| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 7:41:25 AM | What I think it is funny is when people mention the old way. When I was in high school, I knew the kids. We talked, had classes together, ate together, and may have had clubs together. Before the guy had enough courage to ask you for your phone number or I asked him to call, we did get to know each other!
In college, the same thing happened.
Out of college, I met people I worked with, people I exercised with, and people I did other activities with. We got to know each other before we went out on a date.
So there are people on here rushing, go for it. Base your relationship on shallow criteria of making sure the outside looks good before you find out if the inside is. Find out how long your relationship last... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:50:22 AM | | Use your intuition. There is no tried and true speed. One guy wanted to meet after and hour and was a doll, the next was a perv. One man emailed for a month and was great, the next disappeared like a fart in the wind before meeting. If you do not have the intuition to tell the difference then go by your own speed. That means if you are spontaneous, meet as fast as YOU want to, and if you are less spontaneous make them wait. But the bottom like is, it is always your choice. Do what you feel. If they don't like it and it offends you, move on. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:59:55 AM |
Yeah, but it's wrong to ever expect someone to drop everything they are doing in their life and meet right this very minute.
Marcalyn,
That's EXACTLY what someone does if they are Truly Attracted someone. I've observed this MANY times.
Whether someone has the time or MAKES the time for you is a good acid test to see if they're attracted to you.
For example... I had one girl who said she wanted to be friends with me. But when I suggested we get together for a beer, a bike ride or whatever, she never had time. After a few chances, I gave up and deleted all her contact info... and that included deleting myself off of any of *her* friends lists.
Her words didn't match her actions.
And by insisting on meeting sooner rather than later, the guy is testing if there's genuine interest or if you're a waste of time. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:26:33 AM | I would rather meet sooner rather than later...endless mailing and constant compliments and saying 'I really want to meet you' drives me mad because when I am interested I will pick up the gauntlet only to find they come up with excuses as to why they can't meet straight away. Then they wonder why I lose interest in them!
It is very true what one of the others said... if you are really interested in someone then you would 'fit' them in to your busy schedule if only for a quick coffee.
There are far too many missed opportunities because of procrastination, lethargy, indecisiveness, fear of rejection and cold feet .... get a grip of yourself and go for it... it might be the start of something very wonderful! | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 11:44:29 AM | Anyone who has dated for any amount of time knows that everything up until you actually meet is a waste of time since most won't go beyond that first meeting.
Add another to the list who agrees with this simple explanation.
where it's "meet me now or never? If this is how a man behaves with me, my answer immediately becomes "Never." and "Next?"
While "meet me now or never" is certainly being over zealous, the fact remains that a lot of people are quite pragmatic and philosophical in their approaches.
Control freak much, dude?
There's a distinction in being in control of your life, and attempting to stimulate outcomes in ones life vs controlling another.
I like people who know where they're going, and how to get there. If you want to label that a "control" issue, so be it. I just don't happen to see it that way.
YMMV | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 11:57:24 AM | Instant gratification mentality , I suppose...sign of the times. How many people actually cook dinner and sit down and talk during a meal; no tv or radio?
I don't know, I'm probably too tentatvie..but I have my reasons. Yeah, I think if they're that extreme, I'd just take it as a good sign that you wouldn't be a match anyway. Though, all the emailing and talking on the phone really don't mean squat unless you meet and have a connection. But, I like to respect peoples's boundaries (for lack of better term) and appreciate that in return. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 2:29:22 PM |
What I think it is funny is when people mention the old way. When I was in high school, I knew the kids. We talked, had classes together, ate together, and may have had clubs together. Before the guy had enough courage to ask you for your phone number or I asked him to call, we did get to know each other!
In college, the same thing happened.
Out of college, I met people I worked with, people I exercised with, and people I did other activities with. We got to know each other before we went out on a date.
So there are people on here rushing, go for it. Base your relationship on shallow criteria of making sure the outside looks good before you find out if the inside is. Find out how long your relationship last...
