| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/27/2009 4:53:23 PM | 1UniquePerson said:
This annoys me so much! I usually get hit on by guys that I'm either not really attracted to, or just not my type. Not that I'm really looking for a boyfriend or anything but it would be nice to find a guy that approaches me that I like for once. I'm not superficial at all. I could care less about getting the hottest guy. It would just be nice to attract a man that I find attractive,appealing and we both vibe.
It's flattering to get hit on but it makes me feel like I'm going to be single forever. I normally attract geeky men, nothing wrong with these type of men but they're just not my type. What do I have to do to get attention from a guy I like? Why do I seem to attract men that I personally feel that are not on my level?
I think I'm an attractive girl so what is it?
The last sentence is indicative of your overall problem. Any person thinks they're attractive is looking inward in all the wrong ways. It's good to know one's strengths, and not be shy about them. I'm intelligent, I'm well-spoken, well-read, I write like a professional, I take a stand on issues because they're heartfelt and not because they're a popular (or unpopular) position at the moment, and I could go on and on. I'm also impatient, have a weakness for foods that are bad for me, on the antisocial side, and occasionally careless. It's also good to have a knowledge of one's weaknesses, so they know what they need to work on.
But if I were to say "I'm attractive", that's something else entirely. That's arrogance, self-centeredness, shallowness, and borderline narcissism. This is what you've displayed by writing it. You say you aren't "superficial at all", but follow it up with I normally attract geeky men" and "Why do I seem to attract men that I personally feel are not on my level?".
Get over yourself, you vapid, shallow, wannabe princess. It's interesting to note that you didn't put an iota of information in your profile that someone could realistically use to seek you out (weren't you saying you wanted someone you "vibed" with? How will they know if they can't find out a single thing about you? Your profile sells here, toots).
Of double interest is the double standard going on here: if a guy posts a thread like this, he gets nothing but attacked, both from the women who want to elevate their personal egos, and from the men who are hoping that by agreeing with said women, they'll improve their own chances on the site. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/27/2009 6:22:12 PM | That's just the odds. If it weren't the case, we'd all just be on the forums, if here at all. I just have to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, and say: "If there's one thing worse than having the wrong people contact you, it's having nobody contact you."
That tends to make me more appreciative of the message from women to whom I'm not attracted or interested. The more of those you get, the better the chances you'll get more messages from those you do find attractive and interesting.
But like the others said, if you don't care much for those who are writing you, start writing those to whom you are attracted. Men tend not to get nearly as many messages, in general, so the odds are most likely better than for most of the guys who write you anyway. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/27/2009 7:18:58 PM |
I don't think that women should have to "grow balls" and start hunting, because we're women, we don't have BALLS.
Some words for you to look up:
* Proverbial
* Metaphor
he'll let you chase him...but he doesn't take you seriously at all
And, from your limited experience with this: I've had experience and I know from a cousin and a few friends, you're obviously the authority on all things regarding dating. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/27/2009 7:28:45 PM | I have the same issue. With men whom I am attracted to, I find myself to be a bit shy. Then with those I'm not so or just want to be friends with, or am not attracted to, I'm a bit friendlier for I don't care. 'Tis has been a life long issue and one would think that a woman who is pushing 50 wouldn't have this. Go figure...oh well... Then on the flip side, I have more cojones than some men. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/28/2009 12:59:35 PM | "I don't think that women should have to "grow balls" and start hunting, because we're women, we don't have BALLS.
Honeslty, I do think it's best that men approach women, and not because I'm some old fashioned grandma (I'm only closing in on 25), but because in my experience, if the man does the approaching and the initial courting within a relationship, it usually works out better. When a woman is chasing a man, I really don't think it works. I've had experience and I know from a cousin and a few friends who have done the same thing...chasing after some guy...and if a guy's not into it, he's not into it. Oh, he'll let you chase him...but he doesn't take you seriously at all. If he wants it, HE'LL go for it."
I think that men should lead, but women should never be afraid to initiate. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:26:53 AM | | Since you do not have a pic or any profile to speak of, I can't really comment on how "attractive" you are. But I can say that being annoyed is very UNattractive, all by itself, as is judging anyone to be beneath your "level." Those attitudes make you ugly. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:39:52 AM | I weigh more than I should.. but why is it so much to ask for someone I can be attracted to?
Ok for post #25... you asked.
You admit that you are overweight and your profile photo doesn't present you as being very attractive. According to your profile you are 21, have a kid, no job, no education, no license, etc....
Yeah baby... keep holding out for that hunk out there looking for you. Unrealistic expectations keep more women on this site than any other factor. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:47:26 AM | I still think for the majority of us it's just odds. Odds are that 80% of those who approach us won't be our type. Obviously those who don't think we're cute won't approach, so only the ones who do will. It stands to reason that a small percentage of those will be people we like as well.
