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Posted: 9/2/2009 12:24:36 AM | TELL HIM!!!
please, if he really likes you, he will stay | |
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Posted: 9/2/2009 2:46:45 AM |
me? kids? never happen. kids are nothing more than a tool for women to ass rape men in divorce court.........that of course after they've cheated with a piece of trash loser. and you are a fool to place a woman on a pedastal. no woman deserves to be lifted that high.
Geezzuuss pal! Sounds like Mama gave you a hard time when you were a boy.
This thread for you - and all the unintelligent nonsense you've written on it - isn't about anyone having herpes, is it?
It's obviously about your deep rooted hatred of women, period! | |
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Posted: 9/2/2009 3:47:06 AM | me? kids? never happen. kids are nothing more than a tool for women to ass rape men in divorce court.........that of course after they've cheated with a piece of trash loser. and you are a fool to place a woman on a pedastal. no woman deserves to be lifted that high.
My god the white knights are in full effect tonight huh.... hey any of you 35+ divorced single fathers get any poon today while groveling at the foot of the pedestal you put your woman on???
Oh she had a headache, of course.
Just because he says that shit doesn't mean he hates women....
Maybe he does maybe not whatever...
Just because he doesn't act like he's been blessed by god whenever some woman makes eye contact with him...
Just because that young dude there HAS THE BALLS to say what you wish you could fathom popping up in your feminized PC modern society brains.
Don't hate.
The way momma taught me ain't workin nowadays... so it sure as hell isn't gonna work for you. | |
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Posted: 9/2/2009 9:08:13 AM | mycroft74: {{{{{{{{{{ if she got herpes she had sex wtih a loser.}}}}}}}}}
You are being so nasty today, toward men and women.
You dont even have to get herpes from having sex. Most of us has some form of herpes. A cold sore on your lip can be transferred to the genitals. Honestly, you need to stop talking, it is SO very evident, you know very little of what your talking about. All this bashing people because they dont agree or try to correct you. Now wonder you are single and so bitter about it. You are coming across as a Know It All, who actually knows nothing. There are quite of few of these threads on this site. Some actually have Doctors, Dermatologists, posting, along with Health clinics, and Military Medical Workers.
Dont tell me that you wear a hoodie everytime you go out. Or that you have done so since puberty. If nothing else, these forums teach a lot about people. Some have values, some dont. Some are just looking for the next lay. I have had enough propositions online, to know they dont care who it is, or how far they have to go. They dont even have to know their name. Yet they are on here, putting down others and claiming self righteousness, and how clean they are.
I dont think the problem for you is that this girl has herpes, it is that you are bitter and angry because you cannot find anyone. You should apologize for being so mean. This thread isnt about you. | |
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Posted: 9/2/2009 9:30:32 AM | Wow, you folks aren't very nice over here.
By the way, 80% of the population has oral herpes and you can get genital herpes from oral/genital contact. In fact, you could give *yourself* genital herpes during an oral herpes outbreak by touching one area and then the other. Many people do not realize that cold sores are contagious. You can get herpes *anywhere* on your body, it just tends to favor mucus membranes. I had a client who got herpes on her hip. She fell, must have broken the skin. I imagine she had a cold sore and touched it and touched her hip. She got a sore on her hip, didn't think anything of it because of her injury, but once a year or so it would recur. She had no idea it was herpes and only found out because she came in during an outbreak. I suspected it was herpes and urged her to have a doctor look at it. At least then she knew what precautions to take. I could imagine it getting spread elsewhere, or to her husband, and the upset it could potentially cause, including accusations of infidelity. She was a nice, middleclass woman in a stable marriage.
Have some compassion, you guys. It *could* be you. I'll bet you still kiss, engage in unprotected oral sex, etc.
OP, I was married for 18 years to a man who had genital herpes. I never got it from him. We were careful. We abstained as soon as he would get the barest hint of prodrome, the slightly tingling sensation one usually feels before the outbreak itself.
