| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:46:56 PM | Annie, whatever it is he doesn't want you to know about is quite possibly something that he is embarrassed about or ashamed of -- not necessarily anything sinister.
You've developed feelings for him; that doesn't make you "pathetic" or "a fool." He may be the wrong guy, but since your feelings are that strong, I really think you should try to have a serious talk with him to find out what the problem is.
Like Lynaudio said:
I guess I would start by trying to reassure him that I would not be put off if he rooms with his sister and her three kids, or that he is a slob, or whatever. Give him the out for those things you would accept. If he still won’t share then maybe it is something you would not accept. Then you should walk.
Edit: By the way, was he bending over backwards with apologies after he kept you waiting in your car all that time? Did he acknowledge any wrongdoing about that? If not, that might be all you need to know. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:47:46 PM | I can absolutely guarantee that the main reason for him not letting you into his house is FEAR[/].
What is behind that fear is anyone's guess, although the previous posters have provided some plausible reasons.
The question is....why does he have this fear? Is it because he doesnt "trust" the depth of the relationship yet. If he is of meager means, maybe he cant let you see that, if he has a room mate, that might be an issue, particularly if there is more than friendship status there. It could be any reason, but FEAR is definitely his issue. He could believe that whatever he is hiding will be the downfall of the relationship. Are you prepared to give him the assurance it wont? If he is waiting until your love is unconditional, you better prepare yourself for what ever he is hiding.
I had an ex who wouldnt take me to his mother's house to meet her, although I spoke to her on the phone dozens of times and she lived 5 minutes away. Turns out....her place was full of stuff, everywhere and anywhere, in no particular state of organization. She was hoarding everything and it was all staked in plain sight. It was over whelming!! | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:29:31 PM | Just finished reading the thread and I'm still shaking my head. I mean that literally. I confess, I am dying to know what is in that place.
Like several others, the first thing that came to mind for me was "hoarder." It'd explain the remark about you being distracting, too, and him keeping you waiting - many hoarders are compulsive about having their hoards just so, and need to make sure everything is in what feels to them like order before they leave for any period. But they do know it looks nuts to others, and are not unaware of dangers, such as fire hazards, which might cause them to be removed from the premises.
There's been an odd rash of TV specials about this lately (summer doldrums? I dunno), so I'm just parroting what the talking heads have said about it. It makes sense to me, though, too. Seems like that's all the same kind of thinking that leads to the hoarding in the first place.
I sure don't blame you for losing patience with the man - in fact, if I'd been in your car, we'd have left him and gone home rather than wait for him to go on that trip - but I wonder if he doesn't maybe need help.
Do you know any of his family members? I'm thinking of someone who could and/or would bull their way in whether he likes it or not. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:36:46 PM | Annie
To be frank with you I think you are sounding a bit desperate for putting up with the crap that he already put you through. I'd write him off based on that history alone.
Some of his excuses he is coming up with are just lame.
1. You were too distracting so he didn't want you to come in? Now that's thinking quick on your feet. NOT!
2. After promising to let you stay at his place he decided to just go to your house? If he cared how you felt the way you say he does a U-Turn wouldn't have been a good idea.
He says he doesn't want to lose you over this, yet his actions say he doesn't care.
I'd open up the lines of communications and let him know not to contact you until he is ready to resolve the issue to your satisfaction. Otherwise you are just wasting your time. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:43:42 PM | Annie, no direspect, but where the hell is your self esteem?
This guy doesn't love you, hell, he doesn't even respect you, and he's playing you like a second hand fiddle!
Leaves a woman waiting in the car for 3 hours and you think he really cares for you!
Run Baby, Run! | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 7:10:53 PM |
Annie -
I really like your new picture. You are a beautiful woman.
On to the topic at hand. Can you allow him the time to communicate the "real deal" of what's going on in his apartment and/or life? I am not convinced that he does not care for you. If you've tried and failed dump the serial killin', body parts hoardin', leaving you in the car for 3 hours dude and get yourself a MAN equal of your caliber.
I'd be curious to know what, if anything, you find out.
Best of luck OP! 
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/25/2009 8:57:09 PM | "dude, this blows! i said this chick was fat on here about a month ago, which she was, and now i can't start threads. no more talking of my studliness, no more comic relief, "
that's because if you called someone fat, it's an insult, duh!! if you have read the forum rules you are NOT allowed to insult anyone. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/27/2009 2:18:42 PM | I'd be glad to keep in touch,thanks so much for the support
Annie | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 4:32:26 PM | | If I haven't been to his home after a few dates...it'd be over. Waste of time! I just wouldn't want to invest that much in it. Of course if you're (not you) just in it for the good times & fun, then it would be okay. I did this once (for almost a year), but I knew from day one what the "situation" was and we were both fine with it....and we are still great friends after almost 20 years. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 4:35:27 PM | Holy Crap! People are whacko.
