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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/6/2009 9:55:19 PM | | I wish I tried to date more in my 20s. .but thought I had all the time . .and didn't think too much about it. Good to know I'm not the only one who hasn't had a date in a couple years, ok, in 2 years. Last long term relationship was 4-5 years ago. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:16:19 PM | | I think that a large part of the reason that dating seems tougher as you get older can be attributed to the fact that at some point we stop asking just about anybody and everybody out, instead asking out those that we feel are more compatible with ourselves. It's a learning experience (then again, all of life is a learning experience). In our younger days we didn't seem to care if the person was compatible for a relationship beyond a few days, once you're in your 30's (and older) you start looking more seriously and hence are more discerning in whom you ask out for a date. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/8/2009 3:29:36 AM | I am not bitter or angry about the choices I made...The Father to my kids is amazing and could not have asked for better...
If Men think Woman are only out for whats in their wallet or if they going to get a free dinner then shame on them....Most do not have enough money in their bloody wallets anyway!! Champagne and Gleneagles Costs You know!!
We all have pasts but if you just look on them as chapters in your personal book of life and learn from them and don't take all the bad bits onto next chapter then all will be well.. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/8/2009 3:51:56 PM |
I wish I tried to date more in my 20s. .but thought I had all the time . .and didn't think too much about it. Good to know I'm not the only one who hasn't had a date in a couple years, ok, in 2 years. Last long term relationship was 4-5 years ago.
jeepwmn how are you not getting dates? You're doing something wrong dear, or you're very picky. If I ran into you in my town I'd ask you out in a second.
I wish I'd of dated more when I was in my twenties too, I feel like I really missed out on some things. It just seems too hard once you hit 30, it's not about just enjoying meeting different people anymore. Everyone's looking for someone "perfect" and has forgotten what it's like to not have a checklist with 40 things you expect. Everyone seems jaded already by this age. I haven't had a date in over a year and a half. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/8/2009 11:49:54 PM | That's really sweet of you to say that. .Well, I do tend to pick the ones that are wrong for me. That's what I'm doing wrong. Or it could be that I'm really shy and tend to clam up around groups of people. Or both. It could be that I'm picky, too. Sorry, but if I'm not at least attracted to the person, I can't try.
It could be that we don't enjoy meeting different people anymore because we sense time is running out, maybe. And we have to be selective on who those different people are. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/10/2009 11:39:09 AM | Everything oregonsaint (and many others have said) rings true. There is so much baggage. We all have baggage, that's just life. It depends on if the baggage is toxic or just the luggage sitting at the door.
I definitely think it's harder in your 30's, especially for women. Just as many men are judged for not having been married by a certain age, women are judged as well. In some cases we are solely judged by our age (woman's age=ability to produce children and therefore women in 30's still not considered young enough). The ironic thing is I think both men and women in their 30's are at the best stage in life to date more and partner up. You've partied in your 20's and done the selfish "I'll live forever" thing; in your 30's you still have energy to go out but we make more choices that generally nurture the soul and things that make us happier in the longterm; you're more comfortable in your own skin (one should hope). I think you want to share your life with someone more in your 30's. It's unfortunate that the pool gets so small or that people don't reach out more. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:36:06 AM | | I think the 30's is a great time to marry IF you can find someone, and that's a big IF. It's waaayy easier to find someone when you're around 25 imo, just for the simple fact there are more single never married people in that bracket. From what I've read I believe the divorce rate is lower when looking at statistics of people that did not marry until they were in their 30's. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/11/2009 9:12:23 PM | I totally agree!!! I am 31 and am still trying to take on relaxed dates. However, it is impossible because guys think they should be settling down and so look on the dates different. Women (and I don't want to stereotype here) are typically bio-clocking and are looking for a man but also a father to their children. From both sides there is an added desperation. No one wants to find themselves old and lonely.
However, if you date someone without any baggage beware, they clearly have not lived and experienced some of the knocks of life.