You're going to have to tell him sooner or later. Good luck. Don't make it a bigger deal than it is. You can live with it. | |
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Posted: 9/2/2009 3:03:00 PM | Silentman, you've made it abundantly clear that you do not know that you can contract herpes while wearing a condom when your partner has no symptoms and quite possibly has no idea that she is carrying it. Or that a woman can contract herpes while her partner is wearing a condom, has no symptoms, and quite possibly has no idea that he is carrying it.
So yeah, I do have some idea what you do and don't know. You've told us.
And you obviously haven't looked up the several sources cited in this topic - including, yes, the CDC. Otherwise, you wouldn't be asking for quotes from the CDC. That's already been provided herein.
I am making one assumption - that you are not a virgin who intends to remain abstinent for the rest of your life. Usually when that's the case, people say so. | |
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Posted: 9/2/2009 3:33:45 PM | Sorry, honestabla, got too annoyed to follow through responding to your remarks from last night... I know I shouldn't even be bothering...
Anyway, moving on.
I absolutely get why in person would be scary, but here's why I think it's easier: No one can hang up on your face. Also, you can have information on hand that you can give him on the spot, so he can find out it isn't really so major.
So you got tested by Planned Parenthood, excellent. I'm sure each location is somewhat different, but I really like how thorough and matter-of-fact they are in general. I was a little scared first time asking for the HSV test - once I knew it wasn't routinely done in a standard STD panel, I thought I might get the third degree about why I was requesting it - but nothing of the kind, they just ordered it and warned me I might get billed if insurance didn't pay (luckily, it did). I liked that.
So hey, good luck! 
I don't know if there's anything you can do about the guy who gave it to you. I saw the suggestion to report him to his CO but I don't know if that'd work. Maybe. Do you think it's possible he's an asymptomatic carrier and doesn't believe you? Although in that case, you'd think he'd get tested just to be on the safe side... | |
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Posted: 9/2/2009 3:35:22 PM |
mycroft, the only dumb one is the guy that gave the OP herpes knowingly. It's pathetic that some guys on this thread think it's acceptable that some idiot man gave the OP and tons of other women he had sex with herpes, but they condemn the OP for having it. The idiot who gave her herpes clearly acted irresponsibly while the OP is acting responsibly
Typical, male bashing again....
Where do you think the guy who gave it her got it? At 7-11? No, he got it from some WOMAN....
As for if he or she was an IDIOT.... You can get Herpes even if you use a condom... so how can you say for sure that anyone was an idiot...? It's quite possible that everyone was responsible and careful and always used condoms correctly and still they passed it around...
Herpes can be easily spread by skin contact... for example, it can be spread by a guys testicles slapping against a woman's butt during sex... a condom only protects the area in contact with the condom... | |
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Posted: 9/2/2009 6:14:49 PM | Helen0426 said:
Silentman, you've made it abundantly clear that you do not know that you can contract herpes while wearing a condom when your partner has no symptoms and quite possibly has no idea that she is carrying it. Or that a woman can contract herpes while her partner is wearing a condom, has no symptoms, and quite possibly has no idea that he is carrying it.
If by "abundantly clear" you mean "you never said anything resembling those words", then yes, I made it "abundantly clear". However, I'm going to make what I feel is a reasonably safe assumption that this isn't how you define "abundantly clear". Would you like to keep making a fool of yourself by refering to broad inferences and your own edited-in commentary that you amusingly attribute to me, or would you like to deal with what I actually said?
Helen0426 said:
So yeah, I do have some idea what you do and don't know. You've told us.
Refer to my above reference. What I've "told you" is exactly what I've written. If you want to know more, ask. Or are you more interested in attempting to shore up your largely-unsuccessful attempts at belittling me, all the while avoiding the issues I've brought up, and attacking the person instead of the position? Strike two.
Helen0426 said:
And you obviously haven't looked up the several sources cited in this topic - including, yes, the CDC. Otherwise, you wouldn't be asking for quotes from the CDC. That's already been provided herein.
Believe it or not (and it would seem comprehension may be challenging for you based on your posts so far), I've read the sources. In fact, just to double-check, I just re-read the quoted CDC entry. In reference to my request for CDC statistics, that referenced Forumfilly's statement of, and I quote:
She contracted the disease from a boyfriend with whom she was in a monogamous relationship. She wasn't being careless. He either didn't know he had herpes, or he didn't tell her. This is how the majority of people get the disease.
