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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:33:24 AM | In the last decade I have been able to shut down my libido, and turn it back on.
My husband was ill and became impotent after a cancer surgery. I turned off the libido.
I became celebate and stayed faithful to my man. After his death I found my sex drive reared its ugly head. LOL
I do not engage in casual sex. At this stage in my life I find it meaningless. In a loving relationship I have a sex drive that knows no limits. I have said it before and I will say it again, I would make love with my man, any time, any day, anywhere. If the place would get us arrested, as long as he was willing to pay the bail and court costs, I would be up for it.
Recently when he came over for a quick visit before leaving town he asked me if I was hungry and wanted to go out to dinner. I said, "Sure" then as an after thought asked if it was a trick question, "Is this an either or offer, either dinner or sex, because if its a choice between making love and food, I want to make love, I eat three times a day every day, and would rather make love than eat any day." Thankfully, it was not an either or question, I got my dinner and my lovin'.
Sex drive in women and men IS NOT THE SAME. We are not built the same. A woman whose body does not make lubricant like it did when she was younger can use any number of products and still make love. Unlike a man who has to achieve an erection, we women have no limitation. If you can think it you can do it.
My body still responds to my man. Just thinking about him makes me wet. Talking to him on the phone just the sound of his voice makes me wet. Put me in the same room with him, and I can't hardly keep my hands off him. Good thing it doesn't take much to get him in the same frame of mind. He has to work at it to keep up with me, but he is
up for the challenge. I think he loves having a woman who desires him as much as I do.
Now, I do not give a dang about hormones. Like MsMicki, my libido is controlled by my brain, not my hormones. I shut it off when my husband was sick. I turned it back on when I met my current love. My sex drive is through the roof with no signs of stopping. It is a case of mind over matter.
There is plenty of evidence to say that younger women with a full complement of hormones, lose interest in sex if they have a partner that does not show them affection, attention and courtesy. When the men in those women's lives shows them appreciation, then all of a sudden their interest in sex returns. WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT! When will some of you men learn this. You do not want to accept the fact that we ladies if of the right frame of mind can be wild and live life with abandon well into our geriatric years, because it is our ATTITUDES and the WAY WE THINK that makes it so. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:03:05 PM | The two above posters just totally ROCK.
And spitfire, try taking your head out of your ass. You're so hung up on being "right" that you don't know how wrong you are. Have you done any experimentation of your own to see if this research is indeed correct, or are you missing out on a whole lotta fun? | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:09:27 PM | -s'OK, 'pitts....'...He just wanted to show everyone that he could spell 5+-letter words...
Some of them _Correctly_, too..!!
When I find a woman over 40...with advanced 'drive'...that is equally attracted to me as I / her...
I'm not sure if I pity or envy her...!!!
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:50:38 PM |
Have you done any experimentation of your own to see if this research is indeed correct, or are you missing out on a whole lotta fun?
Yes, I do know some 50+ year old women, and I know LOTS of women in their 20s through 40s. But, anecdotes are usually not very scientific...mine, nor anyone else's. Biochemical research yields the most useful data.
No one is slighting or disrespecting older women here. It's already been stated that many of them have strong sex drives. No one disputed that.......
.....but the fact is that a typical 36-year-old woman's sex-drive, interest, and intensity outdoes a typical 56-year-old woman's drive any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Exceptions have already been noted, so don't keep harping on the exceptions. If you're in the 50s, you're likely just about done----it's time for Bingo and knitting. Don't be offended by that, and if you're an exception to that, it is duly noted. But, it's ridiculous for anyone to think that a woman's sex-drive generally strengthens or improves between the 36-to-46 range (which are mostly still childbearing years) and 56 (which is far past menopause for most women).
There is no serious debate on this issue. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 4:19:24 PM | 7 pages of replies.......
out of 39 different women replying.......36 of them said their sex drive has gotten stronger with age.
2 stated their drive was higher.....but they attributed it more to their partner then their age
and 1 stated she has seen no evidence of this......but the implication of the post was she was waiting on the right man to find out for sure!!
which puts her in the "partner" category instead of the "age" category.
that is 92% of the women replying....
