| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 6:25:44 PM |
or like has a d*ck that u dont know about??
I must say....this thought crossed my mind as well. Unless he absolutely knows otherwise, it is a possibility and would add stress to the relationship. She could definitely fear owning up to something like that after 4 years. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 6:46:53 PM |
SEX is a WANT...nobody has ever died from a lack of sex.
I did. I died emotionally, mentally and spiritually. After the most amazing and compatible sexuality, my partner shut down in year three and he became a loving brother. It took me two years of self doubt to figure out that I was not responsible for his lack of desire.
Sex is an emotional NEED in a loving relationship. To use your way of thinking, we could argue that a child would not die from lack of physical touch as long as the parents tended to its physical needs of food, water and protection from the elements. But what kind of being would that child become?
My exBF. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 8:39:07 PM | The plot thickens...
I've seen this thread before here.
This smacks of daddy's little girl still lving at home and going to college on their dime and keeping boyfriend hidden away because of strict parental rules.
She's in a MASTER'S program, yet she's not told her family she is engaged.
I don't know too many mid 20 year old that would keep their engagement a secret.
She is still living at home right? I can't think of any other reason she doesn't want the family to know.
said I don't see myself with her in 5o years, reason being, I don't think I'd be around that long because of stress lol. There is alot of stress. We fight alot, argue alot, mostly its about, "why were you talking to nice to that waitress?".. "who is that person calling you or texting you".. "why are you not text messaging me every 10 minutes" type of things.
Why are with this woman?
Seriously, you argue alot, the family doesn't know you are engaged (but, you say she is wearing the engagement ring...hmmm) and you aren't getting any sex and not going to get any sex atleast for the next 2 years.
You were promised a BJ, but, shoot she had to run home for some reason, you don't know. Maybe tomorrow, because tomorrow is another day. 
Dude, your juice for sympathy is running out and the women here the raking you over the coals.
I think she is more of a project to you now then just someone you love. No matter how $hitty this relationship is, you just going to see it through and then once you get the golden ring, you are done. Do yourself (and her) a favor and just move on. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 9:15:19 PM |
said I don't see myself with her in 5o years, reason being, I don't think I'd be around that long because of stress lol. There is alot of stress. We fight alot, argue alot, mostly its about, "why were you talking to nice to that waitress?".. "who is that person calling you or texting you".. "why are you not text messaging me every 10 minutes" type of things. So yeah, I sort of blabbered out that line about not seeing myself with her for next 50 years, b/c its very stressful at times and I don't think my heart will be healthy that long lol.
Btw, about 6 months ago, she was very insecure and was questioning "our relationship" in terms of, how serious I was with her after 3.5 years. Soon, a few weeks after that instant, I proposed to her, put a rock on her finger. This is where I really had the most frustration begun, as now I was engaged to this girl and yet, nothing physical. She has not even told her family about the engagement because she says although its just what she wanted in life, she can't tell her family about this yet as she's still in school. She wouldn't let me tell my parents about this either. So to all of you who keep saying I am just playing with her and why I have not proposed, well, I have. I think this frustration just spiked especially after the engagement. Last 6 months have been alot more difficult than the 3.5 years before that.
These explanations are some kind of strangeness. I understood that she would have sex after getting married. I don't understand why she wants you to text her every ten minutes. She should be busy, isn't she? I don't understand why she doesn't tell her family about you as she has fallen in love with you over four years. She should be around your age; absolutely, her parents care about her personal life. Your parents care about yours too, I think! | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 10:04:23 PM | Perhaps she wants you to break up with her so that she doesn't look like the bad guy. Perhaps her family has warned her about you? Maybe she's hearing talk around the town that you're cheating? (You did say not cheating on her is becoming uncontrollable. I'd figure that someone with that frame of mind has already cheated)
She knows she's not attractive to you so she gets jumpy when a girl who's attractive comes around. Really, there aren't very many people in the world that hold out until marriage anymore so any girl you find attractive could possibly be your next bed buddy and I'm sure she's aware of that. Marriage is supposed to be "til death do you part" not "til I get tired of you and the divorce is final." Why would any woman with an able mind get into a marriage with a guy who she can't trust and who doesn't see himself with her long LONG term?
