|
|
|
|
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 12:00:12 PM | I would tell him a.s.a.p. and yes if he is the one he will accept you for who you are not necessarily what you bring to the table. Everyone brings something into a relationship and herpes isn't a life or death sentence. It's a situation that can be monitored and you can still have a glorious life together while trying to keep him safe at the same time. Herpes isn't curable yet but you never know what tomorrow will bring right. I know people in your situation and some have accepted this kindly and considerately. Others just plain cruel and totally inconsiderate, others graciously stated that they can't handle that situation with class. I am sure that you are a warm wonderful lady who can bring alot to a relationship and if they can't accept that then it's their loss and not yours. You need to be totally comfortable with your s.o. in order to offset outbreaks. They need to be totally comfortable with you as well.
Take care and the best of luck. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 2:29:14 PM | | ok so I just sent the guy an awesome email with lots of information.. Took me a minute to click the send button. Now all I can do is wait. I am terrified but will deal with whatever decision he decides to make. Wish me luck... | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:58:41 PM | mycroft74 let me ask you this..... Let's say I am a Proverbs 31 woman... ( I am) and I am faithful to my husband but he's not so faithful.. he brings home some nasty little zits from his white trash Alabama whore. and i divorce him, take our kids and ass rape him in court... for everything he has ever worked for in his entire life....
fast fwd a few months and the lady this happend to ended up paying the price for being a loving faithful wife who did not deny her body to her husband just as the Bible commands...... is she stupid and does she fall into your category of stupid women doing stupid losers? I personally do not have any STDs but I work in healthcare and am well educated in such subjects and it seems to me that someone who is as God fearing as you say you are (and I am) would also practice what the good Shephard tells us to do... treat others as you want to be treated. or as we nice Christian ladies in Mississippi were raised to say... if you cant say something nice, don't say anything at all. I would think from your profile that you are an attractive, edudated, Christian man until i read the ignorant comments you made when it would have made you appear smater to keep your filthy mouth shut. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 7:43:37 PM |
Wish me luck...
And that I do! Please update how it goes.
 | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:02:13 PM | well he replied back that he was shocked to hear it from me but totally appreciates me sharing and being open with him. He said he has a lot to think about and that he will call me when he gets home from work....so I dont know. I also sent this website that states some good facts for the ignorant...maybe some of the ppl on here should read it..
http://loveinthetimeofherpes.blogspot.com/ | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:05:06 PM | honestabla, thank you for the website address. And for opening the Forum for discusson on this topic. I learned a great deal (have been out of dating for nearly a decade) and am relatively new to the forums.
I hope this turns out as you wish, and hope you'll keep us informed, if you feel good about doing so.
Best to you. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:18:07 PM | Herpes is herpes, regardless of WHO you get it from, or how you get it. Don't be surprised if that guy isn't interested anymore.
Most of the women here just can't handle the truth, and the truth being that if you've got some STD, it doesn't matter who gave it to you. All that matters to ME is that you have it. It doesn't matter if the OP got it from her cheating boyfriend. She's got it, and nobody else wants it.
EDIT: LOL at all of the hate that Silentman74 is getting from the women in this thread. You're saying he's an ass because you ladies are trying to argue with him but you can't even get a foot hold in starting to argue with him... so since you can't argue with him because he keeps shutting you down, he's an ass. Yeah, OK. Grow up please. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:25:44 PM | everyone on this thread and everyone in general should go to this website and download the FREE handbook on herpes. it seems i have to post this every six months or so. i cannot believe the IGNORANCE on this topic! because one never knows if s/he is "passing" herpes, unless s/he gets tested properly for both viruses--1 and 2! high school kids nowadays are more saavy than the older generation on this topic.
unfortunately, insurance companies don't want to spend the money, so the docs only advise you to test "if" you personally have an outbreak or "if" you ask to be tested! now, who here, who had "never" had a visible blister outbreak wants to be tested, so then they can go tell everyone that they "carry"????
after i post the source below, i will summarize the stats.
so first , get this book and read it page to page: http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook.html
THE UPDATED HERPES HANDBOOK
written by
TERRI WARREN, R.N., M.S., M.Ed.
Nurse Practitioner
and
RICKS WARREN, Ph.D.
Psychologist
Published by
THE PORTLAND PRESS
Portland, Oregon
now, let me give you some excerpts and a brief summary.
1. yes, about one of five "carry" HSV2. however, 70 percent "CARRY" HSV1 within the total population. not both stats overlap, so estimates are that 80-85 percent carry one or the other or both. this is why it's hard for bloodbanks to get herpes free blood for newborns!
