| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:39:29 AM | OP, perhaps she's just using you. My guess is that once she's finished school, she's going to dump you. I'd also guess that you're the classic "nice guy" - and we all know that nice guys almost always lose out.
The advice to break it off, have a life and date, and see how you both feel when she's done with school seems good to me. I'd add one more guess and say that when that time comes, you won't be the least interested in getting back together with her.
Good luck. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:47:13 AM | I am all for virginity, but expecting a young man to wait 6 years is NUTZ.
The fact that she laughs at your situation makes me wonder what the HECK is she thinking.
I would show her your post and see her reaction. If there is no change, I would get rid of her now, before you get married and divorced. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:50:13 AM |
Interesting, so you argue that we're the weaker sex because we don't rape women we are sexually interested in? Or because we respect women enough to let sex go on her timeline to make sure she's comfortable? Self control or willpower? My girlfriend views POF forums all the time, send her a message, she was PISSED at how long i waited.
I didn't say you were the weaker sex...I said you are claiming you are if you lack the self control and will power to abstain...
Yes it would have, but the difference is HE DIDN'T and YOU DID. He put YOUR needs before his own, and you put YOUR need to feel in control or have your "beliefs" intact over HIS physical needs. He sacrificed because he loved and respected you. To label wanting physical intimacy as "selfish" is ignorant as f*** when HE was the one that was sacrificing to make YOU happy
Ahh yes...he made "sacrifices" to make me happy...and guess what ...I made similar sacrifices in other ways... and afterwards I made up those those sacrifices a million times over... to the point he still continually bangs on my door hoping I'll let him back in!!!!! Having certain beliefs doesn't make you selfish...it makes you strong...!!
I can guarantee he did feel you were being insensitive to his needs. Would he tell you? I can also bet he'd tell me over a beer that he thought it was too long to wait
Lmao...yes he'd tell me, he was aware of how hard it would be and he made the choice...he knew I was worth it...!!!! I guarantee you he'd say the same thing to you over a beer...lol...  | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:53:27 AM | | Wow. A six year relationship with no sex. Pretty patient of you, OP, to say the very least!! Sex is obviously not an important part of her relationship with you and the fact that she'll laugh at you when you explain your feelings about the situation would lead one to believe that, even after marriage, it would continue to not be that important to her and she would continue to laugh at you as she continues to control this situation and likely other situations you are faced with. If you feel you want to live that type of existence, which many men have wound up dealing with, good on you. Personally, I think you'd have just as satisfying sex life married as you are right now. Good luck with that. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:59:29 AM |
Ahh yes...he made "sacrifices" to make me happy...and guess what ...I made similar sacrifices in other ways... and afterwards I made up those those sacrifices a million times over... to the point he still continually bangs on my door hoping I'll let him back in!!!!! Having certain beliefs doesn't make you selfish...it makes you strong...!!
I'm sorry, it doesn't make you inherently strong. Sex isn't like you giving up a sunday to watch football with him. I'm sure you made sacrifices, but Sex, at least for me is like eating, breathing, sleeping. It's INHERENTLY necessary, and a basic human right, giving that up to be with you is a HUGE sacrifice.
I don't think that discussing sexual options and timelines with women and not forcing our OWN timeline makes us a weak gender, i think it makes us a stronger one. Unlike you, we don't NEED to make our own sexual agenda trump yours for A YEAR.
If you honestly believe he'd tell me that over a beer, i feel like your delusional. Was it worth it? I'm sure he'd say yes, was it optimum for him? I can assure you he'd say no. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:05:18 AM | but Sex, at least for me is like eating, breathing, sleeping. It's INHERENTLY necessary, and a basic human right, giving that up to be with you is a HUGE sacrifice.
Basic human right???... It was intended for procreation purposes only.... a "right"...I don't think so....maybe a priveledge...! Humans took sex on to cater to our own selfish needs and desires...but it isn't a "basic human right"....
It's like the "Rock" said....sex is only as important as you make it!!!
Edit: You've also shown how important it is to you...so I hope you never lose the ability....or you gf, for that matter...because we know where you will end up... old and alone!! | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:48:41 AM |
Basic human right???... It was intended for procreation purposes only.... a "right"...I don't think so....maybe a priveledge...! Humans took sex on to cater to our own selfish needs and desires...but it isn't a "basic human right"....
I am all for procreation, but sex is important to men because it makes them feel loved.
