| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/21/2009 6:09:39 AM | | Yeah I'd be tired of it too. Waiting around is the hardest part. I work at home when someone brings me a pc or needs help with a cell phone so it makes it harder to meet people. Having a regular job would help a little. Oh and meeting someone in college unless they are over 25 wouldn't make a very good pic. Most of them are still partying and when ya have kids that's something pretty much not doable. I've been hating the day by day life but I get to spend more time with the kids. 4 of mine are in school and the youngest one might get o start in jan but I'm not sure. So I get to enjoy alot more time and I don't miss out on much. It takes time to find the right one. So live life to the fullest with the kids while you don't have to spend the extra money to show a woman a good time. | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/21/2009 6:28:24 AM | | Well from me I can offer alot. And one big thing I can offer but that is if the one I meet isn't able to have kids of her own. I have met several that could not have their own kids cause of medical reasons. I may not be rich and if money is the only reason they want to go out with someone then they are a very shallow person. Money isn't worth more then love. So there is still alot to offer even if we have so many kids. And just because we have kids doesn't mean that we can't find someone that wants to be good friends and then maybe more later on. Heck they could even have a kids of there own and that won't bother me one bit. But so far it still hasn't worked out. Oh and some men can't offer family values like men that have kids. | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/21/2009 6:55:17 AM | It is certainly going to be a deal-breaker for some, but not for others. You just have to pass along the ones that aren't interested and continue to pursue someone else.
One thing you have to realize, we ALL have deal-breakers of some kind. Example, I have had my tubes tied and can not, nor do I want to have any more children. So, just as many that can not accept your situation often times can not accept that. I have had a number of times where that issues has stopped my conversations with someone dead in it's tracks.
So, don't be too hard on yourself. Also, just like you did here, when you tell someone that you have that many children, make it clear that you only have them 1/2 the time, and maybe they will see that there will still be plenty of opportunities for adult time with you!
Good Luck!!! | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/22/2009 7:16:47 PM |
think that nearly everybody who has either dated or been in a relationship with someone thqat has kids, ot considered it at least, fully realizes that it is a package.
It is whether someone WANTS that whole package, or not.
Its not hard to find someone who minds kids, but surely you realize you have MORE kids than the average single parent. Were not talking 1,2, or even 3 lil' ones here, its 5.
And surely there will be a lady out there who doesnt mind 5 kids, and she will be brought to you when the time is right.
BTW,are you spending time with these 5 kids? My 2 leave me plum exhausted, working, going to school, and traveling all at the same time, psshh i'd rather sleep or get laid during what very little free time i have. Absolutely i am , cherishing every second that i have... I split my schooling up accordingly and take 3-6 months off occasionally and have them even though they live down the road from me. Thank you for the confidence and support , you are correct as she is out there :) | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:47:21 PM | | I thought I'd share my story with you. About 5 years ago I met a guy with 4 kids. Wasn't thinking, fell in love. I never had a relationship with anyone with kids before, and since the kids weren't there all the time, figured it can't be a big deal. Then 8 months later we got married. I think in this case every divorced family with kids work differently, ours had the kids every single week, at the beginning I just had to ask for a weekend and we got it, but after a year or so, I pretty much had to beg for it. My main problem came from the fact that I couldn't even go through a normal dating cicle and after that I felt more like a maid and a babysitter than someone my husband has time or even wants to spend time with. Our other problem was my husband's financial irresponsibility, but here that's not the main issue. Talking about feelings someone who becomes a part of a ready made family will feel like an outsider trying to prove herself. I feel like I did everything for my husband and my kids that I could, I love all of them from the bottom of my heart, but I wanted to feel like a wife now and then. Now, I'm getting divorced because I couldn't handle the neglect that I felt and all my husband saw is that I didn't want the kids around. He's divorcing me and now he's acting like I was infected with a deadly virus, can't even be around me or call me, when on of the kids had to go to the hospital. I still keep in touch with the kids taking them here and there and they love me too. I can't talk in general, but if you find someone, and you see her doing things for you and the kids, appreciate it very much. And most of all, go the a bookstore and read everything that you can find about families like this so her behavior wouldn't surprise you. And be honest how you feel about being away from your kids. My husband never opened up to me about really important things, and at the end he left me alone, no talking at all. So this is my story, I'm not saying this will be the case with you too, but if you find someone appreciate her very much, because from her part there's going to be a big sacrifice. | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/25/2009 7:14:02 PM |
Well from me I can offer alot. And one big thing I can offer but that is if the one I meet isn't able to have kids of her own. I have met several that could not have their own kids cause of medical reasons.
This would depend, among other things, on the children themselves, and the woman. Some children are not as accepting of a step parent as others. Obviously it depends upon the chemistry of the single parent, the children, and the new person. | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/27/2009 3:52:40 PM | | It's just about impossible to get back into the dating seen. But after monday having my exwife served papers to take her to court cause of child support I don't want to really try dating again. I keep two my kids all the time, pay the child support and take care of them with my own money. The exwife has never helped me with money as per out divorce papers. I don't want a replacement mother but someone to be there for me when I need someone. They ahve to understand my kids will always come first but just because I have kids doesn't mean I would ever ignore her if I cared that much for her. I've had a rough life and winning the battle with cancer it is even more important that I spend as much time as I can with the kids. If I meet someone then great. If I don't that's fine too. I've come to realize that even if you are honest with someone and treat them right that if you do what you have to do to be sure they are taken care of with their wants and needs that it doesn't always work. I used to always put my lady first but when I would work two jobs to take care of things it would never be enough. One day I will find someone that will take me as I am and accept my kids as well. | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/28/2009 7:25:07 AM | | DJ, I can't say I understand your side of things but on the flipside let me share some experiences with you. I grew up in Utah ande was raised mormon. I no longer practice but still have many ties to the church. Part of those ties have been to consider dating Mormon women. As I have gotten older I have found that most mormon women if they are single are divorced at my dating age and usally have at least two kids. I was really interested in one gal but she had 5. I just could not do it. I want a family of my own and her kids were just plain odd too not to mention the number. And she was really cool about it all not acting overprotective or weird at all. She was actually a really ausome person that I totally would have dated otherwise. Hers is a package deal and while it is hard enough to find someone you are compatible with and then decide if you even want children the 5 kids really stacks the odds against you. It is a reality. I am in school and in one of my classes on business ethics I learned that if a business is going to go into business for money or any other reason for benefit they must also be willing to accept the burdens of that decision if it does not work out. I am sorry about your ex. You seem to have a lot going for you. I can give you some reccomendations for mormon dating website. LDSplanet.com LDSlinkup.com where you could maybe find other women who have children and a lot of them. There may be some die hard catholics out there with large families and that may be an option for you too but that is what I would suggest. Good luck. | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/28/2009 7:56:36 PM | Just cause I've had a long week and I'm really tired of pompous men.
