| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:08:51 PM | | Too me i would break off the engagement. I mean come on, should love the ring cause its from you. Shouldn't care about the look or size. Like its ok to be disappointed if not what you like but all that should matter is it came from the man you love. | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:36:34 PM | This is my first forum reply so please forgive me if I hit the wrong button.
Years ago a man I was with proposed to me. The diamond ring he chose ( for about $600) was well beyond what he had to spend and though I thought it was lovely, it was completely impractical for my lifestyle. I would have bent the prongs, lost the diamonds and possibly injured someone if I wore it to work. I wanted to show off my engagement but I preferred a simpler ring. I asked him to return the ring and together we went shopping for another ring that he then purchased for me - a beautiful tiger's eye ring for an amount much more within his budget (about $125). I showed everyone the (new) ring with great pride - pride in having someone who loved me enough to propose. So now I ask everyone who said the lady was insensitive for exchanging the ring, was I so horrible? He didn't seem to mind at all and my joy was at the proposal from a man I loved, not the ring itself. | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:59:46 PM | Why are you asking us? You should be having that conversation WITH HER! If your marriage goes anything like your communication skills, I feel for you.
This being of course if you havent communicated exactly how you feel about it by now. | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/28/2009 3:53:21 AM | Doing an action like that is extremely insensitive. I would have serious concerns about a person who did that and would consider ending the relationship. What type of values does this person have, if she thinks appearances and materialism are more important than your feelings?
Judith | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:55:44 PM | | Wow, that was quite ballsy of her and quite disrespectful to you. Good grief, three days??? See, if a guy takes the time to pick out a ring for me, I'm going to appreciate what I'm being given. I would be pissed, if I was you. She's already giving you the message that you've done something that doesn't meet her standards. You sure you want to marry this one? | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/29/2009 12:46:16 AM | | Tell her how you feel. You'll learn alot more about her motivations for switching the ring and also how you'll do later with working out issues that will come up in the marriage. I can understand how it would take the joy out of giving it to her and I'm surprised she wouldn't have considered that. You may be in for an expensive surprise when shopping for the wedding rings! | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 8:45:50 AM | We talked about this at lenght and all is well. She understands how I felt about exchanging the ring and I understand why she changed it. It is NOT about the engagement or the wedding, but a ring she really wanted. I'm cool with it, she is cool with it and we are past it.
For some of the posters: There are times all of us need to take a step back emotionally and get input about thing before making decisions, especially life changing decisions such as marriage. It is good to see all sides of an argument and I want the best for myself and my relationship. There is some wisdom in this thread and some foolishness, but I got what I needed to digest how I feel and think. I need a place to get this off my chest and this platform served me well. It is strange to be this deep in love and its very real. I did not know these strong feeling even existed and I don't want to screw it up. The period of engagment is to futher explore each other and learn how to be our true selves. It will last for a year or so.
The wedding is next fall.
Peace | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 9:19:31 AM | I'm in the camp that says to choose your battles wisely. Jewelry is intensely personal to some people and she paid for the upgrade - it's not like she threw the ring back at you and demanded something better while stamping her feet. There was a ring she liked more and she was willing to pay for it. What's so horrible about that?
Glad to see you didn't let something like this cause you to break up. | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 9:24:45 AM | It is very similar to her cooking you some hamburgers, and you felt like steak, so you just went to the fridge and put on a couple as the burgers she made just laid on the plate.................
I wonder how she would feel, and what she would do?
This is the gateway to your life with her, and somehow, I do not think you can afford the "toll"..........so run baby run.............
Just my opinion.........   | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 9:25:10 AM |
We talked about this at lenght and all is well. She understands how I felt about exchanging the ring and I understand why she changed it. It is NOT about the engagement or the wedding, but a ring she really wanted. I'm cool with it, she is cool with it and we are past it.
Logic prevailed! Glorious victory! 
Best wishes!  | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 9:49:46 AM | I think I would set my bruised ego aside, and get on with life. Is it really such a big deal that people need to get so upset about a ring. Would you rather she stay silent and feign her "love" of your choice....to me that would be $5k wasted. Now she has a ring she loves, your support of her choice, if you can manage to give it, and a happy wife makes for a happy life. She paid for it herself....what's the big deal? A gold digger would have pouted and withheld sex until the groom paid for the upgrade. (at least that is what I have learned of their behavior from these forums)
I personally dont like it if I buy something for someone and it is something they really dont like and wont use, much better to have them exchange it for something they will appreciate. Then again...I'm not really a sentimental fool.