Btw, about 6 months ago, she was very insecure and was questioning "our relationship" in terms of, how serious I was with her after 3.5 years. Soon, a few weeks after that instant, I proposed to her, put a rock on her finger. This is where I really had the most frustration begun, as now I was engaged to this girl and yet, nothing physical.
So you proposed to her so that she could stay with you and in hopes that should would sleep with you over a ring. Yeah you two REALLY need to break up.
One of you needs to stop this before you both end up miserable. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 10:10:26 PM | Are you sure she's not really a guy?
Just askin'
Cuz, you know, if you've never checked it out......
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 10:17:56 PM | | Does anyone else think this has turn into some warped version of One Thousand and One Nights where the Op is the King Shahryār and the GF is Queen Scheherazade trying to tell a different story every night trying not to give up her virginity? | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 10:19:15 PM | Helen...he's not ready to marry her....she's nothing more to him than a conquest...I'd even be willing to bet there have been "others" on the side....he's way too insensitive to have waited all these years....he's full of b.s...not to mention the fact he states he doesn't see himself being with her in the next 50 years....wow....such a troll post...!!
you know i think you hit the nail on the head!! i believe he is a troll!! because i have yet to meet a man who would wait 4 years to f*ck someone unless he's a real sucker or sap. most men dump a woman if she doesn't at least have sex with them in the first few weeks of dating and then there is always the third date rule. since there are so many willing women out there, his whole post makes no sense. he keeps defending her too which is really getting rather tiresome and lame. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 10:22:23 PM | | This is a typical scenario. All you have to do is talk her into some anal. This strategy works on religious girls all the time. Tell her she'll still be intact and technically remain a virgin. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 10:27:57 PM | Well last time I checked b.j were kinda a thing prostitutes originally did, so uhh I think that is pretty giving and why not use a condom, it is good she is not a dirty girl. And put peanut butter on it...okay. I get why he is with someone who wants to wait she actually has self respect, convictions and a sence of responsibility to God, not just some cult like attitude to religion but real convictions....Good men like good woman.
what do you mean put peanut butter on it? WTF?? also what the hell do you mean by saying at least she's not a dirty girl? you mean that women who give BJ's without using a condom are dirty women? WOW, you certainly have some odd ideas. using a condom when giving a BJ rather defeats the whole purpose doesn't it? they are NOT good men and women, he's a nut and so is she and she needs some psychiatric help to boot!! | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 11:11:48 PM | OP, it is starting to sound like the sex is the least of your problems and has become the focus instead of your huge issues like her massive insecurity and why she hasn't expressed to her family how serious your relationship is. A better question than whether you see yourself with her in 50 years is why you would want to be.
I understand you love this girl but do you like her? Do you even know why you love her? I am not asking to be harsh but I was married to someone that needed his ego stroked constantly and it sounds as if you have already found out that having to take on the responsibility for her happiness is draining and it isn't going to get any better unless this woman gets some therapy. You could possibly benefit from therapy also because it doesn't sound like you are getting a hell of a lot out of the relationship.
Sure, you have a good time when together, if she isn't arguing with you because you have been friendly to wait staff, but she will not allow you any intimacy, physical or otherwise, she is holding you totally at arm's length four years later. She said that she wanted the engagement and instead of shouting it from the rooftops she feels that keeping it from her family is a good way to start out a marriage? They should be sharing in her joy and as long as you don't plan to marry until she graduates, even if this is about economics, why would they give a rat's butt whether you are engaged if it won't derail her career path? | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/23/2009 11:35:46 PM | | Sorry my friend...time to fish or cut bait...We all have needs and if yours are not being met and you have discussed it with her and she laughs...I would have been gone along time. I believe in commitment, but this is too much. Im sure others will think me shallow by saying that... but I live in the real world. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 12:03:37 AM | if you are contemplating on cheating on her...what does that say about you?
maybe what she means is not as strong for you than for her
why is it so importnat for you to wait till she get her masters? you and her can have a small ceremony and get married
then later have a bigger wedding...it is called conpromise
i do not believe in cheating
maybe date other people
stay way from each other
good luck...this story sounds cute and very real
i wish you the best  | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 12:53:15 AM | To IllBurHukleBry:
People like you are responsible for turning some men into misogynists (though of course many men are misogynistic because they are just nasty people).
