starts playing head games with me or throws around innuendo I know he is too immature to hold my interest. I guess everyone is different, but I believe the saying "actions speak louder than words" holds true. I really don't need a man telling me how "interesting" and wonderful hethinks I am...and that he "likes me"...I would much rather he SHOW me.....sometimes words mean NOTHING. Anyone who did that to me would elicit a prompt, “Please excuse me”. There is nothing more trite than “little jokes”. It has been my experience that persons who cannot communicate and hide behind “jokes” are usually hostile. They try to cover up their adverse nature by saying they were merely joking or teasing. Let's see....let me be perfectly clear as to what you are saying. Your saying that people who joke around 1. cannot communicate 2. are hostile people so they are hiding behind their jokes? So if someone was joking around with you, you would promptly excuse yourself? Really? So it's like your above.....or wait, you THINK your above that....is that correct? I'm just saying, I mean by reading your profile....I get a sense that you think very highly of yourself...which their is nothing wrong with that.....but usually people who have a high self esteem....don't try to convince people how wonderful they are. Oh and speaking of profiles, I noticed in YOUR profile you said "I Flirt" "but never when I'm with you".....niceeee.....but I'm curious, how DO you flirt? You also said your "witty".....you know people who are witty are usually amusing as well. So when I said I tell "little jokes" ....it kinda goes hand and hand with being wity and amusing. I really do not appreciate the wait person getting friendly, it is not necessary in order to do their job well. So in your scenario I would think she might be flirting or seeking to increase her tips. Why mention she is single? Does that impact her ability to properly bartend? Really? Actually it kinda IS necessary in order to do their job well....I don't really like to make assumptions, but since you had no problem doing it with me, let me return the favor.....could it be that your JEALOUS of the "wait person".... [ Recently I was on a business lunch date when the man I was with started telling the waitress about his home. She could care less what this guy thought of his place but she was a captive audience for his bragging. Guess since he did not impress me with his homestead he had to see if he could the waitress.
lol....ohhhh Gawdddd What is a nice way of saying someone has a stick up her azz???
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:29:31 PM | I tried to erase that post and post a more rational one, and evidently didn't do it right...so, the best I can do is say...I'm sorry for losing my cool ...I've never done that before, and I really feel stupid for doing it...been that kind of day...mea culpa
I am basically just frustrated with the sense that so many men appear to really NOT like women anymore, and want to dictate what constitutes a woman, and how she SHOULD behave...and the feeling that unlike freedom of choice, which is what I thought equality was about, I am now being pressured to be just one way...whether it is a comfortable or natural way for me to be...basically saying we traded one definition of a "woman's"role for another. and are being dictated to just the same...just the flip side.
I want to be who I am...which is actually a combination of all the possible "roles"..and not get derided for it. Free to be the kind of woman I want...which in my mind was what liberation was about....men are granted that right too, aren't they? | |
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