If the ring becomes more important than honesty and open communication, then you really dont have a relationship worth keeping anyway. | |
|
drstew
|
Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 112 | |
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 6:46:48 PM | I'm cool with it, she is cool with it and we are past it.
Yes, and some of us knew you would get past it. We weren't going to let you screw it up, so I am glad you aired your feelings here.
I did not know these strong feeling even existed and I don't want to screw it up | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 6:56:29 PM | I personally dont like it if I buy something for someone and it is something they really dont like and wont use, much better to have them exchange it for something they will appreciate. Then again...I'm not really a sentimental fool.
I completely agree. I am the QUEEN of gift cirtificates!!! 
Bravo OP!!! You did communicate with your fiançée and the issue has been solved. | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:12:35 PM |
What would you think/do if... you gave her an engagement ring and she upgraded it within 3 days.
Depends on the type of guy I am, and the girl she is, in the hypothetical situation.
To me this reeks of lack of sentimentality. Or that I mean far less than simply a means to fulfill her dreams.
It's not like getting an ugly sweater or socks at christmas.
I would have absolutely no problem if my fiance went and bought the ring she wanted, keeping the one I gave her and never wearing it. But trading it in seems rather cruel.
Simply because the ring I pick out and I choose to give her is ultimately the symbol that I've chosen as a physical manifestation of my love and commitment. To commemorate the moment when I make the most meaningful commitment and step in my life.
I placed sentimental value in it, and she only saw intrinsic value in it.
That's how I see it, as I am now. Who I am now would never be with that type of person long enough to get far enough to propose.
If I have gotten so far with her to actually propose, then this behavior is not outside of anything I am used to. It wouldn't be something new. So I wouldn't have a problem with it, because it would just be consistent with her personality. So me being in that hypothetical position, with conditions inherent in the scenario, I would have no problem with her actions whatsoever.
If it is something completely new and out of character, then I haven't been paying enough attention. And the consequences of that is conflict between the hypothetical person in this scenario and who I really am writing this. So I can't tell you anything.
IOW I just wasted about 3 minutes of my life to say "It depends." | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:27:52 PM | My second wife did this, and I should have paid MUCH better attention.
Be mad. And then get over it if you love her and you really want her to be happy. Just don't ever listen... EVER .. when a woman says, do what you want.
It.
Is.
A.
Trap. | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/30/2009 10:10:16 PM | It tells me that she has said yes in the hopes that she can turn you into who she wants, improve you over time.
She does not love you for who you are right now. If she did, she would love the ring because you gave it to her, not because of it's size.
KDKUTIE | |
|
drstew
|
Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 117 | |
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:02:54 AM |
It tells me that she has said yes in the hopes that she can turn you into who she wants, improve you over time.
She does not love you for who you are right now. If she did, she would love the ring because you gave it to her, not because of it's size.
That thinking is what I meant by responding earlier to this thread about wanting a safety net. Pure fear.. If you don't mold to a relationship that is right for you through communication, you'll end up being single for a long time.
Honestly speaking --
Listen sweets, If a man picks out a rock for me that I don't like, I won't wear it. You on the other hand are saying it is perfectly fine to give a woman what you want her to have and she is not suppose to have any feeling on it.. No, Cracker Jack rings are not acceptable because they feel right to someone else. Cracker Jack rings are disposable. The whole idea behind marriage is creating the memories that bind it, through BONDING.
I seriously doubt that you find someone molded to this persona of (quote) It tells me that she has said yes in the hopes that she can turn you into who she wants, improve you over time( end quote)in the year of 2009.
He said he had a budget from 4-8. Spending 6.5 should not have been a problem. His future wife knew this, and paid for the upgrade herself. | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:51:45 AM | | Dude, get over it and grow some balls. your the man in this relationship and your more emotional than her. its not her fault you toke her to a pawn shop and bought her cheap engagement ring. then she went to a actually jewellery store and upgraded. its not her fault she has class. she should have throw that in your face front of all the customers. a engagement ring for $100?. are we in africa or something where you give your wife some goats and camels for engagement. don't listen to most these chicks...they are jealous obviously. your wife loves you and she has class...you just gotta keep up with her next time. | |
|
| What would you think/do if...
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:04:23 AM | | I think she is a spoiled brat.... You picked out the ring you could afford and liked. Shame on her.... | |
|
Home
login 
