| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 2:20:55 PM | | If I had met someone from here that I was very interested in and wanting to know better you can bet I would not be on here keeping my options open. If he refused to remove his profile then I'd move on as it would show his lack of interest in getting to know me and he'd been in my eyes "trolling". | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 2:24:09 PM | After 4 months of getting to know my ex and 5 months of serious dating, my ex never hid his profile and ended up back on it again, flirting with loads of women! I had hid mine as i was in a committed relationship. I didnt do it straight away as he was in another country at the time, but did when we started a relationship when he got back. This is hard for me as my ex was obviously still looking and its a trust issue.
Shes spending time with you and calling you and texting, as you would after a week of meeting. I wouldnt bring it up just yet. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 2:55:19 PM | I am going thru something similiar..I understand the not knowing..I was told, from the other person, that he wants to date me and he's a one woman man..but the same issue of being on the site is an issue...Why is he still looking? Am I the person he will spend time with until he finds someone he thinks is better? I feel uneasy about this..
You cant make someone like you..just strange how they make the first move and there seems to be excuses for what DATING is really all about..
If you date once in a while which is just going to dinner, movie, etc.. thats 1 thing but to actually converse about not being with other people is another..
It leads to this  and this is not fun.... | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 4:26:47 PM | Thank you all good points and good stuff all around. I am sure things will work out the way they are supposed to. I had gotten away from my routine (gym and stuff like that) and got back into it today and it felt great. Boy, how do grown adults get all giddy and stuff like that? I know I am not the only one this happens to.
You know its been a fun week, like a whirlwind, and I think now its time to just let things settle down a bit and see how it goes.
I am sure she still wants to keep her options open but in the end I am a unique individual I doubt there is any serious competition out there. Just kidding....well, sort of! But no doubt she really likes me I am not unfamiliar with the signs. And no ring shopping yuk yuk I ain't that much of a schmuck. Gimme a break
Thanks again all jus | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 4:49:13 PM | Well if there are no forums than it must be that she is answering mail from other people. So don't get your undies in a bundle just yet.
She maybe a little bit hesitant to pull her profile personally for me everytime I pull my profile things go south.
It is real hard to predict life online you can find someone and think Wow and all of a sudden they disapear so I wouldn't pull back yet. She maybe being logical and her time period might be slightly longer than yours.
What you should do is talk to her if you really believe that you want to be exclusive with this women than you are talking to the wrong audience.
I think after seeing someone 4-5 times in one week I wouldn't have time for anyone else. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 4:58:43 PM | dude, hold up man.....your scaring her away. come on...its only been 4 or 5 dates and you want everything your way. i don't mean to judge you but you seem like your the controlling type. how about you concentrate on building the relationship and getting to know her more.she has her own reasons and you just gotta be patient. however there is one theory...don't get me wrong bro. there could be miss-communication and she likes you as a friend...she enjoys kick with you.there are some guys who jump to conclusion and figure the chick loves them...im not saying its you.
name 3 things you like about her:
1.
2.
3.
name 3 things she likes about you:
1.
2.
3. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 5:06:14 PM | If I was on a date and I was clicking in every way with my date even if it is the first date I would expect my date my date to not look for any other dates at that point too and if I caught my date on the date night list I would end it right then and there.
The reason I say that is because if your date was that interested she would not want to look for others even if it was just the first date.
if she is still looking after this many dates get rid of her because she will never stop looking, someone who is not showing signs of being interested in you especially after the length of time you waited is not worth having and she doesn't sound interested. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 6:32:34 PM |
Met someone I really like and she likes me I know that. We have seen each other 4 or 5 times in the last week and the days we haven't we exchanged texts or talked on phone.
You're too available. If she's attracted to you in the first place, nothing lowers interest level in a woman faster than the man being to available (aside from bad character, addiction, etc.)
See her once a week in person. No texting, no emailing between dates. Only talk on the phone to arrange the next face to face date.
Yet she continues to have her profile up and is on a lot and if I may say so its not POF there is no forum on that site.