But even in high school and college you were talking in person, you were eating with that person, you saw what they looked like, what thier mannerisms were. With online dating, a person can easily put on another personna. Meeting sooner rather than later helps you to figure out if the person matches their online personna. So instead of emailing or chatting for weeks or months only to meet and they aren't what they seem, you can meet face to face and if still interested, continue to meet and talk and eat together and attend functions together, then if still interested continue on to build that relationship.
I personally prefer to meet sooner but not under an ultimatum like it's now or never. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 2:34:43 PM | | Maybe they have plans with other online girls/dates later in the week. Need to see if it will work with you so they can move on with the next one. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 2:54:36 PM | Give me a break, most women know that this ultimatum is stupid. However, mostof the guys keep making excuses for why it should make sense. It does not matter why, the I's have it. It is stupid to give an ultimatum to a complete stranger in hopes of getting them to jump through a hoop! | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 3:05:31 PM |
The whole idea of a dating site is to actually meet someone. Anyone who has dated for any amount of time knows that everything up until you actually meet is a waste of time since most won't go beyond that first meeting.
Exactly.
One shouldn't expect the other to drop everything and meet them right now and/or have a meet me now or forget it attitude, but it should be soon enough ( within a week or so ). JMO. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 3:08:37 PM | If they are pressuring because THEY are the one who isn't going to be around; that doesn't seem fair to hold that against you; rather than you being the one who was putting them off across the board...
Still though, I find it more understandable after a phone conversation for them to not want to wait too long; rather than those who want to meet after one two line email. That one I really don't get. Don't you at least want to know a LITTLE about who you are going to show up and meet? | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 3:18:35 PM | Would the men here ask that their mothers,daughters or sisters meet a man under these same conditions? Would they accept her explanation that she met him online, saw his profile, talked with him on the phone so many times....and now he's insisting on meeting her in person. it's not that SHE wants to meet him in person right now, but He's insisting. Any guy's alarms going off? Anyone? Buehller?
Absolutely there's a lot of fakery going on here, this site I mean. Absolutely there are married men, married women, men AND women who are in no present position to be in a relationship. Meeting in person won't change any of that. Take your time, feel good about the other person, get to know their FULL NAME, ADDRESS and PHONE # so you can tell your FRIEND where you are :) | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 4:52:22 PM | Why beat around the bush(no pun intented,okay maybe alittle pun),if you can meet someone in person fairly quick,that way you can decide if this is worth your valuable time instead of e-mailing,phone conversations,texting,etc.
This way you will find out quicker if this is someone you might like! | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:45:52 AM | i don't believe in pressuring someone to meet. if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. it shouldn't be a complicated process. if there's even a shred of drama involved and you haven't even met yet, then it probably ain't gonna be worth it over the long haul. i said PROBABLY, not DEFINITELY.
i've never pressured a woman to meet. i am accomodating and try to find out what their schedule is and try to gel it with mine to find out when we'd both have free time. from there, either me or her makes suggestions on a meet. if after x amount of times one party or the other can't set something up and set it in stone, then we call it quits. it won't work. it's better to find these things out upfront. situations do change though, so if you deem the person is worth it, then try to make it work. but keep in mind a relationship is 50/50. you shouldn't be doing all the work.
i actually have been pressured to meet. OP says men rush to meet but that's a two-way street. happens to us men too. I've found that a lot of women are impatient and want things instantly and rush to meet. there's a myriad of reasons men and women do this. they all have their reasons, i suppose. most common excuse i hear in the forum is that people dont wanna waste their time. being that this is online dating, it's kinda expected that there's gonna be some email exchange before things progress. I don't rush to meet. I let things happen naturally. that don't mean i take things super slow. just means that i know when anything is rushed, the end result is usually negative. everything takes time to develop.
BUT if the interest and time is there and nothing is stopping either party from meeting, even 1 hour after a first contact email, then i say go for it. that's happened to me too. just take things as they come but be smart about it. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:06:02 AM |
I'm far from convinced that any women are here for a relationship considering their crazy expectations. It's more like fantasies.... And women aren't here for attraction? Come on. Even women who are far from physically fit expect physical perfection from men on here. It’s ridiculous.
