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| | Decoding the Female LanguagePage 21 of 31 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31) | | We are not splitting atoms here. The person either likes you or they don't. IF THEY DO, you will know it! If you have to question anything at all, NOT INTO YOU! | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:30:40 AM | Why can't we agree that not everyone will connect with everyone?
That was never in question.
And that we're all looking for the person that we can click with our way?
Clearly, that's being demonstrated.
So, just because someone else does things differently doesn't mean they're right or wrong.
Who's to say what is right or wrong for everyone? I merely explain my preferences, and the reasons why. I never said that others were "wrong".
We all have different preferences, so why is everyone so insistant that their way is the right way?
I don't see that anyone is saying what's right and wrong. Just what some find appealing and what they don't.
If you're all so playful, why is debate troublesome?
Some seem to come unglued when they're debated.
Maybe they're in the wrong sandbox, and should stick to flirting....
I have a playful nature about me, and I tend to be a little flirty by nature
So are plenty of other women. That's why it becomes meaningless.
You're not doing anything that really sets you apart from other women out there.
And you KEEP displaying an exceedingly high expectation for a behaviour that most other women do, all the time, and that do it for different reasons, effect, and actions that do not have a universal meaning.
Do you date every Tom, D1ck, and Harry who compliments you in a way that you've been complimented so many times before? Or are you looking for something better than average? I'm going to assume the answer is yes.
Same here. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:31:52 AM |
But having said that, you know virtually nothing about me
Nor do you me, but that certainly didn't stop you from making opinionated, false comments about me, now did it? See how that works.
But other's do actually find numerous things about me "special". Which is one reason they like me.
Umm, ok sureeee... oh wait, yea I can see it, dayum, your just so charming
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:41:27 AM |
I don't see that anyone is saying what's right and wrong.
Actually, I do see you and rentahusband and abelian and others being really condescending towards women that are different than the women you find attractive. And that's a very disrespectful way of debating. You're basically sneering at all of us that are preferring something different than your preference. And I think that's why some of us get pretty defensive. This is not a respectful discussion, but full of accusations. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:49:07 AM | Ok, lemme see if I can decode this…
I don't see that anyone is saying what's right and wrong. Just what some find appealing and what they don't.
If you're all so playful, why is debate troublesome?
Some seem to come unglued when they're debated.
Maybe they're in the wrong sandbox, and should stick to flirting....
You’re being disingenuous here. You’re a smart guy; this is intended to communicate to cautiousluv that you believe her position is wrong.
In guy speak: BS | |
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Savona
| | Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 506 | |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:50:54 AM | this is my language ....
Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
you're not easy to find
Is it possible Mr. Loveable
is already in my life?
right in front of me
or maybe you're in disguise
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone
Here we are again, circles never end
how do I find the perfect fit
there's enough for everyone
but I'm still waiting in line
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone
S | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:51:27 AM |
So are plenty of other women. That's why it becomes meaningless.
What do other women have to do with anything? Meaningless to WHO?? I think you misunderstood ,again might want to go back and read what I wrote again, and this time let it soak in.
You're not doing anything that really sets you apart from other women out there.
And I'm not trying to, my personality is just that....my personality....I like it, could care less if you don't, I am NOT trying to set myself apart from others, I'm content with who I am thank you very much :-) | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:59:21 AM |
Do you date every Tom, D1ck, and Harry who compliments you in a way that you've been complimented so many times before? Or are you looking for something better than average? I'm going to assume the answer is yes.
Ok, I have read this a couple of times and don't understand what your getting at? How do you know WHO or HOW I get complimented? And I might go out with every D1ck, but not every Tom, D1ck AND Harry.......lol | |
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Fa que
| | Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 509 | |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:03:48 AM | ^^^ You two should get a room. Might help if it is padded...
Me thinks you two should just naked wrestle and see who wins.
That language clear enough? | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:29:46 AM | You’re being disingenuous here. You’re a smart guy; this is intended to communicate to cautiousluv that you believe her position is wrong.
In guy speak: BS
Not at all.
Women can do whatever they like. But for her and others to posit that if a man doesn't "get it" , is because he's somehow socially retarded, is pure fallacy that they can't objectively prove.