So let's see... "This is how the majority of people get the disease." The CDC entry doesn't seem to reference people getting, in a majority of cases, the disease from people who didn't know they had herpes, or didn't communicate it to their partner(s). It only indicates that the disease is communicated from a partner who's infected, who may not know they're infected. You're drawing a pretty specious bridge of logic (or an attempt at it, at least) between two seemingly tangential parallels. It's certainly not enough to a) build a reliable defense platform on or b) use such construction to illustrate another's erroneous perspective. Care to try again, and this time use some, y'know, actual logic?
Helen0426 said:
I am making one assumption - that you are not a virgin who intends to remain abstinent for the rest of your life. Usually when that's the case, people say so.
Are you making an assumption? Wouldn't it be easier to ask so you at least have solid facts? So far, the assumptions you've made have been authoritatively proven wrong. How authoritatively? By the highest authority conceivable: the person you're making the assumptions about.
"Usually when that's the case, people say so." Really? Where do you get your "usually"? If you're going to make qualitative statements, it helps to have hard facts to back them up. If, however, you're just presenting your opinion on the matter, that's something else entirely. This said, if it's acknowledged as mere opinion, it has no place as anything other than a publicly-acknowledged editorialization, which again has little place in an attempt to authoritatively show error in an opponent's position.
Strike three. You may, again, take your seat. | |
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Posted: 9/2/2009 6:36:34 PM |
Herpes can be easily spread by skin contact.
What's your definition of "easily"?
My understanding is the risk of the OP passing it to her partner is 4% per year assuming no sex during outbreaks. That can be cut to 2% if they use condoms, and 1% if she's on antivirals. In other words, after a year, one couple out of 100 couples (with a HSV+ female partner), can expect a transfer. That doesn't sound "easily" to me. In fact, I'm thinkin' a guy would be facing higher risk in a bar (or a church picnic for that matter) meeting someone who thinks she isn't infected. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2009 6:59:43 AM | Well, "easily" is a comparative word.... It's easier than say from a toilet seat... or from shaking hands....
http://www.herpes.com/Transmission.shtml
Can Herpes Be Transmitted Without Symptoms?
Yes! Sometimes those who know they are infected spread the virus between outbreaks, when no signs or symptoms are present. This is called "Asymptomatic Transmission."
Research also shows that herpes simplex infections are often spread by people who don't know they are infected. These people may have symptoms so mild they don't notice them at all or else don't recognize them as herpes.
Many genital herpes infections are spread from persons who are asymptomatic "Shedders" of the virus.
http://www.bio-medicine.org/medicine-news-1/Condoms-May-Reduce-Herpes-Risk-51530-1/
Using condoms reduces herpes transmission by only 30 percent because, unlike other STDs, herpes is transmitted by skin-to-skin contact, Martin explained.
http://www.hpv-genital-warts-pictures.com/herpes-transmission.html
The virus can shed from the body through the area which shows symptoms, skin around the genital area, saliva, and even when there are no apparent symptoms. This is called viral shedding. You should always bear in mind that any skin area of an infected person that has ever shown herpes symptoms or has been infected with herpes virus has the capability of shedding herpes virus frequently. Although its not know when does this happens. So highly contagious herpes transmission can even occur even when those infected do not show physical symptoms or signs. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2009 8:35:50 AM | Great synopsis, m_church. I don't know if it'll help those who refuse to take in or believe the information... but, important nonetheless, and a good starting guide for anyone who does want to learn.
Back to the OP's dilemma, if the guy doesn't say, "Oh, crap, nevermind then" right away (which, given the strength of their connection, I'm hopeful that he won't), it'll be good for him to know that female-to-male transmission is so much less likely than male-to-female - which I'd forgotten 'til this discussion - and that even if he does get it, it's really just not a serious illness. Obviously nobody wants it, but it's hardly earth-shattering either. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2009 9:14:50 AM |
Well, "easily" is a comparative word.... It's easier than say from a toilet seat... or from shaking hands....
