| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:48:15 PM | Here's the best way I can try to explain it..... It might not help.... but hopefully, there will be some understanding.....
It used to be in the past that there was a certain "protocol" for internet dating. And, trust me, I followed it to the TEE, thinking I was doing the right thing. And at the time, it WAS the right thing.
Protocol was: communicated with somebody via email for a month.....then to IM for a month....then phone for a month....then FINALLY....after 'trust' and 'security' was established.....agree to meet. (a 'month' is just....well.....a RELATIVE term here...but you can use weeks if you want...)
THEN.....suddenly......you MEET....aannnnnnnnnnnnnnnd......NOTHING. Person is either not who they say they are in their pics.....no chemistry......no common anything.....you don't even really want to be friends with them afterward.... so you spend a LOT of TIME that is wasted. And for those who are into that whole 'instant chemistry' thing.... plenty of 'chemistry' that was FOOLISHLY established during times before meeting....was suddenly gone AT meeting.... So what was the POINT???
It took awhile, but eventually I got to the point of just saying after a couple of emails or a phone call....."look....there is a really good chance I'm going to be hungry tomorrow at around six p.m.....what about you? you think you'll be hungry too??? If so....I'm buying dinner.....because I would buy it anyway even if I were to meet a friend..."
Funny thing was.....quite a few agreed to this. No harm.....no foul... Might not have been a love match or whatever....but at least it didn't take a MONTH to get all this crap out of the way.
The point being is....you can remove any and all 'illusions' relatively quickly by doing it this sort of way.... I know that there are IDIOTS out there in the world. But, if you're a person who is pure in their intent, then it should be no big deal.
Besides..... when I look at this whole thing, a place like this is a big NITECLUB....and people are sitting around gabbing... So what am I going to to when I see a girl across the room at a niteclub that I want to talk to?? WAIT FOR THREE WEEKS TO A MONTH TO TALK TO HER??? SHOW UP IN A MONTH HOPING SHE'S THERE??? ummmmmmmm not exactly.......
I don't pressure things, and I really let people take things at their own pace.... but from MY experience, I would just rather "GIT 'ER DUN"........... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:55:22 PM |
My take is, if you are soo busy to find time to meet that week, you are definately too busy for me and for dating. Really? Wow, I have the next couple weeks pretty much filled up and I have already started making some plans for two different weekends in October. I honestly don't know how people don't have plans and dates for a couple weeks in advance. I have always made plans in advance. To me asking someone out should be at least a week or two in advance. Of course that also allows for phone conversation between now and then.
Gosh I wish they would do an exit survey on here to find out how long the people emailed etc. before they went out ie success stories. It seems the not success stories are those that rushed it from what I keep reading on POF threads. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:02:16 PM | I won't meet with someone i have very stilted convos with. Those are usually the ones i will have NO chemistry with.
If i think i will like the guy enough, i'll meet within a week. But, thing is, i do have a job and kids. Dropping everything is impossible. Hell, I don't even know what i'm gonna do when i get a boyfriend and he wants to be together every day... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:06:01 PM | it WAS wrong of him to dump a ton of pressure on you and expect 2 meet THAT very day....
that b-in said : it is normal 2 wnt 2 meet someone in person as soon as practical ( ie convenient 4 both parties ) for the simple fact that you can NEVER, EVER gauge chemistry on the phone, & even less so online -
mebbe he jst wanted 2 c how yall jive in person ....... i also ask ppl who are fairly local 2 meet w/in a few emails -or 4 get it...........
if they are quite a distance away, ( AND show a lot of promise ) i will take my chances, but i for one / would rather do the chatting in person
just my two cents, hope it helped ya  | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/17/2009 8:44:39 PM |
Just-for-foums - msg 29: I certainly have. I found it to be a great weeding-out tool. They are actually doing you a favour. Someone who doesn't have the patience to wait a few days to meet; or who doesn't have the courtesy to respect that not everyone moves at the same pace PirateJohn09 - msg 38: Apparently, you don't have much respect for the fact that they move at a different pace than you, either.
