| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/15/2009 5:06:22 AM | i prefer to meet people in real life at meets as you can see the personality and body language
people can be different on forums and in real life
some are less confident in real life
and some are more confident in real life
its like a person in a group who feels bolder with there real life friends and they act more confident but get them alone and then you see how different they appear to be..
he he..no wolf whistles when its a one to one and the good or bad side comes out in the open | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:02:59 AM |
I dont judge people from what they write here but I do get a feeling about someone if they post regularly.
So, no contradiction there, then!
No there isnt not really because each different situation there is no opinion on what somebody is like, I have no pre concieved opinion one what any of you would be like in realy life, apart from the feeling I might or might not like them | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:28:32 PM | I was a regular forum user on here uptil about a year ago, then real life and other stuff made me too busy, lol..
Anyway I do have a point to that intro! I got to know quite a few forumites in my time here and met up with quite a few at meets, aswell as other random drunken events :0) And everyone I met did seem to be like their online persona, EVERY one of them was lush, generous, genuine, great, witty and warm, just like their posts and profiles.
I dont agree with everyones opinions, but if we all agreed then wouldnt the world be a very sad sad place!!
I think you do become more experienced at judging peoples characters and personality traits as you spend more time in the 'virtual world', but that shouldnt necessarily mean that one should unfairly judge or alienate those that may have different morals, opionions, life experiences and so on
On another note, I wonder where all the 'oldies' are now? Dont suppose anyone knows if they kicking about under other profiles or diff names?? | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/15/2009 2:26:11 PM | I don’t think you can really judge somebody without being face to face with them. And it takes time, as people consciously and unconsciously hide things. You see a lot from people’s traits, and the way they engage with you. These forums are a slightly “false” environment; everybody is “performing” to some degree, that’s all part of nature.  | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/15/2009 2:37:42 PM | I think you can get a good idea about a persons character from what they have to say in the forums! I'd like to think that the people who read my posts will agree im a fun, witty kinda gal but that i can also hold a decent conversation about everyday issues when required...I'd much rather get to know someone who has entered into the forums at some point or other during their time on p.o.f than someone who hasn't bothered to look past the dating part of the site, as this shows (in my opinion) that they are more
likely to have a decent personality and will therefore keep you more entertained during a 1st date..... | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/15/2009 2:57:56 PM | I can't answer your questions as I've yet to met anyone from the forums.
From the dates I've been on from pof, I've exchanged a few emails beforehand which is similar to seeing what someone posts on the forums. It could be that they are pretending to be someone they're not or they could be genuine & are just themselves.
From my experience on a whole, the majority of people on here are genuine & you can usually suss out the ones who aren't.
And yes I agree with some of the previous posts that a different persona comes out online. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/15/2009 10:06:30 PM | I don't think the forums can tell everything about a person's true character. Like if someone is sarcastic and funny, you can't always tell that since they make you stick on topic in the forums on this site and not just make sarcastic banter to everyone's replies (a good thing on here). That means there's not as much of an opportunity to show that side in the forums. Likewise, someone could be very quiet in real life but you would never really know that if they post a lot in the forums. So in that sense I don't think the forums tell everything about a person.
On the other hand you can learn something about a person from what they post, probably a little more than just reading their profile. You can get a feel for how they think about certain topics and what their opinions are although it is possible for those to be masked by playing devil's advocate. So I think you can learn a little bit from the forums but you learn a lot more by meeting them in person. I've never met anyone from this particular site although I have from other sites and I've found that most people are who they say they are. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/16/2009 2:13:34 AM | I think the forums are an excellent way to judge someone, far more accurate than if you meet them in a more 'live' situation because when they post they do it in their true character as it is almost impossible to adopt a false persona that goes against your belief systems and sustain it over extended periods of time.
Meeting someone at say a POF meet you thought way a judgemental, racist bigot on line and thinking them to be an OK kinda person shows only that they are being more 'false' in that environment as they realise their behaviour would probably get them a thick ear or mean they had to spend the night on their own so they put on a false friendly face at those events.
If someone comes across as spiteful and nasty online then you can be pretty sure that that is the sort of person they are in real life which if you are fool enough to get to know them better will show through eventually. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/16/2009 2:40:31 AM | Showing a false persona on line is easier surely, than showing one in the real world?