It's possible that this story is not true and the OP is a troll. It's possible the man is not entirely blameless here and that we are missing important information.
However—from what I have read of your posts—men are always at fault.
You perpetrate the societal double standard that if a man has emotional issues, they are a source of amusement and should be mocked; if a woman has emotional issues, it is a serious matter and likely caused by an evil man.
Even more appalling, you make the claim that sex is not important for a relationship. You might as well say communication is not important in a relationship.
I would go into detail about why that is irrational, ridiculous, and just plain wrong. But that would be a waste of time, because no matter how reasoned or logical the argument, you would just dismiss it. I can see from your posts that your belief is akin to a tenet of faith. No matter what detailed, logical argument you give to a religious man, he knows without doubt God exists. Similarly, no matter what argument I or anyone else could give, you would stick to your belief.
You go on to make the incorrect claim and incredibly unfair that if one person in the relationship does not want to have sex, the other person MUST wait for them to be ready. If the other person is unwilling to wait, then they are selfish and only care about their own needs.
This is false. Why? Simple—if two people are not sexually compatible, then in the long run a healthy relationship cannot exist between them. Of course, in order to see that this is true you have to accept the premise that sex is important in a relationship. Obviously you do not.
If both people have a low sex drive, well and good. If both have a high drive, good as well. If one is medium and the other high or low, it is possible to work out a situation that can satisfy both parties. If one has a low (or non-existent) sex drive, and the other has a high drive, then a relationship cannot work—unless the high partner gets satisfaction from other people, which would only be acceptable if the low partner had full knowledge and gave full consent to that.
Judging only from your posts in this topic, you seem like a misandrist (someone who hates men or holds them in contempt) and a woman who uses sex as a weapon or bartering chip. I do not think that any sane man should get involved with someone like you. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 1:05:54 AM | Two weeks without getting any and I'm dying...wtf???? I'd have been long gone.
Sorry, but holding out for that long is ridiculous, I don't care what your reasons are. Either she wants to get married and be with you or you need to get the hell out of this nonsense and get on with your life.
Beth | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:52:10 AM | Hey! Now I recognize the OP!
He knocked two of my goats off a bridge and ate them! Almost got a third one, two. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 7:10:29 AM | Hi broke and bald I think you need your own platform 
4 years is a long time hmmmmm I would be concerned about her laughing at you she is obviously not concerned with your needs. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 7:30:30 AM | To durandal26:
Lmao...yesss I'm a man hater...I just like to use them and throw them away like yesterday's trash...!!!
You write for a school newspaper...hmmm....what do you write about at 21...?? Most likely you write about your opinions...!! I have mine...and can read between the lines...you on the other are probably too young and don't have the life experiences necessary to do so!
Personally, I don't give a damn what you think....!! He posted and wanted opinions...and it's obvious you haven't read all the posts...just chose to target mine...and that's what I expect from someone who is judgemental and doesn't know all the facts....go start your own post on being a woman-hater...!! Better still..write an article in your school newspaper...!!
Punk rock...how fitting!! | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 7:52:32 AM |
She has not even told her family about the engagement because she says although its just what she wanted in life, she can't tell her family about this yet as she's still in school. She wouldn't let me tell my parents about this either.
That's very different! I'd break up with her for that alone. Because she's still in school? What a load. That's stupider yet than saying she can't marry you because she's still in school. Do your families even know you've been seeing each other for four years?
Do her friends even know about you?
I'm starting to agree with those who initially said that she's using you to help her get through school.
And I'm not holding out a lot of hope that she has sufficient class to know that she should return the ring. But what's done is done, she will or she won't. This may be one of the rare instances wherein it'd be okay to ask for it - usually I'd say you just can't (although the girl should always offer), but here there's been no real promise made on her side, and a mutual promise of marriage is what engagement is. But that's really another discussion, and may not be an issue anyway if she does voluntarily return it.
In any event, this isn't much of a relationship and it's way past time you let it go for the sake of your own self-esteem and mental health. You're not her her fiancé or even her boyfriend - you're her carpet.
Edited to add:
It's possible that this story is not true and the OP is a troll. It's possible the man is not entirely blameless here and that we are missing important information.
