| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 3:54:53 AM | He must be married, or he is a terrorist and is building bombs, or maybe he is like Hugh Heifner and has ten nubile nymphs living with him.
No what, you have trust issues, and if it wasn't this it would be some thing else. I wish he was here because I would tell him to catch a bus to anywhere USA and to stay as far away from you as possible.
Bottom line is get over it or move on. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:07:06 AM |
No what, you have trust issues, and if it wasn't this it would be some thing else. I wish he was here because I would tell him to catch a bus to anywhere USA and to stay as far away from you as possible.
Spoken like a man who must have something to hide. Considering you talk a LOT about balance in your profile soflinighteagle, you sure aren't balanced on your answer here.
Let's review...
1) dating 4 months, only going to her place...for days on end
2) dating 4 months, he never drives to see her, she goes to him
3) dating 4 months, he never has had her in his house
4) dating 4 months, he doesn't always meet her at his house
5) dating 4 months, she has had to wait 3 hours for him and his excuse was some crap of her "distracting him" (that's Annie's issue but...)
Explain, kind sir, how SHE has trust issues when she's the one doing the work? She is the one sitting outside waiting for someone? HE'S got issues because he isn't allowing this woman in his home, he doesn't offer her a room in his town...you and I must have read 2 different original posts.
Perhaps reread the original post. Would you REALLY say that she's got trust issues? And a bus--how generous of you!  | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:09:53 AM | | He's spent weeks at your home but won't allow you over his doorstep? Whatever his reasons (and it could be anything from a wife/partner to him living with an elderly relative he isn't telling you about), it shows something lacking on his behalf and I would see it as time to move on. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:30:33 AM | 8. Being A Detroit Lions fan
Hey now.
I'm thinking about the X-Files episode where the in-bred family's mother was kept hidden under the mattress.... | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:58:41 AM | Explain, kind sir, how SHE has trust issues when she's the one doing the work? She is the one sitting outside waiting for someone? HE'S got issues because he isn't allowing this woman in his home, he doesn't offer her a room in his town...you and I must have read 2 different original posts.
you tell him afashionlady my girl....
I think that's the trouble when folks jump in and start reading at about post #40.....it's always a different topic by then ...isn't it? haha..or else it's ran away in a new direction.
Always good to read the original post......and then answer...no matter what the hell anyone else has said.......good reminder here
Kim~bo  | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 7:09:10 AM | He had something to hide, could have been his wife, lover, mother, trashed out apartment, sex slave or maybe he did not live there at all and used to slip out the back while you waited.
Either way the behavior was at best a huge Freak Flag. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 7:46:39 AM | Hai Guyz, wutz goin on n dis threadz??
Wow. I can't believe some of the sickos around here that get perfectly nice people to hold on to them for months on end and some others cant get second dates.
/self pity off
Ok. Annie. You know what to do. You've spent a LOT of emotional energy, time, and money on a person who won't REALLY let you in to their world. You deserve better. He's not respectful to you, and is quite obviously hiding something. Ironically, it's probably something that you could deal with. So this relationship will end up being blown to bits because of something that may not be insurmountable.
It's easy tho think the worst in situations like this. And you'd be right to think that way. It's ultimatum time. And stick to it. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:04:43 AM | Honestly Annie,
Do you want to have to fight for every little step in this relationship? It sounds like this guy has HUGE control issues, and quite frankly you have some insecurity issues.
If it's such a major drama for you to be able to spend some time at his home, then can you just imagine the other important things in life? Let's say you want to meet some of his friends, or family? Good heavens, won't that be a big fight! ( and another few months of evasion and mind games of yes, no, maybe...).
Do you want every little bity thing that you wish to share with him to be a huge drama and arguement and fuss? I wouldn't put up with that nonsense for more than about a nanosecond!!