When I was a young man, I too "waited" to get married. Looking back on it now, I wasted some of my peak sexual years. If people got married when they were 18 or 21 it wouldn't be a problem. People now get married much later. Would you expect a 40 year old man to be a virgin? | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:48:57 AM | I think people get WANT and NEED confused. Food, water, air, shelter are NEEDS..things that you cannot survive without. SEX is a WANT...nobody has ever died from a lack of sex.
Sex itself has so many variations and permutations it's hard to imagine that the OP has had an exclusive relationship with her for 6 years without ANY sort of sexual interaction.
Another poster said that having a goal should never interfere with sex. I disagree, pregnancy and childbearing will derail an almost completed education. Birth control IS available but NOTHING is 100% effective. The only perfectly effective method of controlling the possibility of pregnancy is abstinence. OP has the right to make a decision in regards to his DESIRES...move on and get with someone who is willing to meet his physical desires or wait it out with her. To me, either choice is morally acceptable. If he decides to go outside of that relationship to get sex, well that speaks volumes about what each of them can expect in future for their relationship. Another poster said to get her drunk and then do it. I don't think I need to detail all the reasons that that isn't a viable option.
Good Luck OP. I hope you get this sorted out for yourselves. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:52:18 AM | It is that important to me. I also hope i never lose the ability, but if i did, i would do EVERYTHING i could to make sure i could give my partner the physical attention she deserves. Just because someday i may not be able to have sex per se, i'll STILL be able to do other things to make sure i meet her needs.
Yet again, another example of how we are willing to make sure our partners needs are met and you say it's selfish needs and desires.
Sex is only as important as you make it? By that rationale so is love, or compassion, or any other aspect of a relationship.
I don't think my opinion that sex is a human right will keep me "old and alone". I'm sure there are many women out there that agree. It's as natural as eating, and as necessary.
I'm convinced if everyone was getting it as good as they deserved, they would be FAR happier people. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:56:14 AM |
I think people get WANT and NEED confused.
I most certainly do not. Actually its kinda interesting you CAN die from a lack of sex. I actually did a study in college and found that nuns were at a FAR greater risk to develop and die of breast cancer. Why? because the chemicals released during sex were healthy and necessary. (cliff notes version)
Will you starve to death without sex? No. Can one have a healthy life without it, sure.
Sex in a relationship is not a want, its a need.
In the same way you need a man that won't cheat, or will protect, or won't be abusive. You can give up your right to sex if you want, but i'm SURE as hell not giving up mine. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:04:53 AM |
SEX is a WANT...nobody has ever died from a lack of sex.
Maybe not, but they WISH they were dead.
Sex has been shown to promote better sleep habits, less stress, more happiness, etc. Sex is a healthy bodily function. Our bodies thrive on the chemicals released during orgasm, so a healthy sex life is indeed part of a healthy body.
http://www.aarp.org/family/love/articles/berman_sex_after_50.html | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:07:36 AM |
but Sex, at least for me is like eating, breathing, sleeping. It's INHERENTLY necessary, and a basic human right, giving that up to be with you is a HUGE sacrifice.
Basic human right???... It was intended for procreation purposes only.... a "right"...I don't think so....maybe a priveledge...! Humans took sex on to cater to our own selfish needs and desires...but it isn't a "basic human right"....
It's like the "Rock" said....sex is only as important as you make it!!!
Edit: You've also shown how important it is to you...so I hope you never lose the ability....or you gf, for that matter...because we know where you will end up... old and alone!!
I agree with you there. But there are some questions I am sure others have raised...
1) is the GF a virgin? Religious? Born again?
2) The OP said he knew her for a couple of years before they got into a relationship. Was she virginal then? Did something happen to her to make her rethink having sex outside of marriage?
I applaud the young women for wanting to wait. however, we dont know why the young woman wants to wait. Morals? Religious beliefs? I tell you, if I could go back in time, I wouldnt have slept with the men I did before my marriage. I agree that sex is an important aspect of a relationship... but it is not the most important thing. Sex is way more enjoyable with my husband. I would much rather say I have only had sex with my husband than say I had sex with 100 different men. Which sounds better? With the numerous threads about STD's, abortions, unwanted pregnancies.... i dont think of sex as a "right" but rather a priviledge that should be shared by responsible people who are in a very loving and committed relationship. The OP and his GF appear to be in a committed relationship, however I am assuming it is her morals and beliefs that are hindering the OP's chances of getting it. I dont think anyone should sacrifice or be guilted into sacrificing their personal beliefs.
