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| | Decoding the Female LanguagePage 6 of 31 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31) | Rockman:
I have never had to decode shet, but then again I only date intelligent mature women!
Bingo!
I equate the whole hinting thing with some immaturity and insecurity. While it's true that many of us were conditioned to not be straightforward when it comes to wanting anything, especially a man, we're not doomed to that state forever.
Maybe it's that 12 years of marriage taught me that not only does hinting not work, it's really not fair to the person you're trying to communicate with. You're essentially playing it safe, and leaving yourself open to being "misinterpreted" rather than rejected.
If I'd waited my whole life for just the right men to approach me, I would have missed out on some amazing people, both as friends and lovers, my current SO included. I'm by no means a particularly aggressive or outgoing person, but I don't like the idea of being totally passive, and risk ending up with someone who isn't just right for me.
I don't really see any excuse for hinting OR grunting; when two mature and intelligent people are relating to each other, clear and open communication should be a given. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 2:11:56 AM | I think it is a generalization to say women can't handle rejection, or never experience it...
I can and have, numerous times, often, even...I'm not afraid of rejection so much as revulsion or disgust...
I'd really have to think about if I actually use subtle hints, because , if I do, I am not conscious of what they are...
Generally, depending on the situation, I am just friendly, open and available to talk...and see where it goes...
In public, I don't hang out at bars, or anything, so I don't run into those kinds of situations often..online..I can and have initiated contact ( which I would assume means I am interested, much like if a man asks me out, I assume he is..)..not a real effective strategy for me...but, I haven't given up hoping..lol..like a previous poster or two has said...no matter what a lot of men say on the forums, my experience is it either isn't received well, or they are nice due to the shock...lol...and men always forget to mention that it's only if they find you attractive that they like you initiating or approaching, otherwise they get annoyed or insulted ( how many..why are the fat( or old, or ugly..etc) women contacting me threads have you seen?)..so, I think some of these suggestions are meant for a certain kind of woman, not any...( as the OP so kindly pointed out...)and that just feeds into the desperate belief? Unless a man is specific in his profile about what he likes, it isn't always easy to know...
I am not likely to make any bold statements...like, I think you are hot...there are so many reasons not to do that, in the beginning, ...raphael had an interesting point..there is something about the dance and build up of sexual tension..and it also can weed out the ones who interpret me approaching as a sexual come on...
It isn't easy for us, either , you know...especially with all the conflicting views..I think I subscribe to the idea that you need to be who you are, in your comfort zone, and you will then attract those who match that idea...
I have to say, as one who really listens to what the men say on here, especially if it is a majority, or from posters I respect or admire...and have actually changed behavior to accommodate their point of view...a lot of it just doesn't work for me..whether because of the level of attractiveness I am at, or the kind of men I attract, or , just because it isn't natural for me, and comes off as fake, or insincere, I don't know...
I do know that it isn't any easier understanding men sometimes, than it is for them to understand us... | |
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776877
| | Joined: 7/7/2009
Msg: 128 | |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 2:45:35 AM | Alright Alright Alright!!! Women flicking their hair means they are interested in YOU....or maybe the guy next to you...or just that....her hair was in her eye! Who gives a F,(I don't anymore nor(to be honest)ever have). It seems that many women who ARE taking a place in their destiny are THE ones who DO step up!!!
If anything is to be learned from these posts its that love is NOT for the fainthearted, its a dirty cut-throat business where the winner takes all....are you destined to be history? If not then sharpen your weapon and do battle with the rest of us....ON GUARD!!!!:-) | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 4:25:10 AM | msg 27:
Let me fill you in on a little secret
Thank you for "filling me in" regarding your women-friends' comment. Rest assured that they are correct and I feel the same when someone is droolingly staring.
But my first sentence indicated a spark on both sides and in that context lingering eye contact and shiny eyes speak higher volume than any outspoken words.
your "spark" is purely physical
Well, what can trigger a spark on my part - there can be lots of factors behind it. But whether a spark turns into a flame is another story. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:28:28 AM | A male acquaintance asked me this question a few months ago:
"Do you think women find me attractive?" My reply was, " I think you are very attractive!" He then walked away, looking puzzled. Here I had answered his question, from a personal point of view, and he hadn't picked up on that at all!!!
Years ago this same man declined my suggestion we go for a coffee, saying he wasn't looking to date. WTF!! Having just recently ended a difficult relationship, I was in no way ready to date. Told him that I was just wanting to go out and spend some time with him, with no ulterior motive at all. He then acted offended and suggested that I didn't like him. Boy, his interpretation of my intentions was way, way off!!!! | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:09:35 AM |
A male acquaintance asked me this question a few months ago:
"Do you think women find me attractive?" My reply was, " I think you are very attractive!" He then walked away, looking puzzled. Here I had answered his question, from a personal point of view, and he hadn't picked up on that at all!!!