Of course, I have respect for people moving at different paces. The point isn't whether to meet sooner or later. The point is when people take a "Now or Never" approach to force a meet. The OP wasn't talking about delaying things for weeks or months, just that she wasn't able to drop what she was doing that minute to meet and was blown off for it, in spite of offering to meet within a day or two. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:07:07 PM | Since you're so specific in your profile about what you're looking for ("your type") and you don't seem to have any hobbies that you can't stop right in the middle of, what's the problem in running out right away to meet for a cup of coffee or whatever?
If possibly meeting the love of your life isn't that important to you, you should probably just take your profile down. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:13:43 PM | Personally, I'd rather the initial meeting be spur of the moment. If we've emailed a few times, and talked on the phone for more than about 10 minutes, why wait, unless one of us is being less than truthful (fake, old or doctored pictures, incorrect information in profile or communications, etc.). I'd prefer to see what you look like normally, not when you've had hours to prepare, since that's what I'm going to be looking at for the rest of my life, if things go forward to their logical conclusion.
Keep in mind, this is the "meet and greet", not the first date. For that, you can dress up all you like. I just hope it's appropriate for the activity, ie. Don't wear high heels if we're going fishing, dear.  | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:58:20 PM | | Once we've exchanged phone numbers, I'm already looking ahead to my schedule thinking that if the phone conversation goes well, I'd like to meet. I'm not going to drag it out over weeks and then meet someone. I learned the hard way letting something build up over months (long distance) only to meet and feel...nothing. It was like kissing a relative. What a bummer! I'd say if you hit it off in email/phone, you should try to get together within a week or so. It's not a hard and fast rule, but a guideline. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/18/2009 7:16:41 PM | | I'm totally for meeting asap if you've had some initial contact and both people are interested. Any time a guy has delayed meeting, nothing good has come of it. He's usually stalling for something, maybe his wife, and ends up being a no-show. It can work if you have some emails and calls and discuss some dealbreaker topics, but now, I'd just as soon meet if the person is close enough. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/19/2009 4:55:28 PM | omg! this happen to me way 2 many times. ive had men and women who wanted to meet me on the same day we just started chatting. im like arent u concern about ur safety? i met a guy on time on a friday met him that saturday and utterly regretted it!!
i didnt get why these ppl 1st come into contact with u that they wanna meet u on the same day. ive gotten cursed out way 2 many times and they refused to meet or talk to them which is fine with me. i didnt need an adult who was gonna act like a 12 yr old anyway! if they dont care about their safety then fine with me. | |
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Posted: 9/19/2009 5:30:17 PM | Or, maybe the guy met someone while on vacation and he's dating her so that's why he didn't contact you again, and it never was about meet me now or never just your assumption, jeeze.
Why not meet as soon as possible, people can mislead and manipulate just as easily on the computer and telephone for as long as they feel its necessary, if that's their agenda. Just because you have been sending emails back and forth for 2 weeks or a month and talking on the phone dosn't count for sqwat. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/19/2009 6:11:41 PM | | id like to meet later on so i know who i am dealing with. one time i met someone two days later and that was a disaster! whether i meet someone too early or too late, it still ends up a disaster for me. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/19/2009 6:44:43 PM | I can never figure out why almost all the men I've met absolutely have to meet me the very same day we first talk on the phone.
At our age, honey, time is of the essence.  
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/21/2009 9:38:55 AM | | Why do you think desperation and clinginess hurts Men a lot more than it hurts Women? | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/21/2009 7:56:28 PM | | Shyah! Weird. lol. Any indicator that they don't respect a boundary, or the word "no" in any situation is a big flag to me that their intentions prob aren't that noble lol. Plus, it just plain pisses me off lmao! I don't like ppl pushing, and I don't like it when someone tries to imply that they know the pace at which I move comfortably better than I do. I usually wait a couple of weeks to meet someone, depends on the guy (is extrovert, introvert etc...) as a general rule I wait to hear the "go ahead" from my gut. As another general rule, my gut always hollers "run!" whenever a guy is too eager to meet a. s. a. p. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:34:49 PM | "omg! this happen to me way 2 many times. ive had men and women who wanted to meet me on the same day we just started chatting. im like arent u concern about ur safety? "
Do you leave your house at all???? But wait? Arent you concerned about your safety going grocery shopping or going to work?? do you have bestbuy security walk you to and from your car??? How about going into a burger place for a hamburger??? Do you go alone?? Or do you have a guy the Size of Mr T with you at all times??????????