It never ceases to amaze me, the variation and disagreement one can find among Internet sources. Except the one you pointed to, the lowest effective rate I've seen for a credible condom study has been about 50% and that was with a study group that didn't even use them 100% of the time. By the way, that doesn't mean 50% transmission rate. It means a 50% reduction in the transmission rate which is where the 2% came from in my post ^^ up there.
I try to stick to the sources I know and one of the most credible/reliable sources I've found is Westover Clinic. They're directly involved with many of the various studies and are seen as the Gurus Guru from what I can tell. Here's a url for the transmission section of their Handbook.
http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook/view_the_chapters/transmission.html
A couple of other things I've found. 1. There's never been a documented case of transmission by any means other than skin to skin contact. The toilet seat theory has long since been debunked. And 2. transmission depends on mucosal skin, like that found on the genitals and lips. But the virus needs a cut, scrape, or abrasion to gain entry through cutaneous skin, which is the normal skin found on most of the body. It can't get through undamaged skin (except mucosal).
Anyhow, that's why I don't see the reason people seem to get so panicky about this stuff. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2009 11:07:36 AM | Church, just ripping some men a new ass on this board deservingly because they are being just that, asses and bashing the OP who happens to be a woman! Some men on here are running the OP down for having herpes which she got from a guy (and the guys on the board are patting him on the back). How do you know the guy got it from a woman? It could have been from another guy. And I stick by my original comments.
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Posted: 9/3/2009 11:20:32 AM |
How do you know the guy got it from a woman? It could have been from another guy. And I stick by my original comments
Alright I will concede that... he could easily have fooled with a guy and gotten it....
The funny thing with Herpes is you never know....
My buddy had a first time flareup a few months back.... near as he can figure he may have acquired it years ago and never knew... His wife doesn't have it... and he didn't cheat on her.... | |
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Posted: 9/3/2009 12:12:37 PM | | As hard as this has to be on you honestabla, I would tell him in person. Have information on hand to give to him, so he can educate himself. The last thing you want is him acting like some of the guys here and education on the matter is the best defense against that. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2009 12:34:04 PM | | well the good thing is he isnt as ignorant as some of the guys on here are, or I would have nothing to do with him! The last relationship I was in was back in 2005. I was with the guy for about a year and he knew I had herpes. I taught him everything I knew about it and he was worried but it didnt change anything. We actually had unprotected sex quite a bit and he never did get it. Of course he turned out to be an idiot, he randomly contacts me to this day and cusses ME out for letting HIM have sex with me unprotected when I told him it was best to use condoms but I left that choice to him (he was a virgin when we met). He talks about how he is soooo glad he didnt get it and how I am such a loser and will have a miserable life because I have it. I laugh at him, he is a stupid as some of the guys on here. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2009 1:47:08 PM | Halfaddict wrote
My god the white knights are in full effect tonight huh.... hey any of you 35+ divorced single fathers get any poon today while groveling at the foot of the pedestal you put your woman on???
Oh she had a headache, of course.
Just because he says that shit doesn't mean he hates women....
Maybe he does maybe not whatever...
Just because he doesn't act like he's been blessed by god whenever some woman makes eye contact with him...
Just because that young dude there HAS THE BALLS to say what you wish you could fathom popping up in your feminized PC modern society brains.
Ha, ha! Intelligent post that, Halfass.
Like *Mycroft*, it's highly unlikely you've ever had any "poon" either, hence the machismo nonsense your spouting on this thread.
*Mycroft* is 35 and should know better, but he's obviously a knucklehead.
You are an immature 25 year old who couldn't even begin to "fathom" how to sensibly respond to this thread.
...feminized PC modern society brains[ Oh, okay right. Tell me did you google that or make it up yourself?
Thanks for the laugh! | |
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Posted: 9/3/2009 9:49:16 PM | If I were you I'd tell him. I would be really mean of you don't tell since it seems like you have your mind set on sleeping with him. Who knows, maybe your convo will go like this:
You: I don't really know how to tell you this, but I have herpes.
Him: What a small world, so do I!
You: Woah! It is a small world
Him: Yeah
You: And to think I was about to not tell you!
Him: Small world again!