How much more proof do you need?  | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 4:20:41 PM | Widowsdesire, your new man is VERY lucky! I just had this conversation with a male friend today. We were discussing how we would feel if one of our partners became ill. Yes, I would be able to turn it off and totally focus on him.
Now, being that I am not in the situation right now, I can't believe how much more comfortable I am in my 40's and desire sex more than I ever have. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:57:23 PM | | Widowsdesire post was fantastic. It's something I've known for a long time. It's all about attitude because I've been with both kinds. And her attitude rocks. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:08:16 PM | Thank you Widowsdesire, finally the truth comes pouring out.
I had an amazingly sensual/sexual (as well as great in all other areas as well) with a lady who was 65 when we began and 72 when fate stepped it, and it was the most amazing connection on a neuron and libido level.
There was not the slightest problem , probably become we were playmates outside of the bedroom as well and enjoyed each others company in many areas.
So yes the harmones were clicking and the times were slow, tantylizingly, fast, neat, silly(ahhhh to here at the restraunt I am horny and want you to... have to love the family bathrooms they have nowadays... | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:12:09 PM | After reading most of the repies from you woman all I can say is THANK God since I am not getting any younger either and it is nice to know that I might still have a chance of some of the good sstuff in life!  | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:23:45 PM | I'm still taking in all of the comments from the ladies that have responded. I'm not sure why but most of the women that I know who are over 45 say they have less libido now than earlier in life. My ex lost her libido about 10 years ago and she finally went to her "female" gyncologist to talk about her lack of desire and asked for help. The gynocologist said, "most of my female patients over 45 have made the same request because of dying libido". In fact the gynocologist said hers was rock bottom as well (she was 50 at the time).
Interesting point: Drug companies are working on female libido restoration drugs at a furious rate. If most women had high sex drive this would be a product with little marketplace for sales. This started right after Viagra was introduced. Women demanded help with their sexual problems.
I've read what you're saying ladies but it doesn't add up to what I've heard from women or from the medical community. This is why men find what you're saying hard to believe. Most of our experience is that as women get older their desire goes down.
Oh, and please don't re-use the old "you men are just being jerks, fat, unkempt, slobs, etc" and that's why women loose their desire for sex. Those are stereotype comments and two can play at that game, a game that never achieves meaningful dialog between men and women. It's a bit hard to accept that most men fall into this stereotypical catigory. While you may disagree with Spitfire don't act as a gang of female thugs who unite for the purpose of verbally emasculating the man. I seldom answer questions here because of this one mode of operation that I see here all to often. You can be firm without being nasty.
Joke time: Why did the woman going through menopause cross the road; to kill the chicken (or rooster in this case). | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:31:05 PM | Oh, and please don't re-use the old "you men are just being jerks, fat, unkempt, slobs, etc" and that's why women loose their desire for sex. Those are stereotype comments and two can play at that game, a game that never achieves meaningful dialog between men and women. It's a bit hard to accept that most men fall into this stereotypical catigory. While you may disagree with Spitfire don't act as a gang of female thugs who unite for the purpose of verbally emasculating the man.
Davidisyours, I did not get nasty with anyone, I was quite polite in fact in my statements.
Yes in youth sex drive can be driven by hormones. Once again I say, in maturity, that ATTITUDE can drive libido. The brain is a biggest sex organ, and some women even in the absence of exogenous hormones, when their natural hormones decline continue to have a raging sex drive. These women are driven by their MINDS, their love of sexual relations, their desire to be physically close to their men, and their enjoyment of the intimacy that comes from sexual relations.
I LOVE to kiss my man. I love to run my hands over his body. I love the feel of his skin against my skin. I would enjoy all these things whether I have estrogen and progesterone or not. I enjoy the mental aspect of two flesh becoming one during the act of intercourse. I love the feel of my man inside me. It all starts in the MIND. Some days I don't lubricate as well as others and that is when we grab the tube out of the bedside table. But it all started with the DESIRE, which originated with the way I think about him and me and OUR RELATIONSHIP.
There are countless studies that show that women in loving relatioships where they are given what they need outside the bedroom from their mates are more likely to engage in festivities inside the bedroom. Some women just don't care anymore, and their relationships are tired. The lack of sex in the bedroom is a symptom of the lack of general loving behavior in the rest of the relationship.
