| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/17/2009 7:45:19 PM | "You guys date for awhile, the sex is good and you guys (mostly you) talk marraige> he says sure baby whatever makes you happy."
Nope, he brought up marriage.
"Time goes by and you start talking new house (mainly you) and he says sure baby whatever makes you happy."
Strike 2 - He wanted to buy a house when we moved to his new station. I suggested base housing. Granted, I should have stood my ground and rented first... he kept saying we could swing it.
"Conversation scenario repeats again and again. His requests are met with a different tone are most times pertaining to sex, going out with the boys and golf (substitute many other man activities) The words Sure baby whatever makes you happy are rarely heard from."
*annoying buzzer sound* wrong again! He was not denied sex, other then when he was too drunk to perform. And yes I married him. Paid for that and then some. He went out with his buddies and took trips when he wanted. (sometimes two weeks after one of the kids was born) He had his "me" time and an attentive wife.
"Secondly (and this is where the slave part comes) He did agree to the house, he did basically give you cart blanche on everthing in it, and he did agree to let you have kids. He basically signed on - the slave tat was put on the moment he said I do."
We both "signed on". I never had carte blanche. Not even close. I worked my rear end off after he left the Navy (started while he was still in) and have ever since. LET me have the kids? Kids are a consequence of the sex I supposedly denied him. Yep, there was birth control... nope, it doesn't always work.
"Your end was to pick the right guy, keep giving him sex just like before you said I do and realize that if he doesn't miraculously transform into the miracle father/husband after the kid comes out its your fault.
Regardless of whatever he said before hand, his end of the conversation was influenced by his deep desire to keep having sex with you."
I did pick the wrong guy. Problem is, certain types are exceptionally good at picking mates to take care of them. Addicts, folks with certain issues. I was young, stupid and wanted to believe in him and us. I don't think he went into our marriage wanting to get a divorce and to end up abandoning his kids. That's what happened. We were both responsible for the divorce. We're both responsible for the children we created.
You do not know me from Adam. Yet, you've decided who I must be and how I must have acted. I have said time and time again I give kudos to the cp and ncp parents who do the right thing. TAKE CARE OF THEIR KIDS - in all aspects of what it takes to raise great kids. Deadbeat moms and dads are scum. The kids never asked to be born, and deserve the best from their parents. If you want to keep hating and tearing down everything you PERCEIVE as anything I remotely did wrong, go right ahead.
As far as me throwing him in jail? Any half aware adult knows how the laws are and further if you are even close to a moral person - you will move heaven and earth to take care of your kids. Many deadbeats can't even be bothered to send $20 a month. Man or woman and do right.
I was asked repeatedly at conferences what I wanted the hearing officers, etc to do - I told them I just wanted the kids' dad to work as consistently as possible and send what is fair. I never said - put him in jail. A judge did that after 11 years and constant effort on his part to not pay when he said he could not take a job because of a residency requirement. He couldn't move as his 2 stepsons are special needs and where he would have to move did not have services for them. Horse hockey - IDEA requires services for all special needs kids. If they are not up to par it's a parent's duty to fight until they are. The payments? It's pretty cut and dry - # of kids, cp income, ncp income look on the chart and there's the payment. Is it easy? Nope. It's not easy for either party - and it's especially hard for the kids. I haven't had luxuries to speak of the last 15 years but I'm fine with that. I've had something far more precious.
He had access to visitation and chose not to see the kids. They were ready every time he said he was coming. I sent him all of the info about their schedules and school info. The kids were encouraged to call their dad any time they wanted to.
You're doing a fine job of making yourself pretty clear and what your attitudes are. I'm not explaining myself to you any more.
vickvickvick - good, well thought out comments. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/17/2009 7:48:50 PM | "Man or woman and do right."
Should read man or woman up and do right.
Thought I read through and caught any errors. Sure there are more. :) | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:06:38 PM | Some people think that having children is nothing. Then they are faced with reality and don't want to be a parent. I sure as heck don't think they should have any custody. The people that would take their kids in the car and drink all night. The people that sat their kid in front of the tv and went into another room. The people that yelled and screamed at their child. The people that beat their child. No, there are many parents that don't deserve any kind of custody, but that doesn't reduce the fact that they should still help out financially.
My ex is going to the shore this weekend. It kills me how he hasn't done anything but pay child support. Too poor to help buy a car for his son, help with the car's insurance, buy senior pictures, and never ever has bought anything else. A big $20 for the kid's birthday.
There are lots of people struggling out there and I know that the people that care about their kids are the ones on this forum. I wish to all of you good luck | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:32:13 PM |
That is not true ! moms always got custody, unless they completely unfit.