Always a possibility. I'm inclined to take this one at face value, myself (obviously), not only because the OP seems genuinely upset, but also just because it makes for a very interesting conversation! And, you never know - might be of value to a lurker or two who have similarly (though I hope not to this extreme) weird situations in their own lives. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:45:03 AM | | This is barely believeable. Why stay in a relationship this long with all this unnecessary drama? I've given up offering any sort of advice here. Marry this woman if you want to have a contentious relationship with a woman who is incapable of expressing herself sexually, lies to her family about her nine year relationship, makes relationship excuses to her boyfriend. If she lies to her family about you, maybe she lies to you about other things. I would have bailed a long time ago if it were me. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 11:47:52 AM | | To me she seems like a very selfish and self-absorbed woman. She's obviously been putting HER needs ahead of yours and it seems like she does not take your needs and wants seriously. She laughs at you? That means she does not respect you either. She's been stringing you along for 4 long years. You won't get those years back. If you wait to have sex until you are married in another 2 years, I bet she will find excuses not to have sex with you when she starts a career and kids come along. And what if you find out that you have different sexual drives once your married? In my opinion, sexual compatibility is an important element when considering marriage to someone. I think it's time for an ultimatum. If she still says no, it's time to walk away. There are lots of women out there who will be willing to have a real relationship with, and that includes sex. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 12:00:56 PM | | Like other posters have mentioned, the fact that she laughed at you says it all. The girl doesn't respect you and, this might sound harsh, probably doesn't think you're much of a man anymore. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 12:46:24 PM | I did not say you hated men. I said that judging from your posts, that is the impression you give. Those are two different things.
Your comment about throwing men away like trash does not seem like a joke in light of how you commented about your ex banging on your door with roses, and how it is a source of humour for you.
Very classy and mature of you for using ad hominem attacks. When unable to refute the actual words, just use personal attacks. I would say, "how like a woman," except I acknowledge that not all women engage in such behaviour, and also that there are many men who do such behavior. Unlike you, who seems to ignore all faults that women may have while gleefully talking about men's wrongdoings.
My age or experience has nothing to do with my words or my logical points. When debating, one addresses the argument, not personal character. At least, this is what reasonable people do.
I have indeed read all the posts, and I am glad to see that the majority are rational people who are aware that sex and communication are both integral to relationships, and that when both are lacking in a 4-year relationship, something is seriously wrong—assuming of course this is not a troll post.
I addressed your post because yours was the only one that was both misandryistic and factually incorrect.
You claim you are just giving your opinion. You overlook the fact that opinions can be wrong and incorrect, and in this case, your opinion is wrong. Some people say opinions cannot be wrong, but they are mistaken.
For example, say a woman posts a topic saying that her boyfriend does not treat her with respect and frequently insults her. A man then responds "You are being treated in exactly how you deserve since, in my opinion, women are inferior to men."
In his opinion, women are inferior. He truly believes this, and it is his honest opinion, no doubt about it. This is a wrong opinion because it is based on a false premise.
Or, "All homosexuals deserve to die because, in my opinion, they are unnatural abominations."
This is wrong for the same reason. | |
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| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/24/2009 1:14:44 PM |
My age or experience has nothing to do with my words or my logical points
It does when you try and use them to show your maturity level (by the way is misandryistic even a word...or is it a group??...lol)
You claim you are just giving your opinion. You overlook the fact that opinions can be wrong and incorrect
Ahh, yess....if mine happen to clash with yours they are incorrect...??
I did not say you hated men. I said that judging from your posts, that is the impression you give.
My posts give this impression...?? What is the topic of those posts?? If it's a man looking for an excuse to "cheat"...ummm yeah... my post's aren't going to be of a "rosy" nature....!!
sex and communication are both integral to relationships, and that when both are lacking in a 4-year relationship, something is seriously wrong—assuming of course this is not a troll post.
I do not disagree with you on this...there is no communication here...and I agreed that four years was a long time to wait...but again he made the choice...he knew what he was in for and obviously had plenty of time to communicate this to her...instead of leaving because his needs weren't met ( I still feel he was meeting them elsewhere) he chose to stick it out and wait...then comes here searching for pity and asks whether he should cheat....as if he was looking for the green light..... !! Hmmm...guess we should go easy on him because he hasn't been laid in a very long time....poor baby.... ummm ..nope still not buying it....!! | |
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