| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:51:35 PM | [QUOTE]Fish in the ponds that have the type of men you like, and use bait that will attract the type of guy you like.[/QUOTE]
It isn't always that simple - I am in the same situation - I always tend to attract (normally only on a physical level) men that are not my type (i.e. much older than me, ) - not that I have a problem with age gaps, just that personally, I tend not to have romantic or sexual feelings for guys much older. I have asked guys out that I have been interested in on several occasions, but have always been rejected each time - although have still remained friends on most occasions. I have never had any relationships or had sex and it's infuriating when people who do not know me assume it's because I'm 'stuck up', or 'not trying' or 'rejecting people' - I have made an effort to create opportunities, but they have failed every time and I feel there is nothing else more I could have done in my life so far to be in an ideal relationship but it seems almost impossible, (although of course I wouldn't be in one for the sake of it, but that's different to not wanting one at all!).
All I can advise to the OP is that one day the odds will stack in your favour and that there will be mutual attraction. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:03:34 PM | Welcome to the REAL world.
All I can say is hang in there ladies.
Yes... The Game has turned somewhat. Men are becoming just as picky as women. Well, the two sexes are becoming more and more equal as time goes by, and one unfortunate consequence is that the role between hunted and hunter is a lot more blurred.
But, I REALLY have to hand it to women that make an effort and initiate the first move. All I can say to them is keep it up. Sure... Men are picky (I know I am!) and rejection sucks, but at least you're doing something proactive as opposed to just sitting there and moaning about it.
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:29:22 PM | | Most women seem to highly over rate there own physical attractivness where as men are more realistic and often much harder on themselves. I believe this to be a result of how we are socialized since infancy. Women tend to walk around with a vision of the ideal man dancing around in there head and will accept nothing less than this unrealistic physical ideal of a human male they have made up for themselves. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/29/2009 6:37:30 AM | | We have to realize that even very average and below average looking women are constantly getting hit on and pursued by men on a daily basis especially in a bar or club situation,this makes them feel as though there "market value"is much higher than what it truly is thus giving them a sense of entitlement and overinflated self worth regardless of the reality of the situation. I have observed that most average to below average looking women seem to have have a much higher physical criteria for the men that they date than the more attractive women do,although I do believe that many of of the very attractive women tend to put a mans financial status as a much higher priority than his looks. To sum it up we can say that less attractive women tend to prefer a much more attractive man to make themselves look better than they actually are.....As a very average looking man myself, I have noticed that I have much more success with highly atractive women than with the average looking ones because the attractive women do not need the status symbol of a highly attractive man on there arm... | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/29/2009 7:07:01 AM |
Maybe it's our aura's that attract the men we don't want nor like...
And for me it may be that I have a very low confidence level...
An astute observation. Asked and answered in two lines.
Without a picture, how is anyone else to decide whether or not THEY find you attractive? You finding yourself attractive isn't helpful on an internet site, unless someone else can see what you look like too!
And another one. The enlightenment is running thick tonight.
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:38:52 AM | We have to realize that even very average and below average looking women are constantly getting hit on and pursued by men on a daily basis especially in a bar or club situation,this makes them feel as though there "market value"is much higher than what it truly is thus giving them a sense of entitlement and overinflated self worth regardless of the reality of the situation.
Believe me, not all women do this. In fact, I personally know that all it takes to get hit on almost every time I do is that I'm moving, breathing and appear to be female, which is why when I get told I am the best looking woman in a place I ask them how thoroughly they checked - and urge them to take another lap.
I don't think it's based on attractiveness...I don't think deep down men are that picky. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/29/2009 11:55:49 AM | 1UniquePerson,
I usually get hit on by guys that I'm either not really attracted to, or just not my type. Not that I'm really looking for a boyfriend or anything but it would be nice to find a guy that approaches me that I like for once. I'm not superficial at all. I could care less about getting the hottest guy. It would just be nice to attract a man that I find attractive,appealing and we both vibe.
I agree. Seems like that guys that are interested in me are usually the chubby ones. Not into chubby men, however in your case I advise you to contact men that you find to be interesting or that you are attractive too. You don't always have to let the man make the first move.  | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/29/2009 12:21:19 PM |
I agree. Seems like that guys that are interested in me are usually the chubby ones. Not into chubby men, however in your case I advise you to contact men that you find to be interesting or that you are attractive too. You don't always have to let the man make the first move.
I get women that think they can get any guy that they want. And threaten to leave me when I'm not attentive. All the while trying to make me aware of all the men that are after her. Your question is one that a lot of people have OP. Not just women.
Wouldn't it be nice to date someone that you actually like. And who is not in a fantasy world. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:21:18 PM | | First off beggars can't be choosers, second finding someone is not easy, you are not superficial for wanting to be attracted to someone, but I think it's childish to get in a huff because you are not getting what you want, you have to work for what you want regardless, it's not going to be handed to you because you are "entitled" to your handsome/smart idea of a man you have concocted up, lol, but you have the right to choose your partners just know it's not easy. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/30/2009 2:39:24 AM | | accept the compliment and move on. i'd wager that there are probably a fair number of men whom you might be attracted to who don't reciprocate those feelings either, it happens. mutual attraction and finding a connection isn't as easy as we might wish it to be, otherwise none of us would be single and sites like PoF would have no reason to exist. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/25/2009 12:21:24 AM | | I agree with QTpye16 and 1UniquePerson. Some of the ones that have written to me are chubby and/or ones I'm not attracted to at all. Sometimes I wonder if the reason why they're contacting me is because . .I need to lose weight, and they feel they can message me for that reason. Know that sounds strange, but that's the way it seems. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/25/2009 12:47:02 AM | Make up your mind:
I'm not superficial at all.
