| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 4:05:14 AM | Isn't dating meant to be a 'trial' period, the getting to know stage? If I was dating someone whom i was not in an exclusive relationship with, my profile would remian on there, and I would not change my settings, why should I?...If he becomes the 'one' then I will alter my wording on the profile to read i'm in a relationship...can't see what's so difficult about it.  | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 4:59:20 AM |
If I was dating someone whom i was not in an exclusive relationship with, my profile would remian on there, and I would not change my settings, why should I?.
I don't get that mentality, if you are on a date with someone that person should already be the one or at least you should be trying to see if he is the one by only dating him.
As far as I am concerned it is disrespectful to your date that you are dating other people at the same time because he/she should not be competition to anyone else nor should he/she be second to anyone if the other ones don't work out.
Your date should be the only one worth having a relationship with because you like him/her that much and if you don't why be on a date with him/her.
If I ever caught my date searching for someone else while dating me, that person would be history even after the first date.
That kind of mentality screams future cheater. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 5:21:39 AM |
If I ever caught my date searching for someone else while dating me, that person would be history even after the first date.
That kind of mentality screams future cheater.
I agree!
Never make someone a priority, who only makes you an option.
I say.....What's good for the GOOSE.....put your profile back up,continuing DATING yourself and make sure you let her know.....you are still on the market too.
She obviously isnt' making you her priority!
Why keep yourself loyal to her...if she can't do the same?
I, for one,ALWAYS took my profile down if I was even talking to a man from here.
The only reason I keep anything up is so I can post in forums,but I live with a man I met from here and he KNOWS I am not here looking for dates!
I think giving someone your undivided attention is just common decency,until you find out if you are incompatible that is,being focused on one person at a time is just the right thing to do if you ask me.But hey...from the looks of it,not many agree with that.
I do NOT consider you to have an "inferiority complex" for expecting to GET what you are willing to GIVE !
I say...DUMP HER...She had her chance. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 10:24:46 AM | Ok well an adult relationship isn't just about you.
It's not only about your hopes. Your feelings and what YOU think or want or believe or need.
It takes two people to have a relationship.
And you're only focusing on you.
Met someone I really like and she likes me I know that.
You like her, but how do you know she likes you also? How do you know? Are you the great Kreskin? How is it that you "just know?" Are you hoping she does based on how you perceive she communicates pleasure? Have you never been wrong? Or fooled? Or perhaps she DOES like you, does that limit her to ONLY like you? Or liking you exclusively and not liking another man as much if not more?
we haven't we exchanged texts or talked on phone. We just click in so many ways. We enjoy each other's company, laff, joke.
Sorry but I have to point out to you this is the conclusion and assumption YOU have reached about the relationship. It doesn't mean that she inherently feels the same or shares the same point of you.
You feel you click in so many ways. Does she? How do you know she does? How do you know she isn't clicking with someone else - more?
For me that's enuff so I hid my profile.
Well, for you that was enough. Case closed. It doesn't mean she FEELS THE SAME WAY. And just because that IS h0w you feel - it doesn't mean she's obligated to feel the same way you do. It doesn't make you right and it doesn't make her wrong.
Feelings - cannot be controlled nor inforced, nor manipulated to suit your emotional feelings of contentment. She clearly is not feeling the same or motivated to DO the same things you felt compelled to do.
I am happy to date one person if I find someone whom fills my needs
Ok so she meets your needs. Then you should be content because there's no discord or reason for her to alter - because you're completely content with her.
Right?
Except - you're not completely content with her. You want her to change her feelings and behaviors to match yours. So she isn't MEETING YOUR NEEDS.
Yet she continues to have her profile up and is on a lot and if I may say so its not POF there is no forum on that site.
She doesn't feel you meet her needs at this time. She is still looking. She's still weighing her options and opportunities.
Is that wrong?
I'm not sure. I can't really judge her for not feeling 100% invested and willing to see or date only you at this point in time.
I don't blame her. Rushing into a relationship? Isn't wise, or logical. So perhaps she's simply advancing cautiously. And you're rushing to the commitment. Why? Again I suspect it's YOUR neediness and your needs.