2. remember, just because you carry it, doesn't mean you have had to have had visible blisters. along comes someone with a weaker immune system and whammo! you pass on to them what you carry, but never manifested on the outside of YOUR body. or, you did, but so mildly, you didn't notice it.
3. HSV1 stats are declining in the younger population, so the older population will have a higher rate of infection as their generation was not as "saavy" about HSV1.
4. way way and long long ago, before "oral sex" was so prevalent, the HSV1 virus was discussed with respect to location on one's upper lips! the HSV2 virus was discussed with respect to location on one's "crotch"! not so anymore. 1/3 of herpes blisters in the genital area, come from HSV1--that's the virus that 70 percent of the population is carrying.
5. if you have had HSV1 on your lips and along comes someone who plants it on your crotch, you will not be immune. the lip area and the crotch area radiate to different nerve clusters in the spine. you will only be immune if you have the same hsv virus--either 1 or 2--in the same area.
so, OP: get and email the handbook to your old boyfriend. for those of you who do not want herpes at all, get yourself tested first. because you may already have it! then ask everyone you are sexual with to get tested, even if they never blistered. quite frankly, i doubt that many will. unless, in a serious relationship. because of the "stupidity" , few want the stigma!
you think a condom will protect you?  the herpes virus in the genital area could land on your butt. you could pass that to the next person if you are shedding and not aware and the person who you are being sexual with has a lowered immune system. unless of course you slide the condom up to your waist!
good luck! and then there is pappilo and G-d knows what else. maybe the "relationship" should be the answer and not how much sex one can "get" from a number of different people. i'm not very old fashioned, but medical research has been my life. way too much out there for people to abuse their bodies.
btw, of the articles i've read, HSV1 passes easily to the crotch area, but HSV2 does not pass to the mouth area.
also, there is a rise in HSV 1 blister outbreak to the facial area and more important to the eyes, with the rise of facial plastic surgery. they are now giving courses on this to all dermatologists and plastic surgeons and before any procedure, most patients are given valtrex just in case.
by the same token, women used to get cesareans with herpes infections, but today they just get valtrex beforehand and most deliver vaginally with no problem. if the baby's dad has herpes also, many couples do not use the valtrex. however, some do, just so that they don't blister themselves and avoid any discomfort. many stop blistering altogether, moreso for HSv1, no matter where it lands. use of valtrex depends on one's pocketbook or insurance coverage. in the past, they feared the babies would go blind while being delivered. not today, with valtrex.
most with any trace of herpes antibodies can take valtex daily as a preventative measure. but, it is expensive. there are other remedies as well, but valtrex is the supreme remedy. they won't guarantee, just like they won't guarantee birth control pills. i mean how many forget to take their pills or how many cheat with others, is not documentable, so the stats are never perfect or only as perfect as the people involved. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:40:50 PM | | The very best of luck to you OP. Whether it is type 1 or 2. The majority of the population deals with this virus. Some are in denial, others in ignorance. I, for one, feel this particular thread, has managed to get the info out there. Education, education, education. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:01:02 PM | | well what is sad is that the people who should really be reading this thread are not. The few ignorant ppl that have made comments on here have no idea what they are talking about and have no interest in learning anything. Maybe they are afraid, I dont know. I have type 2 on my genitals only. I do not blame anyone or get mad at someone who would reject me, as long as they got all the correct information first. I look at my herpes like it is a cold. Sometimes I get a cold and its sucks and I do my best to not give it to anyone. But it isnt a big deal, it goes away, and eventually I will get another cold somewhere down the line. There is no cure for the cold, and we have all had a cold at some time. I have also had chicken pox, which is a type of herpes, and it also lies dormant in the spinal nerves. Guess what I had shingles too, which is also a type of herpes, and it also lies dormant in my spine. I cant imagine telling a guy I have the flu and he decides to not date me cause he may get the flu. I dont know, maybe I am just being silly, but seriously, herpes to me is NOTHING. I could have cancer which is not contagious but could kill me, but somehow some ppl would think it is better to have than herpes. It just really irritates me how ignorant ppl can be. I do no claim to know everything but I will never judge something I know nothing of. I like to learn as much as possible before I make a judgement about anything. I have to say that when I go to websites with pictures of herpes I get a bit nauseated. The pictures are horrible, but those are the worst of the worst, used to terrify ppl and it really sucks. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:30:43 PM | | OP, I wish you the very best of luck and I hope that he is man enough to know that herpes is something that can be dealt with and shouldn't be the reason to bail on the relationship. If my guy had it, it wouldn't change how I felt about him one bit, nor would I break up with him. