| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 8:04:57 AM | Good lord Tantra its not the end of the world
WHAT in my original post implied I thought it was?
I simply asked.
Are you trying to tell me every single black man asked you that question?
YEs everyone has...usually after a bit of conversation...
I have asked them "what do you mean?"..and gotten " just asking"..to vageness to an implied sexual delight.
I did not put those answers in the OP becuz sexaul stuff comes from dif. men at times
..no matter the race and I wanted to know what other underlying things there could be
I had not thought of......... or issues they may not have wished to say.
I have not messaged any...or many men for that matter....yet I understand the whole
wanting to find out if they are being used as an experiemnt thing..
I get the same..
I was told.."well I never had a Gypsy before and I'm stil lookin' for an Asian"
I never meant this thread to get racially ignorant or stupid and I hope it does not..
I can say though...having 3 races running thru my viens has made for an interesting life..
TANTRA | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 8:11:26 AM | well if a man asks you that question, doesnt say much for the guy in the intelligence department, I know ive never asked a woman that question, i think its a stupid question personally.
Maybe add that to your profile, " if any one asks if I date black men or other races you will be deleted and blocked, or hunted down so i can beat your ass" well maybe not the beat the ass part. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 8:26:40 AM | It doesn't bother me to be asked this. I just figure the guy wants to make sure he wouldn't be a social-science experiment for me. I won't fault him for that. I just answer (the answer is "yes").
Given the further expounding, it does sound like Tantra may be running into a certain number of "collectors" - but they are stupid and reveal themselves in other ways pretty readily. Not everyone who asks the "Have you ever" question has that agenda. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:26:36 AM | Tantra, if you keep posting pictures like that...I am going to want to date ya!
Ever dated a white chick? (Just kidding.)
Maybe add that to your profile, " if any one asks if I date black men or other races you will be deleted and blocked, or hunted down so i can beat your ass" well maybe not the beat the ass part.
I think she should leave the "beat your ass" part, if she feels that strongly about it. Besides...it makes her come across as a bad-ass, which a lot of people like...if that is what she is going for.
I think she might be bad-ass anyway...
women of non color
What the fook does that mean? I mean, I am pretty pasty, but I wouldn't say I am non color...  | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:41:50 AM | they are nothing wrong with that...i do not understand the big deal
why waste negative energy...think of it this way
they just want to make it clear that they are black...and they do not want to be discriminated
or they want to make sure that your choice is a black man
when i have been asked...i just laught at it
take care...good luck in finding a mate | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:42:18 AM | they are nothing wrong with that...i do not understand the big deal
why waste negative energy...think of it this way
they just want to make it clear that they are black...and they do not want to be discriminated
or they want to make sure that your choice is a black man
when i have been asked...i just laught at it
take care...good luck in finding a mate | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:42:26 AM | they are nothing wrong with that...i do not understand the big deal
why waste negative energy...think of it this way
they just want to make it clear that they are black...and they do not want to be discriminated
or they want to make sure that your choice is a black man
when i have been asked...i just laught at it
take care...good luck in finding a mate | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:42:34 AM | they are nothing wrong with that...i do not understand the big deal
why waste negative energy...think of it this way
they just want to make it clear that they are black...and they do not want to be discriminated
or they want to make sure that your choice is a black man
when i have been asked...i just laught at it
take care...good luck in finding a mate | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:57:43 AM | | I never did, don't really care and it doesn't exactly sound like a good starting point for conversation when getting to know someone. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:48:46 AM | | Yes, I do find that offensive. .because I've been asked that before. I realize that everyone's different, and you can't lump people into one group. It's due to negative experiences (they made unwelcome comments about my body type), that I'm not attracted to them. I'd be just as offended if an asian man asked me, "You ever dated an asian?" because I haven't in the past. As if their race is their selling point or something. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:42:39 PM | | what i say is ..i don't have time for everyone...i have never dated a latino, an asian, an indian or an italian...i have dated jewish...that is as exotic as i get...i am having too much trouble with white men to branch out into unchartered territory i know nothing about.. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/17/2009 1:47:16 PM | TantraD just wanted to say that I have never ask you that and Honestly I would never ask you that or any female because I feel if they wanted to date me when I speak to and have a good repour then we will. Other than that they may tell me they don't date outside their race which then I will take it they are not from this palnet as I am of the human race like everyone else on this planet.   | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:02:50 PM | I've never asked that and never will ask it.
I'll simply message someone who I'm interested in and if she's interested and replies back, then my question is answered. In the end, it doesn't make a difference to me at all. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/18/2009 2:07:43 AM | There's no hidden message behind it Tantra
They don't want to be your experiment. I get asked that as well--and I don't get insulted. The person asking just wants to make sure that you're comfortable with them being a black man and that you realize that others might not be.
