| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:52:14 AM | | I agree with imo73. I mean I am not much of an emailer on here. And my personal information is not attached to my messenger to begin with. I tend to chat more than email myself. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:21:12 AM | There is no such thing as right or wrong when asking for someones IM on the first contact. Thats because people have different opinions on it. Some people prefer Instant Messages to email and there is nothing wrong with that, it is just a different form of communication.
You were rude to him by saying it was bad manners for him to ask. So you received a rude response in return. Maybe you can use this as a learning experience for next time. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:30:52 AM |
on to your question. really, this guy had absolutely no idea what your personal rules for IM are. for most people, IM is just an easy preference over email, not something they don't do unless they know someone REALLY well. so for you to say that he had "bad manners" because he asked to IM you is ridiculous. no wonder he made the princess comment. so to answer your question.... THAT'S what you did to "deserve" a comment like that. see it? and furthermore, the reason you have to "put up with this stuff" is because you're on the internet. so put on your big girl pants and get used to it.
Agree 100% with this statement. You had your personal code of ethics on the IM which he had no idea of. For you to call him rude just for asking for your IM was out of line. Not saying he was correct, but you were heavy handed toward him.
I was on chat on POF with someone once couple of years ago. She didn't have her city on her profile, just something like west midlands (which could be really anywhere).
I asked her what town was she in and she accused me of being rude just because I asked what city she lived in. This was during a one-on-one chat
All she had to say was she wasn't comfortable telling that information and I would have said ok and left it at that. To insult me for asking simple question is not cool.
also i have to add: from your perspective, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to get into an IM session with some guy on the internet. i don't blame you one bit for that! wow, especially those pervy cretins with all the panache & grammar skills of your average neanderthal. and yes there are a lot of them out there and they really like IM (and hopefully a webcam too) because email just interferes too damn much with their wanking off to your chat, lol. but if you don't want to IM somebody, either tell him that straight up and just let it go, or if you really feel the need to explain you can say that your IM address is only for friends & family.
I can't add anymore to this.
Cow-girl is spot on with this. You don't want to give out your IM, that is your right and nobody should question you on that.
I have a thing about my LAN line number. Not giving it out to strangers on the net. That is for friends and family. Yet, I've been asked for it on first dates and emails.
I just say no, not going to do it, but I'm certainly not going to call anyone rude for asking.
Don't get me wrong, he was totally out of line with his comments too.
In fact, he handled himself VERY badly. I would never made a nasty reply back like that.
Fail on both sides of the fence. 
Relax a bit. Saves a lot of grief if you learn to keep perceptions in rein | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:45:25 AM | | I agree with most of what you said, except telling him it was bad manners. I wouldn't have said that in a million years. Sticking to: I only give it out to people once I get to know them makes sense, but to be honest, telling someone they have bad manners is almost always bad manners yourself. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:34:46 AM | I disagree Julie it is not impolite to state that you think something is bad manners...
That is a very mature and intelligent way to communicate this. That is my true feelings about it...and it isn't "Beating around the Bush"
For those of you that think that was rude...let me put this in REAL perspective:
Rude Response = "well hey pal, your no prince charming there, what makes ya think I'm gonna give out my Messenger ID to a toad like you"....
Rude Response = "Buzz off dude, you disgust me"
Rude Response = "Your unattractive dude go catch flies"
Mature & Actual Repsonse = "I consider it bad manners to ask for Messenger Id so quickly in a first contact"
The way I see it that was a kind gentle way to say I didn't want to be asked for that information in a first contact email. Not everyone tosses out their messenger id...ALL of my friends are cautious about who they toss it out to...My instant messenger is reserved for friends and family...I do not want to go the trouble of removing someone if they don't have normal social skills...I don't feel it is my job to teach them either ...Grown adults should know what good manners are already... | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:45:41 AM | Mature & Actual Repsonse = "I consider it bad manners to ask for Messenger Id so quickly in a first contact"
But was it absolutely necessary to say that you consider it bad manners? By simply saying something to the effect of "I don't give out my Messenger ID so quickly in a first contact" you could have conveyed your stance on the subject. Now if your goal was to set yourself apart from people who have a different belief and denounce them to boot, telling them that you believe it was bad manners definitely achieved your goal.  | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:47:37 AM | | If I am interested in a contact, whether it be first or not, I give out my Yahoo ID if asked. I don't find it rude to ask me for it, afterall, I do have freewill whether I give it to him or not. But I find chatting on Yahoo much more interesting and much quicker than communicating on this site. I find the blocking features on Yahoo to be effective and easy to use if I don't wish to continue contact with someone on there. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:56:32 AM | | gecko...so what do you say when you choose not to give it out? Im interested to know...you left that part of the story out? Do you simply not respond? | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:06:06 AM |
The way I see it that was a kind gentle way to say I didn't want to be asked for that information in a first contact email. Not everyone tosses out their messenger id...ALL of my friends are cautious about who they toss it out to...My instant messenger is reserved for friends and family...I do not want to go the trouble of removing someone if they don't have normal social skills...I don't feel it is my job to teach them either ...Grown adults should know what good manners are already...