You: Hahahaha *abrupt stop* wait, what?
Him: So how's the family? | |
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| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:27:21 PM |
forumfilly said:
What an arrogant, small-minded response. How do you know SHE was the one who engaged in risky behavior?
We know from her post above that it wasn't her. We also know that she's responsible despite the fact that she contracted it from someone else. Kudos to her for being responsible. However, your own response is curiously emotional and intense. I wonder why that is?
forumfilly said:
So, now the women are no longer of value? Because the men they were either married to or living with decided to have unprotected sex with someone else? That's absolutely ludicrous.
I never said such a person wasn't "of value", I said they weren't a viable option for me. Comprehension, as one gentleman here pointed out, is your friend.
forumfilly said:
You are a small-minded, self-righteous man who, if karma really exists, will end up with an incurable STD one of these days from trusting that your partner was faithful, when she wasn't. Then, hopefully, you'll remember that you now fall into your own category of not being a worthwhile 'option'.
You're aware, I suppose, that when you attack the person and not their position, your own position loses a great deal of its own credibility, right? There's a difference between being self-righteous and simply being right, and not afraid to stand on it. I advocated nothing more than taking responsibility for one's own actions and circumstances, and in situations where those circumstances affect others, to act with appropriate conscience and responsibility towards them. Again, as the OP has noted above, she does this. Kudos, again, to her.
As for the karmic thing, your statement of "if" is most accurate. Since karma doesn't exist, I suppose I have nothing to worry about, since I actually apply common sense and avoid behavior that would lead to me contracting an STD. Likewise, however, on the extraordinarily off chance that the silly eastern mysticism-based concept did exist, what would make you think that you're the one who could determine or predict its outcome
You do realize that every counterpoint you made to her arguments and comments make you look even more like an ass???
At this point it's not about even being right...you have proven yourself to be an asinine jerk, and therefore not a 'viable' option for dating.
Go hide in a corner and whack off. | |
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Posted: 9/3/2009 10:47:47 PM | Havent read the whole thread BUT to honestabla, YOU NEED TO TELL HIM. Sure its dropping a bombshell but if someone has herpes you need to tell your partner.
I would be pissed if I was with a girl and she had an STD and didnt tell and I got infected.
I am sure if it was vice versa, you would be pissed too.
Good luck though. | |
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Posted: 9/4/2009 8:04:10 AM | | Ok, just to clarify, my question was NOT about IF i should tell him. I would never NOT tell him. I just wanted to know when and how and how some ppl would react. Thanks for everyone who has been intelligent enough to respond without looking like a jack ass. | |
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Posted: 9/4/2009 8:13:04 AM | | Tell hin now if he cant handle it than its over, and you wont be hurt so bad, if you wait think of the commitment you could be in and he cant handle this . so tell as soon as you can. | |
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Posted: 9/4/2009 10:35:53 AM |
my question was NOT about IF i should tell him. I would never NOT tell him. I just wanted to know when and how and how some ppl would react.
Pardon me for stating the obvious but..... it doesn't really matter as long as you tell him before he's at risk of transmission (iow, before sex). The reactions here have ranged between "Ho hum" and "panic city", depending on ignorance level and personality type. So you can expect his reaction to be somewhere in that range too. You are in a better position to gauge that about him more so than anyone here though. Sooo you're pretty much on your own kiddo. Good luck. My only suggestion is maybe, instead of just dropping a bomb on him, you could float a trial balloon of some sort during conversation to see how he reacts to that. Then take it from there, depending on what you find (then either tell him or let him pass you by). You could do that on the phone now or when you talk to him face to face. I don't think the reactions here can help you determine what his will be though. | |
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Posted: 9/4/2009 11:38:41 AM | | You are right stumbled. I just wanted to see how the majority of ppl would react. Surprisingly, most ppl are understanding on here. I was prepared to be beat down by everyone. In the past I have never been rejected for it, but this time is a time I really care if I get rejected so I am a bit scared. I have taken some advice and I plan to tell him before he comes to visit. I was on the phone with him last night for 5 hours, but I just couldnt blurt it out. I will figure something out. I am thinking about an email with information attached. | |
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