| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 5:37:36 PM | Hey, she's the one wearing it.
Let her wear what she wants.
Your taste in sentiment may have been tacky to her. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 5:37:50 PM | For what my opinion is worth, that's one of the most hurtful things I could imagine someone doing. What an amazing disregard for your feelings!
I certainly would not want to spend the rest of my life with someone who is (a) that high maintenance and (b) selfish. To me, the engagement ring is simply a symbol of the relationship, and I wouldn't care if it came out of vending machine. There's always other fingers you can wear a ring on you choose for yourself, but you made a real effort to involve her in the selection, which is thoughtful of you, and then she does that. Horrible!
And remember, you're not even married yet. This is the time when everyone is supposedly on their "best" behaviour. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 5:38:38 PM |
you gave her an engagement ring and she upgraded it within 3 days.
I'd recommend waiting 3 days, then upgrade the fiance...
.... gotta be better ones out there.
my forum hero 
op - I'd be prepared for a life of not being good enough...especially since she was with you on the shopping trip. She could of said "let's come back tomorrow; I want to think about the choices" | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 5:41:17 PM | If she's prepared to pay lots of money herself to get a ring she is really happy with I'm not sure why you should have a problem.
You're kidding me, right? He chose a cheaper ring because maybe that's all he could afford. Ya know, it kills me that people nowadays think love and relationships are disposable. If the ring isn't big enough then hell...let her just 'upgrade' it so she'll be happier flashing a 3 carat rock to her friends...forget about how hard he worked for the money to buy it, not to mention the fact of how much he loves her enough to want to take care of her for the rest of his life in sickness and in health and all that crap.
Ya know, life is tougher nowadays than it was in the 50's and 60's. Men no longer stay at their jobs for 30+ years and have a 401K that's sportin' 100 grand or more with positive cash flow in mutual funds and annuities. Have you checked the stock market lately?
The dude couldn't afford a more expensive ring. She's shown her true colors for wanting a more expensive ring in my opinon and 'upgrading' and paying for it. Down the road the OP is going to be working his ass off in order to keep this woman remotely happy in a lifestyle she's obviously accoustomed to. He needs to get a grip and get the hell out while he still can.
Sans | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 5:44:14 PM | So your entire relationship is all about the ring? Is it just a ring, is it a magic ring? Who are you, Golem?
She has to wear it, she payed the difference. It would have been nice if she talked to you about it but I don't know jack about your relationship so I really can't say.
I guess I respect people who pay more attention to their vows than a ring.
Be prepared for people to say this is a great thing to end a relationship over. Everyone will call her a materialistic douche bag and you need to get out now. I think she should dump you first because you clip your toe nails the wrong way. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 5:44:21 PM | | I'm thinking that you shouldn't marry her-- she is materialistic and is going to lead you down a path of financial mess. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 5:45:04 PM | I think it would've been nice if she said something first, that's the weird part. The rest is just individuality (each to their own), but I think it's just a good show of consideration that she might've approached you and said, "Honey, would you mind if I changed the ring you picked..."
I mean we all go home with things we bought from the store and didn't like so much later, and never wear, so she liked it at the time and then later another one played on her mind more. It's not that big a deal, she's happy to make up the difference herself so money's not the issue, that could all be worked out without any lasting weirdness.
But not saying anything, and the last thing was was said is a complete turnaround, that's the weird part. Anyone might get a little insecure. Does she like you that way?
You know some people think love is where you're fascinated by some kind of establishment or puzzle in a person. Some girls I've known to be interested because they look up to you. A crush. Once they establish themselves on equal footing with further experience or just being close to you long enough to figure out your mannerisms, you suddenly aren't so attractive anymore. You know, like the whole relationship is based on a competitive puzzle for them and no genuine interest in your feelings. The guy is with her because he just can't believe someone so hot or aristocratic or whatever is interested in him, it's like a drug. A marriage based on this of course couldn't last.
Then again some women seem to look for a person who fits into the role she imagined, nicely for a potential husband (or vice versa). Marriage is like a well planned lifestyle, with expectations of behaviour and roles established early on. These don't really last either.
I think for the marriage to work you really have to think the other person is just fantastic, dressed in a potato sack and standing on the side of the road with a sign board and a bucket. Like the hand of God you'd do anything to sweep them up and yet at the same time listen to anything they said like it was scripture, all the while knowing they trust you completely and you they. I think that can work. Of course you only ever see it in movies or the tales of grandparents, Chanel No5 replaced love back in the sixties. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:01:46 PM | | If you're a symbol minded person, then the ring -supposedly- is a symbol of your love. If you follow this sort of thinking, then "upgrading" right off the bat is kind of offensive if you haven't discussed it. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:09:17 PM | She did what?!?!
Ok now I heard everything!
Dumb that (insert several cursing and negative comments here) women right away!
she have no respect, is materialist, self centered, vain ..and that's just the beginning!
RUN FOREST RUN! | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:25:55 PM | Thanks for all of your input. I need to clear up a few things.
My budget was for about $4-8K. I paid $5k and she upgade $1.4k higher. Out of the 100 rings it was down to about 3. I thought I picked the one she "loved" but I picked the wrong one.
We both make good money, but I make a little more.
She was in funk yesterday and today so I asked her what was the problem. She would not tell me at first and then told me she wanted the other ring. Yeah, it stings a little. All romantic symbolic gestures of me giving her the ring are tainted at this point (for me). I told her to get it then. And she did.
