| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:07:03 PM | It must be the water down there...or desperation
Its taken some on here a year to meet me...
Rush me and it's your loss | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:17:32 PM | Rose,
My Ex reported experiencing the same thing you've experienced with 'disappearing acts'.
As a guy, I have idea why this happens.
I get the impression that some people compulsively contact people... but then later have 'contact remorse' because they've just hit it off with someone they've discovered they're not that interested in because they never read the profile or thought it through initially.
And also... many people these days seem to be deathly afraid of any remote chance of confrontation. They seem to prefer doing a disappearing act rather than being honest and straight. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:26:12 PM | | I like to meet up quick to not waste time with the back and forth...that doesn't always work with the woman and her schedule or her busy dating itinerary. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:06:25 PM | As I keep saying, it worked for me. I am engaged.
My fiance and I are planing a date on the 20th. Yeah, really still have that busy of a schedule. I own my own business and I work for another company part time. I have 3 kids, 6 cats, a house, 3 cars, and a life. I can't imagine having weekends not planned a couple weeks in advance.
Being busy doesn't mean you aren't interested. Getting to know someone before you go out is a good thing. I honestly NEVER had problems going out about twice a month when I was dating. Most guys had lives too.
Takes me at least an hour to get ready, at least a half hour drive, then you have dinner and a movie or whatever the date was, and drive home, that is hours. Talking on the phone was only minutes to get to know someone, no changing clothes, showering, driving etc. I wouldn't plan that amount of time for a date with someone I didn't know. I liked enjoying my dates and still do, but now it is just with one special man. Hopefully we will still have "dates" when we get married.
If you are still on here dating and you meet someone right away, do you think maybe your style isn't working? | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:14:23 PM | There's a great gender divide reading some of the more insightful posts on both sides of the divide. Women would do well to listen to what some men are saying in this thread, especially early on in the thread. Meeting a woman in person is oftentimes the only way a man in the internet dating game can begin to establish any kind of effective exclusivity with a woman. It's making the woman risk something of herself on him.
How many men will tell you that they contacted women on the site, that they seemed to have established some kind of a positive connection with them, only to have such women back off/slink away for no discernible reason before ever having a chance to meet her in person? Raise your hands men. See them all ladies?
The fact of the matter is that many such potentially interesting women on such a site are constantly getting their mailboxes barraged by responses to their ads from men. How is a man to distinguish himself from these other men without meeting such a woman in person?
I'm a man who would be just fine taking it slower, writing back and forth a bit before pushing for a meeting. But the fact is that I learned my lesson. I'm sure that I'm not only man to have done so. Sometimes the only recourse a reasonable thinking man has to contend with this phenomenon is to seek out a face-to-face meeting with such women. He'd almost be a fool not to. It's the nature of the beast.
Of course there are exceptions to this prevailing general rule, and there have been a decent share of successful romantic ventures that took root at such a slower, perhaps more comfortable pace. But they are the exceptions. Period. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:15:30 PM | I don't want long drawn out emailing and phone conversations only to discover the person is not the same as depicted in their pictures or having no physical attraction.
However, I won't allow some to pressure me to meet them until we both are mutually ready. My life is not revolving around dating, and there are other things going on in my life. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:18:55 PM | My life is not revolving around dating, and there are other things going on in my life.
Hello! A lot of men feel just the same way. That's why they don't want to waste so much of their time if it's not going to go anywhere. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:17:37 PM | | we need to all accept that this way of dating is completely backwards | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:19:35 PM | | It'll all work out for us guys... all we need to do is take aaamm's words to heart and see how it works for us.. Hopefully it'll work out.... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:27:15 PM | I completely agree with what most of the guys here have said. When I am feeling like I would like to look for a relationship in my life, I tend to meet people sooner than later. If I feel that the person that I contact is stalling for whatever reason, I just move on.
I find that of all my friends, my female friends are more likely to carry on a fake/non-emotional relationship with someone that they will never meet. My male friends, however, do not maintain unconnected, unattached relationships. I think this is a fundamental difference between the genders.
