| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:04:50 PM | msg1: Wow!! that was the longest time I 've heard about second date 5 days whew !!!
Annie, don't you think it is weired that he comes to your house but he won't invite to his place? And you have to wait in your car for 3 hours, to pick him for a long date or something near his place? I don't think" where you park your car "to wait for him is near his apartment,,,,,I bet you already talked what time you are picking him, so he knows that he was suppose to be ready and on time... Okay , perhaps he forgot your date, and woke up late, will it take him 3 hours to take a shower and change clothes and put some few thing is his carry bag? My suspicion is he has to commute on your meeting place......
I think this guy in not really inlove with you as you think,for he is not comfortable for you to see his place and he is hiding something from you. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/29/2009 3:00:03 AM | Annie.
The way I see it?
You are a Real Estate Agent, there are two types, car salesmen, or compassionate ones that love, getting the result but also love doing the job. I suspect your the latter.
I am a Real Estate Agent myself just so you know.
You were also married for 20 years and so you were in the 30's when you did, a grown woman.. A woman...
You established what you did and that must have hurt like heck... Such a denial for all that time...
Your really a soft person and you trust people.. You trusted him, but they usually marry women whom are "soft" so they can hide.
Would I be right in saying you have a genuine loving, giving nature? And, you sincerely like to just trust?
In this world that doesn't work...
You can be as loving and giving as you want but you have to learn to be tough as well and see everything as a lesson and learn from that, and get stronger.
But, in my opinion, what you don't do, is forgo believing... Give till your heart is content that is who you are... But, you still have to learn to be tougher, stronger and always laugh at what happens as, well, a lesson, or, poor soul, they have no idea what life is really about.
I suspect that you keep living in this "I want" world... I deserve. and so you allow complex things that you know are wrong, to happen because you felt and feel hurt over what happened and after all only want what all want, love.....
You've already strengthened.. You read all but don't reply other than one word... But, in the meantime, you've gotten angry at you, and realized, you've changed your text and photo in your profile ( beautiful by the way) and so, you have a new journey to live to experience as a stronger you.
For those that can't comprehend the want and need of love after what you went through and the realization that 20 years has passed before you ventured, god I recall the outfits i tried on for my first dates, wrong, wrong, wrong, lol... It takes time on your own and mistakes to realize how it all fits, works after 20 years.
Most of your replies, (excluding the jerk replies) are from 40's - 50's age group... You think we all haven't had a hard time adjusting to the dating world? Gawd this is a dating site.....
What you seek is love.
What you originally wanted to know doesn't matter.
What you need to take only is the lesson....
They disrespect? Diss them... and keep finding.....
Don't stop looking Annie. And, don't take shirt... what happened in your marriage, you probably didn't find out until the end and always wondered...
Now it's your life, get your shirt together and understand that wasn't your fault rather probably, your intuition told you so but heck 20 years is, well 2o years.
I suspect also you didn't have much sexual attention in consideration of how you've described your husband, and so don't mistake, good sex, for love or commitment.
Rather, enjoy your life in that regard, you deserve it as we all do but don't be disrespected anymore... because you... as a person... is worth more as well....... | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/29/2009 1:58:35 PM | | Annie, he's hiding something like a wife. I would not have waited 3 hr.s in the car. I would walk up to the door and knock. Don't wonder about this guy. Knock on his door and find out for yourself. Your a beautiful lady and deserve better. Don't let anyone treat you like that! I would not leave my dog in the car for 3 hr.s. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/29/2009 4:26:44 PM | didn't read all 5 pages so sorry if this is a repeat...
i'd wonder if he might have OCD. it can make it very hard for people to let other people "touch" their stuff, fear of rearrangement, and time sense (checking and rechecking that the stove is turned off, or that the door is locked) can be altered... people with OCD can also be insensitive (ie keeping you waiting for 3 hours). and they can be really secretive and ashamed about this problem.
just a thought.
OP, i really agree with the folks who said that waiting thing was very weird. i would have asked him when he would be ready, and gone and done something else until that time. to me that's a huge red flag in the relationship for both of you, him for assuming (seemingly) that this was okay, and you, though i totally sympathize, for putting up with it...
good luck to you, hope everything works out for the best | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/29/2009 4:54:02 PM | OP -- DANGER WIL ROBINSON!!
What's at his place that he doesn't want you to see? A wife? A lover? A friggin' meth lab...?
