| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 4:34:12 PM |
He could be a hoarder. Some people have homes that are so packed with stuff they can barely walk around and are deathly afraid of others finding out.
This came to mind first too...someone I dates years ago wouldn't allow me in and I finally found out why.
The one thing I want to address with you was your willingness to sit outside of his apartment for three hours. You could have gone to a cafe or something. I just think you are not treating yourself very kind and blaming him.
There's no way I'd have done this OP...none. You're making yourself too easy of a target. If he knows that you'd do it after the first time then he'll continue to do it.
Dardika might have a point...ask him. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 4:37:55 PM | hey annie
hmmmm....I must say, there is something going on.....but we can't be sure of exactly what it is. And honestly, I'm still trying to figure out why you waited 3 hours outside of his house in your car......I mean, I'm a fairly patient person...but, that would push it , I must say.
Does the horn on your car work????  Beeeeeeeeeep! Just wonderin'?
I'm just gonna say it like this.....my house..is sometimes quite neat, other times, not so much....ummmmm....sometimes I'm building something...like...oh, say...a boat in the living room, so there may be some sawdust around here and there....but anyone I feel close to....is totally welcome in my home. It's a simple home and I have nothin' to hide.
Somethings off.
Now.. the reason he gave to you...to ask to not see his home is that 'YOU' are too distracting??
I mean..I really don't follow that one , at all.!!
Trust your instinct.....and, I would assume that you would, or have talked to him about it.....if he is still telling you that you are too distracting...then just tell him he is too full of shIt right now for you to continue this 'waiting' game.
regards
Kimbo ~~  | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 4:47:53 PM |  HUGE RED FLAG!
After all that time and still haven't been inside his place... to me screams he's got something to hide... I would tell him, start letting me see your place or i'm out of here. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 4:51:47 PM | Why dont you just ask HIM?
Did you say 3 hours.... Holy crap, thats more patients then I'd ever have!! I would have lasted about 5 minutes then left! | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 5:06:49 PM | You know, an hour and a half drive is not that far, yet over a 4 month period from meeting, you only get together 3 times, and for a few days...
Doesn't this pose a question in your mind? Your intuition says?
If he was a very un-tidy person in his home as an example, surely that wouldn't stop him from driving over every second weekend to spend with you, not 3 times only in 4 months...
Get your camera out if you can't get closure and seeing as you've already sat in a car for 3 hrs, go sit for 24hrs and see what goes in and what comes out.
Or, even better still.... Don't snoop, lol.. Just follow your honest gut feeling and ask yourself why your not important enough to visit every week and keep him blocked. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 5:11:30 PM |
jealousy is the highest form of flattery.
Actually the saying is "Imitation is the highest form of flattery." Just saying... | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 5:21:31 PM | Do you have his home phone number or only his cell number? If you don't have his home number, ask for it. If he won't give it to you. grrrrrrr
I hope you know his last name. If not, lose the jerk right now.
I'm now going to turn you into a detective......providing you know his last name.
Go to www.zabasearch.com and put in his whole name. See what results you get. Find out how to access his county records. If you can access his county records and he own his house, apartment etc, you can check the deed to see if it says married.
How can you say he restored your faith in integrity and honesty when you don't trust him? | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 5:28:54 PM | OP: Ok, dates don't last days on end. Your "dates" with him sound like they were "business trips" - excuse for his wife or GF.
He NEVER took you to his home, and you SAT in your car 3 FREAKIN HOURS waiting because you are "too distracting"?!!!! OMG!!!