It is true, but I do not think you understand the time in history to which I was referring in my post. I was speaking of the time of the Puritans. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/17/2009 9:23:02 PM | | Did you say the puritans ?! are you for real ?! back then,they didnt think woman were good for anything but having babys .and house work. If they spoke out of line ,they were beaten half to dealth.Cmon now we are talking about whats right and just and now.The fact is, woman wanted equal rights and you gotta take the good with the bad.I know thats harsh,but you know as well as I deep down its about time.If was in that position and I went late on one payment,my face would posted on the wall at the post office with big letters saying "DEAD BEAT DAD"well yess Alice there is such a thing as "DEAD BEAT MOM" . | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 4:06:14 AM | The kids never asked to be born, and deserve the best from their parents.
My blunt statements about life these days do not come from hate but you may be right in that I am trying to tear down what I see as this constant denial of ones own actions.
You see although you didn't fit the scenario I described, many will but you did a fine job of admitting you were young and stupid by picking and enabling what you describe as an alchoholic. My problem has always been why does it take multiple children for some to find out or even just one?
I won't touch the failing birth control issue, you believe what you want to about that.
I was older and stupid myself and should have followed my instincts but a good friend asked me if I loved her and I said yes, and here I am divorced.
What we have here is a current system that somehow dictates how someone should right by their children. It should be about morality and giving what they can but has turned into a vile hate creating monster that by your own words really isn't about what's best for kids anymore.
Triple V and I touched on nature vs nurture when it pertains to childcare and gender roles. You mentioned that people are struggling out there and maybe as a society we are getting closer to having the mere thought of having children regulated so that it is harder for anyone to just pop out as many as they feel like or for everytime the birth control "fails".
We have stepped out of the the natural world us humans and mother nature has kept our instincts to breed and perpetuate our species alive and well but unlike the animals of the wild the only thing that could possibly keep us in check about how many is money or what may soon come a sheer inability to feed them.
Shaniqua said it best here lately that are society is crumbling and much like the gladiators or the slaves being thrown to the lions we are seeing satisfaction by throwing our ex loved ones(?) into the pit too. I wonder if they'll be throwing out loaves of bread? | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:02:50 AM |
Did you say the puritans ?! are you for real ?! back then,they didnt think woman were good for anything but having babys .and house work. If they spoke out of line ,they were beaten half to dealth.Cmon now we are talking about whats right and just and now.The fact is, woman wanted equal rights and you gotta take the good with the bad.I know thats harsh,but you know as well as I deep down its about time.If was in that position and I went late on one payment,my face would posted on the wall at the post office with big letters saying "DEAD BEAT DAD"well yess Alice there is such a thing as "DEAD BEAT MOM" .
What are you going on and on about? I wasn't even speaking about dead beat parents. I never said it was wrong for mothers to pay child support or to go to jail if they didn't pay. Calm down, some of us agree with you. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 12:20:52 PM | | I think they were right to lock her up. I wish they would lock up more of the dead beat parents. How I see it, if nobody does anything to punish them, what will be the incentive for them to start paying? They can run around free and not pay support, or sit in jail and not pay support. Either way they don't pay. However, if they sit in the lock up for 6 months, they will have plenty of time to think about changing their ways, and will possibly act more responsibly when they are released. Is it a guarantee they will pay? No. But they will be more likely to pay after their punished (put in jail) than they are if they are never reprimanded. Think of them as overgrown irresponsible children. If a child refuses to pick up their toys, and the parent does nothing, the behavior continues. If the child is sent to their room for 30 minutes to think it over- they will be more likely to pick the toys up when they come out. If they don't and they get sent back to think it over, after a while they get the message that their irresponsible behavior will not be accepted. It's the same way with adults. The courts need to let them know that their kids need taken care of, or they will be setting in "time out" for 6 months. My oldest sons dad pays support when he feels like it. It's very irritating. If I refuse to supply my kids with what they need to live, I would go to jail for neglect...why should the NCP be any different? Isn't the child support meant to be the NCP's contribution towards the childrens necessities to live? So why should they be any different than the custodial parent? If they fail to pay, I think they should be charged with neglect (instead of non-payment of support). JMHO | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:01:16 PM |
If I refuse to supply my kids with what they need to live, I would go to jail for neglect...why should the NCP be any different? Isn't the child support meant to be the NCP's contribution towards the childrens necessities to live? So why should they be any different than the custodial parent? If they fail to pay, I think they should be charged with neglect (instead of non-payment of support). JMHO
That is an excellent point, about being jailed for neglect. I agree, the NCP should be held to the same stringent standard. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:22:04 PM | | Yes ,I agree also,If you dont feed your dog, You can go to jail for neglect ,what about the kids ? good point! | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:40:33 PM | | wait a minute! there are all kinds of reasons why one parent gets custody .ABUSE! might be one,and in that case, they took themselves out of the picture .The only ones that truly get robbed is the kids. Think about it ? | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 3:30:53 PM |
There should be no such thing as a ncp custody should be 50-50 joint no child support. The custodials always complain about child support but they are the lucky ones they get to raise thier child the ncp is just a visitor in thier child's life. The ncp may owe the custodial $$$ but the custodial parent robs the non custodial parent of thier kids childhood which is much worse.