All I have to say. People are just freakin whacko.
I don't have a clue why this guy is acting the way he is. It's odd. It's weird. It's not cool. It's not right. It's outrageous.
I have waited outside his apartment for 3 hours in my car
But my question since you're the one who's here - is WHY DID YOU DO THIS? I mean why? What was your motive to behave this way for some guy?
I'm guessing but I think he's got dead bodies chopped up and varnished in his place, using them as coffee table "legs" and "arm" chairs, etc.,
Gross. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:06:05 PM | After 10 min of waiting I would have knocked on the door and said I had to pee. It would have solved alot of questions..If he didnt let me in then Id LEAVE watch America's most wanted and look for his face...
I'm sorry your in this pickle but 3 hours of waiting is unreal and your worth so much more!!! | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:21:45 PM | You sat outside in your car for THREE HOURS?? REFUSES to let you see his home?
Yes, you do indeed have poor judgement .
You should drive away from this one as fast as possible. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:30:35 PM | I think you should call it off with this man. Sometimes when we make a very dramatic stand people will sit up and take notice. If he's interested then he may just explain his odd behaviour. If he's not then you have made the right decision because he will not continue to pursue you.
I'm actually wondering if perhaps he's a "hoarder". You know someone who has an obsession with collecting things eg. egg cartons, magazines, whatever................and therefore he fears you won't understand.
I knew a girl like this and she collected the funniest things. She wasn't comfortable with new people coming to her house for fear of judgement. | |
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drstew
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Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 65 | |
| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:56:23 PM |
I am pretty sure this man loves me but I was sure a husband loved me for 20 years and he was picking up gay prostitutes.I don't trust my judgment and need some help
One emotion is feeding off the other here, which is no good for you. It's causing you to freak-out over the initial 20 year past and turning this situation very negative, when it doesn't have to be. On a happier note-- I think this situation is very easy. Make your place off limits, including hotels. Perhaps you can both meet at McDonald's over coffee? You can't force yourself inside his home, and I did note through this thread that he feels completely fine in yours.
I did watch the first two segments "Hoarders" myself-- but this is too early to contemplate.
Also, you really need to evaluate what kind of signals you are giving this guy. The fact that you waited 3 hours outside of his apartment, or condo , or house or whatever, means you have already shown him that you do not think much of yourself, so he doesn't have to prove anything to you.
Make it McDonald's and leave it that. I wouldn't block his number, I'd just have it on voice mail. ( yawn) | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:11:03 PM | Sorry OP, bad thing happening to you.
I don't know what he hides, could be a serial killer, maybe a thief and hides the product of his crimes, maybe a pedophile and has a recording studio in there, who knows really.
One thing is for sure, I would never allow this man into my home. Normally sick people could be very charming...I would just stay away and block him from your life. Your safety is first.
Good luck to you and cheer up. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:21:39 PM | 1. He's married..and it wouldn't be the first time married men lie about not being married
2. He lives with mommy and daddy, in which case run!!!
3. He has roomates and is too embarrased to say anything
4. He doesn't say where he really lives and it's probably a dump and is too embarrased to show you
or he's homeless | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:51:09 PM | I agree with makista:
Also, you really need to evaluate what kind of signals you are giving this guy. The fact that you waited 3 hours outside of his apartment, or condo , or house or whatever, means you have already shown him that you do not think much of yourself, so he doesn't have to prove anything to you.
It really doesn't matter if he's a hoarder, serial killer, lives with Mom, whatever - the main point is that he has established a pattern of not treating you right, but you continue to allow it. When you push a little, he pushes back and you give up; He knows it; he will continue to treat you the way that you are allowing him to do because he has no reason to stop doing so.
So it's up to YOU to dump him! | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:05:48 PM | You waited three hours for a guy outside his apartment,and he hasnt invited you in, and youre asking what to do??? Good Lord..........
I guess the women I know are different, most women I know Would of walked up to his house after 30 minutes and given him a shot in head , kick in the nuts and would of been gone like a hillbillies front teeth.
You cant blame him for disrespecting you if you dont respect yourself, and you still like the prick? that just blew my mind, lots of d*ck head lawyers up here who would love to meet a woman like you and treat like sh1t.
If you like being treated like sh1t, keep going out with this wonderful specimen of a man.sounds like a real catch. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:48:30 PM | Of course if you persist with this man and do find out what's behind door number 1,
we are all dying to know.
I'm for asking point blank at this juncture, like I said, if you persist. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:46:21 PM | | This is so sad. I don't really know what to tell you? But you were really smart to get away early and protect yourself from anything worse. Just leave it at that and not think about it anymmore. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 12:05:06 AM | Grow op,
and
Grow up
If a man made me wait that long without the excuse of an impending death...
I would have been long gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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