Sounds like you got yourself a picky narcissist there. Apparently he wanted to know if women found him attractive and excluded you from the group. I'd have just said "some do, some don't, no different than the rest of us".
Years ago this same man declined my suggestion we go for a coffee, saying he wasn't looking to date. WTF!! Having just recently ended a difficult relationship, I was in no way ready to date. Told him that I was just wanting to go out and spend some time with him, with no ulterior motive at all. He then acted offended and suggested that I didn't like him. Boy, his interpretation of my intentions was way, way off!!!!
Sounds like an insecure guy who's got ego issues. Kind of an oxymoron, but they're out there. Personally this type of thing just proves my theory that some men are more interested in being able to choose than the actual choices. If you take a choice away, they typically argue it - not because they want something different, but because they had no control over it. | |
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LaRue2
| | Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 132 | |
| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:39:59 AM | [Just food for thought. I never realize how many "hints" I missed until I start dating the woman and she says "Oh I practically had to drag you over to my house!" or things like that. haha.. I'm sure this has happened to a few of you. Both men and women.]
To put things as blunt as possible (per your request :)... Even in this modern age, the traditional rules apply. Women want to be women and we want men to be men. We give off subtle hints because that's ladylike and classy. If you are interested, and you have the balls to show it, you'll make your way to us and initiate. We like that...! I have learned that being up front and honest is the best way. If I'm interested, you'll know. If I'm not, you'll know that too.
ps: if she had to "practically drag you over to her house", you really weren't that interested to begin with were you? | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:23:33 AM |
Well, I'd like to think of myself as being a pretty straight forward person....I have no problem speaking my mind, however, when it comes to flirting with a complete stranger or someone you don't know very well (which I'm assuming that's what the OP is talking about?????). I am NOT just going to come out and say "hey, I think you hot". Or "hey, I like you, wanna go out". No....I will basically flirt with him....smile alot, make little jokes, maybe make open ended remarks so he can reply so I can get a feel for him..... Most men i believe reconize that I am flirting, therefore they are aware that I am probably interested in them.
I know this is from a long ways back in this thread and I was off getting work done (for a change lol) so I missed a lot.
The thing is, flirting and hinting are two totally different things. OH man it is pretty easy to read when anyone flirts, sexual inuendo, funny remarks etc. Pretty well spells it out. Hinting on the other hand (as someone back 20 pages ago pointed out) could be: brushing her hair: could mean she's interested or could mean her hair is in her eyes. How the heck are we supposed to know?
As for touching etc. I would take someone picking lint off the arm of my shirt or whatever to be indicative but in role reversal, we guys get the dirtiest looks. For eg: there was a woman I saw repeatedly at a pub I went to to play pool. We were on a first name basis, shot pool maybe 10 times. One time I noticed the little label on the back of her blouse sticking up and it looked silly. So I told her: turn around, she did and I fixed her flap, she spun around WHAT"D YOU DO WHAT"D YOU DO????? I said Fixed your label, it was sticking up DON'T YOU DARE EVER TOUCH ME LIKE THAT AGAIN? (I didn't actually touch her, just pushed the label in).
So, yeah, it's a hint.......even one that I could read lol...... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:31:20 AM | Ill make it easy:
1) Wear a t-shirt that's said in big NO on the front and back
while
2) wear an underwear that said YES
LOL! am been silly (what the heck was in that coffee?) | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 10:12:22 AM | or better yet: shave your legs...nothing says YES like freshly shaved legs lol
(hey don't blame me, it was on the radio this week that on a survey, women overwelmingly said that if they shave their legs before a date, it means that he might be gettin' some humina humina! lol.....) | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 11:51:58 AM | | While it's helpful (I find) to have already shaved the bits that need shaving in order to meet a guy.. sometimes, I only shave them cuz I don't want to resemble a wookie when I want to go for a swim. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 11:52:10 AM | Which men do like a woman who doesn't shave her legs? very few, almost none.
and if that make the woman also feel more feminine and good about herself, the better! | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 11:59:16 AM |
While it's helpful (I find) to have already shaved the bits that need shaving in order to meet a guy.. sometimes, I only shave them cuz I don't want to resemble a wookie when I want to go for a swim.
I shave mine cause I don't like them unsmooth. Boring reason and all, but yeah.
If I meet a guy or whatever, it's a plus. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 12:47:13 PM | .