She does this because she hasn't met a man that she is interested in enough to make her want to stop. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 6:43:58 PM | ~OP~ 4-5 dates in less than a few weeks does not constitute her needing to "follow suit" in my opinion. Yes, you might very well like one another, you might REALLY like one another, but that doesn't mean she's tied to you to the degree of exclusivity. Until it's mutually decided there is exclusivity ~ it isn't. You do with your own profile what you feel is appropriate for you, let her decide what's appropriate for her own self. JMO  | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:23:04 PM | Grass is always greener on the other side didn't you know that?? lol
A lot of people do think this and will date someone and still keep their social sites active even a year down the road and why, well guess and I bet it's the right one!!
O and welcome to the new age of dating. If you are looking for anything serious | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:23:49 PM | Grass is always greener on the other side didn't you know that?? lol
A lot of people do think this and will date someone and still keep their social sites active even a year down the road and why, well guess and I bet it's the right one!! | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:47:06 PM | Baffled by some of the responses. How is it rushing things to hide an online profile?
I can see how a person might not want to delete one right away, if they've had it a while and have some emotional investment there... but, hiding it? I also would have hidden mine (and have done), by the fourth or fifth date, if not sooner, just so as not to mislead people who are looking whose type I might be. Whether or not the person I'm dating does the same, I don't investigate, but the information has been volunteered to me.
You're dating each other - there's nothing excessive about turning off the seek machine. I don't see any reason - well, not any good reason - not to just tell her you hid your profile and see how she reacts. You'll probably get something along the lines of "Oh, right, I should do that too." It ain't a trip to Niagara Falls after all. | |
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drstew
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Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 40 | |
| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:14:23 PM |
I am not looking to sleep around been divorced 3 years doing this online dating thing for over a year now. Would like a serious companion.
You have said that you wanted a serious companion, but have said nothing about what she wants. I don't think this information is attainable after 4-5 dates, anyway. Could it be that you want to hide your profile to a not single/not looking status, to be rid of the headache of looking for a companion, for over a year? Maybe she is not there yet. How long has she been looking? How do you know that she is as adamant as you are with your own online status of POF? The answer is, you don't. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:37:32 PM | You have closed your options in favour of this one "find" and she is keeping her options open in hopes of that "one find."
Chances are you could be "that find" for her eventually but you'll need to exercise a little respect for the way she's going about it if you really like her.
It's been 4-5 dates. I believe that is a little early in the game to know for certain if you or she is a "keeper."
My suggestion: Continue to enjoy each other's company. If her interest dwindles, you'll have the answer that you're not "her find." If her interest continues and grows, she'll eventually find her jumping off place where she might want to demonstrate some form of commitment to your connection, i.e. taking her profile/s down.
Keep in mind OP that there are some people who believe that the attention they receive on here equates reality. Some get "hooked" on the online dating scenario so much that it has bred a new addiction of its own. Addicts find every which way to Sunday to justify why they remain on the scene when they have exactly what they need standing right in front of them.
I'm hoping for your sake that she is not this type. This place and other dating sites are riddled with these types. There is little hope for them until they find that one moment where reality hits them square in the face or they are no longer "eligible" as they like to pretend themselves to be. All great things come to an end. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:38:08 PM | I have been in a similar situation. Though I was on her side. I had just barely started back into the dating game after leaving my Ex-Husband. I met a really great guy and we just seemed too click. He made it a point to make sure we hung out every day and though while I enjoyed the attention I remained reserved. I had just started dating again and wasn't ready for a relationship. When he told me he deleted his Profile I asked him why he would do such a thing. Even after that discussion when I explained to him I wasn't quite ready for a serious relationship he seemed to think we were having one. So I would say just be careful.
You've started back your usual habits and that is great! You want to just continue to live your life and make time for this woman when you can. If she finds that she is ready for a relationship and ready for one with you then she will take those steps necessary. You just have to be aware of what she says and what she means by it. Don't worry though everything happens the way it's suppose to.
Good Luck. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:42:01 PM | I've been seeing a guy who is keeping his options open. I'm pretty much convinced he's a genius, I am a bit infatuated with him so it's an effort to hold my horses.
I know that nothing will affect his choice except his own internal compass.