Again, there are some women that in their twenties DO NOT LIKE SEX! They have normal hormone levels but they never enjoyed sex, it was just something they put up with.
I am just saying that a woman who wants to keep a vital active sex life going is not slowed down at all by the changes in her body at menopause. She just makes adjustments. The fact that she does not have to worry about pregnancy, or hormone related mood swings anymore makes things better. It is entirely possible for a woman to have an increasing libido as she ages.
I did not say this is true for ALL women. I hazard to say the women who have an increasing libido with maturity are the same women who were hell in bed in their twenties. They always enjoyed sex, and always will. There are women who hated sex from the beginning, never enjoyed it , tolerated it for the sake of the relationship because it was a trade off for the love they wanted, and now that they are are menopausal they have an excuse to taper off their activities. (lack of lubrication and thinning of the vaginal walls makes it uncomfortable, and they are not motivated to find a solution to the problem.) A woman with a sex drive driven between her ears WILL do whatever it takes to make it work.
Just like a man who has issues with ED, who enjoys his sexuality might try every product that he sees on the market, a lady who enjoys being sexual will try products until she finds one that works for her.
I might add one final point. I would like to see the statistics on female masturbation.
I hazard to say that women of maturity (who masturbate) will admit to masturbating with greater frequency than they did in their youth, especially since their drives are increasing, while that of the men of their generation may not be so sexually driven.
(unless of course the lady is one of those lucky women with a partner who is good to go
anytime).
When my man is around he satisfies me plenty. When he is not around, I touch myself.
Probably on a daily basis. Trust me, I would rather be touching him, and have him take care of me, but sometimes that is not possible. Women achieve physical release from orgasm just like men do, and I don't care squat about what my hormone levels are telling you, it feels good, I enjoy it, and I will continue to enjoy sexual pleasure as long as I can breathe. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 10:36:21 PM | Widowsdesire,
I appreciate your candid response. When referring to male bashing answers I was referring to at least six other women who made some rather unkind comments. I should have made this more clear: I apologize. While men and women differ in our views, if we could all respond the way you have I feel the men/women relationships here would create an atmosphere more conducive to healping each other and possibly finding that special someone well all seek. Thankyou and I wish you a good week.
Enjoy that hot boyfriend. When you see him next time tackle him and don't let him get away. Tie him up and store him in you bed''
vil:
No comment on my questionally funny joke?
Dave | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/8/2009 1:22:16 PM | wolftxus......
"Yeah, buckle your seat belt. That's why really old guys are with twentysomethings - their hearts can't handle it anymore. Date a red head around 40 for a while and tell us how long you were passed out from exhaustion. Just pray that SHE is not the one reanimating you - that would be the beginning of round two."
You a survivor of one of us redheads?? LOL! | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:05:29 PM | it gets more intense--unless perhaps for many other reasons, a person is just not sexually motivated at all. there is, i suppose, a normal curve as with anything else. i am not sure where you heard that it diminishes? maybe you are thinking of menapausal women and even there, many of us continue on. some have hormone replacement and others are just "wired" that way--the same with the men!
the theory, from a biological perspective, is that the body is attempting to reproduce one more time before it gives out! after all we are part of the animal kingdom and the primary purpose is "reproduction".
given "civilization", we must learn to keep a lid on it, the same way teenage boys are expected to do so. unfortunately for us moms of teen boys, many women do not and thus the milfer-cougar scenario, which is gaining popularity on mtv! yes, i know many do fall in love. but, i'm not talking about that. i'm talking about an adult's responsibility with respect to a young boy-- the same as with an older man and a young girl.
note: as you can see i am a "mom"! but, my kids also get a kick out of my dating. my son was worried i would die after 60 and was almost in tears about it. now, they all just laugh or roll their eyes. direct quote: i am happy for you mom! so, where is the man? so many variables besides the sexuality when it comes to mate selection. after my divorce, i was shocked to discover the feelings that were "buried" within me. so much for the brain's participation in all this as well.
ps to the poster a few above this one: if you cannot remember your sexual past, i suggest you get to the health food store and get PS100 (phosphorylatel serine)! i remember my sexual history quite well. it's what i just ate for dinner the baffles me! i guess not as emotionally charged. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:18:21 PM | | I think a womans sexual drive actually increases after 40. but thats just my opinion. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:34:49 PM |
.....but the fact is that a typical 36-year-old woman's sex-drive, interest, and intensity outdoes a typical 56-year-old woman's drive any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Exceptions have already been noted, so don't keep harping on the exceptions. If you're in the 50s, you're likely just about done----it's time for Bingo and knitting. Don't be offended by that, and if you're an exception to that, it is duly noted. But, it's ridiculous for anyone to think that a woman's sex-drive generally strengthens or improves between the 36-to-46 range (which are mostly still childbearing years) and 56 (which is far past menopause for most women).