Boy, is he taking you for a ride on the short bus. I don't know what to say after reading this. How people allow this type of BS is beyond my comprehension. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 5:49:06 PM | i will be nice and sweet because i'm also a PISces (and i don't play around!). you seem like a very sweet , good -hearted woman but too naive and vulnerable after being hurt previously.
this man is up to something but WHAt ? the first man on this board was right......he's married!! i think you need to leave him alone, do not accept his calls, do not email and heavens sake , NO SEX!!!!!! did you meet this dude on this site? i am seeing too many married guys or separated on this board posting questions, etc and i probably will take myself off at the end of this month since i'm returning to college fulltime ( five classes).
good luck,
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/24/2009 11:20:50 PM | OP,
He is hiding something. Everyone else had great ideas, the poker game was funny but maybe it is as simple as his place only has one bedroom and he still shares it with his mother! | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:29:06 AM | that's pretty weird. either he lives in filth like a complete pig, he's married (yes pictures are coming through of an invalid wifey), or he's got bodies hanging from meat hooks in the bathroom. a huge red flag, to say the least. epic fail. move along, nothing to see here.
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:47:49 AM | Holy shit Chandlers Wish:
{Get your camera out if you can't get closure and seeing as you've already sat in a car for 3 hrs, go sit for 24hrs and see what goes in and what comes out.}
This is the reason men call women psyco!!~ Can you say stalker?
Why the hell would she waste her time doing that and become.... well, become YOU?
WHAT A FREAKING WEIRDO!!! YOU NEED | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:35:43 PM | | Gee, simple, spend $30 to get his credit report. It'll tell everything you don't ever want to know about a person. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:36:18 PM | Thanks for your opinions. Helps. The only reason I waited 3 hours was that we were traveling to Canada together by train and he had the tickets. I had driven to Philly to meet him,had only 2 hours of sleep and just didn't feel like shopping of sitting in a cafe or anything like that. The other thing is that this was in May and I still haven't been there. Ive asked,joked, set boundaries,let go , not let go again, asked again and finally this past weekend he relented and on Friday asked me to stay after I taught a class(for free) at an organization he founded. After dinner he changed his mind without talking to me or telling me. I didn't realize until we were on the toll road that he was on his way to my house. I think I am just a big f&^%$*+& fool.
Thanks again
Annie | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:45:01 PM | I'm going with the pack-rat theory. I would ask him specifically if that is the problem. Maybe then he will "come clean," so to speak, but probably would be too embarrassed to bring it up himself.
But yeah, you waited outside for three hours...? While he ostensibly did what? | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:45:18 PM | The main reason was that we were traveling to Canada together by train and he had the tickets. I had driven to Philly (1.5 to 2 hours) on 2 hours of sleep and just wanted to sleep for a bit. I felt too lousy to shop or have my nails done or paint or draw as I usually would. The point is that I could never let someone wait without offering hospitality. and the amount of time involved and that that was may and it's now late august. Last Friday he actually asked me to stay on Saturday night. I was walking on air,this represented a huge breakthrough. But although he claimed he was purely exhausted before I knew it we were on the road to my house. He keeps saying it's no big deal,"just a place to sleep" and I think then why is it such a big deal? I wish I could say I was done. I have a note on my front door that says "NO< GO AWAY",I've blocked his phone number and email address, but I know that if he found a way I'd give in. I am pathetic. Thanks so much for listening
Annie | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:02:02 PM | You may have a misunderstanding. We have seen each other quite a bit. The three times I described were just to illustrate how intense the connection was(or how much of a fool I was) at the beginning.
I have to admit that your snooping idea appeals to me. I'm so f&^%$&^* tired of being a good little girl and letting go and never understanding what happened. After the 20 year relationship with the guy picking up male prostitutes and stealing that 20 years from me along with my ability to have kids, I'm much less likely to "just move on". I want some answers. I know for sure its not me. Yes I have plenty of faults,nothing that I'm not willing to work on. Like someone else on the thread said,I've been in the real estate field for 25 years,trusted with thousands of homes and the valuables in them. He claims my temper has made him reconsider time and again, but my coming unglued(never more than yelling and stamping my foot,although a good friend has said there's nothing anyone's more afraid of than a crazy white woman) has always been valid and about this very issue. He's promised twice, in fact asked me in plain English last Friday and we still ended up at my house (2 hours away in horrid rainy driving conditions)
I did ask point blank if he was willing to lose me over this and he says no,I don't think he believes me. The fact remains that I still like the SOB. I hate the dynamics and the drama over this issue but I do really like him. I am a fool, a soft hearted,give them all too many chances,first rate fool.