A man can be a woman and vice versa, a bit tricky to show up at a POF meet in a trans-gender disguise (although some of the fancy dress photos I've seen might prove me wrong  )
A typed response can be amended, re-worded, scrutinised before pressing 'send' so that it matches the false persona, not so easy in the real world to press 'edit'.
This reminds me of a lady I once met at a chat meet, on-line she was the proverbial Rottweiler, in reality ............ a sweet little white haired Granny, who wouldn't say 'boo to a goose'.
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/17/2009 6:23:20 AM | i think the forums gives u an in site to how someone thinks no different subjects and so what they are like im real life.
On the other hand if its a thread that is mostly banter, then that is people just being the opposit to what they are as its fantasy and made up most of the time.
But on the whole if u follow someones posts im the forums then u do get a good idea of what some one is like. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/17/2009 6:56:05 AM | When a thread is started and it can be a contentious issues I often think about what the main forumites might think and out as their response and more often than not they put what I think they will and shows consistency of train of thought and makes them more genuine in my eyes and therefore quite a good indication of character.
Their ethics, morals, religion, beliefs and political views come across and the fibre of their character but that doesn't always show their personality, type of person they are in a tight spot, their loyalty and all the things that makes a person who they are.
Forum posts should be used as an indicator and insight into a person but the only way you will truly know what they are like is to meet them. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/17/2009 7:24:03 AM | | I can usually tell if I will like someone based on how they post. I know what I do and do not like/accept in a personality so if that aspect keeps repeating itself in their posts I'm pretty sure my initial instinct was right. Why people would go to the bother of a fake persona acting in a way that is not typical of them on a site made for getting to know people seems somewhat strange to me. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:02:31 AM | To me it's all about 'sufferability' (I think I just made that word up!).
If a person who posts on these forums comes across as insufferable, be it due to opinion or the style of communication, then I'm sure that they would be insufferable in 'real life'.
Hypothetically if I met someone from these forums that I had in some way clashed with or noticed clashing with other people, and that person was charming and pleasant towards me, I doubt that my opinion would change.
The person may or may not be a 'keyboard commando', but the very fact that he or she demonstates 'attitude' in one aspect of their life would mean that they wouldn't be 'my cup of tea'.
I know people in real life who are hard working, moral, law-abiding, polite,kind to animals etc that I still find 'insufferable'
To offer a fictional example, it would be Margo from The Good Life.
To go out on a limb and risk being hoisted by my own petard, I wonder if Karl Poppers maxim/ theory/ whatsit applies. In that we can never prove who is going to be sufferable to us but we can prove who will be insufferable to us. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:16:26 AM | I think it's a fairly reliable was to evaluate someone, particulalry over the space of a few posts, as like in real life, putting on an act is possible, but maintaining it over the "long haul" certainly isn't !!
The snag is, you have to float in an out of the threads to be able to make this call !! | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/17/2009 11:59:21 AM | It isn't a bad way, i prefer to stalk, errr, i mean learn about people from the forums as opposed to their profiles.
As for 'judging' people. Nah, i might be judging some chick harshly who happens to have the decorators in, or judging some fella who's just found the Woman he's been chatting up for weeks now, is in fact a shemale.........Not that there's anything wrong with being a shemale, but if its something you wasnt expecting, then it might annoy you quite a lot.
Him Yeah!! look at me on cam baby! and look at me showing you my Man bits!!
Her? Yes, i can see that, its very nice, but mines actually bigger than that
Him Grrrrrr i'm angry now because you hid something important from me, i'm off to the pof forums to talk about subjects, but i'm angry, so whatever i talk about will reflect this
Her? Ok
See what i mean?
I'm here for a laugh, and to check out Girls boobs. So far its working well  | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/17/2009 3:20:03 PM | well when it comes to mates from here, there are 2 blokes who i do consider to be mates who i met and are completely different to what they come across as on here.
I am not going to mention names but one is a total teddy bear in the real world, a really nice bloke and although we have had a few barneys in our time (thats arguments, not 3somes with men called barney) we are still mates although we dont email as much as we should.
The other is literally one of the most fascinating, interesting people i have ever met.