OMG, you're threatening to take our sex away!!!!
Hmmm, scary. I wonder if it's true? I mean can we know that's absolutely true?
Well I already can crochet. I guess knitting might be alright.
Quick, someone find me a man before my sex drive dies! Oh woe is me! At least I can promise him a good ten years of bang bang! | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:39:08 PM | | Wow, I guess I'm supposed to be done with sex according to you. No more rock concerts or dancing for me I guess, better stay home & knit sweaters & slippers. Tried bingo but my butt fell asleep before my brain did. I cum faster & more times now. Maybe it would be different if I was married to the same guy for 3o yrs, then maybe I wouldn't want it anymore, but since most women here are single, that may be the difference. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:21:29 AM |
But, it's ridiculous for anyone to think that a woman's sex-drive generally strengthens or improves between the 36-to-46 range (which are mostly still childbearing years) and 56 (which is far past menopause for most women).
Yanno....it just really never ceases to amaze me that some men think they know all about a womans sexuality when they really just have absolutely nooooooo clue. lol Im sitting here shaking my head laughing cuz you really just have it all wrong! lolol True, 'some' women really dont have any interest in sex whatsoever as they age, just like some men can really do without also. One of the nurses at work is 58 (she'll be 59 in Nov.). That woman is a freakin nympho! lol She's not shy about letting us know how many times her and her man have sex and the many different positions they do it in! lol
Btw,,menopause does NOT always strike women in their 50's and even when it does, does not always mean the end of her sex life! Another woman at work is 62 and she's still having periods with no menopausal symptoms yet AND still enjoying sex. My aunt was 38 (she is now 65) when she went thru hers, and her and her hubby (who btw, is 20-some yrs YOUNGER than her and 3 yrs younger than me ), have a very satisfying sex life.
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:41:36 AM | I get it. Women over 40 have to post here to say they like sex and want it more than ever. I think it's in an effort to convince themselves that they "still got it". I get it. Have a wonderful sex life moving forward.
What I'm saying is that on the opposite end of the sex dynamic (the GUY end), we couldn't care less unless we're with you and have to bang you.
We've heard that a male sex drive is highest in his late teens to early 20s. It makes sense. Why a women's is in her 30s defies logic. To hear how it blossoms further in her 40s is troubling. If we match the two, we get Greg Brady banging Alice. Not good.
I'm merely saying the most appealing to men of ALL ages (despite what the man in your life tells you) is that we all prefer (intellect not withstanding, and mattering little) young women who don't have to WAX THEIR MUSTACHE, have boobs that look like grapefruit in a pair of pantyhose, have a voice lower than mine, have hot flashes like Mt. St. Helens and who kissed ovulation goodbye 5 years ago. Any man would agree outside of your presence. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:52:25 AM |
I'm merely saying the most appealing to men of ALL ages (despite what the man in your life tells you) is that we all prefer (intellect not withstanding, and mattering little) young women who don't have to WAX THEIR MUSTACHE, have boobs that look like grapefruit in a pair of pantyhose, have a voice lower than mine, have hot flashes like Mt. St. Helens and who kissed ovulation goodbye 5 years ago. Any man would agree outside of your presence.
ALL ages, huh?? Hmm.. then someone better start telling these young men in their 20's to stop emailing us women over 40 then. Guess they missed the memo that day.
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/11/2009 6:03:30 AM |
ALL ages, huh?? Hmm.. then someone better start telling these young men in their 20's to stop emailing us women over 40 then. Guess they missed the memo that day.
You're kidding right?
You can't believe for 1 second... not 1 millisecond that they prefer you over 20 somethings? Tell me you're not that simple.