Annie, you need to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, but it all starts with you. You need to figure out how you want someone to treat you. And I sure hope it isn't the way this guy is treating you. Please work on your self esteem a bit . People treat us the way we LET them treat us!!! Don't let this guy treat you like that.
Happy Fishing and find somone better!! | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:08:57 AM | Sweetie,
I would have to say that he is married... and if you don't want to believe that, I would consider going there one day when you know he is gone, and just knock on the door and see what happens. If she answers...tell her the truth so that he can't do this to someone else. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:10:37 AM | | lol, you are hilarious...talk about rude! We all have some kind of issue or we wouldn't be here! Would it have been so hard for you to just stop while you were ahead and not be so rude to her? Obvioulsy you could have stopped while you were being funny... | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:15:53 AM | | Gurl That's cause the man has a wifeee at home...I know that love is blind so here Im kicking you in the ass so maybe one day some one would do the same for me...When you're in "love" ya cant smell that sheit on their breath...Listen and take my advice, ask for a home cook dinner at his place and if he refuses you have you answer, if you do get to go look around for things that indecate a woman's present. Sheit like gurly curteins, dishes, photo's of coarse and check how many tooth brushes there are in the bush holder. I know that you hate to have your feelings hurt, no one does but it's better sooner then later... take care and best wishes.... | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:18:43 AM | | he is married dont be so naive. move on he aint worth ur hurt and you seem too nice to be messed around by a married can who cant keep it in his pants. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:21:51 AM |
jealousy is the highest form of flattery.
thank you all. it's nice to be back with my flock.
Course we're all jealous of you because of your subtle wit, your wide range of experience and your capacity for empathy!
By the way, the word you really want is "envious," not jealous. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:34:16 AM |
But maybe, just maybe, you might want to stick around til he's comfortable enough to allow you into his private bat cave.
^ No bat cave (or bat-loser) is worth sitting in a bat mobile for 3 hours! Move on OP.. there isn't an acceptable reason nor explanation for this behavior. He's clearly hiding something ~who cares! Let him hide "it" without you in his creepy world!  | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 12:28:24 PM | 1) His home is a real pigsty that he's ashamed of.
2) He's married and/or has kids that he doesn't want you to know about.
3) He's got some prostitutes or Satanic worshippers living in there.
(sigh) Tread lightly, try not to expect faithfulness, make sure he uses protection, and accept the relationship as it is, with its "limits".
I too dated a Vietnamese woman who didn't want me visiting her in her home (she visited me in mine). She lied about not living with her family (when in fact she is). Don't know why she felt the need to lie...guess they didn't trust me and didn't want me around...so she "snuck" off with me on our dates, and we'd make out in the back of a movie theater (very nice). I accepted it as it was, but, at the same time, it wasn't very fulfilling. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 2:50:18 PM | You don't want to go into that apartment because.
That's where all the bodies are separated into different sealed drums by hair color!
He has alot of 70's porn lying around and feels you will view him as out of touch with the much more modern porn that is presently going on today!
He's growing some high grade pot in there and fears if the relationbship turns sour,you will turn him in!
Or he hasn't cleaned out the toilet bowl since Elvis passed away!
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 3:21:24 PM | Please understand that my post is not meant to defend the man in the OPs post at all. It is just an example of what might drive a person to hide their living situation from someone else.
A few years ago I went through a depression, and started watching hours and hours of tv every night. Needless to say, my housework started getting beyond me, to the point where clothes, books, etc, were piled in every available corner. Somehow I managed to keep the living room somewhat tidy, though still cluttered. The bathroom surfaces are always clean, and the kitchen is also an area that I try to keep under control. The bedroom...well that's another story, lol.
I dated a very nice man for two years, and he never once saw the inside of my condo. At first he seemed ok with it, as my sister was living with me at the time and working from home. She was always there, so there would be no privacy. Then, a few months after she moved out, I opened up and told him that the main reason he had never seen the inside of my condo was because of the clutter. He was a total neat freak, and I worried about what he would think of me when he did see the mess.