I look at it like this...I know there are other women who find him as desirable as I do but yet he still takes the time to see me. The last compliment he gave me was so different from anything most men say to me, I was stunned. He told me "You make me feel so tranquil." Me? Tranquil? That's a new one! I just want to bask in the tranquility all the time now, lol. (Honestly, I think it has something to do with that fact that most people interrupt him while he's painting. In my case, his art is a lot like my music. Leave me alone when the muses arrive. We "get" each other on that level.)
By the time he really gets to know who I am, I truly believe his other options will have been long forgotten. That's how I want it to happen, anyway. My job is to show him the real me.
If it's meant to be, nothing can stop it. If it's not meant to be, absolutely nothing will make it happen.
Time will tell. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:20:33 PM |
"You make me feel so tranquil."
Wow, that's very cool!
I remember back before the days of online dating, my cousin and I placed an ad in the personals in a local newspaper.
I went on one date with a particular guy...not really much interest on my part, but the next day he sent be 2 dozen roses. Yikes. That had me ready to run in the opposite direction, I can tell you. I called him to tell him "thanks, but that wasn't really appropriate," and asked him if he was still seeing other women, because I was certainly going to see other men. He hung up on me. Never heard from him again. Moral: don't push, don't rush things. Like one poster said, don't put all your eggs into one basket, it's far too soon for that. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/7/2009 9:05:12 PM | Hi there Unknown
I find myself at the moment in a similar situation. I met someone whom we seemed to have chemistry, same likes, same dislikes and he got my sense of humor. We took our time talking ect before sex happened. We spent damn near 3 months talking everyday, getting together. He met my family, coworkers. I went to his soccer games. He commented several times that he only had time and patience for one woman, he told me he was rarely on pof and not since he met me. We did not officially have the exclusivity talk, I figured we would get there. He seemed interested in who I was texting, who my friends were that I was talking to. Long story short he got a text mess from a girl who he explained some reason for his knowing her/her being programed in his phone, he was very vague about his plans for this weekend and recently I saw him online on the dating site. I lost my temper and basicaly I let him know that ifhe still needed to continue his online chats after nearly three months that was his choice and it was my choice to not put up with it as i didnt need anyone else. That was two days ago and after his text (I didnt want to speak to him on phone)saying I was just flipping ou forno reason havent heard om him. So I have to hope I did right thing but I felt much more invested than he seemed . I geuss thins happens to everyone. What I would do diferently wold to speak up sooner | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/7/2009 9:45:28 PM | Jesus Christ OP you're a classic example of what's so very wrong with society today. A whopping 4 or 5 times seen and texts and such exchanged and you're already talking about how she's "all u need"??
Un-freakin-real.
And then gettin' all pissy because after these whopping 4 or 5 visits you CHOSE to hide your profile and she did not...and you're all "wah wah wah" about it??
Man I wanna throw up all over myself right now...
Not even worth further commentary actually.
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/7/2009 9:59:38 PM | | What happened to the thrill of the chase? This is supposed to be the fun part, the not knowing, the heart- racing can't wait to see them next time bit...and you are thinking of pulling away? Sounds cowardly to me...give her some time, she hardly knows you yet. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 3:26:20 AM | Happened to me....I met someone who acted as if he was extremely pleased to find me....very into me........no comments about being a "sap" please :( I actually work with someone related to this guy, so I trusted him. I prefer to leave my profile visible when I meet someone, so they can see whether or not I'm still "fishing". I prefer to see one person at a time.....to give them a fair chance and not make it a competition between them and someone else, so I was not "fishing".
The bigger issue to me is what are they saying to you about searching. Are they honest about it or lying. Lying is a very big "no no" to me. He chose to meet someone else on the sly. My guy lied about this multiple times.....I gave him a few chances.....never argued about it. I just said we aren't looking for the same things and ended it. I think that's what he wanted.....he then indicated that she was his choice.
Double-standard.....my guy, when asked, responded that he would not want to date me if he knew I was still looking/seeing more than one person. Now that's an irrational point of view....to hold someone to a higher standard than yourself. | |
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Fmann
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Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 50 | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 4:05:14 AM | | Isn't dating meant to be a 'trial' period, the getting to know stage? If I was dating someone whom i was not in an exclusive relationship with, my profile would remian on there, and I would not change my settings, why should I?...If he becomes the 'one' then I will alter my wording on the profile to read i'm in a relationship...can't see what's so difficult about it. | |
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