In reverse, a majority of those we approach will like us, because we can't tell who will or won't before approaching. Therefore the same 80/20 rule applies where only 20% of those we step up to the plate and make contact with will be mutually interested.
Some of it has to do with unrealistic expectations and biased self assessment, but overall that's only as important as how much we care that our search is fruitful. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/29/2009 6:09:24 PM |
You're probably not as attractive as you think you are and you are attracting what you are "worth".
DITTO!
what annoys me are those annoying girls that complain and b!tch, are not goodlooking, and think they **deserve** something... | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 9/30/2009 12:21:55 PM | | nobody deserves anything, looks only go so far. When you're old and moldy, you will see that the "beautiful/sexy" husband or wife has turned into a hobgoblin. By then, only personality remains, that's why any good looking girl/guy out there that thinks they're the shit right now who deserves perfect treatment will most likely have problems in the future.........It's a ticking time bomb when their looks will fade, their crap personalities will shine to the world. It's nature's way of socking it to the stuck up good looking people. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 10/1/2009 6:10:18 AM | Try making the first move? If you are that picky send a message out, try uploading a picture on to your profile you might get some hits from the people you want to get with. Us nerdy and geeky guys will still message you :P
You can't expect to make a profile and have the man of your dreams message you right away. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:58:38 PM |
I think it's a problem with men being unaware just how important looks are to women. Looks are always number one for everybody and the current socialization were men are told otherwise doesn't help anyone.
You make a very good point. The myth, perpetuated more by women than men in my experience, is that men are way more focused on looks than women are. Perhaps it's a way of rationalizing when men turn them down? They can reassure themselves It has nothing to do with them, it's because men are all after blonde, barbie doll types with big boobs.
I've found in my years on this earth, that women are just as concerned with looks as men are. Their just not as vocal about it. They pride themselves as being different than us "shallow" men. That way it's easier to demonize our behaviour. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 10/2/2009 4:45:19 PM | I think it's funny that you think "You attract". As if you had something to do with it. 
"The waiter always brings me food I don't like. I wish he would bring something I do like."
Have you tried ordering from the menu rather than just letting it come to you?
"No, I'm a woman, I shouldn't have to!"
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:54:58 PM |
I don't think it's based on attractiveness...I don't think deep down men are that picky.
Ahhhhhh but there seems to be the fallacy that women seem to fall into EVERY time. You are absolutely right when you are talking about those fellows trying to get into your pants. Those looking for more are just as picky as you ladies... adjust or continue. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 10/4/2009 4:21:30 PM | Guess guys come on here see the females that are on here and think they are desperate so they give it a go reaching well out of there depth in what they would try to date in a club or traditional places. Your not attracting any higher proportion than anybody else just feels that way.  | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:11:21 PM | I think it's like that for most people. So far, most of the women who have contacted me first I wasn't really interested in (with a few exceptions who lived way too far) but I usually try to chat with them anyway and get to know them first, I don't have to date them but then I don't see why I can't just make a friend in the process(I have never looked at anyone as below or above my "level", I think that would be pretty vain).
The ones that I am interested in and do message will usually just respond with a read/delete or a read/no response, which can be quite of a downer, but I think that if you can't get the people you want to email you, than you should take the initiative and make the effort to email them yourself. There is nothing unfeminine about it and, if anything, it might give you some perspective on those who do email you as well. | |
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| Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 10/6/2009 4:29:26 PM |
Want to double your odds? Approach men you like and speed up the process. Sure some won't like you back (you can't tell which ones are which before you say something), but who cares? At least you'll get more done and you'll feel like you have some control.
Yeah, I've been approached by the last four women that I have seen over the last year. Guys are under a lot of pressure these days, to not be a creep, to be suave, to have all the bling bling, to be well dressed. Sometimes you are between paychecks, its laundry day and your not dressed your best, you have a cold or have had a crappy day at work, and you just dont feel up to being Mr. Million Bux to appoach that cute girl. Theres a million fish in the sea, so you digress and figure you'll go out and ask later. Or maybe some guys are also just shy.
I find that of the women that actually ask me out, if I'm single, I'd at least take a chance to talk on the phone or go out for a beer or coffee with at least 75% of them. Doesnt meen they are Miss Perfect but I'd take a chance to get to know their personality at least even if they aren't the cutest kitten I've ever seen. If a hot girl asks me out, the score would be about 100% of the time when I'm single, if I'm feeling like I'm about to break up with my girlfriend anyway, a hot girl would still get about a 60-70% chance if she aked me out of me giving it a shot over a cup of coffee.
Women have equality these days. And equality means equal right to ask guys out too. I havent seen much of that equality in dating in my lifetime, but when I have it's often worked out really well for both me and the chick asking me out. Takes the "does she like me" pressure right off. | |
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