It would just be nice to attract a man that I find attractive
What do I have to do to get attention from a guy I like?
Could you perhaps think of a more vague question?
Why do I seem to attract men that I personally feel that are not on my level?
Pick one:
a) You're delusional about what "your level" is
b) You're not exposing yourself to enough men that are
I think I'm an attractive girl so what is it?
Don't know, but given that you're too chicken $hit to post up pics of yourself, I know what my vote is. Any guesses? Anyone? | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/25/2009 10:17:28 AM | | The only chance anyone has on a dating site is just to put your heart out there in your profile, and be real with it... then ignore it. The chances are extraordinarily small of someone coming along and viewing your profile who is attractive, intelligent, and who will be interested in knowing you with deliberate romantic intentions. Getting responses from people that you're far less than intrigued with is the norm, not the exception; it's going to happen; so deal with it and hold out at least a small sliver of hope for a miracle - it'll take nothing less than that for true success here to be a reality. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/26/2009 2:48:07 AM | | I agree with NerdStatus. No pic, what do you expect? No offense but you can be a lagoon creature for all I know, if you're afraid to put up a pic, that shows some insecurity from your end. Confident good looking guys also like to go for confident good looking girls. Not showing a pic gives off the impression that you are afraid of being judged. The interesting guys won't message you because you are not on "their" level. Ever thought about that? | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/26/2009 4:30:51 AM | | I think most men would find most women attractive and most women don't find a lot of men very attractive so thats where i think the problem is. Most men would look at the picture and think they are pretty and send them a message even though a lot of women won't be attractted to them so thats why i would imagine a lot of women get emails from men they aren't attracted to. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/26/2009 12:35:15 PM |
Most women seem to highly over rate there own physical attractivness where as men are more realistic and often much harder on themselves.
Actually, studies have reported that the opposite is true. Men have a much higher image of themselves than most females. Also, body dysmorphic disorder is seen most often among women, not men. Anorexia is also seen mostly in females with rare exceptions in males. That isn't to say there aren't some men who are hard on themselves as far as their self-image is concerned but I am certain (with all the research I've one on this topic) that your claim isn't accurate.
OP...it is common to get many messages from all kinds of men on here if you are a female. If you are a reasonably attractive female, you'll get that much more from an even greater variety of men. Aging men are looking for love but have less to lose than someone younger and in his prime so naturally, women will get approached more often by them as well. Further to that, some men just randomly message any woman that appears attractive in her photos and pump out many emails a day with this method (really makes you feel special doesn't it? LOL) and to boot, you really don't have to have anything written in your profile to get messages from all kinds of men.
Come check out my inbox. I'll prove that. Also, have a look at my profile...there is nothing written in the blurb section. And I STILL get emails from young, old, middle-aged, not so attractive, attractive and even from "is that a guy or a girl?" types.
Be proactive. If you see something that really grabs ya...send off an email and see if you get a response. If not, no sweat. Just move on to the next one that piques your interest.
And don't say you're not looking if you are. There is no magic in the expression "it'll happen when you're not looking"...this idea is as lame and fruitless as "only the good die young." Totally untrue. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/27/2009 3:18:01 PM | I don't think that women should have to "grow balls" and start hunting, because we're women, we don't have BALLS.
Honeslty, I do think it's best that men approach women, and not because I'm some old fashioned grandma (I'm only closing in on 25), but because in my experience, if the man does the approaching and the initial courting within a relationship, it usually works out better. When a woman is chasing a man, I really don't think it works. I've had experience and I know from a cousin and a few friends who have done the same thing...chasing after some guy...and if a guy's not into it, he's not into it. Oh, he'll let you chase him...but he doesn't take you seriously at all. If he wants it, HE'LL go for it.
Of course women should hit on guys though, but I'm mostly speaking of the initial "courtship" with two people...man/woman. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/27/2009 3:57:52 PM | AmeliaMD said:
I don't think that women should have to "grow balls" and start hunting, because we're women, we don't have BALLS.
Trust me, as a heterosexual man with zero interest in his own gender or its dangly parts, I'll speak for others in my situation and say we're very glad of this.
AmeliaMD said:
Honeslty, I do think it's best that men approach women, and not because I'm some old fashioned grandma (I'm only closing in on 25), but because in my experience, if the man does the approaching and the initial courting within a relationship, it usually works out better.
Have you tried recently to see things from the perspective of the modern American male who's attempting to date? There are all sorts, of course, but I'm talking about the ones who aren't looking for a booty call, the ones who aren't emotionally damaged/stunted and looking for an immediate relationship to fill a "hole" in themselves, but the ones who are emotionally mature, moderately intelligent, and understand that a relationship is something that's built, not found? From these mens' perspective, while they can deal with some rejection, when rejection becomes the norm and not the exception, you have to honestly wonder whether they're going to continue to find the pursuit of a woman a worthwhile endeavor. Women in such arrangements get to sit there and maintain all power and authority in whether someone showing interest gets the interest returned. They get the power to potentially damage the man's confidence by the method of their rejection, and they in essence leave him in s a situation where every time, he's the one who's putting himself out there. She puts herself "out there" if she agrees to a date, because she risks emotional vulnerability at that point, but prior to that, it's all on the men. With the constant rude rejections men have to deal with (and the asinine justifications for the rude behavior if the man has enough balls to call such a woman on her bullshit), is it any wonder many men are now gunshy about initiating things? Their personal experience has shown them that statistically, such an approach is an invitation to pain more often than not. Are those few occasions when it doesn't result in pain worth the times that it does? | |
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