........ Simple, because women are not programmed to pursue. They are programmed to be pursued. There are women that are direct, but the majority are not. Look at an attractive woman. She puts lipstic and wears a beautiful dress and shoes to attract a guy. When she sees a guy she likes she will do the hints, but she does not want to come across as if she is the one approaching because she doesn't want to be seen as easy, and she wants the type of male that is willing to take a risk and pursue.
Outmind said this back on page one, and while I haven't read the whole thread, I agree with this but would like to add;
On this and other dating sites I have noticed that men are rarely bold enough to persue. I don't know if it's a confidence thing, being burned too many times, or concerned after too many "sensitivity training sessions," about No means No.
As a result, women are stuck between a rock and a hard place; either they go against convention and make the first move, cringing from the fear of being thought desperate or slutty, or they wait, get few contatcs, feeling unwanted and rejected.
Too often the men who ignore all this and go ahead and contact are the "Hey sexy, wanna fook?" types.
So when the decent men write in their profiles, " message me if......" It comes off as either lazy, arrogant, or wussy. What is the answer? Mmmm maybe another tread topic.
Namaste,
Ginny
 
. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 12:54:41 PM | On this and other dating sites I have noticed that men are rarely bold enough to persue. I don't know if it's a confidence thing, being burned too many times, or concerned after too many "sensitivity training sessions," about No means No.
oh oh! I like that and she got a point here:
The oppositions on some women wanting bold men, the social acceptance and philosophy, and the "sensivity training" and sexual harassment document that are forced on men at work place for example.
(very wide example) "you"ll get fired if you look at my butt, but please, I love when you compliment my butt" type of duality.
and in result, a poor smuck who do not even know what to do anymore! And in many occasion, refrain to do anything , just in case!...but his restraint is then interpreted as lack of confidence, laziness or whatever other things by the women! | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:21:48 PM |
(very wide example) "you"ll get fired if you look at my butt, but please, I love when you compliment my butt" type of duality.
BINGO, that is why I am on this site instead of out and about flirting my tail off. (I know this is off topic but.....)
The duality that I encounter is best explained by: See, women like to be complimented, but only by those they want the compliments from. Not just anyone. How are we to know if we are "the one"? (I thought Neo was the one but I digress). They flip their hair at us, touch our arm, twirl a pencil, glance at us then turn away demurely. Then when we read these signals we get the brush off. Why? Because she likes to play hard to get because (and these threads are full of it) they think a man "likes the chase".
Well the new progressive male has had it drummed into him that women don't like to be bothered when they are out with their girlfriends or just out, so we bail and leave them alone. Only to overhear them as they leave "see, I told you we'd have no luck meeting anyone here..." (and I literally overheard that at one place).
The difference between men and women? I don't care if I'm interested in you, think you're hot, think you're homely, think of you as a friend. If a woman says: your butt looks nice in those jeans, WHOOPEEE or You are SO wearing that shirt YAHOOOOO.
I tell a lot of stories here and here's another: I was in line at Shoppers Drug Mart and a couple of people ahead of me was this really great looking woman in her late 30's. She had a pair of tailored slacks on that perfectly fit her perky bottom. I mean PERFECTION.
So she checks out and is on her way. I'm impatiently tapping my foot and whoop, I get checked out. I rush out to the parking lot to see her putting her bags in her car a couple down from me. I go over and say "excuse me"
She looked up and said "yes" (pleasantly)
I say "you probably know this already but your butt looks amazing in those slacks"....she smiles and is blushing like a house on fire and says "eheheh thank you" I say "have a great day" and carry on.....
Now I took a chance and thankfully, she took the compliment but she could have just as easily turned around and whacked me over the head with her purse....... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:24:54 PM | | If my legs can be seen, I wouldn't not shave them...but, if they can't and I want incentive to keep myself from doing something stupid..I'll not do them..same goes for the kind of underwear I wear out...lol...(this is assuming the first or beginning stages, before I know if I want to go there or not...)..though, generally, when meeting a guy, I would shave and wear sexy underwear because it makes me feel more sexy, which translates into behavior... not because it means anything otherwise... | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:35:57 PM |
hey, here's an idea. howzabout you meet us halfway on the language thing? i mean do you really want us grunting & pointing?
lol. 
OK, so is this supposed to be the 'sign' that men give that is much more obvious than women smiling and twiddling their hair?, I always thought that guys just came out and said things. Obviously I've been suffering under the illusion that some of my dates found me attractive but they can't have done, because not one of them grunted at me  Maybe they did but I just wasn't paying close enough attention. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:38:34 PM |
or better yet: shave your legs...nothing says YES like freshly shaved legs lol
(hey don't blame me, it was on the radio this week that on a survey, women overwelmingly said that if they shave their legs before a date, it means that he might be gettin' some humina humina! lol.....)