Something is there that he doesn't want you to see. It's that simple.
I'm a guy and even *I* don't get the "too distracting" comment. What the HELL is that?!
He's hiding something and all of us here know it, including you. Time to remove the fancy blinders and get with reality. As much as I don't like it, I'd suggest that you make it clear to him that he either A) invites you in next time or B) he can f*ck himself 8 ways from Sunday and lie to someone else.
And I HATE ultimatums...but there's exceptions to every rule.
You KNOW that he's keeping you from seeing something...
Find it or move on. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/29/2009 5:14:04 PM |
A friggin' meth lab...?
Ha, that popped into my head, too. Since it's an apartment, I figured probably not, because of the smell. But you never know... | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:25:09 PM | OH, HEEEELLLLL NO!!!
I wouldn't travel all that way to sit in a car for three hours. Me? I am one that has got more guts than the person who would try some shit like that. I would have gone to his apartment and banged on that fekking door until his punk ass came out with his wife.
Love is blind and you are fooling yourself. You don't want to believe that you got played and that he really is married. Wake up. This man loves you just as much as the husband that was living on the down low. It is a harsh reality but honestly, I don't think love is any where in that mix. Sorry.
You said it and it is out in the open----you don't trust your judgment. I think it is fair to say that you know in your heart that it is over and that it is time to move on. No one here is going to tell you something you want to hear but tell you what is really up.
You are better off without him. If he comes back, you are enabling him to do it again. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:38:40 PM | Are u a clean person?
cause maybe he is dirty and just doesn't want you to find out. Maybe you need a bulldozer to get into his front door.. you can never tell with people from just looking at them if their home is clean or not.
Or maybe, he doesn't have much to live with. Maybe all thats in his apartment is a TV standing on a box, a bed, dresser, and a table with one chair... and hes ashamed to admit to you that he isnt as well off as u might think he is. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:43:26 PM | Whatever reason he has, he's definitely not giving much thought to your feelings. Is that the kind of man you want?
Do you seriously think that whatever the issue is, it's going to magically go away once you see his home?
What YOUR problem? Is this really the sort of treatment you want from a partner? If you like him, stay friends with him, but keep looking for someone a little more towards the normal side of whacky. If he really means that he doesn't want to lose you, maybe he'll change his tune.
I still go back to what's YOUR problem. What on earth makes you put up with this kind of treatment for months on end? Maybe you need to think about talking with a therapist. That doen't mean you're nuts - but probably rather disoriented by your past experiences and in need of someone with experience in such matters to talk things over with. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:18:06 AM | that saying makes me laugh every time I hear it or read it........
Love is blind and you are fooling yourself. If love was blind why is lingerie so popular?? | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:27:09 AM | FWIW, I was about to say "Depression -- the place is probably a disaster to an extent you really can hardly imagine."
But Savona (message 7) beat me to it and did a MUCH better job of it.
Given that at least 3 of your "dates" have been days in duration, I don't think it's really likely the explanation is that he's married. Possible, I suppose, but unlikely.
-- Michelle | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:38:14 AM | Well if you really wanted to know the truth you could drive over there one day when he's not at home and knock on the door and see who answers. When I first started reading your post I thought he has a gay lover or something and then I read at the end that your ex husband had gay lovers...OH MY I hope for your sake that's not the case but people are crazy ya know? | |
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| What to do,What to do?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:04:56 PM | I do wonder how this all ended...perhaps she is in the car still waiting unable to update us...J/K  | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:32:12 PM | | Your playn a dangerous emotional game.I say stop the game and stop letting him play you.Your a beautiful lady,you look much smarter than that. | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:33:16 PM | | It not "if you see his home" or "not see his home"...the point is that it makes you uncomfortable not seeing it. The keep work is COMFORT. He should let you see his place because it will make you comfortable. Relationships are first about comfort. What else is he doing that makes you feel unease? If it's a pattern then it is a red flag. Never be afraid to voice your fears or uncomfortable feelings. A good man will always ease them. Good luck and chin up! | |
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| 4 months and I still have not seen his home
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:02:05 PM | If the man were loving OP, OP wouldn't know nothing about his apartment during the four-month dating. Absolutley, he knows OP needs him. If his home were mess, he would ask OP for her help.
I pity lonely people who have lots of time but can't suffer to spend their time alone.  | |
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1jamez
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 125 | |
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