| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:02:06 PM | BP....
You can view sex and your relationships any way you want to ... this man came to forums and asked a question...I gave my opinion....you disagreed with it , so I will give my reasoning and defend my stance....you don't want me to preach sexual morality, but yet you choose to preach the latter....why...because it's the popular choice these days....This woman chooses to wait till marriage and everyone tells this man to run for the hills...4 years is a bit much, with that I agree...but you all would most likely have said the same had it been 4 months....!! | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:08:13 PM | Wow Dude ! You are ten times the man I am. Question, is the abstinence due to spiritual reasons, and did you both agree about this from the beginning. Obviously, if you agreed , then you must keep you word and or move on. If that is not the case, and you didn't agree, you may need to move on anyway. I'm not getting that's what you want, but she must take you seriously, right ?
I am not sure I would be okay with her laughing at me, if I was bearing my soul to her, but I have found out, that there is often more then meets the eye going on sometimes. Even from those, that you believe couldn't possibly be cheating on you.
Since you have put this out there, I would suggest this. Take her out or do it at home and prepare a nice romantic dinner for her and just tell her how you feel one more time. The reason I suggest the romantic dinner, is to be sure, that you have her undivided attention.
Because its possible she isn't really taking you serious or is not wanting to deal with this issue at all.
There is a scripture that basically says, how can two walk together (live together) if they can not agree on things. It maybe time to move on, but I think you owe her and yourself one last discussion about this , given the time invested.
Good Luck Man !
Notplayin | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:14:00 PM | Did you miss this? It's the difference between offering what works for me, and preaching from the ivory tower.
Just because it's not for you doesn't mean its a bad idea. Waiting till marriage is a HORRIBLE idea for me, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have merit.
I think there would be a lot less divorce if everyone waited till marriage, sexual experience makes it harder not easier. You've tasted a LOT more fruit, your a LOT more likely to be unsatisfied with the person you emotionally bond with. If you never knew any better, would more marriages last?
The HUGE difference that your intentionally missing is that HE is the one asking advice as HE is unsatisfied and frustrated.
I'm preaching that he run for the hills because she isn't what he is looking for (in terms of physical intimacy) He has gone above and beyond for this girl, trying to respect her views and she laughs at his needs and pushes back.
You are preaching on the other hand that he should just kow-tow to something he doesn't want, sacrifice ANOTHER 2 years with a woman that has no care for his needs because "sex should be sacred and men should just wait".
I'm not saying EVERYONE should do that, far from it. I'm not on the forums saying "sex should be sacred, giving souls to one another", i'm saying if it isn't what you want (sex), she won't talk about it and laughs at your needs, then you gotta get out of dodge as she doesn't love you AND your incompatible.
If you read all my posts, you'd see that I'm all for people waiting if it's what they want, but in this scenario, he's doing all the giving and she isn't budging. Doesn't seem equal to me.
Yeah, the reason i have my opinions is because it's the popular choice. That's exactly right.  | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:16:47 PM | Since he's ready to marry her now, the question of whether or not it's moral to have sex outside of marriage is irrelevant.
The girl is the one holding up the works; she's got to fish or cut bait.
Or he can cut bait. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:18:33 PM | Pretty wise, from one so young. That never occured to me, you might be on to something?
D | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:23:30 PM | | yo bra dunno if havin sex with her is gonna change anythin cuz u been w/ her for 5 years already so even if you did bang her, is that going to change your mind about her? it's like driving to work for 9 years then one day you bike there to see if things get more exciting | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:27:40 PM | | Sorry I wouldn't develop four years of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy with a woman without exploring the physical side of intimacy as well. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:36:51 PM |
with a woman for 4 years
believe it or not, we've yet to have sex
when she's not giving me any
have not yet, and when not giving any?
Make up you mind: never did or no longer do!
Flush that one and get one that can be complete with you. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 4:37:02 PM | You cant ditch her until you have resolved the challenge life is bringing you.
Why you havent even stated your own feelings on withholding sex until marriage. If its something you feel in your heart is correct for you then be brave and continue. If you feel its wrong or if its for a strange reason on her part, then question and talk about things.
You have to talk, communication is the universal solvent(sayeth Ron Hubbard, genuis, racist, drug abuser) | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 5:19:51 PM | apamela - in Florida, this is called statutory rape. What do they call it where you live?
Don't follow the "git er drunk" advice unless you want to become the "wife" of a large hairy man named Bubba.
Seriously. invite her over and get her wasted. She needs an excuse to let go. IF she does not let go, then you have wasted your time... If she gives you something that you need, then pursue it. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:06:55 PM | Wow, 4 years is a bit much.
On that show '1000 ways to die' a couple a lot like you died when they finally made love after years of being married.
What a way to go. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:17:30 PM | I think Commonesense noticed something that usually turns out to be a complete troll thread.
But to answer to issue at hand if it happens to be real is very simple to me.
Op,do her a favor and pack your shet and ease on down the road.
She deserves a man who will back his promise/commitment up 100% no questions asked. Not someone who will look for excuses to run off or cheat on her.