What do other women have to do with anything? Meaningless to WHO?? I think you misunderstood ,again might want to go back and read what I wrote again
You display a habit of taking anything that's written, and making it a personal comment directed at you specifically, and that you are being lectured.
It's simply not the case.
I'm simply offering a perspective, as an individual, on how "I" view your style of interacting.
Whether I find your method meaningless should only have the value that it is my personal view. If you take offense to it, that's not my problem. I don't know why my opinion of you would upset you, unless it rings true with you, which, again, is not my problem.
If you were to call me "stupid", I would merely question you to prove the veracity of your claim towards me, but I wouldn't get upset about it, because it doesn't have any validity with me.
And I'm not trying to, my personality is just that....my personality....I like it
And you should.
I am NOT trying to set myself apart from others, I'm content with who I am thank you very much :-)
Well, personally, I do make efforts and set goals for myself which would set myself apart from others.
So I guess that's possibly where you and I differ, and probably why my comments trouble you so much.
If you were to say to me that you enjoy your certain level of interaction, and not wish for anything beyond that, then my comments should be able to roll off you, like water off a duck's back.
I'll leave it open for you criticize why my preference is for women who engage in thought provoking conversation, on broad topics, and women who are very open and direct in telling me what they feel about our interactions.
Ok, I have read this a couple of times and don't understand what your getting at? How do you know WHO or HOW I get complimented?
I'll elaborate.
What I'm trying to get at is simply that I know that while woman might appreciate flattery, it becomes boorish,tiresome and meaningless to have that everytime she meets a new guy, and that she would probably rather fast forward to something more palpable.
As a guy, I've heard it from so many of my women friends that they just want to gag when a guy comes up to them and can only sit there and offer her compliments.
I offer that as a parallel to how "I" personally view "flirting".
I've been asked for advice from virtually all my friends that are women, and I've been able to share my views of "flirting" while just getting to know someone, most of the time without the indignation (unless my friend is very sensitive and doesn't take honest opinions very well ) that is shown in this thread, which I find most interesting.
I'll also point out, that I've been "coached" by many of my female friends on what they find tedious about meeting someone new, and that it influenced how I approach women.
Which is why I do virtually anything but compliment a woman on her looks when I first meet her.
She's been told enough times to have a good idea where she ranks.
I do make an effort when I meet a woman I'm very interested in getting to know. I make an effort to let her know that I'm not just trolling, if she genuinely interests me, I'll let her know, and won't hesitate in asking her out, and making it clear that it is because she stands out, to me.
I don't do "token" dates.
Not because I'm desperate, but because women who have that kind of an effect on me, are few and far between, and I won't be foolish enough to forgo an opportunity.
I don't put out minimum effort, and expect maximum outcomes. It's a life philosophy with me.
Feel free to criticize my approach. I can take it.... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:41:54 AM |
Actually, I do see you and rentahusband and abelian and others being really condescending towards women that are different than the women you find attractive.
I don't think I was condescending at all. Just maybe disbelief that someone would openly choose to communicate in a manner that many won't understand. What is even more unbelieveable is to not only choose that method, but then to blame the person who "doesn't get it".
But hey, they're not condescending or insulting towards men, because, hey they're women!
Bottom line is: if you want to be understood, COMMUNICATE. Meet us halfway.......we'll try to read the "signs" if you make them more easy to read.
SIMPLE
Problem solved.
Next......
(funny though, all the women on here who flatly refuse to try and communicate differently in real life, have no problem openly communicating here......ever wonder why that is????) | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:52:13 AM |
(funny though, all the women on here who flatly refuse to try and communicate differently in real life, have no problem openly communicating here......ever wonder why that is????)
Unless you're living beside every woman on POF in your real life - I wonder how it is you'd know HOW the women on POF communicate differently in real life, are you somehow capable of being everywhere at everypoint in time, and listening in on every conversation that every woman on POF has in her real life?
Are you God?
But hey, they're not condescending or insulting towards men, because, hey they're women!