 yes. custodial parents are just robbing ncps of their right to see their children. they go to court and fight to the death so that they get sole custody and the ncp gets limited visitation.
give me a break. couple split and most men assume that women will be the caregiver of the children (like you said it should be) and the couple makes arrangements based on their schedules and needs for visitation. we all know how things should be, but no one is going to stop child support because of the way things SHOULD be. the way that things SHOULD be don't reflect the way things ARE. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:55:56 PM | | Men are forced to agree to it, most men have no choice but to agree to it, do you really think all men want to be a weekend dad? yes some do , the fact is, alot of men have no choice and these poor **stards have to deal with the fact that some guy who might have different values is going to be part of raising his child to the extent ,this person might have more influence on his child than himself. due to the fact this person is around the child more than its own dad. truth be told, this dad might not have done anything wrong, it might just be parents growing apart( a good break up ,if there is such a thing)but in that sistuation the normal deal is ,mom gets kids,dad is forced to deal with it. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:03:58 PM |
it might just be parents growing apart( a good break up ,if there is such a thing)but in that sistuation the normal deal is ,mom gets kids,dad is forced to deal with it.
Some people who get divorced really should have tried harder to stay together, when they have children. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:50:00 PM | Quote: "Yes women are the primary caregivers to children especially babies and toddlers but if the dad wants to step up and contribute to raising them 50-50 after a divorce after the kid reaches a certain age he should be allowed to. No fit and loving parent should only be allowed to see thier kids only 4 days a month and a couple weeks in the summer. Keeping one parent away from thier kids is cruel and taking child support from them is extortion.
If one parent is happy being an every other weekend parent (men mostly agree to that)
then they should pay but not too much. Some woman get way too much money from thier ex's it's supposed to be child support not mommy support."
Child support is extortion???? Last time I checked it was money that the NCP paid to help his/her kids grow and thrive- it is meant to help cover a childs necessities. Whether the NCP pays support or not, they still have a right to see the child- as long as they are fit to do so. However, that being said, I stand behind my idea that non paying NCP's shouldn't face non payment of support charges- they should face criminal neglect charges. Maybe more non payers would step up and contribute towards their childrens well being then.
Whether or not a NCP wants to be active in his/her childs life physically and emotionally has nothing to do with financial responsibility. They still helped produce the child, and that child needs necessities to live. Do you realize just how as*anine your post sounds? You can't base the amount of child support paid on how many times the NCP decides to see the child each month. If they did, the CP could deny visits to NCPs who pay nothing. It's the same basic idea of your deranged thinking- that Support and visits should be tied together. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/19/2009 5:34:44 PM | Not that it makes me anymore of an expert than any one else, but I got custody of my kids 9 years ago and have never received child support from their mom. There have been times when it would have been helpful, but she always had a reason for why she couldn't help. Most revolved around the fact that I made more money than she did. I had consulted laywers on a couple of occasions, but each time I was told that I would spend more money trying to get child support, than I would receive from her.
Would I trade custody of my kids for some money? Absolutely not! Would it make things easier for the kids? Absolutely! | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/19/2009 5:50:52 PM |
Not that it makes me anymore of an expert than any one else, but I got custody of my kids 9 years ago and have never received child support from their mom. There have been times when it would have been helpful, but she always had a reason for why she couldn't help. Most revolved around the fact that I made more money than she did. I had consulted laywers on a couple of occasions, but each time I was told that I would spend more money trying to get child support, than I would receive from her.
Would I trade custody of my kids for some money? Absolutely not! Would it make things easier for the kids? Absolutely!
Why doesn't the mom have any custody? | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/19/2009 5:57:45 PM |
I believe that a child needs both their parents
I guess others don't agree with you if we're willing to throw people in jail over money. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:19:51 PM | Quote: ""I believe that a child needs both their parents"
I guess others don't agree with you if we're willing to throw people in jail over money."