What they DO want is an easy lay and to brag to friends on the golf course that the oldest chick they banged was a 38 year old. PERIOD. I have 2 words for you... "sexual novelty". They presume you old broads will be VERY interested in a younger dude to say to YOUR SEWING CIRCLE that YOU banged a younger man. Doesn't mean for 1 second he wants to STAY WITH YOU and be in a relationship with you. It's a fun thing to do... good sport.
Come on now. Wake up. Older women are usually easy to get into bed because they want to feel younger and want to seem like they still got it. That is why younger men hit on you. To get laid by any means necessary. The novelty of it. Given a choice, it's younger all the way. Ask a guy which is better... Megan Fox or Demi Moore. I rest my case. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/11/2009 6:35:19 AM | MeowKatt1: "Maybe it would be different if I was married to the same guy for 3o yrs, then maybe I wouldn't want it anymore, but since most women here are single, that may be the difference."
I assume the explanation is always the usual stereotypical reasonings: it's always the man's fault, always. The above statement by MeowKatt1 is what alot of men experience and very seldom will women acknowledge and accept any responsibility. This is one of the reasons men begin to turn off towards the women in their lives. Obviously, if every two years a new boyfriend comes into a woman's life everything is new and exciting and she can hardly wait to get her hands on the new boyfriend.
What happened to trying to work at the older, long term relationship?
Arabbeaut: "When we are done with all the BS we have more time to focus on our own lives and that is when we put on our "youth" usually around 40 (kids grown up, husbands told off and life back on track)".
We all make choices in our married lives and most women place the husband in the back seat after the first child comes and then can't understand why he looses interest in her. I keep reading that "all men" do nothing and women do everything around the house. I sure wasn't like this and most of the men I knew (past tense) and presently know are not like this. I wonder how much of this philosophy comes from watching talk shows and "women's night out" conversations. "HUSBANDS TOLD OFF". This statement says alot in and of itself. Telling a spouse or boy/girl friend off is like driving a nail into a board. You can extract the nail but a small hole is always left: permenently. Pulling the nail out is like apologizing but it takes a long time to fill in the nail hole that is left. It's no wonder that husbands and boy friends who are told off withdraw after a while. Some of your responses say alot about how you treat your significant others. Are men guilty of this: obviously, yes. How often do women admit to this (especially on a forum), almost never. | |
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| sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:55:37 AM |
>You're kidding right?
You can't believe for 1 second... not 1 millisecond that they prefer you over 20 somethings? Tell me you're not that simple.
What they DO want is an easy lay and to brag to friends on the golf course that the oldest chick they banged was a 38 year old. PERIOD. I have 2 words for you... "sexual novelty". They presume you old broads will be VERY interested in a younger dude to say to YOUR SEWING CIRCLE that YOU banged a younger man. Doesn't mean for 1 second he wants to STAY WITH YOU and be in a relationship with you. It's a fun thing to do... good sport.
Come on now. Wake up. Older women are usually easy to get into bed because they want to feel younger and want to seem like they still got it. That is why younger men hit on you. To get laid by any means necessary. The novelty of it. Given a choice, it's younger all the way. Ask a guy which is better... Megan Fox or Demi Moore. I rest my case.
Okay Jakeya, that's enough! I think you've had your fun doing your best to demoralize mature women and I'm wondering what your point is. OKay, we get it. You aren't interested in banging a cougar and you might be right, maybe we ARE a novelty, us 40 + women, but do you really need to be so crass and nasty about it? It isn't your damn problem, it's OURS!
If anyone needs to wake up here, it's you my dear. You were rude, unbecoming and any 20 something who sees this post will likely think you're a prime time loser. You did that on your own.
And I married a man 13 yrs my junior. He was more of a novelty to me than I was to him. I rivalled the girls he dated before that ten fold, in looks and in how my body is holding out, so you might want to curb your strong passion for downcasting older women.
I don't even know why I'm bothering. Honestly I think anyone intelligent can tell you're just being an A$$hole in your delivery. Well, wait, I'll take responsibility in saying that I think you're a butthead who lacks tact.
Nice way to talk about your mom.
Signed,
An Old Broad
P.S. I hope you need to strap a 2x4 to your arse with your next young, fresh and tight girlfriend. LMAO | |
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