| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 8/29/2009 7:38:24 PM |
Brain chemistry imbalance is not a theory, it is a medical diagnosis whose terminology is "clinical depression."
Not to be argumentative. This is true. HOWEVER, very few people that are diagnosed with clinical depression have their brain levels of serotonin and dopamine measured directly or indirectly. Instead typically they are evaluated for symptoms and given drugs to see if their symptoms improve. However, I noted to a psychiatrist one time that the symptoms of depression include sleeplessness and insomnia and that the symptoms of sleeplessness and insomnia include depression so without measuring a person's brain chemicals and evaluating their sleep, how can we say definitively that they are suffering from clinical depression or a sleep disorder?
And, having been married for 15 years to someone taking anti-depressants, no, I would not date someone who takes anti-depressants. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:05:41 PM | In answer to msg 25 and manic behavior:
Clinical depression is just that, depression. Mania is a symptom of what used to be called Bi-polar illness, currently Manic Depression. It is thought to be related to depression and is also a mood disorder. Some believe it is a more severe type of depression.
Having lived with a manic-depressive, the symptoms from my standpoint are much more severe than garden variety clinical depression.
There is often extreme highs that include faulty grandiose beliefs in abilities, extreme lack of responsibility with finances and often intense self medicating episodes (abuse of alcohol.)
Although when at the peak of mania, it is true that many bipolar individuals process information at exceptional rates, the "racing" eventually starts the disintegration of thoughts, which can lead to episodes of psychosis. Then the crash happens and depression hits, starting the cycle once again.
The major problem is that this disease can be managed with a course of medication. However, the worse part of the disease is the uncompliance of the individual/patient with a medication regiment. The bipolar individual views the manic episodes as "normal" and desirable; they forget all about the crash. A terrible, disabling disease. I have known more than a few individuals who have suffered greatly from it. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 8/30/2009 4:32:35 PM | my dear vanaheim,
First tell me what diagnostic test is done to diagnose a "chemical imbalance". Just what is the specific measurement of dopamine and/or seratonin in the brain that is considered "balanced". How does an SSRI affect the brain, what are the scientifically measured changes in brain chemistry after someone starts taking an SSRI or SNRI? I hope you do realize that tests on brain chemicals can only be done on a dead brain. Do you think they inject needles into your skull?
As for your statement about "snapping out" of something. Nobody can snap out of depression, I know that. I've had several serious bouts of depression in my life, so I know personally. I've also been on medications for depression in the past, so yes I do have my own experience with that too. I will tell you that the medications never really helped me, my bouts of depression were all due to my situation, my perception, my thoughts, and the way I treated my physical body that in turn affected my brain.
Vanaheim, how dare you insult me by using the "car accident" theory of yours.
As it happens to be, my husband was killed in a car accident in 2000. And yes I got depressed, that depression is called grief. But that depression got worse because I blamed myself for his death, I was angry, sad, and bitter. All of that emotion dug deep into my mind. I couldn't snap out of it and no drug was going to cure my thoughts and emotions associated with his death. It wasn't a chemical imbalance, it was clinical depression. The only way out of it was through intensive therapy. I spent time in hospital where they tried to ram drugs down my throat instead of giving me the therapy I needed. I did intensive outpatient group therapy as well as individual therapy. Doing therapy takes time, money and a lot of self-honesty.
I work hard to stay out of depression, I know what my triggers are. I fight them and make choices that are good for me. If I sense a depression coming on, I figure out why and do something about it.
My point to the OP is that most people don't suffer a "chemical imbalance". Their depressions are often situational and that drugs aren't always the answer. Its unfortunate that the OP is in the UK where its difficult to next to near impossible to get good therapy. There are also people in this world who use depression as an excuse to do no better in their lives. I've met lots of them. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/4/2009 7:06:21 PM | Any form of mental illness scares people off.
Dating someone who isnt treating it will be hard to deal with.
Dating someone who is treating it is easier.
It all depends on whether you want to be involved with someone with this problem. I would, because I know it changes and people change for the better when they know someone is there for them. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/4/2009 7:27:14 PM |
Stagnation leads to depression. Work at improving your life and stop using "depression" as an excuse.
Typical ignorant reply by someone who does not understand the condition.
Depression is an illness and a person cannot always just "pull themselves out of it".
It's like telling a cancer patient it's all their fault. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:06:53 PM | I'd be looking at it along with all her other stuff, seeing how it fit in, so it wouldn't be a question of her having that condition but of how in her case it manifests, the goal being to see if we can enjoy each other. She would be seeing if my company worked for her, too. I'm fine with there being some times when I need to be understanding and accommodating, as I hope she would be, too, for although I do not qualify for a diagnosis of depression, my mood is subject to ups and downs, and I'm sure my personality has its more challenging aspects.