I believe a child needs both parents. They need both parents to be there for them, to spend time with them, to be their for them emotionally.....and they also need both parents to help support them financially. A child can't live on air. If a NCP isn't willing to help put food in their childs belly, clothes on their childs back, and a roof over their childs head- then they need to sit in jail. A parent that refuses to pay support for their child(ren) is guilty of neglect in my eyes. It's not throwing them in jail "over money", it's throwing them in jail for neglecting the basic needs of their child. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:31:44 PM | [I guess others don't agree with you if we're willing to throw people in jail over money.]
What exactly do you propose we de to those who don't pay their child support? Trying to enforce payment without any type of penalty is pointless. I am not saying putting someone in jail over non-payment is the answer, because I don't really know if it is. However, at somepoint those who choose not to pay their child support must be held accountable. I agree with myladyshyanne, that it should be about essetnially neglecting your child by not paying, not about the money. | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:11:39 PM |
A parent that refuses to pay support for their child(ren) is guilty of neglect in my eyes.
In my eyes, support orders are punitive.
It's not throwing them in jail "over money", it's throwing them in jail for neglecting the basic needs of their child.
So then shouldn't they be required to prove the basic needs of the child are/were not being met? I don't recall anything in the story referring to such conditions. What I read stated that she was thrown in jail for owing over $29,000. I believe $29,000 will far exceed any basic needs those children have at this very moment in time, and would seriously limit her ability to provide any basic needs those children would have in her own home were she to be forced to pay it all immediately.
If it's about the children, then wouldn't it make more sense to take the money the government is wasting on locking her up in jail and actually providing that to the children? Instead of spending countless thousands of dollars to house this woman in prison for however long she'll be there, why didn't they just take that money and pay her arrears so that the children (you know, the people who all this tomfoolery is supposed to be helping) could have their "basic needs" met? Nope! We'll throw that money away because somewhere out there is a huge group of malicious people who will be so friggin happy that someone got what was coming to them. Pure genius! | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:55:20 PM | | Ok , how about this then , we stop making TV ,books and any other type of recreation avalible for people who are supposed to be punished for breaking the law, and then it wont cost so much to put these people away, or how about we just it for them, yeah that sounds good ,take my tax dollars and pay some dead beats bills,THATS pure Genius ! how about this , stop crying about what it cost to put these people away and get a clue !jail cost the same,wehter you rob a store or you steal a car, what difference does it make, you break the law(court order) you go to jail ! PERIOD. how about just paying for your responsabilty, even if you get unenployment, they give extra for child support, so just pay it ! You should want to make sure your child does not go without, what the hell is wrong with you people ! and everybody knows dam well ,(in an average family) that whatever the court orders you to pay, is a fraction of what it cost to raise that chid, SO just pay it! | |
|
| |
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/20/2009 3:29:44 AM | Yeah, its not the NCP fault ,its someone else' fault isn't it .its alwawys that way isn't it,its the fault of cp because they made a baby with a "trashy person"and they should get what they deserve.I'm sorry buts ,thats pretty messed up Shaniqua,please tell me you really dont think like that.Are one of these people who have to pay child support ,or what ?Oh thats right, your the person who said(on a different thread) if a guy brought kids into a relationship ,theres noway you would take care of them,you said "they have a mother". I think I know why your single ! | |
|
| Mom Jailed over child support
Posted: 8/20/2009 4:38:16 AM | Pot meet kettle, mddog.
You're not really going to say you never break the law now are ya mddog. Even just a little? Save the drama. You're just pissed at your ex.
The reason you might be a little upset is maybe some here are just too close for comfort when it comes to saying maybe you should have thought about the long term when getting involved with someone.
There's no magic ball that will tell you if they will bail when the going gets tough and there is nothing tougher than raising kids so the thought process when picking a sex partner should have little more care than just because that was all you could get or they were the only ones that would talk to you let alone sleep with.
You will not change the prison system a lot of the bleeding hearts that are responsible for that system are the same as the ones who got a lot of the laws of the family court system put in.
There is enough evidence to support the theory that our prisons do little to reform people so how effective do you think putting an ex in jail could be?
The arrears keep building and they get to eat meals with people who could start them on a whole new carrer path. I doubt their resolve to pay will increase when they get out and it will have cost you and everyone else twice.
Now you can explain to your children how got their parent thrown in jail and why do they have these new tattoos? Great dinner conversation.
Seems everytime a new thread like this gets started it just proves that we have come full circle and it isn't love that makes the world go round it is moat definetly money.
The sisties have come to a crashing end and we have consumed our way to where not everyone should have getting married or having kids on their list anymore.
It is becomming a priveledge and not a right. | |
|
Home
login 