In reviewing the large number of posts within this topic this particular poster appears to be the one posting with the largest quantity of posts being condescening, insulting, flaming, baiting, judgemental, and bitter.
Are you a woman and God?
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:52:59 AM |
I would decline an invitation like this.
If I was interested in a woman, I'd want to be alone with her so I could get to know her better.
I would decline this invitation, too. I would prefer to get to know someone a bit before I add their friends to the mix.
As far as I'm concerned, Verity and Abelian in particular are communicating in the clearest manner possible. I'll wager both are smarter than me on an intellectual level, which doesn't bother me at all. Facts are facts, and talking doesn't change them.
I do the chit chat thing at times, in fact I once got a job through idle chit chat. I look at it as a networking opportunity at the least, but if someone doesn't want to waste their time? that's their option.
Flirting is fine. If you like to flirt and signal interest that way, don't be upset of some men don't go for it. Why be so upset that some men have given you their opinion that differs from yours? Learn from it. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:56:24 AM | do make an effort when I meet a woman I'm very interested in getting to know. I make an effort to let her know that I'm not just trolling, if she genuinely interests me, I'll let her know, and won't hesitate in asking her out, and making it clear that it is because she stands out, to me.
I don't do "token" dates.
Not because I'm desperate, but because women who have that kind of an effect on me, are few and far between, and I won't be foolish enough to forgo an opportunity.
I do understand what you are saying, but what you dont seem to take into consideration is that at first blush that may not be apparent to her, so to her, you are just another guy approaching her. How could she know that you arent just another guy working the room until he gets a yes? Do you really think you are the first guy to use that as a pick up technique? Do you not take into consideration how much bullcrap we have all had to wade through. That would come with interaction and some sort of intelligent conversation, which you wont get if you keep walking away because she cant read your mind.
Whether you like it or not there is a "flow" to interacting with people and within that flow there is a lot of information gathering going on. Flirting is actually information gathering, it is quite amazing what you can find out while doing it. For all of you that say you hate putting yourself out there, flirting is the perfect vehicle for testing for interest going forward, without actually having to put yourself out there. I dont know too many women who actually take flirting all that seriously from a man at first, but if she is interested in you she can play along and encourage it, its the perfect segue into determining if there is mutual interest.
Perhaps there is some misunderstanding as to what flirting really is, flirting is part and parcel within a converation, it is not a stand alone thing. I think some are taking this to the extreme to prove their point...
When she sees a guy she likes she will do the hints, but she does not want to come across as if she is the one approaching because she doesn't want to be seen as easy, and she wants the type of male that is willing to take a risk and pursue.
Chances are she is also aware that a lot of men will take what is offered regardless if there is any interest or not... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:58:05 AM |
When she sees a guy she likes she will do the hints, but she does not want to come across as if she is the one approaching because she doesn't want to be seen as easy, and she wants the type of male that is willing to take a risk and pursue.
Nicely put. Here's one guy that has women figured out. You need to give others lessons.  | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:40:06 AM | I believe that Dave Edmunds was correct when he sang:
There are some things you can't cover up
With lipstick and powder
Thought I heard you mention my name
Can't you talk any louder
Don't come any closer, don't come any nearer
My vision of you can't come any clearer
Got a loaded imagination bein' fired by girls' talk
It's a more or less situation inspired by girls' talk
But I can't say the words you wanna hear
I suppose you're gonna have to play it by ear, right here
...
Girls talk, and they wanna know how girls talk
And they say it's not allowed, girls talk
And they think they know how girls talk
If they say that it's so
Don't they think that I'd now by now | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:47:38 AM | Unless you're living beside every woman on POF in your real life - I wonder how it is you'd know HOW the women on POF communicate differently in real life, are you somehow capable of being everywhere at everypoint in time, and listening in on every conversation that every woman on POF has in her real life?
Hmmm if you read my post it specifically says
(funny though, all the women on here who flatly refuse to try and communicate differently in real life, have no problem openly communicating here......ever wonder why that is????)
I never once said ALL women, please, stop putting words in my mouth. I specifically said: all the women on here who flatly refuse to try and communicate differently. Not all women, just the ones who refuse to communicate differently.