This is so stupid I feel like a kid.
Because you're behaving like one probably.
I was hoping she'd reciprocate pulling her profile, she didn't, now I am pulling back because she is still feeling the need to explore. [/quote Well that's pretty childish isn't it? You're withdrawing now because she didn't do as you expected her to do? You had internal imaginative thoughts that she didn't act upon so yeah - now play games, be aloof, and punish her for not doing what you hoped she would do. Are you sure you aren't a woman? Its hard to see someone when you feel like they are all u need but they don't feel the same way or appear not to. That's true. But in reality? Shouldn't you be an adult and speak directly to her about what you're emotionally needing from her, and communicate honestly with her about why it isn't happening in that manner for you? Wouldn't that be more adult and healthy than this imaginary pretend relationship that you have had inside your head? You kissed, your went forward into dating, you went exclusive, you felt jilted and broke up - and it happened ALL INSIDE YOUR HEAD without her participating.... That's not cool, Dude. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 2:00:00 PM | Hello Unknown Comic,
Sorry you feel she doesn't feel the same , but you have to be the first guy on here to hide his profile as in my limited experience on these sites that guys date me but always keep their profile on here and are always are on the look out, just in case they think there is someone better out there.
Maybe honesty , to be blunt " she's not that into you" apologies but I have been there and brought the t-shirt. It alway seems to me that the men are the palyers but hey maybe she's getting her on back.
I get what your experincing as this normally happens to me.
Take care & I wish you luck. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 2:18:34 PM | Lots of insecure people around here with major trust issues. Slow it down a bit!
Until you have the exclusivity talk and BOTH verbally (or Facebook-ly haha) agree to be exclusive, committed partners, you have no room to stand on. Some of you expect to delete profiles after the first date??? A single date where you meet somebody for the first time is not a marriage ceremony! I'll gladly delete my profile if I met the right person, and I'd wish they do the same also. But relationships take time to develop, and its a dumb idea to close down your options fully after a single date with a person. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 2:27:02 PM |
I'll gladly delete my profile if I met the right person, and I'd wish they do the same also.
I think perhaps THIS may be the issue.
The OP believed he had met the right person for him, and because he felt that way he didn't understand that she did not feel she had met the right person.
There appears to be a perception that if you've met the right person for now, why are you still looking online for something more or something better when you have MET the right person - perhaps.
But I concur there isn't any reason to delete or remove a profile just because you are dating someone who "may turn out to be" someone significant in your future.
So instead of debating those things possibly we should be developing a means to communicate that you've met someone who you're "getting to know" but not exclusive with. Would that prevent you from pursuing a relationship? | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 2:40:22 PM |
Camper: if you are on a date with someone that person should already be the one or at least you should be trying to see if he is the one by only dating him.
And you're entitled to your opinions and way of doing things. However, you cannot hold everyone else to them. Certainly being like-minded is at the very least a good thing and at the most a must. And I don't know about your own personal experiences but I've gone out on a first date with lotsa guys who ended up not being "the one" or even coming close. Good thing I held off on ordering the monogrammed towels. A date is a date, not a commitment.
I will agree that after x number of dates a person should have some idea whether or not someone they are dating is remotely close to being who and what they are looking for in a life partner. If not, they should move on their separate ways and not waste each others' energy, money or time. OTOH uncommitted people have functions which they prefer to attend with a date or perhaps they like to go to a club with a dancing partner instead of hoping they'll run into someone. If a person has been clear that they are not seeking a long term committed relationship but one continues to date them in hopes they'll change their mind, then who is being disrespectful really? The one who clearly states their intentions or the one who disregards what the other is saying? | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 3:33:04 PM | I would just say it like it is, or are You hoping He will read Your question on the forum, or Your mind.I think if You expect someone to be real You have to be willing to accept the truth like it or not..no games if it's not meant to be Your wondering is not going to change that.save both of You the time and speak out! Games never last There are plenty of fish remember | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 6:22:05 PM | A date is a date, not a commitment.