Not everyone tosses out their messenger id...
And not everyone use's it just for family or friends. Don't expect people to use their IM the same way as you do or all your friends.
I don't feel it is my job to teach them either ...Grown adults should know what good manners are already...
A grown adult should not feel the need to teach others just because they do things differently. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 10:04:21 AM | So OP, you're saying I have "bad manners" when I ask a guy for his Yahoo ID? I often do that when I'm tired of emailing back and forth.
If someone asks me for my Yahoo ID and I'm not ready to chat, I simply reply something like "I'm not ready to chat on messenger yet" By saying that I'm not insulting him and I'm leaving the conversation open to more emails.
Now, he could reply saying that's fine or he could reply wanting to know why not, or he could just drop off the face of the earth. Some guys do that.
The thing to remember is to think about what you type because once its sent you can't take it back. You also can't take written words at face value, there is no emotion attached. You have to learn to communicate clearly and not misinterpret what was written. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:08:02 PM | People have asked me for my ID many times and I have also have asked. Sometimes I do decline most times I don't. I don't say they are rude, I just apologize that I don't want to add them on my list. If someone refuses to me I dont get offended and that person say I am rude for asking.
OP the guy didn't do anything wrong until you were rude to him. You start the whole thing, I never heard asking for ID as being rude. Maybe you don't belong on the internet, because most people will want ID. You will get offended often. Do yourself a favour and get off the internet. You have some strange issue, acting like a child when you're 39? | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:45:02 AM |
My instant messenger is reserved for friends and family...I do not want to go the trouble of removing someone if they don't have normal social skills...
Sorry op, I'm with the guy on this one. Get over yourself already. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:14:44 AM | | This seems like much ado about nothing to me. He asked for a messenger ID, not your home address or bank account number. Like others have said, block him, delete him, it takes .1 seconds to do both! While I could understand his reply seeming a tad abrasive to you, I can also see where he's coming from. Unless you're really new to the 'net, this shouldn't be a big deal at all. You can also - you know - just say no if this doesn't suit you. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:26:28 AM | | I agree Kaeren, It's just an easier way to talk than email. I would think it was weird if someone wouldn't want to communicate using some sort of instant chat or telephone. Email is awkward and is an impossible way to communicate with someone you want to get to know. A complete waste of time other than initial contact. Emailing just ends with the conversation dying and someone never talking to you again. Most people that actually want to date and not play internet games like to actually talk and meet fairly quickly. Answering questions a day apart seems strange to me. Maybe I'm dumb but I don't think it takes much effort to delete someone if you don't like them. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:05:15 AM | I was brought up to believe it is bad manners to tell peope they are using bad manners, unless I am responsible for thier behaviour, IE it is my child.
So, you think he was using bad manners, and now he thinks you were using bad manners, it is all equal now.
Just tell people you dont give out your IM until you feel comfy, it is not your place to give lessons on manners, because not everyone is going to agree with you that it was bad manners in the 1st place.
Even the lovely Miss Manners only hands out advice to those who ask for it! | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:28:37 AM | I really don't think it was bad manners to state that "I personally" consider it bad manners to be so blunt and impatient on a first contact. I think that was being honest and saving alot of time. He showed his true colors when he reacted in negative way.
The words that I chose to express this to him were adult and mature and not rude, his response was not adult and mature. Perhaps I was right to not give this information out.
Not everyone gives out there messenger id so readily. I have one set up and don't plan to share that information until a person displays normal social skills. Patience is a quality I seek in a person. I am not interested in instant messaging with someone that does not have any.
Prior Posts:
PER SMILEEATJEN "I think his response was rude."