My previous experience being with someone who was depressed taught me about not taking it personally, and I think that's the main thing that can get in the way. I would have to see how it went, and wouldn't know until I found out.
On the face of it, depression sounds gloomy and sad. That's a drag. Left there it would be an unappealing proposition. The rest of that story is that depression doesn't define the person. It's not a full time thing. Maybe the relationship with its caring, support and pleasures would mitigate the depression to a significant degree, making it less of a problem. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:36:35 PM | I've dated a girl who had depression. I got really attached to her, but at the same time, I don't think I had ever been so stressed out. All of his/her negative emotions will more than likely bring you down.
I've learned from my experience; I won't be going through that again. Ever. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/5/2009 9:58:38 AM | a very touchy subject to be sure. Would I date someone with depression, probally, but then again, Having suffered from it myself, I've seen what it does and know how to handle it.
The problem is is that most people who have never had an experiance with depresion (weather themselves or through a close friend/family member) seem to think that the term means that the person suffering from it is sad constantly. Actually, quite the opposite is true. Most of us have trouble letting little things go, and it tends to build and build, like a snowball rolling down a hill, untill the little problem that was easy to avoid becomes too big to handle. The easiest way to avoid those downsloaps is to find a release for your anger (yes, most times depressive episodes are caused by anger). Once you find that constant outlet for your anger, you find that living with depression becomes a lot easier. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/6/2009 6:39:10 PM | rockstarjy,
Great link with the anger management and depression. Depression can be the inverse of anger. Really, it's anger turned toward the self. Sometimes it manifests because of abuse (physical, psychological, or emotional) suffered as a child. To avoid being angry at the perpetrator and risk more abuse, the anger turns into oneself. This is not true in all cases of depression, but serves as a link to show how anger can manifest in such a self destructive method.
But, with all the new medications on the market, people no longer have to suffer in silence. The stigma attached to the disease is gradually declining, and most clients who have suffered previously are now able to put that aspect of their lives behind them. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/6/2009 6:58:55 PM | | I would date someone suffering from depression, if we were a good match. I've known several people suffering from various forms of this illness and have a reasonable idea what it is like to be close to them. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/6/2009 7:22:17 PM | | through my past experiences with it no. A intermediate family member has manic depression/pyschosis/multiple personalities and we had to deal with and it was rough man. It was painful and sometimes i hate myself for not understanding it when i was younger. after going through that, I do not think i could handle another person with it let alone my chronic sufferiing relative, and me I'm a little out there myself, so no for me. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/6/2009 7:29:23 PM | | From what I just read by way of another thread here about depression, I'm wondering if I might be doing myself a favor by seeking someone who is depressed. The information talks about depression not being an illness or disorder, but a specialized form of thinking that has a role to play in life. I'm going to be reading more on that, to be sure. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/6/2009 10:51:57 PM |
medical conditions like diabetes don't throw monkey wrenches into the machinery of intimate relationships on a regular basis.
wow....for somebody who lambasted another on their IQ level....it's fairly apparent you might have to have yours re evaluated. The fact IS, that diabetes most definitely DOES throw monkey wrenches into intimate relationships..... hey, whaddya know...diabetes is a major contributor OF depression, not to mention the springboard for other diseases brought on by it.
As for me...this is a case by case scenario. If I were to immediately discard anybody for bouts of depression.....then I would pretty much have to consider meeting George Michael in a public bathroom from here on in....because virtually ALL women would have to be discounted in ever having a relationship with when finally adding up the amount of mere days of 'depression' and 'mood swings' in a particular lifetime brought upon by 'periods', 'pms', and then menopause...... I always find it funny that those who require 'acceptance' for other such physiological NORMS are always the first one to say.....'uh huh...no way' when asked if they would deal with this sort of thing...... And sometimes I simply think it's because they would never want to have to deal with what they've actually dealt out to other people in the past.... | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/7/2009 2:27:31 AM | phillyphil75 what you describe is more like BiPolar syndrome and that can be just as bad too. Been there and done that. It is sad and hard to deal with.
Diet,Meds and Counciling are the huge three with that disorder.  | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/7/2009 10:30:20 PM | I would, but then, I can relate and I'm generally unfazeable. I would see both as being fairly necessary for such a relationship to be healthy; paradoxical as it sounds, for the partner of a depressed person, a certain amount of indifference/detachment is required in addition to empathy. The latter is for your partner's sake; the former is for your own. After all, any relationship dynamics are best when they take into account the needs of both, and it is generally better for one partner to be depressed but cared for than for both to be depressed.