Don't read anything into it--say either yes or no. I agree. There is no hidden message in this. I don't ever get asked this, however. Don't know why. I've dated and been in LTR's with men from different races and cultures, and none has ever asked me when we first met if I had ever dated a outside my race. In any case, I agree with afashionlady (I usually do). These men mainly want to know if it is okay to proceed. If you are open to their approach. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:12:40 AM |
I always message back
Yes. Have you ever dated and atheist?
I like your reply, Peggy.... but it does bring up an interesting point.
I am Pagan... as in not Christian. It states this very clearly on my profile. Yet... I still get the comments and questions very similar to the OP ....
"I have never dated a Pagan person before."
"What is Pagan? " (Why wouldn't you look it up before emailing me?)
Or the perceptions that Pagan people go dancing in the nude, will go to bed with anything, etc. etc. etc. It got so bad that at one point, I had it in my profile that I was a "broom-jumper, not a bed-jumper."
Now... well, those who ask the stupid questions or make the heavy sexual comments just get deleted. It just took a while to get used to the bigotry. | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 45 | |
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:37:23 AM | I thought asking questions was part of getting to know someone (right time and right place and for the right reasons of course).
My preference is to date someone who feels comfortable asking me anything instaed of walking around assuming something. If it's a question I don't feel comfortale answering, then I just simply say it's not something I feel comforatable answering. Curosity is a natural thing and thats how we learn.
A tacky question beats an ignorant assumption any day. At least with a question you have an idea where the person is coming from. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:46:17 AM | As a white man, I find that most black women want to know if I've dated black women before. They don't want to be a white man's first black woman. Based upon other threads in this forum, they seem to think that white men aren't seriously interested in them but only want to experiment. The consensus of opinion is that white men will date a black woman but not marry her, even though I've found the opposite to be true (black women will date white men, but don't want to marry them).
When I get asked this question, I ask her, "Didn't you read my profile? Didn't you see my photo where I'm on a date with two blcak women?" and I get responses like, "I thought those were just women you worked with and you took that photo just to make it look like you aren't racist."
Anyway, I've found that black women are much more comfortable with me after they find out that I'm used to dating black women.
But my own feeling is quite the opposite. While I never ask a black woman if she's ever dated a white man before, because I don't like to make it an issue, if she happens to mention that I'm her first white man I am immensely pleased. Most black women take it for granted that they have to have a black man, so when one of them makes an exception for me I feel really special, like she sees such good qualities in me that for the first time in her life she is looking at me primarily as a man not so much as a white person. I take that as a vote of confidence, a responsibilty to represent the white race positively, and an opportunity to eliminate a little more of the prejudice in the world. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/18/2009 12:06:28 PM | WhiteKnightX:
Good comments.
I also hear quite a few black women don't want white guys who never dated one before. They have worked hard through their struggles and deserve the best from any man. Understandably so, because they may fear white guys have a fetish or seeking an experiment (i.e. sexual).
" The consensus of opinion is that white men will date a black woman but not marry her."
Unfortunately, in many cases that is true. Some white guys seem reluctant to bring her home to mom and dad. Or they fear retribution from family and friends, or it may just not work out for a multitude of other reasons.
It's tough to find a white guy who stays committed and marries her, raises a family, etc. It happens, but all too often it's more of a fantasy fulfillment.
"Most black women take it for granted that they have to have a black man:"
They are conditioned that way. They were raised to think only black men can find them beautiful or desirable. Black women in many cases have had to endure so much which may give them that stereotypical aggressive mentality. That is a false labeling.
White guys on the other hand are raised (in many cases) passively. Many black women complain they can't tell if a white man is trying to court her through interest. They are used to the aggressive approach of a black man, a white man typically is more passive-aggressive in his approach.
Many may think white guys aren't interested. The media portrays black women as the bottom of the barrel. I think this comes into play significantly. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/18/2009 1:29:10 PM |
Every single black man who has messaged me has said "ever dated a black man?"
I dont get it..
I answer "I have dated a green one..why is there a difference?"
I have been asked out by lots of black men over the years and never once have they asked me if I have ever dated a black man. I don't know why there is a difference in our experiences. | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:55:01 PM |
to me that shows how ignorant a person is if they say that,
Ya, there ya go! (again)
Any white person who prefers to date their own race is "IGNORANT"! | |
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| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 10/18/2009 4:27:45 PM | They ask because if they don't and they ask you out on a date and get turned down, they wonder if it is because they are black.
I also find that asking this question is pointless in itself. What the person needs to do is just ask and if they get turned down, then they got turned down. Shouldn't take it personal and make it seem that it is because of their complexion. | |
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