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:40:10 PM | well what is sad is that the people who should really be reading this thread are not. The few ignorant ppl that have made comments on here have no idea what they are talking about and have no interest in learning anything. Maybe they are afraid, I dont know. I have type 2 on my genitals only. I do not blame anyone or get mad at someone who would reject me, as long as they got all the correct information first. I look at my herpes like it is a cold. Sometimes I get a cold and its sucks and I do my best to not give it to anyone. But it isnt a big deal, it goes away, and eventually I will get another cold somewhere down the line. There is no cure for the cold, and we have all had a cold at some time. I have also had chicken pox, which is a type of herpes, and it also lies dormant in the spinal nerves. Guess what I had shingles too, which is also a type of herpes, and it also lies dormant in my spine. I cant imagine telling a guy I have the flu and he decides to not date me cause he may get the flu. I dont know, maybe I am just being silly, but seriously, herpes to me is NOTHING. I could have cancer which is not contagious but could kill me, but somehow some ppl would think it is better to have than herpes. It just really irritates me how ignorant ppl can be. I do no claim to know everything but I will never judge something I know nothing of. I like to learn as much as possible before I make a judgement about anything. I have to say that when I go to websites with pictures of herpes I get a bit nauseated. The pictures are horrible, but those are the worst of the worst, used to terrify ppl and it really sucks.
Whilst your honesty may be admirable on this thread, I for one, am starting to find your defensive tone quite tiresome now! You are starting to lecture people.
Despite some of the very helpful and informative posts on here, the fact is people don't walk about all day you know, wondering if they've got herpes or not.
Earlier in this thread I and some others had a go at two morons who were posting some pretty nasty stuff - one of them was just downright verbally abusive.
I would never condone their behaviour, but at the same time - and I don't want to go off topic here to much - maybe they read your profile.
Did herpes make you that angry and unstable sounding??? | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 11:00:50 PM | | ok my profile isnt even searchable and its a freakin joke. I made that profile after I had met a lot of losers on here. I was tired of being lied to so I changed my profile, made it unsearchable and now I just read forums. If you are tired of my defensive tone then stop reading this thread. No, ppl dont walk around wondering if they have herpes, maybe they should. Maybe I am lecturing ppl, so what. It makes me sad to see how stupid ppl are so I get rather irritated and want ppl to open their freaking eyes. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 11:08:32 PM | OP, your profile is not accessible, but since i was asked to post on this thread by someone who did see it and contacted me about it, he too said it was very negative as per the post above.
i get calls about herpes several times a year by high school kids i advocate for--that plus papillo and genital warts. one young guy called me and thought his penis would fall off. i told him to put it on hold a bit and it would grow back!  in his instance, he and his girlfriend got themselves a serious education on genital warts. but, they both dealt with it together, because they are in a relationship. who knows who got it first and from where? they do not blame each other and both are now way more saavy!
you need to get yourself more educated and become an advocate and not defensive. i will say this to you, since you are also coming down with shingles from the chicken pox herpes virus. STRESS brings these things out, as well as lowered immune system. the cold sore is not related to one's cold, but because of lowered immunity, it will come out. the same with the other infections or even the cold itself, will come out in some and not others--due to stress and/or lowered immunity which both go hand in hand. most important is to get quality sleep, so your immune system can repair itself.
if you are having other symptoms or severe stress, you need to address that first and foremost. screw the rest of it! when you get yourself together, you'll find a guy who is together. you will work things out. ignore toxic people, they drain too much energy and be wary of your "own" toxicity.  | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 11:16:38 PM | RE: Post 50 from mycroft74
me? kids? never happen. kids are nothing more than a tool for women to ass rape men in divorce court.........that of course after they've cheated with a piece of trash loser. and you are a fool to place a woman on a pedastal. no woman deserves to be lifted that high. Wow! That is SO good to know! We don't have to worry about the gene pool being contaminated by this jerk. Whew! What a relief! | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 11:18:15 PM | I have no trouble viewing the profile - it's accessible through the forum link. I thought it was funny. YMMV.
And I think it's out of line to criticize the OP and start in with "you need to," in response to her finally reacting a little to getting bashed a lot. Truth is, she's been very patient with it. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 11:33:26 PM | | I had no trouble accessing the OP's profile. Totally support the OP in this endeavor. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/4/2009 11:48:28 PM |
I just wanted to know when and how and how some ppl would react
The vast majority of reactions, over 25 years, has been "thank you for telling me, I appreicate your honesty and I think we can work with this." And we have. Mind you, I present it matter of factly, and not as if it's the end of the world. Because it isn't. It's a fact of my life that he needs to know about.
