| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:08:11 PM |
I get urges for cheating on her, and its getting uncontrollable now, especially when she's not giving me any. (No she's not getting some herself...).
Sure she is. She is most definately getting some on the side but she is good enough to cover her tracks and make you believe that she isnt.
Her point is that, she wants to get married and then get down to this.
So she is exercising blackmail as well.
OP. Trust me, you do not want to travel down this road (or isle). | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/27/2009 2:34:25 PM | | If your on here that means you already are looking for a replacement. I think it's meaningless to wait yrs. till marriage who knows she may not even want to then...then your miserable. I think she has been using you for a stepping stone, do yourself a favor and find a girl that cares enough about you to have sex and you won't regret it otherwise your going to be wasting more of your time. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/27/2009 3:12:56 PM |
She admitted to me yesterday, what she called a hidden sin. She said that she has been saving her virginity, for the day we actually get married. She's actually afraid that once we have sex, the "special" part of our relationship would be gone and that I would not be attracted to her anymore. She tried to explain me logically that she can obviously not get married right now because of her school, another two years to go, and can't tell her parents that I proposed to her (btw, she does not put on the ring) because it would make matters bad with her family (as she's still at home).
I flatly do not believe a word of this. I believe you that she said it; I just don't believe her. Her stated reasons keep changing and none of them makes any sense. She also has no reason at all for not telling her parents you're engaged, not wearing the ring, and not marrying you now. This is all lies. I think what she is really hiding is something that actually is bad. I also think it doesn't matter anymore what it is, or why she's done this. Whatever is the matter with her is her problem.
As of right now, we have broken up. I'm a mess. So is she. I am not sure if this is a short term break up (as we have had quiet a few of those). But something tells me, this time, I'm going to stand up to my beliefs, I have sacrificed enough and its time for me to do what I think is right, which is to be in a relationship where what I think and believe in would also count.
'Bout time... everyone deserves that much. I'm sorry for your pain, but I also think that once you begin to heal you will look back on this and think, "Okay, she could be [whatever you love about her] and all, but WTF was I thinking letting someone mess with my head like that?"
Fortunately, you have plenty of living time in which to recover from that, too. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:30:03 PM | You are the only person to know whether you made a right decision or not cause you are the only one who's been through this situation.
For the best, I wish you could find anything left to do to make your relationship work because it must be a real love if anyone could sacrifice his/her own needs and urges for someone else's happiness for so long and true love doesn't come often.
But even when things don't work out the way you want them to be, if you were sure you did your best and you would know there's nothing else you could do about it, you could rest on the outcome peacefully.
No matter what happens, I want you to know that your love and sacrifice for her is so beautiful and special and not everyone can do that especially when most of the people take it for granted.
Wish you the best! | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:50:03 PM | If you truly love and respect her, you'll wait for her. What's more important to you....sex or spending the rest of your life with her? She seems to have morals and you need to figure out if you have that in common. What are your priorities? Maybe this is a true test of how much you really love and want to be with just her.
Cheating is just WRONG! If you have to cheat on her, just leave her (unless she's into you getting it on with someone else). Her feelings will be more hurt when she finds out you've cheated (and she will find out).
Good luck! | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:54:45 PM | Obviously she has priories. And one of those is to keep herself a virgin until marriage. If I were you, I would separate. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the person I'm with doesn't want to be physical with me either, especially after that long. But you can't blame her for having morals that she is sticking to. Not many people have them anymore, so it's refreshing to see that.
So all in all.
Dump her ass and go hump a goat or something. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:47:27 PM | Thank you all for your comments and responses. You all feel like a family now.
Btw, I have not even once cheated on her. I have had alot of chances but always put them down, because when I was with her, I dont know if it was loyalty or what, but I couldn't imagine myself doing something like that with another.
Time to move on. Time to let time heal things. I just have to focus and side track these feelings of wanting to get back. These keep coming but this time something is different, I feel alot more focused and stronger. I feel as if you all are backing me up and I'm 100% for the first time, doing the right thing, which I should have done a long time ago.
To those who have stood up for me, i.e. kuddlekitty above, thank you. I wasn't sure if posting a message on a forum was the right thing to do. But I knew I couldn't share this with anyone I know or anyone she knew, as I wanted to keep this private. Seeing how a few words from my heart poured on to a thread, resulted in so many of you folks getting the feel of my situation, and then further guiding me, is just undescribable.
Thanks to all of you from the bottom of my heart.
I am going to get up from this, sooner than later. Life is not over. One must stand up after falling, so shall I. I am going to focus and tell myself that I'm 28, I'm successful and professional, I'm decent looking, know how to smile with everything else frowning around me.
I can do this. I will move on. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:50:20 PM | What to do??? You can begin by telling the people whose opinion you are seeking i.e. the rest of us fishermen/women, the whole story. It is way too obvious to me that there is more to this than meets the eye. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:56:04 PM |
Time to move on. Time to let time heal things. I just have to focus and side track these feelings of wanting to get back. These keep coming but this time something is different, I feel alot more focused and stronger. I feel as if you all are backing me up and I'm 100% for the first time, doing the right thing, which I should have done a long time ago.
Sometimes people who are outside the situation can help you see it more clearly... the responses have run the gamut, that's for sure. I'm so glad this has been helpful for you.
To those who have stood up for me, i.e. kuddlekitty above, thank you. I wasn't sure if posting a message on a forum was the right thing to do. But I knew I couldn't share this with anyone I know or anyone she knew, as I wanted to keep this private. Seeing how a few words from my heart poured on to a thread, resulted in so many of you folks getting the feel of my situation, and then further guiding me, is just undescribable.
