| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:53:27 PM | | I broke up with one ex a thousand times...but he refused to end the relationship...it ended up being my longest relationship (5 years)...so persistence may work...but he was also a really good bf...but at the end of the day...it will end sooner or later...meaning she may/will still have her reservations subconsciously and so it may never become happily ever after. Hence, chances for a happier ending may work out better with a more agreeable/less resistent partner. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:25:08 AM | | Sure this happens but the thing is "wearing her down" means that she has settled for you. You were not her first, probably not her second and maybe not even her third choice if you had to wear her down in order for her to accept you. I have never understood how this type of situation can be the least bit desirable or attractive to anyone. Who wants to be someones sloppy soggy seconds. Would anyone in their right mind really want someone who was just giving up and settling for them? I personally would be insulted. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:43:15 AM | I'll tell ya.. I had to think this one out for a bit.
I was dating 5 women.
Now.. TWO of them would have this "talk" thing about every 3 or 4 months where THEY would initiate a "What am I DOING with you & why am I holding on for MORE when it isnt going anywhere" talk
I'd sit there, politely and offer NO answers. These were introspective rhetorical questions where THEY were trying to work out in their own mind if having a PART of me was better than having NONE of me.
Eventually.. BOTH of them noticed (after about 8 to 10 of these talks) that I never responded NOR did I change the dynamics of the when, how often of seeing them.
BOTH of them said almost the same quote too.
"You treat me BETTER in this NON-moving-forward relationship than ANY man I have ever BEEN in a traditional relationship with, including my marriage"
I guess to your scale, they were trying to "wear me down" Luckily I havent needed either hair replacement OR peni-replacement. Seems with enough lube it doesnt wear down. (Ok.. that was some humor interjected for levity)
I am STILL friends with all of them.. and of the two.. only one has stopped the dating part. Her reason had nothing to do with me though.. she had offspring issues to deal with and is out of available time.
I agree with the other posters as to how it IS so stalkerish. With ALL the people, it amazes me how so many get so fixated on "the one" instead of approaching life in a more fluid dynamic.
I dont "invest" my time in relationships.. I SPEND my time in keeping with the enjoyment I GET from it.. as well as the favorable reaction I get FROM people that want to GET their own enjoyment from being with me.
This INVESTMENT mentality is one of the largest mistakes women make. I believe it leads to the sense of entitlement at the time of moving on(divorce) where the relationship has come to it's natural end.
Relationships are not stock certificates.. nor are they a venture-capitalist startup company. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:09:40 AM | ^^^a 24 year old is an A D U L T! Get with the program.
Bitter much against women? Uh huh yep.  Hmm one of those whose divorced. It explains the bitterness towards women. I've seen it before...nauseating. Divorced...hmmm....smart woman....no wonder.
Hmm 55 year old? Yes...a man, definitely nope! Should have left kindergarten a long time ago. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:31:06 AM | re: The title's assertion-If true, it means the woman is willing to give love in return for love. Perhaps not the worst bargain to be made and more than likely, the the basis for most relationships through history.
"If you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with."
In this era of intercontinental browsing, without pre-arranged marriages, this type of pursuit is unlikely to be employed.
In either case it requires the persuer to know more of the target's desire than the target. The persuer has to know that his/her virtues are well enough suited to the target's desire that they will erode or override the initial disaffection.
Not impossible, but not very likely, either. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/15/2009 11:32:27 PM | | There is a fine line between trying one more time to chat someone up, and stalking them. Those who stalk me get gone, or get hurt. Those who are persistent, without crossing over into stalking are either politely-but firmly-dismissed...or given a chance. It depends upon: her manner, her profile, her attitude, and more. Can she intrigue me without seeming threatening? Does she seem to want what I want? Is she basically compatible with me? It is a matter of personality. My current S.O. was persistent about meeting me, and came very close to the stalking line, but did not quite go over it. She seemed compatible with me, and seemed to have a pleasant personality. Despite our age difference, I decided to give her a chance...and it paid off; for both of us. We are now an item. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/15/2009 11:45:08 PM | In response to the OP.
From my experience, yes, it does. Unfortunately, by the time I realized that I was turning away this great girl (usually because I was in my own "persistent" pursuit of another one, usually her best friend) it was too late. In hindsight, I've probably pissed a lot of girls off. Putting efforts towards getting a date with a certain lady and one of her friends gets attracted to you instead.
I don't think I can honestly give you a solid yes or no, but that's it from my personal viewpoint. There's a lesson in that too. I don't think its wise to get so caught up in pursuing what you think is Mr. Right that you miss the real deal when he comes around because of your attention being focused on that pursuit. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:18:54 AM | Well, i personally would never play hard to get and i will never chase a woman that isn't mentally mature enough to just be honest with her feelings, she can delay the sex for as long as she wants, but if i have to chase her from Mercury all the way to Neptune to just get a date, she isn't worth it.
If she can't just say yes to a 'would you like to have dinner with me tonight?' and she is interested in me romantically and she says no, cause she is playing hard to get, i will just accept it and move on and just stay friends, its her loss, not mine, though there are exceptions to that situation. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:27:51 AM |
What I was actually asking is: Can a girl EVER get a GUY's attention by continuing to persue HIM.... letting him know that she is really INTO him? Does this kind of persistence work for guys?
No, it wouldn't work on me. If I'm not interested, then I'm not interested, regardless of her persistence. | |
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| Persistence can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:53:36 PM | It can work if you are willing to expend the energy to do the chasing and be prepared for rejection. I knew a couple of nice/attractive men who were married to so-so women. Mutual friends often wondered how in the heck these people got together. In conversation I found out that these gals pursued the men relentlessly and somewhere, the men gave in. I have also talked to women who said they knew what they were after and pursued men and eventually got their big prizes.
Sometimes I wonder if it isn't the better thing to do to go after what you want rather than wait for it to come. Even the teenage girls nowadays are way more aggressive than my generation is used to. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/24/2009 1:45:56 PM | OP,
Yes, this has happened to me -- I ended up dating a fantastic girl for two years. She pursued me and eventually got me. It wasn't particularly creepy or stalkerish (constant email, text, randomly running into me, etc.) She just made a concerted effort to convince me that we should date. It worked and we had an awesome relationship (ultimately it ended because she was going to grad school abroad for five years which didn't really jive with my career plans).
As far as men pursuing women; persistance does work if it's done in a funny charming way. If it's done in a creepy, constant texting, chatting, emailing, etc. way it's definitely bound to end up in court. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/25/2009 7:58:11 AM | Persistence is fine although I have never had anything good come from it. Typically I think it tends to feed the woman ego more than anything and sense she likes that, than she will keep the guy where she wants him.
What I found works better for me is to show reasonable persistence, over time, without coming off needy. If that doesn’t work than I tell them its time to put up or shut up and then I disappear. Typically, but not always, they will begin to pursue me at a reasonable time in the next days or weeks. But once you say you’re out, if she doesn’t make the change, you have to stay out anyway. | |
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| Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys?
Posted: 11/25/2009 1:20:30 PM | | Well, for me..either I feel it or I don't feel it. No amount of persistance is going to change my mind. On the flip side, I think if a lady has told me she isn't interested, it's better to just move on. If she has any regrets...well baby, it's your loss...you had your shot. | |
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