I'm not mad, just disappointed. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:33:22 PM | Change your mind about the ring.
It's just a ring until you make it a magic ring with your thinking. It's a symbol to show other people she is spoken for, it marks her as your property. Besides the diamond industry saw you both as simple marks and made you pay a crap load of money for something they control the market on.
You can feel whatever you want, just don't let this ever become your ending words for an argument. Don't let this spoil everything else in your relationship.
Let it go and congratulations of your pending marriage. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:48:22 PM | Let's see...6.4 k was the ring. She payed 1.4 K, you 5 K.
That's what you are for her and always be. Another example of independant women ...never having enough...."its called love" in modern times ...Do you love her? Really? Why? Is the "ass factor" involved in your love ? K, say it loud. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:52:24 PM | I think you need a beer, here ... 
Now ask yourself what's important & if you two share the same values. You'll figure it out. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:55:57 PM | My budget was for about $4-8K.
Marry me. (j/k)
Hon, you seem like a nice guy that is well grounded, loving and intelligent. She's lucky to have you. Let me tell you a story...a long time ago I lived up North and made a lot of money. I was used to the best of the best...welp..I moved to a barrier island in Florida and thought I was going to marry rich and live the good life. Instead, I fell head over heels in love with a guy that lives in an RV in a trailer park and I haven't regretted loving that man for one minute. Not..one..minute. He can hardly afford gas for his truck much less a ring that costs in the arena of 4 to 8K. He clearly knows what I'm used to and feels so badly for not being able to provide it for me but you know what? It doesn't matter. He respects me, adores my cats and makes sure we have everything we need at all times, no question about it. And he's 100% in love with me, and me with him. He bought a cheap brush to brush my hair with because he knows how much I would rather have my hair brushed than to go out to an expensive gala or black tie event.
I'm just concerned for you, OP. Your decision is yours and yours alone. Make it wisely.
Sans | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:01:53 PM | | On the surface it sounds pretty Diva from Hell, but then again, I think when giving someone a piece of jewelry that represents your connection together and is something she'll be wearing 24/7 for many many years, yeah it should be something she's picked out with you. That said, did she pay for the upgrade? Because if you break up it could get tricky as who keeps the ring, you might want a prenup that states you get at least the amount you paid. Also if this bothers you a lot you may want to re-think getting married, she may well return any gift you get you over the years, or just give her money instead of picking things out yourself. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:03:57 PM | I see a red flag here. A huge, tacky, red flag.
Wonder how long it will be before she feels that way about you.
You asked. | |
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drstew
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Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 42 | |
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:06:21 PM |
Your taste in sentiment may have been tacky to her.
Exactly what I was thinking, but in a different way. She simply changed her mind-- nothing wrong with that and payed the difference. It's her jewel... she is the one that wears it for life. Let her be happy .A $1400.00 upgrade isn't that serious.
To the OP--You are freakin' out over nothing. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:06:25 PM |
you gave her an engagement ring and she upgraded it within 3 days.
Not quite sure what to think about this or if I should be mad.
It kind ruined the whole moment when I gave it to her.
Thinking...
LOL!! this is sad but also funny. i would dump her, but that's just me. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:15:36 PM | | Okay, so I missed the part where you said you looked at rings together. I get it now. But why did you look at engagement rings together? Isnt that suppose to be a surprise? | |
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drstew
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Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 45 | |
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:16:51 PM |
My budget was for about $4-8K. I paid $5k and she upgade $1.4k higher
So, you wanted to go between 4-8 and you settled on 5, and she settled on 6.5. You are still within budget, bottom line--and she paid the difference of 1.5. So, put towards the honeymoon.
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:19:11 PM | For Makista:
Yes but you upgrade the stuff you buy on your own.....or say you get a present from a stranger and want to upgrade, a person you may never see anymore.
Upgrading a present from "your love" ? Its not about money.....f-k you didn't get it. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:20:05 PM | I would think you got yourself a pretty enterprising princess is what I'd think.
Good luck with her. Ouch! | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:24:45 PM | Let me get this straight...she went and upgraded the ring on her own, without talking to you about it first!? Sounds like you went about everything the way you should have OP, took her shopping, got her opinion and made a choice based on what she told you she wanted. Then she changed her mind.
Had it been me, I guess I wouldn't have been too upset (well, just a bit) if she had discussed it with me and asked what I thought about her paying for the upgraded ring she decided she really wanted. But to do it without ever mentioning it to you!?? Seems she is much more interested in what that ring says about her than what that ring says about your relationship. And that speaks volumes about what kind of person she is deep down. If I were in your shoes I'd be shopping for my own upgrade, namely someone with a little more decency and regard for a man she claims to love. | |
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drstew
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Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 49 | |
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:26:34 PM | for flying start
or say you get a present from a stranger and want to upgrade, a person you may never see anymore.
No, you didn't get it. This isn't about strangers. If you're a "struggling strange" in the relationship , then you need to get the f-k out.
Its not about money.....f-k you didn't get it
Oh, but I did. | |
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| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:29:33 PM | For makista:
Who the f-k puts you to get into/stay in a "struggling relationship? And why do you say it after you get the 5 K for your upgrade? ....The rel. does not work? Is it struggling?
Be upfront b..tch and say it b4, ....ass..le !
Do you wait for a 5 K so you can upgrade and..."show" unsatisfaction that way ? | |
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