All the same risks involved here ladies.... Meeting in a public place should be good enough.... Maybe not meeting the same day but later that week sure... whats the big deal???? | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:04:24 PM | | ^^^^^It isn't necessarily risks, it is called getting to know someone. There are people that you don't connect with and you can weed them out. There people that are jerks, weird, nasty, etc. and that shows itself if you get to know them. You can have a real date and talk to them if you do know them. I always enjoy talking to someone I know. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:07:07 PM | | What I am talking about are people who get along very well in the 1st online chat..... cover alot of ground.... I've had many of those and no matter what or how long we've talked for that day they still say " I dont even know you" to which I respond well what did we just spend 2 hours doing then?? they then say " I dunno or I dont know" lol | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:12:59 PM | | 2 hours isn't knowing someone. You could be having a good day and the next, you could be having a bad day. Believe me, I took my time, not one phone conversation before meeting a guy because life taught me you can't judge people by one phone conversation. I don't know says, they don't feel comfortable with you yet, they don't know. If you can't accept that, you are trying to rush and that could be why you are still single. Rome wasn't built in a day. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:23:23 PM | I beileve in screening people. My time (and their's) is valuable. And frankly, if you are pushing to meet me RIGHT NOW I can only come to a couple of conclusions:
*You are a control freak and need to control everything and everyone around you.
*You are looking for a quick hookup and not a relationship.
* You have no respect for other people's time.
There is no pat formula, but email a few times, chat on the phone and then meet. Take the time, what's the damn rush? | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:04:12 PM | | Maybe... but I've been doing this a long time and have always ended up with a pen pal... when I've taken my time.... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:25:03 PM |
Really? Wow, I have the next couple weeks pretty much filled up and I have already started making some plans for two different weekends in October. I honestly don't know how people don't have plans and dates for a couple weeks in advance. I have always made plans in advance. To me asking someone out should be at least a week or two in advance.
A week or TWO in advance... for a simple 1st date? A week or two in advance would be reasonable if you're going away for the weekend with someone.
Geez... My life is pretty full with having two kids, helping run a household, coordinating things with my Ex, having a full time job and seeing friends... and I don't need 2 weeks of advance notice. The most notice I need is a 3-4 days.
If someone needs that much notice for a simple date that lasts maybe an hour or two, then they are way too busy to date... or they haven't really got their heart into meeting someone and as a result, put up a bunch of mental barriers.
No thanks... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:52:23 PM | Sorry, but I am in agreement with the guy, I have met some really amazing people online and have never had a "horror story" to tell, but I am the one that want's to meet right away. It weeds out the married men, and the men with issues. I have found that if a man does not want to meet me right away ( within a week or so ) then they either lack self esteem , or they are not telling the truth in the profile about themselves. You can "create" a personality in your mind from the written word but most of the time, the person you created in your mind does not fit the person you meet over coffee.
Plus, anyone you meet with the right mindset is a good thing, they could be your next business contact, best friend, or the best guy for your best friend..if you meet in a safe enviroment . What do you have to lose by sharing a cup of coffee?It is so much safer then meeting someone in the bar when the lights are low and your brain is too...online you can easily check out if he is who he say's he is before you meet, where he works, lives etc. Now if your just looking to get a ego boost, you can have hundreds of men e-mailing you, if your pretty you will get your mailbox filled everyday with offers ..but that sounds really sad to me. I want a man that I can meet and respect , that lives close enough to really develope a relationship with , looking me in my eyes ,telling me I am pretty because he has looked into my soul, not a bunch of strangers from Japan looking at my picture... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:57:01 PM | Hi Marcalyn,just a few lines to say that Ive been onthe site for 18 months and have had and still do have exactly the same problem,I ask will next week be ok and they vanish,I wonder if its because there are so many lovely ladies on the site and some guys just look around for someone who will meet up straight away.However if thats the case then I guess we werent meant for each other any way.
Kindest regards Rose | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:02:39 PM | Hi Marcia ,I have exactly the same problem,I wonder if some of the guys on here, look through the many lovely women and choose the one who will meet them the soonest ,I maybe wrong but it sure is odd if you have chosen someone to ask out.
Kindest regards Rose | |
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