I have to disagree with you here. I know that I am not a physically perfect specimen, and I would not feel comfortable dating a muscle bound surfer, or really lean man. I have a few extra pounds, and I actually prefer if my guy has a few extra too. It usually means we match. This doesn't mean I'm into BBM, but I would find a man who goes to the gym more than twice a week to be intimidating.
On topic, I am perfectly willing to meet, and even meet within a one week time frame, but some communication by email is desirable first. I few messages, 2 or 3, back and forth to get an idea if this is someone you could even have a converstation with, is better than, "Hi, I think you're cute. Meet me for coffee later?"
Also, I'm with Kennedy, I don't tend to talk on the phone. I'll email a few times, then arrange a meet. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:19:36 AM | The first day might be a bit much, but as for myself I'd like to meet sooner rather than later and know that we might not have any chemistry in person like we do online or on the phone.
I'd hate to waste months on end talking to someone and finding out that we aren't a match in person. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:44:07 AM | | Men do that to me too. They e-mail me and expect me to meet them the same day they e-mail me. I'm like...sorry but I have a life..LOL. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/4/2009 1:20:09 PM | I can only speak for my own self; I want any perspective dates to feel comfortable so I just ask when is a good time for them to meet, I don't push. I don't want endless emails or phone calls either. Some may have been pushed around by women and feel insecure and think that demands make them appear stronger.
So does this mean you won't drop what you're doing and hop on a plane and come to me in Chicagoland? | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:15:55 PM | zekestone: That's EXACTLY what someone does if they are Truly Attracted someone.
you mean attracted to a picture? | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:27:26 PM |
you mean attracted to a picture?
And attracted to what they wrote about themselves... and if the email exchange looks promising.
Hey... if you like the picture, you might as well book the 1st meeting face to face to verify if it's accurate...
Technically when you hook up with someone here, you have more info on them most of the time than if you meet someone you don't know in a bar. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:42:09 PM | I think men and probably women do show their true colors in emails and talking on the phone. One man stressed out about his dog while on the phone with me. Anyone that talks to his dog like this guy did, forget it. Someone that couldn't put two sentences together in an email forget it and the same for phone conversations. I liked getting to know them. I know that I fell for my fiance because he let me into his life before we met. I got to know what hobbies he had, music likes and dislikes, his work schedule, what he did at work, etc. etc.
See, it doesn't take that long, what like 3 minutes, to write an email. Getting ready to go out at least an hour and then you have the drive there and back and whatever you do. That takes up tons of time in my opinion. I preferred weeding out men that threw out red flags on the phone or emails. I wasn't into serial dating. I didn't need someone to buy me a meal. I was looking for someone that I really wanted to share with. I found that person by taking my time...ok, he found me
(And really, he is all that physically and mentally!) | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/9/2009 1:22:05 PM | Just IM or e-mail the person and don't give out your number.
As a matter of opinion, post a pic of yourself without the heavy eye makeup and see if you start attracting a different type of person. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/14/2009 4:20:44 PM | Haha, the best is when they just send you their phone number with the subject line, "Call me now."
Yeaaaaaah, I'll get right on that. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:29:41 PM | | I have no problem if I am chatting with a guy and I think there is potential betwwen us I would suggest we meet. As a matter of fact I did so, two weeks back. I also have discovered guys want to meet but on their time. If I am busy that day I would suggest two other days in the the same week. The answer more often have been how about next week. My take is, if you are soo busy to find time to meet that week, you are definately too busy for me and for dating. In that respect I move on. Interestingly I have few men that have me on their Fav and they from time to time send e-mails about meeting me, but when the question becomes too specific they all bail out and I laugh. So as you see there are men that go thought the motions of setting a meeting but are shy on the trigger, or just looking to have their ego stroked. | |
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