If the OP truly loves her he should be willing to wait for her. If his "physical needs" are more important to him than he should end the relationship and go find someone else who doesnt hold sex in as high of regard as his girlfriend does. However, I dont want to see the OP come back here and cry that he got an STD or some random girl pregnant because he just had to get his physical needs met. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:09:36 AM | Yes, this is enough to ditch her. Or, provided that you mean it and will follow through if necessary, it's more than sufficient reason to give her an ultimatum - get married now, or break up - which will probably mean ditching her.
Who knows, if she ever is ready, maybe you'll be available. But for now, this is not working for you at all. Cheating is not an option. You will feel terrible about it and it can never be undone or erased. You've gotta break up first, for the sake of your own self-respect, both now and for the rest of your life.
Mentioned previously, but it bears repeating: Women with whom you are intimate after this will likely be inclined to develop an emotional attachment. Make sure they are aware that you are by no means over this and not ready for anything deep before you hit the sack. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:11:48 AM | | The co-relation between breast cancer and nuns is likely more because of a lack of pregnancy than sex. Nulliparous women have a higher risk of breast cancer as do women who have never breastfed. This is according to studies done by the National Cancer Institute. AGAIN, I am not saying that OP should give up sex. If it is that important to him then absolutely, end that relationship and find someone who has the same desires that he has. There is nothing wrong with ending a relationship when you feel that you aren't compatible. I am saying she has established her boundaries, he needs to establish his, SHE isn't any more an uncaring selfish **** for not wanting to have sex than he is for WANTING it. I am not saying doing without sex is fun, I'm saying lets not bash her all to hell for her position. She has a right to make that decision, he has a right to end the relationship if he feels it's necessary. I think OP is looking for approval for his decision so that he doesn't feel guilty. I don't think he SHOULD feel guilty, if a relationship doesn't work ...it doesn't work and better to know now than after marriage and children. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:13:05 AM | | Is this a troll thread? Because this just can't be real...I doubt many people could relate to this situation to be able to tell ya what to do...Maybe you could tell her she should become a nun? Other than that your on your own pal...seriously....no answers here for that situation...Personally if you guys love each other you should have gotten married already...that's entirely too long to wait...perhaps she should become a nun? | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:15:02 AM | Now just hold on. How do they hold sex in a high regard because they don't have it?
Why does this make sense: "If the OP loves her he should be willing to wait for her"
Why not: "If the OP loves him, she won't make him wait"
I don't care what sounds better, is sex better with my SO? Absolutely. Would I go back and change what i did? Absolutely not.
Just because its a right, doesn't mean you can enforce it on people. Hell people give up their right to vote every other year, that doesn't mean you can take it from me.
My biggest concern is this:
I dont think anyone should sacrifice or be guilted into sacrificing their personal beliefs.
Isn't he sacrificing HIS personal beliefs at this very moment? Why is it acceptable for her to make him sacrifice and expect no sacrifice from her for the sake of the relationship? | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:26:19 AM | Hmm she's getting her masters degree. Lol thats ironic. Ya I agree a bottle of wine and romantic dinner may do the trick. Although she may have some mental issues about sex, you should know better than any if she has had abuse of some sort. Good luck with your masters degree Dude while she's getting hers. Lol
Peace | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:32:31 AM |
Get her wasted, and give her an excuse to let go. Give it to her. Never mind her objections. Make some sort of connection first, though
This is rape. Don't do it. No matter what else you decide, this is absolutely the worst advice you could follow. No means no. Jeez, I cannot believe a woman said it! Makes me sick to my stomach to think about. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:32:42 AM |
Sex is only as important as you make it.
No offense but... Perhaps for an asexual this is true, not for all... 
~~~~~~big pacific~~~~~~
Well done, looking at and defending both sides... Kudos | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:35:24 AM |
Jesus. Go get laid.
If she wants to stay a virgin while she's getting her masters that's her choice, but you should go get fekked. Now.
Purity doesn't HAVE to be your choice too.
Author: SHINNY66
~gonesailing~, Under any circumstances, CHEATING should not be justified. He has a choice to end relationship if she refused to compromise with him and then pursuit other acitivities.  | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:36:29 AM |
and we all know that nice guys almost always lose out.