It's thinking like this that makes all women want to stop doing anything because every thing to this guy is a signal that she/we want him.
Which is WHY I don't do hinting.
Just because of guys who think like this. And I suspect the OP is one of those guys.
Some men, have the ability to think women want him, women will want him, and they begin to seek those assuring signals in any thing and every thing she's doing.
(Her tags up! She must want me to touch her!!!!!)
Then? When she tells him to keep his damn hands to himself? He calls her a B!tch.
And why?
Because she wasn't sending him signals and didn't want him, and he made it up inside his head the whole time but now she's a frickin snot nosed harpy for "turning" him down. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:39:23 PM |
The duality that I encounter is best explained by: See, women like to be complimented, but only by those they want the compliments from. Not just anyone. How are we to know if we are "the one"?
Hopefully, it's because you've established interest and are already dating. Before that, it's probably better (and safer) to compliment her on accomplishments, not physical attributes.
Well the new progressive male has had it drummed into him that women don't like to be bothered when they are out with their girlfriends or just out, so we bail and leave them alone. Only to overhear them as they leave "see, I told you we'd have no luck meeting anyone here..." (and I literally overheard that at one place).
Don't let what one group of women say make you think all women feel that way, or that it should pertain to you. Whenever my friends have said that, it's because the place has no prospects - regardless of whether or not they approach. THAT's the type of luck those women were probably talking about - the luck of no men they had interest in.
The difference between men and women? I don't care if I'm interested in you, think you're hot, think you're homely, think of you as a friend. If a woman says: your butt looks nice in those jeans, WHOOPEEE or You are SO wearing that shirt YAHOOOOOo.
There are some men out there who would disagree with you...I've seen men complain that they were getting compliments from women they had no interest in. Generally tho most men aren't used to it and so they'll take it if it's presented with no problem. Case in point - if a friend says to me "I just saw a guy I think is cute but I can't tell if he's got a great butt or not with that jacket on"....I walk her over to him and ask him to turn around and lift his jacket so we can see it. We then stand there and decide yes or no, and then go on our way. Most men are happy to oblige that type of scenario.
I agree that women are usually trying to discourage the wrong attention or attention from someone we don't have interest in while men are happy to get attention at all in a general social situation, but that's social conditioning. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:48:37 PM |
It's thinking like this that makes all women want to stop doing anything because every thing to this guy is a signal that she/we want him.
Hey, don't blame the messenger I didn't conduct the survey or publicize the results!
Frankly I couldn't tell if a woman shaved her legs or not, I don't get that close! (last time I did she called the bouncer on me hehehee I"M KIDDING!!!!)
SOrRy, sailerwoman, your guys are lying to you. I don't care WHO gives the compliment or if they want them to be interested or not, there are probably only 4 men in North America who secretly doesn't relish a compliment of ANY kind from a woman. The only compliments most men wouldn't want are from homosexuals but to be honest (there's another story here but I'll save it for another time) I was once shanghai'd into meeting a woman at what turned out to be a gay bar and a guy tried to pick me up. I wasn't offended, I was flattered! | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:52:17 PM | SOrRy, sailerwoman, your guys are lying to you.
Excuse me? But what the Hell are you referring to with this?
And when did the topic become about men accepting or wanting compliments?
EDIT: No, I didn't say my men friends don't like getting compliments. I think you have a female language issue going. But I have plans this evening so I'm leaving. You be sure to come back here and copy and paste where I said that my male friends do not enjoy compliments and I'll address it when I get home.....or? Sometime tomorrow. | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:57:57 PM | SOrRy, sailerwoman, your guys are lying to you.
Excuse me? But what the Hell are you referring to with this?
you said your male friends dont' like getting compliments......I said they're lying to you and explained why. It isn't rocket science!!!! | |
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| Decoding the Female Language
Posted: 8/15/2009 2:46:16 PM |
This has been an interesting topic since I have started dating again.. I am always amazed how women try to send "hints" to us men, automatically thinking we will pick up on them.
These women must be sending very weak hints lol! When a femme_fatale sends you a hint it will be unmistakable and you won't even know it, all you will feel is your heart fluttering and you under a hypnotic trance lol! I have to admit I have done this a few times with astonishing results. There is a formula. | |
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Good for you rentahusband. I'm sure you made her day! And I'll bet if you were a fly on the wall you'd see her back at that store often, scanning the parking lot!
All the more because you didn't take advantage of her pleasure and jump right in. I know, I know, there it is; the female language thing, but I'm willing to bet that if you saw her again, she would smile at you first.