Just like as if I said "all the brunettes on here have brown hair".
How do I know they can openly communicate here but not in real life? BECAUSE they SAY so....So, either I am correct, or they're lying.
I don't have to be god to know this, just have deductive reasoning.
When she sees a guy she likes she will do the hints, but she does not want to come across as if she is the one approaching because she doesn't want to be seen as easy, and she wants the type of male that is willing to take a risk and pursue.
So much for the sexual revolution lol.....
btw: was I too vague? Not specific enough for ya? I thought that's how you wanted to communicate??? | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:08:37 PM |
I'll elaborate.
What I'm trying to get at is simply that I know that while woman might appreciate flattery, it becomes boorish,tiresome and meaningless to have that everytime she meets a new guy, and that she would probably rather fast forward to something more palpable.
^^^From what you've written I see now that you are not getting what some women mean when they indicate that they are looking for this...
A guy who can't tease, laugh, smile, talk about important issues AS WELL AS none important ones is frankly, a waste of MY TIME.
^^^This is different than this....
As a guy, I've heard it from so many of my women friends that they just want to gag when a guy comes up to them and can only sit there and offer her compliments.
^^^What I'm referring to...what I'm looking for...what I have found in the past..has nothing whatsoever to do with this type of one way communication that is really just a bunch of pap to try to score - like your friends I'm never interested in that crap either.
What I am referring to is more embodied in a recent post by heartseekertrue when he followed up on my post about finding a man who understands my need to 'play'..to 'banter'. He writes,
If one is 'able to play", ie gives, and takes that playful banter, it portends to better connections. It's apparent immediately...
Oh, many say "the words", "do" the ritual "right thing" . But...here's the key...IT RESONATES within the one who IS this...and is not just DOING or SAYING the right things.It arises from within...and is not something put on from without.
It goes deeper...when a man KNOWS that this is the one he will pursue, she will flirt, back away, advance. And he...confidently yet subtle and nuanced, is nonplussed., moves back and forth appropriately. Thrust and parry.
The wise, and earnest man, will SAY the straight up thing...but understands, and returns HER language.
Which is further expanded by grizzelda...when she writes...
Whether you like it or not there is a "flow" to interacting with people and within that flow there is a lot of information gathering going on. Flirting is actually information gathering, it is quite amazing what you can find out while doing it. For all of you that say you hate putting yourself out there, flirting is the perfect vehicle for testing for interest going forward, without actually having to put yourself out there. I dont know too many women who actually take flirting all that seriously from a man at first, but if she is interested in you she can play along and encourage it, its the perfect segue into determining if there is mutual interest.
And why Margo like myself and others use it especially in the earliest stages....she writes,
In terms of relationships at the initial stages; there is no way I would want to have eliminated the magic created by our wild azz flirting and baiting when we were first catching and keeping each others' attention. The direct style of communication would have, as far as I can see (and I doubt my sweetie would disagree), not done us any favours. As a matter of fact, it was one of the ways that really demonstrated our compatibility.
^^^This kind of thing is important. There's a connection made and understood simply in the communicating - not simply around content. The 'communication style' becomes part of the attraction. as it really points us...to a compatible partner. The ones that are not compatible become clearly evident. Which only means that they are not the right partners for some of us.
That's why this blows any rationale for some of us to level the playing field so that all can communicate...we're using our style of communication...the 'how' as well as the 'what' to find resonance and compatibility with someone...that's in part what makes some of us tick.... For the folks that look more linearly and want a direct approach...state it...ask for it.. demand it even...if that's what you want... If you're looking for direct communication---it's start with you bud...put that in your profile. You'll eliminate loads of us that like the banter...'and the game'...sounds like what half of these 22 pages have been yammering for...so go for it.
on edit Again, it bears repeating that this is in the initial stages only. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:18:40 PM |
But for her and others to posit that if a man doesn't "get it" , is because he's somehow socially retarded, is pure fallacy that they can't objectively prove.