If I disappear, it is likely that someone else has agreed to to meet me and I like to focus my attention on one person at a time. I don't like the confusion of balancing several relationships that may never go anywhere. | |
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Posted: 11/7/2009 9:03:23 PM | I have had that happen once and let me just say that it is a huge red flag when they do this!!!! RUN.... | |
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Posted: 11/7/2009 9:17:36 PM | | most guys say let's meet tonight...that is because they are browsing, sitting around doing nothing, thinking about sex and women and hey there is no time like the present...i go ahead and go if i am up for it ....sometimes i am too tired...sometimes they say i have tickets for such and such..want to come...you have to think fast...do you want to ...are you really interested...sitting around pondering is a waste of time...how much do you need to know...this isn't rocket science...go check them out... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:15:08 PM |
Getting to know someone before you go out is a good thing.
I rather thought the purpose of going out was to get to know someone... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:12:00 PM |
The whole idea of a dating site is to actually meet someone. Anyone who has dated for any amount of time knows that everything up until you actually meet is a waste of time since most won't go beyond that first meeting.
For once I totally agree with you. I want to meet as I know the first meet is the deal or no deal so I want it over with. I talk to and date one woman at a time. If a woman expects me to talk to her for a month or more before the first meet I am on to the next one as I don't have time to waste just to find out I am yet again not her type. I know when I meet a person if they are a fit for me and women know the same. I get maybe one in ten that I actually get a second date with so I want the nine of you out of the way so I can get number ten and see if there is something there. We are not trying to be jerks although I'm sure some guys want to see how fast they can get laid but I want to get to the one there is a chance with. I am not getting any younger or better looking so I am driven to find what I want and I am not letting a time waster stand in my way.
I will e-mail for a day or so and then a couple evenings of calls and then I want to meet, otherwise it is next contestant in the dating game please. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:16:13 PM |
Its taken some on here a year to meet me...
Rush me and it's your loss
The loss of a year of their life to probably find out you are not the one, waiting a year is nothing more than a game player. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:53:31 PM | I rather thought the purpose of going out was to get to know someone...
I know when I meet a person if they are a fit for me and women know the same. I get maybe one in ten that I actually get a second date with so I want the nine of you out of the way so I can get number ten and see if there is something there. We are not trying to be jerks although I'm sure some guys want to see how fast they can get laid but I want to get to the one there is a chance with. I am not getting any younger or better looking so I am driven to find what I want and I am not letting a time waster stand in my way.
Both of these posts are very honest and reasonable reasons why men oftentimes want to get to the meet-and-greet stage of things sooner rather than later. Not all men who feel this way are trolling-for-sex-jerks, or as heedlessly pushy as some women are making them out to be. I think it's good for women to keep this in mind, instead of just typecasting all men a certain way just because they see the true importance of a face-to-face meeting.
How refreshing it is when I hear a woman poster acknowledging this perspective as being perfectly reasonable, even if such a perspective might not precisely fit her own perspectives and manners of going about such things. It doesn't always have to be so contentious. Don't we all want acceptance and understanding?
I know it's not many women's fault on the site, but the fact is that a lot of women waste a lot of men's time on this site, decent men's time. As a general rule, women hold the most power on such a site, as they receive a whole lot more responses to their ads than the other way around. Men know this. It's no secret. Women can afford to be more patient than men. There's another man waiting for her in her inbox. Men have had to adapt to this reality.
Again, generally speaking, if a decent man really likes what he sees and hears of a woman, he wants to find out about her in person, he wants to distinguish himself from all the other men crowding in upon her on the site. He wants to know ASAP if something is there between him and her, or not. Time's a wasting. He wants to know if he's being "played", or not. He wants such a woman to have the opportunity to see and hear from him person, to find out for HERSELF what he's all about, before she finds some reason in her mind to not give herself this chance.
Such a thing really shouldn't be that difficult to understand, to empathize with. It makes perfect sense to me. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:02:20 PM |
I rather thought the purpose of going out was to get to know someone... Yup, but going out with someone I don't know at all is not something I did. Knowing someone better is what I did. If I got to know them via the internet and phone, I knew I could have a decent time. I didn't want to go out with a negative person. You can fool people about your real personality by sending only a couple emails. I wanted to know the inside of the person. Negative people reveal themselves, horn dogs reveal themselves, those that don't have a life reveal themselves, etc.
