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Thread: Is "separated", married?

soulmate08

Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 51
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Is separated, married? Posted: 10/10/2009 5:15:08 PM
Anyway I would be interested to know what others (this means you Nana) think before I am once again required to don my Methuselah coat and begin the second round of quasi paternal talking to myself. Well... I would have to personally talk to him.. her.. before I'd advise them.. for various reasons... There are way too many variables.. in complex legal. relationships.. defacto.. or marriage... or long term.. ie the emotional/spirit comittment/attachment... is what I look for in a couple.. so marriage ..(or defacto) to me is more about that.. Having seen many relationships.. lets say marriages.. where this is not there... leaves their marriage as more a legal institution.. rather than an emotional one.. attachment.. Ie.. they could really dislike each other... living like seperate.. but in the same house.. (legal/bills issues)... etc.. some relationships are over years before they seperate.. finally.. I could give several egs of such relationships.... and when they did finally say..ok its officially over..... meet partners.. not long after.. they knew it was officialy over.. THey had in fact grieved.. the loss of the relationship.. the loss of love.. etc.. way before officially over..) These people.. had faced.. ./ experienced what they felt their relos lacked.. and knew more what they wanted in a partner.. way before it become official.. So determining.. this young mans.. very..very recent.. breakup?.... would for me depend on alot of factors.. relationship history.. how he speaks about his ex... children?.... mortgages etc....and his age... I personally was legally seperated.... ie on paper.. I wanted name off the mortgage.. of the bills etc... ... we did settlement.. sorted legalities.. .. except for the divorce.. Which didnt happen until about 12 years..later... why?.... various reasons.. but in noway.. we're we ever going to get back together... the divorce legal paper.. well. it wasnt really relevant.. we had legal papers.. disolving all partnership...we were in effect disolved through legal sources.. as quickly...as we could... So I would of been seperated.. If I had been on a dating site.... but.... as a label/term.. divorced in emotiona/lifestyle/connection/commitment.. He has a long term partner and at the time.. she wasnt fussed re the divorce.. because she didn't want to get married.. so.. Not knowing ages/circumstances etc.....In this case.... dunno.. But your young friend knows what she wants.... in a relationship..(which is good) and I see no reason why she should compromise that stance or waste her youth/time.. and possible emotional self to experiences... that may entangle/hurt her... when she could have........ herself available (emotionally.. lifestyle etc)to meet a partner.. who may fullfil.. her perceived needs/wants.. youth dosent last that long in hindsight.. wasting it on.. something.. that will only rob us of that.. ..well. why not enjoy youth.. with the one you .. want to be with for a happy relationship...For me once I'm in love.. even if the guy is not good for me... .. (youth sighs.. didnt know).. now I'm older.. falling in love.. is far different to youth.. and Im more aware.. and It would be quite ..not easy to do.. well for me... Why is he suddenly chasing her with more vigour?..... well age... circumstances.. character.... would .. have to be known..... If she is not overtly attracted to him...... and can be friends?..... then he might heal.. go romp/play.. whatever/.. he needs to do to heal....know what he wants in his future.. and more importantly.. What he dosent want... does he take responsibility for any mistakes he made in his relationship?....perhaps his ex.. had issues? or he did.. or they personally were not compatable... perhaps he has qualities she may never see in someone again?.... I can go years without seeing someone who interests me..... bUt some people can just have relationships/bond...fall in love.. with just about any body... Whether he chases her or not.. is neither here nor there.... what is.. for her.. Is her knowing what she wants and dosent want in life/partner.. me personally.. I ask seperated people.. questions to determine where they are at.... IM at a different life stage.. and would much prefer someone.. who is independant once again..and desires a companion... because it would enhance .. their happiness... not cause they cant stand being alone.. for eg.. or not in love with someone or hurt.. undealt with.. but thats my choice.. Maybe remind her.. that a protein is released into the bloodstream.. (measurable).. when someone thinks they are in love..... This protein.. starts to decline ... over the first 6 months... (coencidently.. this correlates with pyschology.. re... people are putting best foot forward.. etc.. in first 6 months.. but can't maintain that..(perhaps an old courting.. behaviour? so about 6 months.. the real... person starts to come out alot more.. over time...which is who you will see how a partnership might be over years.. perhaps.. IF she keeps this thought..and responses.. in 6 months.. It might look different?... besides if he really is everything she is looking for.. hormones etc aside... the connection will still be there in 6 months...Id probably give him a packed lunch.. tell him to go and play for 6 months.. then .. come see me.....(but she sounds slightly already attached?.. if she wasn't... then .... she already has seen signs.. he dosent want what she does.. different phases of life.... ya get that... if he had really already dealt with everything else.. otherwise theres a reason 12 month.. seperation before divorce.... would depend on him/his circumstances.. peace

Hilly1971

Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 52
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Is separated, married? Posted: 10/10/2009 5:23:38 PM
^^Ahh such wisdom! Alternatively she could just sit on his head until he submits to her will.....tends to work quite well I find.

Gem With Flaws

Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 53

Is separated, married? Posted: 10/10/2009 5:49:25 PM
Legally, separated is still married. Physically it depends on where they live and what the arrangements are. I am not divorced yet due to not 'lodging the paperwork' ... But I am well and truly NOT WITH HIM. Those that believe, do, those that do not, won't. People's reasons are individual, it just depends on how accepting you WANT to be. Remember .. It's FREE WILL

julianx

Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 54
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Is separated, married? Posted: 10/10/2009 6:01:18 PM
Alternatively she could just sit on his head until he submits to her will.....tends to work quite well I find Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too I love to hear you ORALIZE When I'm between your thighs You blow me away

scholar59

Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 55
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Is separated, married? Posted: 10/10/2009 7:46:30 PM
IF she keeps this thought..and responses.. in 6 months.. It might look different?... besides if he really is everything she is looking for.. hormones etc aside... the connection will still be there in 6 months...Id probably give him a packed lunch.. tell him to go and play for 6 months.. then .. come see me.....(but she sounds slightly already attached?.. if she wasn't... then .... she already has seen signs.. he dosent want what she does.. different phases of life.... ya get that... Thanks Nana, I think that this idea of sending him packing for six months to play and work out what he wants is a great idea. I don’t know how I am going to sell it but I suspect that saying “nana says” will prove more than a little helpful; after all I know nothing. It is just not a good idea to have someone hanging around forming a bond with a young child if he can’t decide if he is serious or not. Anyhoo... I was just going to tell her to make him her booty call and see how it goes, though I suspect that if she does send him packing for six months this is how it will work out anyway. You know what the young’uns are like they can’t keep their pants on for ten minutes.

Naamah

Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 56
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Is separated, married? Posted: 10/10/2009 9:06:08 PM
I was just going to tell her to make him her booty call and see how it goes Absolutely not! Booty call candidates can only be those one does not want anything more from, as a mutual feeling. If she wants more from him then she in fact becomes his booty call, which is entirely different. Longing, topped up with with orgasmic surges of oxytocin, combined with a partner who has no real reciprocal interest can cause stabbing pain to the heart of the female human. If these things were bottled substances sold in chemists they would carry labels with known contraindications explained in capital letters. They would also be placed on shelves beside herpes creams, because it sounds like he's basically set the paramaters that permit himself to also shag whoever else he wants. That's entirely his business of course, but it doesn't sound like she'll appreciate it much. But one thing I would say Scholar...this young lady has probably already decided what she is going to do, and nothing you or anyone says will change that. If she is going to keep seeing him, she will be texting him with seconds of nodding sagely about your advice to steer clear. Stand back and let nature take its course...help her pick up the pieces at the end.