On the flip side, I recently dated a 23 year old and although she was supremely beautiful, it seemed like I was dating an immature child! The least us single 30 year olds can do is keep trying. Remember dating is supposed to be fun! | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:30:32 PM | Hmmm...I was married in my early 20's and divorced by 29 years of age. I truly didn't have time to focus on dating (raising two small children, working and attending college) didn't leave any open slot in my time schedule for 'dating'. smiles.
Now that my children are older, I have my ducks all in a row (just saying)....being 39 fixing to walk into the life of being '40 years old' ....I guess I could say...it is much harder too just slip into any relationship with another man. I am not bitter about my divorce, I don't hate men, I don't 'dog' them...I simply accept them for who they have become. I hope I am not judged by their past experiences neither. We all are who we are today by what we have grown up with learning/disliking/accepting/ and appreciating.
so ya...dating now is much harder than before...I have noted that many 'want' that deep connection of a 'committed' relationship yet fail too actually involve some input in maintaining it (guess this just goes without saying).
The internet offers many options of (being with another)..the first few months, it gets to the point where both involved have to do some "work" to maintain it and it becomes stale...many just move on to enjoy the initial enjoyments of the first few months.
so sad, but just a fact.
I wish you happiness in finding yours...
spirit | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/14/2009 3:07:24 PM | EVERYTHING is more complicated over 30, so it stands to reason that dating should be too. The stakes are higher, you should be graduated from college and damn well better be into a career by 30. Money becomes an increasing concern as does health. 30 was the age when I saw my own mortality reflected in the gray fog of my mind's eye. With each passing decade, my own mortality becomes more painfully apparent.
In my 20s, it was all about having a good time and just getting laid. I think 20s are that time for everybody. It's a soul-searching time when we can be lazy, "me"-oriented (self-centered and self-indulgent), flounder a bit and some of us are allowed to leech off our parents for a free place to live and food.
While people are still plenty self-indulgent in their 30s, the stakes are higher now. More money would help ease, maybe cure a lot of these ills. But then the richer party is always mistrustful of the poorer party taking all their dough away that they've worked so hard for. I'm all for the prenup. In short, it all sucks.
Look at Harrison Ford. Spent his 30s-50s making all that dough, only to realize that his wife, E.T. screenwriter Melissa Matheson, after kids and into menopause, was no longer attractive to him, and, being Mr. Indiana Jones, still in great physical shape and with that "bad boy" streak still intact, in his 60s, he hit the bar scene, getting it on with strippers and the like, sometimes two a night, until he finally met 30 years younger, tiny actress Calista Flockhart (of Ally McBeal fame), who, of course, six months or so in began to pressure him into marrying her, because she needs his dough to help her raise her son who was conceived out of wedlock. I still don't think he married her, because he knows what she's all about, money, and, after two divorces and giving up 50%+ of his net worth to his exes, he knows he's not going to be able to keep that lifelong commitment once she hits menopause and loses those girlish looks (if in fact he's still living by then--he'll be pushing 80), so, while I'm sure he's very loving and treats her and her son like royalty, to expensive outtings, rides in his helicopter and such, no marriage on the table. Can't say as I blame him. So she's back to work, starring in a new TV series. Maybe he'll cut her into his will. Meanwhile, they're living together, "in sin", and enjoying it. She's young enough to be his d-d--his GRAND-daughter, and he's Han Solo/Indy, which has got to be a nice fantasy for her. Good for them! | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 9/15/2009 6:13:58 AM | It's what you want it to be in your 30s! Dating in my 20s I was more insecure and worried about what he thinks, what he says, if he really likes me, insignificant quarrels, it was all about him ... it was more nerve wrecking! Now it's more about me and what I want! Being a single female with no kids it's hard to find a partner who also has no kids, ex-wife and drama but if I feel the person has a good heart, is genuine and worth having the baggage then I don't mind having a relationship with them and love his kids like my own.