PER CMONSTER "Even though a lot of guys prefer IM to email, its understandable not to give out your IM account to just any random person on the Net"
PERVIPEPRESS "Excuse me, but I'd have handled HIM a bit 'differently'. In his TACKY response to NOT GETTING HIS WAY, I'd have informed him that you are indeed NOT a princess but a QUEEN. I would have ALSO brought to his 'attention' that you were, as a MATTER OF FACT a 'person' also who deserves to be RESPECTED. On the OTHER HAND, he was a SLIMY COMMON TOAD and his INFANTILE tantrum of insults could promptly be SHOVED up his A$$ SIDEWAYS !!! It IS rude and presumptuous to THINK that a woman would just HAND OVER her IM address to waste time on SOMEONE like HIM after an obtuse, VERY BRIEF correspondence. Obviously he showed his TRUE COLORS immediately, and lucky for you that you didn't spend any more TIME on his NONSENSE !!! After that is said, the best form of getting your 'point across' is to simply IGNORE him for the duration. I don't get many of these ADULT BABIES and tend to not block people, but when I am messaged by one of that 'TYPE', I just WIPE OUT all of the messages without reading them. When he checks his 'mail', he will see that the message was DELETED WITHOUT BEING READ. The best way to take charge and diffuse an IMBECILE like that, is to pretend he doesn't EXIST, which all in all is NOT hard to do with an immature, EGO MANIACAL, impotent, JERK OFF. ~scowls and brandishes a sledge hammer~"
PER HAZELROSE " just tell guys straight up "I don't give out my IM, so get to know me the way this arena was set up, or find another fish." I like emailing better than IM. It's just a faster way of textng, so why not just get to know the person, and then talk on the phone. Emailing/texting is too impersonal which is why guys have an easier time doing it, or writing sexually explicit crap which is why women have stopped being nice about IM."
I think HazelRose is SPOT On and that is how I feel about it too...
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:05:13 AM | PER BARBEE 1970
"The rude response wasn't necessary. I don't like to give my IM out either. I think you did the right thing.
The problem I encounter is that men don't want to have an intelligent conversation with instant messenger. They always have to start thinking with their little heads(between their legs) and talk about sex."
I think Barbee 1970 was SPOT ON as well... | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 1:46:40 PM | I have one set up and don't plan to share that information until a person displays normal social skills.
How was he suppose to know your rule? You expect men to read your mind! :))
For your information IM ID is not information. Then why are you on here? Why share your nick and profile to the entire world? It is the same thing!
I see your social skills is hardly normal!
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 2:07:10 PM |
PER BARBEE 1970
"The rude response wasn't necessary. I don't like to give my IM out either. I think you did the right thing.
The problem I encounter is that men don't want to have an intelligent conversation with instant messenger. They always have to start thinking with their little heads(between their legs) and talk about sex."
I think Barbee 1970 was SPOT ON as well...
Instant messaging is not the problem, its the type of men using it. A mans real intentions are not going to change depending on the mode of communication.
If someone can't control themselves in a IM chat, I think that is something you would want to know right away, not months down the line. If anything, it will save you lots of wasted time. | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 5:56:24 PM | Man, I cant stand a ton of emails, especiallys because guys emails consist of one sentence maybe two short ones each time. Just give me your yhoo ID already and lets put all those small sentences together at once and save me some time. Geeeesh. I think I can tell a Nigerian scammer (well I know I can ) .. I enjoy messin wiff em.
So, I dont take offense when a guy asks for my yahoo, or gives me his, if we dont hit it off, I just block him and delete him from my messenger but at least I know in 10 min instead of days.... I's gots me stuff ta do man!!!
^T^ | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:43:38 PM | You did not deserve this response. You were absolutely right.
In fact, his reply shows that you made the correct decision.
Actually, I have an alternate email with an alternate messenger account simply for situations like this. Perhaps you can consider this for online dating? | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:50:25 PM | I used to be reluctant to give out my messenger address...there is a space attached to it, which I no longer use, but I don't want to delete it just yet...then I had a brain wave...blind email account!!! I set up a separate account on Live (hotmail live whatever it is) that just has the absolute minimum of info on it...and anything remotely close to an address or other info that someone might try to use for stalking...all fake...close to the real thing, but still fake. I use that one specifically for POF so now I'm okay with giving it out, since I like to progress to IM after 2-3 emails anyway. I figured why not? The background on my other email was the only thing stopping me from giving it out sooner anyways | |
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| Manners when asking for Messenger ID
Posted: 8/28/2009 2:15:55 AM | I do have two e-mail accounts. One I started many, maaanny years ago, before we were all aware of the need for internet safety. My first addy actually had my last name in it! I started my second account just for that reason when I started online dating.
In answer to your question, there was nothing wrong with him politely asking for your messenger ID, and there was also nothing wrong with you politely refusing. Everyone's idea of how they want to conduct their internet lives is different- no one way is right or wrong, just different.
Not sure I would have told him he had bad manners; even people we know well and love often have a hard time with criticism, implied or up-side-the-head.
Just my humble opinion. | |
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