[I recently just got out of a relationship with a woman that was 21 with 1 kid and she was the world to me and them but things went south because eventually after almost 8 months of dating , her inexperienced standards couldn't keep up with my high lifestyle and goals so we went our ways.]
Too funny.. her inexperienced standards..
High lifestyle..
Gag!!
Five kids I could handle but that!!! | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:10:31 PM | | I think it makes it hard, I also have 5 kids and I don't think I will ever date until they are out of the house. For the same reason and more. I don't want a wacko guy around my kids, I don't want to be one of those moms who date a bunch of people because they think they can handle 5 kids and then spend a few days with us and figure out how hard it is. The list goes on and on. I will throw this out there, don't look for someone to date, look for play dates for you and your kids and then maybe you'll meet Ms. Right and you guys can be like cheaper by the dozen, that's my hope anyways. What ages are your kids? | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:35:08 PM | | I can say that its not your kids that are a turn off.... me myself want as many as i can have and love kids..... what would turn me away is the split custody.... lol dont get me wrong they need there mother... but man ....im tellin you it aint worth trying to go into a relationship were you might be hated by the kids but hated by there real mother.... thats the hard part ... i say good luck to you | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 9/15/2009 8:52:43 AM | You shouldn't be astonished by this.
I Have to say I wouldn't date a guy with 5 kids. I can understand divorcing after one if the marriage wasn't working out.....but after 5? Divorce doesn't happen overnight and I would have to wonder why it took 5 kids for you to figure that out.
That sounds harsh but from my point of view... in a relationship, I would be the one to have to pay for everything... then if, Gd forbid, we were ever to get serious - all your efforts would be to your 5 kids and not me. Chances are you wouldn't want any more kids... so once again - it is all about your kids.
You can have all the goals and ambitions in the world but right now, it seems as though you have been making poor choices. Why didn't you go back to school before having 5 kids?
If I were you, I would take myself out of the dating scene for a while until you have the time to date and the ability to give to someone other than your ex wife and your 5 children. | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 9/22/2009 9:05:27 PM | | first...you should not be ashamed of having five kids...if it is from five different men...there is a problem or four different men...you get the picture...when you date you do not get your children involved...it is your social life...and it is something that you and your partner will enjoy...now if it becomes serious...what role will they play? how is it going to affect them? if you met a men and he had 10 kids from eight women...how would you react? you can have your own relaity tv show...kate and jon are moving on haha | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 9/23/2009 1:31:23 AM | I like that you actually tell people that you have 5 kids.
Some women don't ask, have sex with a dude, get pregnant, only to discover later that he has tons of kids.
So it seem you are taking responsibility in telling that you have some.
I have no problem with dating a guy with kids, but I really wouldn't want a man with more kids than I currently have - and right now you do. But that's not a deal breaker.
If I were dating you, I would have so many questions - because all in all I would never want to date a deadbeat dad. It's important to me that he is taking care of his kids with the financials if and when they need something and he needs to spend time with those kids too. I don't mind sharing a man with his kids.
But sharing income is another story. It would significantly reduce the amount of income into our household - and that's a fact no matter if you have a lucrative amount of income, middle class, or working class.
And the kids are all under 10? That's good and bad. Younger ones have an easier time adjusting to stepmoms, but kids over the age of about 7 are often resentful of steps - especially if there was anger and bitterness among the parents - and who wants to deal with that from multiple children?
Just some things I think about if I were dating you.
And my guess is that you also trying to date someone with little (2) to no kids - and they would probably fear dating you more than someone with your own large family. But you probably shy away from a woman who has as many kids as you do.
I wouldn't despair. The more attractive you make yourself look - degree, car, your own house, divorced - someone you want will come along. | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 9/24/2009 1:13:08 PM | Hi i am also a single dad with 5 kids ,,,,,,
i have full custody of all of mine....
and it is hard work and yes some do run when they find out how many kids you have got..but others take there hat of to me and say they dont know how i do it..
as crazy as it sounds i love it and i would not change it for the world...
as i say im looking for a freind for me not a mum for my kids...
my ex dont see the kids so ive become dad and mum to them...
which yes for some ...it is hard just to see past the 5 kids bit..
but if you do..you will see that most guys with alot of kids are worth looking at
;) thats my 2 pence worth...lol | |
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| Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene?
Posted: 9/25/2009 4:13:14 AM | | I completely agree, and I'm saying this because I know what you're talking about. And I'm divorcing a man with 4 kids because next to his kids I just didn't fit in the equation anywhere to spend time with. All he sees is that I wanted to forbid him to see the kids, although they were there every weekend. It was way too much work to keep everyone happy, while I got more and more depressed and neglected. | |
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