Indifference and genuine sympathy aren't things that coexist in most people, however, as they seem to be opposites. It takes a particular kind of mind to gracefully accomodate paradoxes like that; they must have a strong logical streak coupled with a high degree of emotional self control/self awareness, whether it be learned or natural.
Even then, there is the fact that a person who is depressed all the time doesn't have a lot to offer. Thus, it is important for that person to deal with it as best they can and try not to yank down the other person whenever possible.
Though I am quite aware that that is easier said than done. And, ironically, some of the most effective non-medication techniques I know of actually make you look slightly crazy. (I can draw runic symbols on my skin in emergencies, for example. I'll feel better, but if anybody sees them, I'll look like a nutter.) In my experience, the brain can swap out one outward symptom for another, and you can consciously choose in some cases...some people won't get out of bed, others will get out of bed but will cut themselves, others won't cut themselves but will wear wreathes of thorned twigs in their hair, others will write words in made-up languages on their fingers, others will make really disturbing art, music, or poetry. Expression and catharsis and all that.
But honestly, the smart ones recognize when they're outgunned and go to a doctor. My cognitive arsenal is more than a match for any depressive episode I've had (I'll just look a bit odd, what with the runes on my fingers), but I take medication for dysphoric mania and probably always will. And I can say with complete confidence that I'd be stupid not to, regardless of how many dates it might cost me. Survival and living for the sake of the loved ones I already have is something of a higher priority.
So I won't lie. It's a liability. But there's no such thing as an insurmountable obstacle. There are people who can handle it, and your odds are that much better if you yourself can handle it as well. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/8/2009 12:54:18 AM | | Personally no I would not. My dad suffers from major depression and has for a number of years now and it's so mentally and physically straining you have no idea. I'm a very upbeat person no matter what so I like people with similar personalities. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/8/2009 7:58:32 AM |
What I would like to know is, are there people who are willing to initiate a relationship with someone who suffer from depression or another mood disorder.
Most people wouldn't refuse to date someone if they were diabetic or overweight. Depression has a physical cause just as diabetes and obesity do, so why is there such a stigma attached to the disease?Occasionally, I will experience some psychotic symptoms along with the depression... this is actually quite typical and can occur in nearly 10% of all who suffer from clinical depression.
Are you comparing being overweight or diabetic to psychosis? Seriously? Diabetes and obesity do not cause behavior changes. Psychotic people can be a danger to themselves and others. Fat people are not dangerous(unless they are also psychotic.) I do have compassion for you but you're suffering a certain level of denial about the severity of your illness. | |
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| Would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/8/2009 10:51:04 AM | My answer is, I honestly do not know. I believe my/our answer(s) either way would come from ignorance, therefore, rendered pointless. How could I/we answer intelligently without understanding who you are beyond the facts of how your depression has affected your dating life? For us to answer from past experience with others who are depressed would be simply unfair and I'll say it again, ignorant.
(Just a note before anyone gets offended... ignorance is simply not knowing... stupidity is choosing to stay ignorant. On top of that I have reacted to life and people out of ignorance!! Outcome: lesson learned!!)
Here is my advice (which is worth how much you paid for it!  )
Take an inventory of all your positive qualities/characteristics and decide what level of relationship they can apply to. In my humble opinion, right here and now, with how you are feeling, I would have to say friendship only. Unloading the expectations of a dating relationship, I truely believe will release some of your anxiety... and more than likely keep you from withdrawling, at least from that potential special person.
Love yourself and be thankful for those qualities/characteristics, develope them, and those that appreciate them will be naturally attracted to you!
Look for those that have common interests and keep the subject of conversation and activities limited to that.
Do somethings differently. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you already got!!
Last but not least...accept my offer in friendship, I think I just might have a little more to impart to you... and you to me!
Blessings,
~L~ | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/8/2009 11:13:29 PM | my soon to be ex gf has depression, bipolar, add and ocd. i know what its like cuz i have depression that i need to work on and get myself better too. my bf knows i have long term depression and has been there for me he always talk to me about my mood swings. ive had bad mood swings since i was a kid but wasnt depressed.
it depends if u love the person and the person was willing to be helped. right now, my soon to be ex gf doesnt wanna get help yet shes in a mental hospital - thats why im gonna break up with her 2 much work for dating for 2 months. | |
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| would you date someone who suffers from depression?
Posted: 9/9/2009 5:05:08 PM | | Its a difficult question because you need to find someone who can handle you and any problems that might happen. Its difficult enough being in relationships, but it is even more difficult when someone is suffering from a mental or physical illness. Not all people can handle it, but I think there are a lot of caring people out there as well. | |
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