Wow. That's pretty great. I thought unique1011's response was particularly lovely, too, especially this part:
But even when things don't work out the way you want them to be, if you were sure you did your best and you would know there's nothing else you could do about it, you could rest on the outcome peacefully.
Looks like you're getting to that point, eventually anyway. Easy it isn't, but I believe she's right that that will be a comfort to you. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/28/2009 3:59:54 AM | I would do some heavy thinking about this relationship. Sometimes, this attitude is covering up a fear of intimacy or sexual problems yet at others, someone has a strong value system about not having sex before marriage. I am betting it's the former. Four years is a long time to be in a relationship without having a sexual contact. I personally would never marry someone unless I had experienced what someone was like sexually many times, because you don't know what you're getting! I am guessing that she has extreme fears of intimacy and sexuality. Since your needs are not being met, end the relationship! I doubt you would have these problems with other women in today's world.
The other issue to explore is that perhaps, at some unconscious level, you're comfortable with this setup. That would be an issue to explore with a therapist.
Judith | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:04:37 AM | Run like heck.
This woman has extreme problems and will probably NEVER have a decent relationship without therapy. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:18:21 AM | | I agree, and i think she is using morals to avoid having sex with you. She is probably seeing another guy on the side and will eventually dump you. Get rid of her and give her a taste of her own medicine. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:55:34 PM | So, its been 3-4 weeks since we broke up.
In 2 weeks, the girl that I thought was very reserved, is seen going around with another guy. Generally I would never assume things, but this girl I have known for many years. If she's going out to malls with a guy, it means he's more than a friend.
I was pretty shocked.
I called her one of the nights, about a week and a half, or two ago, asked her point black who the guy was, and she told me "its none of your business".
Apparently, the guy she's dating makes $150k a year, drives a mercedes.
She's already moved on and so will I. For about 7 days, I did not go to work, stayed home, slept around 16 hours a day, with no intention of getting out of bed.
Now, I dont give a shit. Infact, her doing so, has actually given me this push, which I think I needed, to finally let her out of my system. I thought it would take me a year to get over her, but final blow hurt so bad, that I dont want to care about her anymore.
Its time to make room for friends again.
Its time to start enjoying life, its never too late, c'mon, I'm only 28, right? | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:47:41 PM | | If she is 18 she is an adult. If she still is tied to mom and dad there is a problem. I raised a son, went to university and worked full time. She is obviously not all there. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:58:16 PM | never waste time with a woman that cares about your feelings like
she cares about the obits.
Only trouble down the road.
Littlebear
............ | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/14/2009 8:05:22 PM |
4 YEARS!!! 4 YEARS!!! omg 4 YEARS you say?? i think you need outside help.
Ditto.
OP, give your head a shake.
You must have the hairiest palms ever.... | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/14/2009 9:37:42 PM |
give your head a shake.
You must have the hairiest palms ever....
Doesn't one kind of imply the other?
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/14/2009 11:28:41 PM |
In 2 weeks, the girl that I thought was very reserved, is seen going around with another guy. Generally I would never assume things, but this girl I have known for many years. If she's going out to malls with a guy, it means he's more than a friend.
LOL man.
Seriously, I feel for you and all, but you deserve it for sticking in a pointless relationship (no sex, bad communication, her disrespecting you) for 4 years. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/15/2009 1:52:02 AM | you know i wonder.
why do people (women especially) think that sex is disrespectful?
women always say i don't want to disrespect my body with sex but why is it disrespectful?
i don't think sex is disrespectful unless the person that is having it with you is disrespectful.
thoughts? | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/15/2009 6:21:32 AM | That's the thing about life, it can be as unforgiving a teacher as any prof. So you were with her 4 years and no sex?
She cried quiet alot and in that very conversation had suggested that we would like have to have sex. and that she does not want me to loose attraction towards her. To my surprise, the very next day, she told me that she cannot have sex, she is not ready...
Either she was a good actor and doing some other guy behind your back or she wasn't ready to sew her wild oats just yet and wanted the security of being with you as a friend. You were on the friends ladder and didn't know it. From what she's done since the break up it could be a little of both. Point is just because someone looks very reserved means absolutely nothing within the realm of sex. There are men and women with very insular, very strict and conservative upbringings who at some point in their life rebel against all that. It could be when they're 16,18, could be when they're 48. You just never know.
Point two of all this is learn to recognize the warning signs with someone else, things that make you uncomfortable, give you an uneasy feeling. Do this so you do not go out and find another woman just like her, which is what a lot of people would do. Some people will continue to make the same mistakes in relationships and wonder why things don't improve.
It's only too late when they're shoveling dirt over ya. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/15/2009 6:41:21 AM | | I got married the last year and half of my college years...so I don't understand why you guys could not do that otherwise it is ridiculous to expect someone to wait that long... | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:14:17 AM | | hahaha! sorry man but i just cant help myself. it's not like you are both 15 (unless shes a genius, 15 yrs old and already taking her masters degree). unless she's actually a woman trapped in a man's body. ok, kidding aside, you both seem to be responsible adults. if her reason has something to do with religion, then i cant really help you. you can ask god. if it's getting pregnant that she's worried about, then use a condom. yes, you are both in love and are both respectful towards each other. she has her wants. so do you. both wants should be respected. talk to her. and ask what her real reason for abstinence is. if you really cant take it anymore, then you could suggest to her a cooling off phase. no responsibilities towards each other. both will be given the opportunity to ask yourselves what is it you really want. or if you both really want each other. and if you both do, one has to make a sacrifice here. the question is who. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:22:46 AM | | This thread is depressing. I think I'll go hang out at the "three day rule" forum. | |
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