Thanks for listening
Annie | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:03:24 PM | | 3 hour wait outside his apartment? Ha, wow - and sorry, don't mean to laugh at you. It's just the situation is so bizarre. I agree, he is prolly married or at the very least - hiding something so terrible it is not worth sticking around for. And it goes w/out saying - any gentleman worth his weight in salt does not do that to any woman, much less one he is seeing. He is trouble, 100% bad news - get out now. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:03:33 PM | Or, even better still.... Don't snoop, lol.. Just follow your honest gut feeling and ask yourself why your not important enough to visit every week and keep him blocked.
Holy shit Chandlers Wish:
{Get your camera out if you can't get closure and seeing as you've already sat in a car for 3 hrs, go sit for 24hrs and see what goes in and what comes out.}
This is the reason men call women psyco!!~ Can you say stalker?
Why the hell would she waste her time doing that and become.... well, become YOU?
WHAT A FREAKING WEIRDO!!! YOU NEED
Miss majyk1 appears you missed the other line and geez I must have missed all those funny men
  so that it clearly, clearly showed DON'T SNOOP... Guess my sense of humor is not the same as yours, that's why there are different people in this world huh...
Can you say RUDE BEATCH? and read properly?
OP, I think that he offered initially to go to his house to squash your question yet again as to why... I don't believe he had any intention at any time, to go there merely a smart azz move on his behalf to make you think he was going to...
You deserve better, and you don't deserve to sit in a car for 3 hrs with some lame excuse as to why .... I noted you like photography ... as to that :) comment ... but seriously, I was joking... it's not worth going down that path, even if you liked my idea lol.. You may feel more hurt.. Just keep him blocked. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:16:48 PM | | It's anyone's guess what he might be hiding, however, his behavior indicates that he is definitely hiding something. Don't blame yourself or your judgment. This man is doing it, and it has nothing to do with your intelligence. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:20:15 PM | Hi Annie,
Of course there could be a multitude of reasons for his behavior. And many have been sighted here. I wouldn’t be inclined to think he has freezers full of body parts, though I suppose that is possible. I would be inclined to think it is his house keeping, or the fact that he shares a space with others.
However, you say you think he loves you. I’m my opinion, love is based on trust. He does not seem to trust that you will be accepting of the way he lives. So he is insecure. Maybe he finds your way of life intimidating?
In the end, if you expect to find true love, you must first find a basis for mutual trust and respect. One way or another you have to resolve this before you have an inkling of a chance.
I guess I would start by trying to reassure him that I would not be put off if he rooms with his sister and her three kids, or that he is a slob, or whatever. Give him the out for those things you would accept. If he still won’t share then maybe it is something you would not accept. Then you should walk.
Best of luck | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:31:07 PM | Annie,
I dont know if he's married or not. I'd say most likely not married because you know where he lives. Is there a particular reason that you havent just gone up and knocked on his door?? Do you have his home phone number, and if so have you rung it without the call being prearranged by him?? If you have a valid reason for question 1 and you are able to call him at home spontaneously then I'd say that he's not married.
Why wont he let you see where he lives?? goodness there are a plethora of reasons, maybe its the ultimate batchelor pad, an utter mess, maybe he's an incredibly private person. Has he told you his story?? It took my SO 10 months before he was comfortable enough with me to tell me his story, some people are just very very private.
In the end it all comes down to communication. You feel uncomfortable because you dont know the reasons why he feels hesitant to have you enter his home. Because he hasnt given you a valid reason you wonder if he has an 'other' life.
If you have the reasons, regardless of whether you think they are important or not (ie messy), you can make an educated decision in respect to the future of your relationship. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:37:18 PM | | Married, hoarder, serial killer, slob... pick your excuse as to why you haven't been in his home. The fact that he made you wait outside for THREE HOURS (!!!) shows a serious lack of respect for you and your time. That's enough for me to kick his sorry butt to the curb. | |
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