You want to meet a complete stranger and find out all about them from scratch, go for it. I liked knowing a bit about who they were, their likes and dislikes. I didn't have problems dating. I met someone that had similar thoughts about meeting, dating, and relationships. I know I am lucky and blessed. Insides don't always match the outsides and I don't have tons of free time, never have. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:07:06 PM | everything can happen
i met some people after 5 minutes chat
I met another ones after 6 or 9 months chat | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:21:05 PM | i agree with the poster. i had that same prob b4 with men and women. i had one guy one time who wanted to meet on the same day we met, so we met. omg talk about bad meeting. me and the guy didnt even like each other, he wouldnt look at me that much, nor would he actually have a conversation with me knowing he saw my pic and what he was gettin himself into. i was tryin to be nice even though i felt nothin with him, my god he was such a****ead.
the meeting didnt last he took me home and i got a message from him the next day or so sayin how i was ugly and all of this other crap. he told me i wasnt what i was lookin 4 and i said ur the one who suggested we met the same day we met online thats ur fault. we got in a huge argument, that happen to me with other ppl i didnt do that crap anymore.
ive had women who contacted me the same day and asked me to go meet up with them knowing fully well they didnt know anything about me. i told them i get to know ppl online or on the phone mostly b4 i meet them in person needless to say i got cursed out. i told them my safety comes 1st and told them about the sad encounters i had where i felt one guy was lookin at me like he wanted to rape me.
recently, i had a girl emailed me wanting to meet me this weekend. i was like r u serious? i dont even know u that well i havent even gotten a vibe to see if u were someone i wanted to meet or not. she got so furious and accused me of her wanting to sleep with me when i i did no such thing. i said i am not gonna meet u this weekend she called me lots of names. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:26:21 PM | I will not wait more then a week to have our first date but to request that we meet that day and to get upset if they didn't want to meet that day is just wrong in my opinion.
The one thing I wont do though is message a person more then 3 times because I am wanting to meet and I don't want a penpal. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:59:41 PM | to the OP: Its one of my biggest pet peeves about online dating. I need at least a few emails and then at least a couple IMs or texts and then at least a couple good phone calls before I'll agree to meet with someone. I'm just not comfortable otherwise. I'm not talking delaying it weeks, but I'm not rushing into going out with a stranger.
Sure, some consider it a waste of time. And I do think that in the end, this may harm me, because I know men who online date have a tendancy to be more immediate or they move on... but I'd much rather "waste time" by a few extra days of emails that take a minute or two to write each, than to go out right away and "waste time" by getting all dolled up and going OUT with a total weirdo because I didn't go through my whole weeding out process!
We're all different! | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:12:16 PM | I've had kind of the opposite problem. Emailing, chatting or maybe calling a couple of times - then the guy says he wants to meet and I say "OK, when are you available?" Suddenly the tune changes - he won't give a definite answer and then he disappears off the face of the earth - OR, scenario two, we set a day and time to meet but before the time comes, he contacts me and says he can't make it and THEN disappears off the face of the earth.
On the bright side, at least I've found out how flaky these guys are before we ever meet. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:42:39 PM |
"omg! this happen to me way 2 many times. ive had men and women who wanted to meet me on the same day we just started chatting. im like arent u concern about ur safety? "
Do you leave your house at all???? But wait? Arent you concerned about your safety going grocery shopping or going to work?? do you have bestbuy security walk you to and from your car??? How about going into a burger place for a hamburger??? Do you go alone?? Or do you have a guy the Size of Mr T with you at all times??????????
All the same risks involved here ladies.... Meeting in a public place should be good enough.... Maybe not meeting the same day but later that week sure... whats the big deal????
do i leave my house at all? what kind of question is that? of course i do. i am concern about my safety again what kind of question is that? i used to meet ppl on the same day i met them but i dont do that anymore. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/9/2009 8:00:05 PM |
Being busy doesn't mean you aren't interested. Getting to know someone before you go out is a good thing. I honestly NEVER had problems going out about twice a month when I was dating. Most guys had lives too.
true. guys i met in the past said they were busy were never busy at all. i met a guy one time who i kept askin if he wanted to hang out sometime. he kept sayin im busy on the weekends, i found out every weekend he was partying so i said to him how is that busy again? he made me think he was busy with his job. me and him got into a huge argument he said i have a life ya know? i said so do i but i dont like to be mislead or lied too.
this guy was older than me yet couldnt act like a mature adult. he contacted me again 4 yrs later on myspace lol i was like what do u want? i dont buy that im busy crap, to me its always a cop out. ppl i met offline couldnt seem to make time for me but had no probs making time for other ppl they use the "we are not really friends. i just met u offline cuz i was bored as hell." talk about a slap in my face. | |
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