Stop your whining. It isn't a "nice guy" that loses out. It's a guy who is a whiner and doormat. Men can be nice AND still stand their ground on important issues. These men have self-esteem. Do not confuse "nice guy" with "so desperate you do anything she wants so she loses respect for you."
Quit dating and go work on your self-esteem, forrumonly. Come back and then tell us what you have learned. Maybe then all the "nice guys" who don't know what that really means will follow you into therapy, get their acts together, and finally find a woman worth keeping who is crazy into them b/c they are nice AND self-confident. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:48:02 AM |
Now just hold on. How do they hold sex in a high regard because they don't have it? "
I say that she holds it in higher regards because she wants to be married before having sex and it is important to her and she knows or I am assuming she views sex as something not to be taken lightly. How many threads have you read about unwanted pregnancies, STDs, abortions?
Why does this make sense: "If the OP loves her he should be willing to wait for her"
Why not: "If the OP loves him, she won't make him wait
You have it all wrong. You sound like the boyfriends I had in highschool who used to tell me, "if you love me you'll do it". It is important to her to wait until marriage, so why should she sacrifice her beliefs just to hold onto some guy. And who's to say if she did give in to his demands, that the relationship will last?
Isn't he sacrificing HIS personal beliefs at this very moment? Why is it acceptable for her to make him sacrifice and expect no sacrifice from her for the sake of the relationship
Ok, yes he is sacrificing himself because sex is greatly important to him. However, he made that choice. Was this something she just sprung on him? Was she sexually active before they got together? Who knows. The OP did say they knew each other for a couple of years, so my guess is if she was virginal back then, he would have to know she would be virginal now. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:48:05 AM | I am not sure how to use the quote option... "Just because its a right, doesn't mean you can enforce it on people. Hell people give up their right to vote every other year, that doesn't mean you can take it from me."
This is only in reference to the concept of sex as a right.
There are a LOT of people in the world who discriminate against age, colour, religious affiliation, nation of origin, and disability. A person who doesn't like someone for any of those reasons may NOT discriminate against them, because they have a RIGHT to equal opportunity for employment, housing, health care, legal representation, procreation ect. If you violate that RIGHT you will probably find yourself in court. They can however choose to not LIKE them. His right to have sex is not a right..in a legal sense. Her right to NOT have sex is a right...in the legal sense, nobody is allowed to take that away from her without incurring legal penalties, now or after she is married. For instance marital sex is not a RIGHT...it's an expression of a loving union. She is allowed to not want to express herself sexually if she so chooses. He would have the RIGHT to dissolve the marriage if she made that choice. Nobody can legally forbid him from getting divorced. Nobody can forbid him from leaving that relationship or from continuing it. Sex is not a RIGHT, its a physical or cerebral (taking into consideration things like cyber sex) act that has a lot of different meanings and interpretations, in fact as many as there are people on the planet. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:51:52 AM |
The co-relation between breast cancer and nuns is likely more because of a lack of pregnancy than sex. Nulliparous women have a higher risk of breast cancer as do women who have never breastfed. This is according to studies done by the National Cancer Institute. AGAIN, I am not saying that OP should give up sex. If it is that important to him then absolutely, end that relationship and find someone who has the same desires that he has. There is nothing wrong with ending a relationship when you feel that you aren't compatible. I am saying she has established her boundaries, he needs to establish his, SHE isn't any more an uncaring selfish **** for not wanting to have sex than he is for WANTING it. I am not saying doing without sex is fun, I'm saying lets not bash her all to hell for her position. She has a right to make that decision, he has a right to end the relationship if he feels it's necessary. I think OP is looking for approval for his decision so that he doesn't feel guilty. I don't think he SHOULD feel guilty, if a relationship doesn't work ...it doesn't work and better to know now than after marriage and children.
Well said!!!
Is this a troll thread? Because this just can't be real...I doubt many people could relate to
Depends on the culture...I know many people who have remained virgins because of their beliefs...well into their 40's...!!!
It's his first love...whether he still fits into the "virgin" category...well it hasn't been clarified...nor her status as far as that goes...but it was his choice to be with her under her terms...he waited 4 years...which I find highly comendable...and it would be ashame to have invested that much time to just "ditch" her now...!! | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:54:25 AM | Your going south with this when the compass is pointing north.
I have a right to housing, that doesn't mean i can tell you what house to live in.
I have a right to free speech, that doesn't mean you have to listen.
I have a right to sex, that doesn't mean it has to be with you. | |
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