I will agree that after x number of dates a person should have some idea whether or not someone they are dating is remotely close to being who and what they are looking for in a life partner
That is where I don't agree. The way I see it is your on date because you like the person that much and on top of that it doesn't take more than a few hours or 1 date to figure out if the person is a right fit for you emotionally, sexually well that takes a bit of time but that doesn't mean you cant be exclusive before then but even that shouldn't take more than a month or 2.
For those that say he should be talking to her about being exclusive I completely disagree with that too. If you are on a date and having a good time and connecting very well exclusivity should be a given because if you are having such a good time with that person why would you want too date anyone else and if you are not having a good time it should end right there because there is no wait and see, you either like me that much or you don't
I maintain my previous opinions as well. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 6:27:10 PM | | Comic - you have a PROBLEM! Simply put, it's called communication. Have you sat down with this woman and discussed exclusive dating? Based on what you wrote, you are ASSUMING that everything is hunky dory in this relationship, and if you're content with not seeing anyone else, that she should feel the same. You really haven't mentioned how long you've known her. If you've gone out 4-5 times, there's no way she's ready to go exclusive. You've got to TALK WITH HER, not the POF gang. | |
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p~s
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Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 63 | |
| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 6:34:42 PM |
Met someone I really like and she likes me I know that. We have seen each other 4 or 5 times in the last week and the days we haven't we exchanged texts or talked on phone. We just click in so many ways. We enjoy each other's company, laff, joke.
For me that's enuff so I hid my profile. I am happy to date one person if I find someone whom fills my needs. Yet she continues to have her profile up and is on a lot and if I may say so its not POF there is no forum on that site.
Have you told her you want to be exclusive? Or are you leaving it up to her to guess?
maybe she isn't as certain about you as you are about her? | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 6:59:28 PM | Some people are different than others. I don't tend to see more than one person at a time, 'cause I believe that's the best way to get a feeling for people, but I accept that other people are different.
Were I you I wouldn't rush it, but I also wouldn't let things go too far with someone who isn't giving any commitment when you obviously have feelings. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 7:49:28 PM |
That is where I don't agree. The way I see it is your on date because you like the person that much and on top of that it doesn't take more than a few hours or 1 date to figure out if the person is a right fit for you emotionally, sexually well that takes a bit of time but that doesn't mean you cant be exclusive before then but even that shouldn't take more than a month or 2.
It takes that short time to know you should be a couple? Not in my books. That is the reason I backed out on meeting someone when I sensed that attitude. I think you are jumping the gun. It is whispering hope if you instantly know you have to be exclusive.
For those that say he should be talking to her about being exclusive I completely disagree with that too. If you are on a date and having a good time and connecting very well exclusivity should be a given because if you are having such a good time with that person why would you want too date anyone else and if you are not having a good time it should end right there because there is no wait and see, you either like me that much or you don't
Well, unless you have had 'the talk,' it is folly to presume anything. That is the cause of so many heartbreaks. Having a great time with someone does not a good romantic and loving relationship make. An exclusive relationship is something that should not be based on assumption. I said, great time, not intimate time.
Exclusivity should never, ever be presumed. Never! It is not something that should be based on just an 'understanding.' How do you know that you are reading her well? Presuming that she wants the same thing is a broken heart waiting to happen. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/8/2009 9:06:35 PM | | my god man give her some time......she like many of us on here have been let's see how can I put this... misled (that's a politically correct way of saying lied to and cheated on)........so just relax, seeing someone 4 or 5 times doesn't mean you'll spend the rest of your life with them.........so just give it some more time, and don't be so possesive.......remember we've all been there......... once bitten twice shy..... | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:17:35 AM |
The way I see it is your on date because you like the person that much
Well, there's where we differ. I've gone on first dates with people about whom all I knew was I didn't feel the urge to put a bag over his head and found most of his comments reasonably intelligent and tolerable... until the date anyway. 
and on top of that it doesn't take more than a few hours or 1 date to figure out if the person is a right fit for you emotionally, sexually well that takes a bit of time but that doesn't mean you cant be exclusive before then
While it may not MEAN you can't be exclusive, it doesn't MEAN you MUST. See... if you told me that part of your expectation was that I be exclusive with you before we've really made any kind of connection my first thought would be "Okay... there's a control freak and potential abuser waiting to happen."