Seriously, it's never been a huge concern for the majority of men with whom I've gotten to the point where sexual intimacy was a possibility. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/5/2009 12:26:56 AM |
ok so I just sent the guy an awesome email with lots of information.. Took me a minute to click the send button. Now all I can do is wait.
I see you've already told him via email. That wouldn't have been my first choice. I would have told him face to face, or, since you're long distance, over the phone so we could talk about it and I could (hopefully) put to rest any fears or answer any questions he might have.
But I hope your way works out for you. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/5/2009 7:15:34 AM |
People can be so cruel and insensitive. I expect it from grade school children, but not civilized adults.
Adults are civilized?
Many adults are just older children with more practice in being mean. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:20:01 AM | | Serenity, my profile has absolutely nothing to do with this thread. It may come off as negative to some, but I thought it was hilarious. I do not need to educate myself more about herpes. I feel I have been an advocate and I try to educate ppl but I get defensive because ppl do not want to listen. I actually had shingles when i was 10 years old and have never had it since. I never said a cold sore was related to a cold. I have mentioned before, I do not have outbreaks very often and do not rememeber the last time I had one. And yes, I could be having one and not know it. I am in the process of becoming an RN so I get a bit offended and feel you are talking to me like I an 18 yr old, you assume I need to educate myself when I am quite educated about this topic. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/5/2009 9:53:18 AM | I have oral HSV-1 just like 80% of the population. I sympathize with you honestabla, however, I do not feel that POF is the most appropriate forum to seek advice regarding your query. The appropriate place would be an HSV forum, where those who have HSV congregate and have a lot more experience in the subject matter.
Personally, I visit this forum: (http://herpes-coldsores.com/messageforum/forumdisplay.php?f=11) there is a sub-forum that is called "Dating and Relating" in it you'll find peope who are going through similar experiences as you. You will not receive any hostility there, why would you? Everyone there who posts has HSV.
I have oral HSV-1 and my boyfriend does not have either type of HSV. I told him about my HSV-1 early on in the relationship and he did not bat an eyelash. Granted, oral HSV-1 does not carry the same stigma as genital HSV, mostly because oral HSV-1 is a lot more common than genital HSV and thus is not considered an STD. But, were I to give my boyfriend oral and God forbid it were on a day when I was shedding with no visible symptoms, he would be at risk for contracting my HSV-1 on his genitals! Would that make him irresponsible and dirty? Heck no.
The method that you used for informing your romatic prospect is your choice, you did what you felt the most comfortable with, period. Kudos for being honest, I suggest going to the forum I listed, I bet you'll feel more comfortbale there.
Good luck! | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/5/2009 10:01:08 AM |
I get a bit offended and feel you are talking to me like I an 18 yr old, you assume I need to educate myself when I am quite educated about this topic.
In defense of Serenity (she must have fallen asleep lol!), I took her post to be aimed at several posters up thread that you probably would agree are clueless. And although I could probably find something to nit pick in her post there somewhere, Westover Clinic is a hard
reference to beat as far as accuracy and dependability goes. Point being, I don't think her post was meant as a slam against you. Quite the contrary. I think you've shown some admirable qualities (including restraint), in this thread. And good for you for going to Nursing School. Maybe you can do some educating there while you're at it :-)
As far as your profile goes, many times, written text just doesn't come across the way it's intended. I'm sure that anyone, knowing in advance that your profile was written in jest, would take it that way. On the other hand, satire isn't something the casual profile surfer might spot right away. Knowing that you were kidding puts a different light on it though. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/5/2009 12:25:07 PM | | Don't tell him you got the herpes, give it to him and say don't worry, 20% of the population has it anyway so you were gonna get it sooner or later. aren't you glad you got it from someone you love? moi? you can't cure that herpes so now it is a part of you but it isn't who you are. show him your true cool self and tell him he won't find no one better mang | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/5/2009 12:33:01 PM | | I'm sorry, but if someone dumped me and showed up years later wanting me back and revealed she had herpes, not only would I turn her away, I'd be thrilled for the opportunity to do so. One of the most wonderful experiences for a guy is to reject someone who rejected them before and the herpes is the icing on the cake. | |
|
|
| Page 4 of 6
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
|
Home
login 