This isn't about needing sex from her, it's about you getting some one way or the other. Sex the way you need it is nothing more then using another persons body to masturbate. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:25:11 PM | | Obviously you care enough about her to still be with her after 4 years of relationship with no physical intimacy - so you SHOULD be able to be saying this to HER.....not us. The fact that she laughs about it indicates that her feelings might be a bit different than yours....unless she's laughing out of nervousness, which many people do. I would bring it up again and let her know that it's a serious issue for you, so no laughing it off. If you still don't get anywhere, then I would suggest seriously reconsidering what you want. As others have mentioned, if that isn't happening by now then would marriage really change anything? | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:28:03 PM | | You're stuck in a power play in your relationship. She shouldn't laugh when you say you want to be intimate with her especially after all this time. She likes being in control. That is a big issue in any relationship and can turn the tides in a marriage. Go out and get laid. She how she reacts when you tell her you did. If she gets upset, then you're leveling the playing field. If you think for an instant that marriage isn't or shouldn't be a game, you're wrong. It's the biggest game going. If she gets upset, then get her a ring and ask for her to put out. If she won't. Break up with her. That will be the proof that she isn't sincere. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:44:28 PM | | This head case is wasting your time.Women who are always putting off sex are Either not into you or getting it somewhere else.Four years without sex....Wtf is the matter with you?? Wake up...She is stringing you along! Cut all ties with her and run. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:58:40 PM | | If you are so inlove with her then just be honest and tell her or just wait if you really love her you willl wait for that special moment to come or see if there is other ways she can please you other then having sexual inter course something seems missing in this i dont think we are getting the whole story about the situation , i was dating someone for 5 years in my younger years and i waited five years and never touch that but i wanted to marry her and then make love or what ever you want to call it if you wait then she nows your worth making love to after all, but if sex really is all that is bothering you then im not to sure what to say but maybe rosey and here 4 sisters to maybe help you in this matter cant say you have not done it either all them years come on now lol | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:43:18 PM | | My thought is that- if two people really are sexually attracted to each other nothing can stop them from being horizontal together!! Be it school, tornado, earthquake, etc... Maybe she's just not that into you. Good luck with your decision. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 11:00:02 PM | I agree with you, Big Pacific. Any decision in a relationship should be made by both people involved. Not one person laughing at the other persons pain. That is never ok!!!
It's rude, disrespectful and also emotionally abusive!
He needs professional help on recognizing if this is a pattern of emotional abuse or not. Because a wedding band will not change this type of abuse, it only makes it worse! | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/20/2009 6:09:21 AM |
Op,do her a favor and pack your shet and ease on down the road.
She deserves a man who will back his promise/commitment up 100% no questions asked. Not someone who will look for excuses to run off or cheat on her.
This isn't about needing sex from her, it's about you getting some one way or the other. Sex the way you need it is nothing more then using another persons body to masturbate.
Look for excuses? What drugs are you on man i'd love some. 4 YEARS. Thats 1,461 DAYS. Has he cheated? NO. Is he looking to cheat? Not from what i read, he said he's TEMPTED to, not that he PLANS to, or HAS cheated. He hasn't been 100% comitted to HER rule, THEN wanted to settle down and get married and she changed the rule after 4 years of celibacy.
How is it not about needing sex from her? Using another persons body to masturbate? WTF is wrong with you. They have been together for 4 YEARS and you think it's about getting his rocks off? What if he needs physical intimacy to feel loved? Just because you don't doesn't mean he doesn't. To belittle someone for a basic human need is just plain retarded.
NO one deserves 100% backing no questions asked. He has a right to ask her why she changed her rules after 4 years of sacrifice. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/20/2009 6:19:17 AM | Sex should be something sacred between two people who share a deeper rooted passion and chemistry....a special bond...!
People treat it so casually these days....what's your bonding trait now...your good looks...your intelligence....your sense of humor...your charisma...what?? When I give myself my partner knows it's because I truly love him and only him...not every Tom, Di ck...and Harry....!!!
Sex, to me, isn't just physical...it's emotional as well...so in essence you are giving that special person your mind, body, and soul....it should be cherished...not taken for granted...
Viewing a relationship as purely sexual is immature....not the other way around...
The problem is, for a lot of men, telling the difference between a woman like yourself and one who uses it as a barterning chip, or with holds it in an effort to make him "prove" himself.
In your case, there's nothing wrong with waiting until you are absolutely sure of your feelings for him and he you.
I've been with people who do indeed withhold it in some assinine attempt to make me prove myself - to the curb they were booted. The same with those who use it as a barterning chip - buh bye.
I don't expect it, nor I do push for it. If she's not ready, because she's genuinely not ready - that's fine. If I enjoy her companionship I don't care if it's 3 weeks or 3 months - it's worth the wait. But, if I find she's playing games with it - she's gone. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/20/2009 8:54:17 AM | Somebody actually asked the OP a question. Good luck. We won't get any details.
Where has he gone? Do WE have to wait 4 years for his second-ever post on POF?
Hope you're having a good laugh, buddy, but I'm really not sure what you're laughing about. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/20/2009 12:12:45 PM | Why do people waste other people's time with these bullsh1t threads, I think this was a episode on the Young and the Senseless or was it Desperate housewives? who knows and who cares.
You are so full of sh1t, this is a troll thread, a man in love with a woman and hasnt had sex in 4 years and youre horny as hell on a dating site looking for women to hang out with? you must think people on here are very very stupid?
What a stupid thread, why dont you ask has anyone been fekked up the ass by a guy wearing a blue cape in a telephone booth? | |
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