Well, I don't I was the one that used the word "socially retarded" but I probably did say and it still holds true, that IF I am flirting with someone and he is just not getting it (which I have never had happen to me in real life.....never) then that's ok....It probably wasn't meant to be....you misconstru my words alot verityone. I AM not going to get mad and say oh that stupid man is so dumb he doesn't get I'm flirting with him.....and I am just so pissed off because, lets see in your words "he didn't jump when I was flirting with him." That is utterly ridiculous... please, give me a little more credit than that. I am not a shallow, self-rightous person....if he doesn't get me...that's fine ,honest it is. No hard feelings.
You display a habit of taking anything that's written, and making it a personal comment directed at you specifically, and that you are being lectured.
Well, lets see.....I made a comment about me being "flirty by nature".....and you made a comment saying that was meaningless because so are so many other women....so excuse me if I took that as a comment directed to me.....because IT WAS DIRECTED AT ME . Please stop using your passive-aggressive personality style on me, it doesn't work. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:27:07 PM | But for her and others to posit that if a man doesn't "get it" , is because he's somehow socially retarded, is pure fallacy that they can't objectively prove.
I was the one that pointed to this only because there are some posters on here that were adamant that they cannot understand anything other than the spoken word. I said that I highly doubted that because if they were able to maintain succesful platonic relationships, work with other people and have positive interaction with other people, that would be highly unlikely as ANY relationship, friendship and interacting with human beings requires reading body language and subtle skills. So, if they were unable to do this, they quite possibly were socially retarded as these things are not exclusive to romantic relationships.... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:29:41 PM |
I would decline an invitation like this.
If I was interested in a woman, I'd want to be alone with her so I could get to know her better
Oh, and since the scenario had to do with someone you don't know very well, at what point in our alone time should I start looking and making sure he doesn't have a pickaxe or worse. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:32:17 PM |
For the folks that look more linearly and want a direct approach...state it...ask for it.. demand it even...if that's what you want... If you're looking for direct communication---it's start with you bud...put that in your profile. You'll eliminate loads of us that like the banter...'and the game'...sounds like what half of these 22 pages have been yammering for...so go for it.
Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding!!!!!
We have a winner!!! Abelian is the poster boy of just that. He has created for himself a profile and a set of behaviors that attract women who share his communication style. He is also satisfied with the results. Any other man who feels similarly can look to his experience to see that it's possible if they want to do likewise. However, as sweetest pointed out, other women want the game and if you're not interested, you're not for them. They have also found a system that works for them and they too must be happy with the results else they would change.
Thus, the conclusion to the whole mess is do what you want and understand that some will respond to what you present and others will not. How is this any different in any substantive way from how one might have a preference for tall men or red-headed women? Some prefer to communicate more straightforward while others enjoy a different approach and if you want to learn to read sub-communications and flirting, it's not that difficult. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:43:50 PM |
Well, personally, I do make efforts and set goals for myself which would set myself apart from others.
And so do I. Nothing wrong with that.
So I guess that's possibly where you and I differ, and probably why my comments trouble you so much.
Nope, read above....your wrong. Your comments trouble me so much because for someone who claims he doesn't understand anything but direct talk (which is cool with me, actually I think I'm pretty direct myself and can appreciate that) you have honestly jumped to so many conclusions and said things about me that were completely off the wall, and when I ask you about it...you ignore me. It's like being out in the play yard and your throwing a rock at me for something you thought I said or did but when I turn around and ask you why the f*ck did you do that....you run. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/27/2009 1:01:06 PM |
Which is why I do virtually anything but compliment a woman on her looks when I first meet her.
But I garantee that's the reason your there talking to her...IS because of her looks.. amiright?
Naww....see for me, I want the guy to tell me how hot I am, I want him to ask me "what I'm wearing underneath" and "what size bra I wear" and best of all I like him to ask me "what's my favorite sexual position", I want him to tell me he could care less how smart I am, I want him to tell me he's more interested in how well I f*ck.....
Ohhhh, ok I see what you where getting at....you were saying that I would go out with every Tom, D1ck and Harry just because I'm so gullible and that in some weird way, I would probably take those as a compliment? See, you don't talk very direct but I'm getting pretty good at deciphering what you say 
Oh and by the way, you assumption is yet, wrong again. | |
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