I'm not afraid to say Hi and start a conversation with anyone so there is no problem in meeting guys! In our 30s we have our own lives going on with work, friends (girls/guys night out), hobbies or habits we do so when we integrate each other into our lives it's easy to become friends and trust the other person rather than only do what we think the other person wants us to. Keeping your individuality is important and your partner's understanding & trust of your other commitments is crucial! We always seem to bring experiences from past relationships into new ones, the key is seeing the new person for who they are in the present and treat them based on them not the past relationships...live in the here and now!
I've had long term relationships with men who had kids and exs and the reason for us breaking up had to do with the man himself and not his baggage.
Remember we all set the pace in starting a relationship, be friends and have fun together. Try not to get sexually involve too early then realize the person is a total idiot and you can't stand their character .....if things don't work then trust he/she wasn't for you, spend sometime by yourself doing whatever makes you happy then the right person will come along! | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 10/3/2009 7:05:15 AM | When you are 20, more(most?) people in your age range are unattached.
As time goes on, more and more people in your age range are removed from the pool of potential partners, by pairing off, death or other reasons.
So, the older you get, the smaller the pool of potential partners gets smaller and smaller, as a practical matter.
This is something that nobody wants to tell you when you are 20. What you are told is: "Don't worry, you're young, you've got lots of time to find someone". | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:23:28 AM |
This is something that nobody wants to tell you when you are 20. What you are told is: "Don't worry, you're young, you've got lots of time to find someone".
yup been hearing that for 18 or so years. "Someday it will happy...you have all the time in the world." way I look at it...if it's meant to be it will be. Granted I've had a few ex girlfriends tell me that "yeah maybe you will find someone out there...but you also have to live with the idea that there just might not be anyone out there for you..not everyone is meant to find someone." lol.the last one to tell me that is now on her 8th marriage. yeah I like everyone else would love to have someone in my life....but you know what...there's more to life than that. You can't let that one thing be the controlling factor on your life. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 10/4/2009 1:26:47 AM | Ok, reread my response way back on the first page...sorry, I didn't realize that your post was written in jest...it hit me really wrong, and I totally vented on you. My bad. It struck a nerve because in my situation I am certainly not bitter, in fact, I am probably a lot less so now than I was in my twenties, when I was dealing with a divorce from my daughter's father, supporting myself and her, building a career, and making a lot of crappy choices in men and not getting treated very well because of it. Now, I'm older and wiser, and I'm able to qualify the men I date much quicker and I have had so many wonderful experiences meeting and dating some truly wonderful men. Add to that that my daughter is much older now, and more independant, giving me much more time to think about myself and what I want and I have so much more fun without worrying about babysitters, or visitation for her with her father. Life is much less stressful and I can slip off on weekends away with my boyfriend whenever I like, or go out during the week if I want to. For me, the baggage is pretty much gone.
Now, I take care of myself, my work, enjoy time with friends and family, my home is so much quieter (except when my daughter comes in from college), and I'm getting back to enjoying my hobbies and the things that make me happy.
And dating is soooooo much easier. If I didn't have a boyfriend, I wouldn't have a bit of trouble dating again very quickly. I get asked out quite often whenever I am out and about, and I always tell them I have someone, but it's nice to know that men find me attractive.
Once again, sorry I was so harsh in my post.
Beth | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:40:44 PM | kpooks, you wrote:"30 was the age when I saw my own mortality reflected in the gray fog of my mind's eye. With each passing decade, my own mortality becomes more painfully apparent." Seems like you think about death a lot.....
How do you know so much about Harrison Ford? Or it is just your guess? Look at Hugh Heffner - he is even older and his girlfriends are so young and gorgeous. One of them - the prettiest- tells him often:" I love you! We are so good together! You do not need the other ones. Marry me. " She, sure, would NEVER be interested in guys like you. But you might get lucky with some young women who want you because they think that you, being older, accomplished a lot. To them it makes sense to marry someone with MORE MONEY, than a young guy who has NOTHING. If I were you I would go after such girls just for fun and then I would not think about death, knowing that I will die as a HAPPY MAN. | |
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