The new boyfriend hasn't seen my home, nor have I seen his. We always go out to spend time together. I hope to have mine more organized by the time winter comes, as it would be nice to be able to invite him in. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:16:21 PM | That is a huge Red Flag!!!
I don't want you to get into deep with guy and find out he is married.
Ughh!!
That is the first thought that comes to mind; he is married, may have children.
Or
He could be embarrassed of his apartment. If he has seen your place, he might be embarrassed of his?? Who knows.. He could be a complete slob and doesn't want you to run off for that reason.
Ater, 4 months you should have seen his place.
He is trying to play this factor down, because there is something he isn't telling you. The smallest things are usually the biggest.
I understand that your not judgemental, but you need to do what's best for you. Just simply ask him what the deal is. If he gives you more excuses, give him an ultimatum. If he has nothing to hide and really cares about you. He will step up and explain the situation. However, if he gives you the run around; send him packing.
Gd luck OP  | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:18:01 PM | Annie,
You haven't responded back to some of the questions. Do you have his home phone number? If he brought you to an apartment complex, and you waited outside, how do you even know he lives there? Did you actually see him walk into the apartment or did he just vanish into a courtyard or behind some building? The entire situation just screams RED FLAG, something is horribly wrong, and as the others have stated, this man is not showing you an ounce of respect. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:27:32 PM | Why are you even doubting your judgement. He was a smooth talking/emailing looooooser. The minute he made you wait outside you should have taken off & never looked back. You showed him how to treat you and he did. How can you call 5 days a 1st date? Does he not work, do you? Plus you gave "it" up really quick so he did not have to try any more.
It bothers me that women are allowing themselves to be treated like crap and then you wonder why they wont stay. We all want someone with a backbone!!!!
Get one you will be happier and this wont happen to you again.
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:28:15 PM |
Go to www.zabasearch.com and put in his whole name
http://snitch.name is also a good one, takes longer than zabasearch but it pulls any social networking sites that he may be on along with criminal, blogs and more. | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:40:42 PM | Hello OP,
You are getting a lot of guesses as to what his secret might be; and it could be any of the above or it could be something no one even thought of yet...
(shoot, maybe it was gay piccadillos)
but regardless, for a person to force a person who drove all the way out to meet someone at their own place to wait three HOURS without letting them in, speaks volumes... and loud volumes at that.
For sure, it shows lack of respect. Definitely, it shows lack of consideration. Absolutely, it shows fear of something.
You can ask him to talk to you. You can walk away. You can look into it more.
But it sounds to me like you want it to be an innocent cause; and you are second guessing your blocking things.
Resolve things for yourself, but make sure you are seeing what you need to see, not what you want to see. Because you were the one who raised the flag... you already know something's hinky... be good to yourself, ok?
All the best... | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:52:50 PM | | OP, When I was 25, Iwas duped by a married man. I dated him for 6 months before I found out he was married.I was outside his home plenty of times, he told me he rented a room in the house, and was embarrassed by the fact. His wife worked midnights to 7 and she got wise when she realized he wasn't sleeping at home. She played detective and found out about me, she came to where I worked and was as nice as pie to me[ I was waitressing at the time]. After I served her, she told me she was Barry's wife!!!!To make a long story short...If a guy ever did that to me again I'm sure I would walk right in and find out for myself wtf! Something is obviously up. The wife and I ended up friends and went to his funeral together, but when she first found out, it was not pretty. I can't figure what your guy is up to, I hope it's not the worst case scenerio for you, but you need to be aggressive and find out, and let us know. | |
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sadey2
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Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 100 | |
| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:49:17 PM | | You know he's hiding something,you feel it in your gut or your women's intutition.Did you ever stop by when you knew he wouldn't be there to see what would have happened. 3 hrs in a car,oh boy,either low self esteem or alot of patience.I wouldn't do it. | |
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