We are only mates but im so glad i met them both, i really am. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:33:15 AM | It has been said that to truly know someone then you have to live with them. I believe this to be true with regard to 'fully' knowing someone.
(for this statement to be true however it needs to take into account both the individual's honesty and openness and the partner's ability to analyse and 'read' the person.... eg a person who lives with, what turns out to be a murderer: the murderer has not been truthful and the partner was unable to have noticed this 'flaw' in his/her character!).
However, I digress....
How is my character assessed by others? well, it would depend on who those 'others' might be.
Someone who has never met me (eg. POF member) or an aquaintance, work colleague, friend, ex-wife, women friend, daughter(s), grandchildren.... they all will be able to 'judge' my character to a certain degree but each will be different in their interpretation of my character.
Why? because I am (a little) different to each of them. The dynamics between us is different. There will be some commonality but it doesn't encompass 'all' my character.
I make use of this Forum in order to exercise my brain. The current financial situation has resulted in a downturn in work and I find myself sometimes sitting in front of my computer with little to do. I then will pick up on a thread that interests me (95%+ don't) and contribute to it. It helps keep my brain active.
My style of writing might, I daresay, make me come across as pompous, arrogant and possibly humourless. Members are therefore likely to draw conclusions with regard to my character. But, would they be right (or accurate) in doing so? I would strongly suggest that they'd be totally wrong to do so because, for example, they'd have ignored the fact I've earnt a living as a professional, and semi-pro entertainer for 40 years. They haven't taken into account my ability to surprise, to smile, to laugh and to have fun with friends, colleagues, daughters, grandchildren etc. etc. etc.
No, to reliably judge someone's character requires more than just reading the written word (it's already been discussed thousands of times how the most innocent of words are (mis)interpreted).
You will certainly be able to judge some aspects of a character, but definitely not all. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:04:04 PM | It's cool, better than most forum's to learn what someone is like as you can see their profile too.
Negative snidey remark's or post's are still like anonymous greasy little kid's leaving negative comment's on you tube, when you disagree with them they're gonna get all Chuck Norris on yer ass.
Chance's of meeting someone in your area you fancy on these forum's is miniscule at best | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:30:06 PM | | I think we can get a glimpse of a person,s character from the comments they may make on the forums but not the whole character unless we have actually met them and got to know them.I dont judge a book after i have read just a few pages.I need at least a chapter to see if it grips my interest.The trouble with the internet is people can be who they want to be.A shy person can become confident,a quiet person can become loud,a mild mannered person can become assertive etc and that is the character we see yet is may not even be the real them.We only find that out if we ever get to meet them. | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/18/2009 4:00:40 PM | I've changed my mind. The forums are totally crap for trying to judge a person's character. Do not even begin to go there! Trust me........it's all lies designed to reel you in like a spider catching a fly......or even a fishy person trying to fix the holes in their fishnet stockings only to discover that they're supposed to have holes in them! Their words will just chew you up and spit you out like a filleted sardine. Are the forums reliable for judging a person's character. Are they heck as like!!  | |
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| How reliable are the forums for judging someone's character?
Posted: 8/19/2009 11:21:38 PM | Please, people! On-topic!
I know I come over as very schoolma'am-ish
So let me prove it!
Please remember that:
a) we all see entertainment in different ways. Some like to debate with chat and jokes, some like deep debates, some dislike other poster's composing styles, some (IMO) get too personal over typos and poor written English without knowing anything about any difficulties the poster concerned may have with writing. Why not accept people as they are - which is what this topic is about - and either judge them or not on their character as shown in the forums? If you don't like them, do as you would do in real life - walk away! If you don't like the way the thread is going, as long as the rules are being followed, walk away. The PoF rules forbid personal attacks on posters - whether by naming-and-shaming or by casting general aspersions. Debate the posts, not the poster.
b) this is not a place for chat. If you want to chat, I am afraid that PoF rules require you to go elsewhere on the 'net.
c) I am not privy to personal mails between other posters, but if "you" are breaking PoF rules for the forums, then you should expect to get reported, deleted or otherwise chastised.
The nature and rules of these PoF forums do in some way restrict the amount of one's character that can be displayed for others to make a judgement call - but for me, those rules are what make this a safe place to debate - does that make my character cowardly and timorous?
Probably. | |
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