For those that say he should be talking to her about being exclusive I completely disagree with that too. If you are on a date and having a good time and connecting very well exclusivity should be a given
Ah! Well... I stand corrected cuz apparently communication is not your strong suit and you wouldn't be talking about your expectations. Just thinking too much and in the wrong direction (for me and some others anyway). | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:29:44 AM | | I am the exact same problem except for the fact that I never hid my profile. I seriously was thinking if two people met and clicked..see each other multiple times during the week and all that-that POF shouldn't be that important to either of them. I mean if it doesn't end up working out okay your profiles still up. NO worries right? no. Well now I'm kinda over the butterflies,and the excitement of a possible new relationship. I don't feel the same for him like I used to when we met months ago..if you guys are not exclusive there is nothing really you can do. I know that doesn't help with your hurt feelings..but its the best we can do. Trust me Im there with you..or maybe I was. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/9/2009 11:14:36 AM | well WindRoper I completely disagree with you and I think he should dump her because as someone said you should never make someone a priority if they are onlu making you an option.
I think a lot of you need to get your moral compass fixed because this is not a shopping mall, this a dating site where you are dealing with real people and if you can't make that person your special someone you should just move on to the next one and not just leave them there as a possibility its demeaning and disrespectful.
For me I will not be someones second choice or option and its disrespectful to me to do so. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/9/2009 12:21:41 PM |
as someone said you should never make someone a priority if they are onlu making you an option.
Yeah... well... I find cliches and cute little witticisms to be just that -- cute but not always practical in real life situations. Someone I've never been on a date with before is neither a priority or an option. They're just a face in the crowd I'm willing to get to know a lil' better.
I think a lot of you need to get your moral compass fixed
(tapping instrument) There's nothing wrong with my moral compass. I just don't have a stick up my a** with an alien microchip on the end so others can tell me what to think or how to conduct myself.
because this is not a shopping mall, this a dating site where you are dealing with real people
You're kidding! I thought we were all dead and this was heaven... and I was mighty disappointed I don't mind telling you.
and if you can't make that person your special someone you should just move on to the next one and not just leave them there as a possibility
Uhm... yeah... a quick check of my profile will bring you up to speed really fast (like... the first sentence) that I HAVE made someone my special someone. Incidentally, he's a one-at-a-time kinda guy who knew that as long as I wasn't physically intimate with someone then I didn't feel the need to curtail my social interactions. Initially we considered each other not a priority nor an option but a friend with whom we enjoyed spending time.
its demeaning and disrespectful.
If you perceive it so then, yes, it is. However, others' mileage varies. We see who is IN a relationship and who is not (possibly cuz they wanna call all the shots, have everything their way, and be in control?). But whatever works for you, dude. Thank God I have no personal interest in your situation. | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/14/2009 9:54:40 AM | I agree with CLOSER2U..
I started dating this guy and he said he would get off of POF, hide his profile, that never happened.
Im glad I found out that I was just an option very early. Not worth my energy to think about any of it.
If someone says they want to date you and only you then thats what they should do instead of leading you on with saying things to just keep you as an OPTION..... | |
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| dating someone who is still looking and you don't feel the need to
Posted: 9/15/2009 7:06:40 PM | You know, I could think of a whole helluva lot of things to talk about with someone seeing them for 'only' about the fourth time.......but it would never even enter my mind to ask them if they are going to pull their profile off of POF, or any site. I'm not their mind...let her do what she wants to do. HelI, it's probably just mostly habit anyway, ya know. We all check in to a couple of our favorite sites during the day. sheeeesh.
You should feel stupid like a kid.
aren't there other things to talk about?
or......do.?.
_______________________________
Its hard to see someone when you feel like they are all u need but they don't feel the same way or appear not to.
Awwwwww....now that is just soo sad....
why does love have to be so sad?
it's a happy thing....why you all bunched up?
ohhh boy
Kimbo ~~ | |
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