| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/5/2009 10:04:52 AM | 
Man, all that bitterness, anger and negativity must be exhausting. No wonder you can't sustain a relationship. You could suck the joy and life out anyone in a short space of time if your attitude on dating and relationships is any indicator of your personality and view of life in general.
No, we know what this is about; fantasy and unrealistic expectations.
No, that is what it might be about *for you*. You don't get to lump all of us into your little pity party.
This is exactly why online dating doesn’t work and cause nothing but bitterness and deception. Actually, online dating has been "working" for me just fine; actually more than fine. And guess what? I AM "PICKY". And yet, not a moment's bitterness and zero deception. Just some really enjoyable meetings & dates and now really enjoying getting to know one man.
Funnily enough I am not some bizarre anomaly in the online dating world. PLENTY of people really enjoy the experience, find long-term partners (if that is what they seek), plenty of dates (if that is what they seek) and are never left bitter or deceived.
The reason you hear all the 'bad' stories on here is simple and twofold:
1. Misery loves company; explains why you like to chime in so often; and
2. As in the media, no one wants to hear about or discuss the 'successes', the joys; the horror stories are much more fun to tell and to read and get far more traffic.
It ain't rocket science. You'll note there is no forum on here for people to share their good stories. Every Forum is pretty much devoted to talking about the negative, what is wrong, bad experiences.
What comes to mind is the old saying "If you keep doing what you've always done, you keep getting what you've always gotten". The common denominator in your misery and bitterness is you.
So instead of trying to enjoin the entire membership of POF into your twisted view of relationships maybe you should focus on your own happiness or lack thereof as it appears. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/5/2009 10:27:47 AM | I'm giving up on my next birthday (33). I could use the extra time at the gym anyway.
I'm in my early 30s and don't want kids. I've found that most of the men my age who contact me fall into 3 groups: still in their first marriages, divorced with kids, or ready to start making kids. None of those will work for me. It's not about being picky, it's about compatibility and life goals. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/5/2009 11:57:54 AM | | I will be 41 next week. I am hoping to get married by the time I am at least 45. But, I am about ready to give up on here anyway because this plentyoffish dating site is just a free chat site now. It really isnt a dating site anymore | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/5/2009 1:15:13 PM | In my opinion, you NEVER give up on that dream of having a family. What you do have to come to terms with is the increasing likelihood that its probably not going to happen while still being open to the possibility that it could. As unfair as it might seem, for a man there really is no set physical expiration date for fatherhood until he is likely in his 70s or 80s; which means its just a matter of what you really want. Oh, and finding a willing partner of course; I'm doubtful I'd find a woman of child-bearing years who'd want a baby with me when I'm in my 60s!  | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/5/2009 1:19:43 PM | | What are your priorities? Do you feel the need to be a father or just find a person to spend the rest of your life with? If you need to be a father, adopt, foster, or become a big brother. If you want someone to spend your life with, why haven't you so far? | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/5/2009 1:30:03 PM | | I refuse to bring children into this world as we know it.Just find someone that has them and raise them.theres plenty of women out there that do and I have raised quite a few.....lol. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/5/2009 1:34:38 PM | MePlus Two,
First off, I can’t really see why and how you can afford to be so picky......
Secondly, you’re the exception NOT the rule! I haven’t heard to many success stories on this forum over the past few years.
3rd, I’m NOT here for pitty. I’m NOT here for dating. I’m NOT here for SEX. I’m NOT here for a relationship. My profile is VERY clear. I have someone on the East coast. I had to leave for work and I don’t know what will happen. I’m here in case I can make friends so my temporary stay in this province is easier and the forum is hilarious. If you’re so right, why in the hell are there so many men making the same statement about crazy expectations? What is your inability to understand what they are saying?
Oh I see, they are all whiners.... all of this is mad up. It may be time for you to pull your head from your ass. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/5/2009 6:24:56 PM |
that is the problem...negativity...and i know two individuals who have found their parners in their fifties...and it just happens
do not look
do your own thing
and it is going to happen
and if god wants you to be on your won...it is going to happen...take care
*Sigh* Personally, the waiting part really kills me. I rather wait for the right person to marry rather than marry the wrong person be miserable. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:38:15 PM | | I didn't give up but I did move on from dating almost a year ago. I'm much less frustrated now and I think in a better place should someone cross my path I am genuinely interested in. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/6/2009 3:34:06 AM | First off, I can’t really see why and how you can afford to be so picky...... Is that so? What's so hard to understand? The reason I only date people that I truly want to date because I think we will be very compatible is because a. I would rather be single than with a man who I don't really really like; a relationship is very desirable for me, but is far from essential and certainly I am not going to waste anyone's time or my own by compromising/settling; and
b. Unlike you I have never spent 6 years (or even 6 months for that matter) going through 100 dates to be left at the end of it bitter, angry and still alone (oh yeah, sorry, you supposedly "have someone on the East Coast", despite the fact your profile says you're single and you in the last couple of days said "I had real love for 4 months. I can’t even describe out it felt. Lost my job and that was it. I never found it after and gave it up since it has become way too crazy for me").
When I have wanted to/been open to meeting someone, I have met people. People I liked. People whose company I truly enjoyed. And now I am in a relationship with a man - professional, educated, creative, talented, musician, extraordinarily intelligent, loves the Arts and travelling as do I and attractive. And here's the kicker for you- he contacted me! Yep, he knew upfront I have 2 young children and am temporarily not working.
So, instead of wondering why the woman who has had little difficulty in meeting men she's highly compatible with and very attracted to "can afford to be so picky" maybe you should wonder why it is that you are 6 years and over 100 dates later and have now, according to you, "given up" on finding love.
Secondly, you’re the exception NOT the rule! I haven’t heard to many success stories on this forum over the past few years. Of course you haven't. Because as I previously said misery loves company. People primarily come here to whine and get sympathy and 'support'; to feel less alone. These forums make no allowance for the successes. And let's face it, most of those people aren't going to be on here chatting about their success are they? They're out LIVING IT!
3rd, I’m NOT here for pitty. I’m NOT here for dating. I’m NOT here for SEX. I’m NOT here for a relationship. My profile is VERY clear.  Firstly, every post you make screams "poor me". And secondly there is NOTHING "clear" about your profile. You say you're not here for a relationship, dating or sex and your profile says things like:
....Wouldn’t you rather interact with an educated man who can carry out an intelligent conversation, who is baggage free and who has more than sex on his mind? Your company and getting to know you better per example? Someone who could treat you like you deserve?..........I have a very good income and am debt free.....With the right partner, I can prove to be affectionate and romantic. Yes, I like candles and have no problem buying flowers to my partner...lol. ... I believe that everything should start with true friendship. Love often fades away, but friendship last forever........Someone to share with would be nice.......If you don’t wish to meet people in person at some point, there’s no point in messaging me.
NEWSFLASH.....
Yes women want to be "treated like they deserve" - by the man they are dating/in a relationship with. They don't have that expectation of a "friend".
Why would a "friend" care about your income or your debts? "Friends" are not ever going to be tied up in your financial affairs, nor are they going to expect you to pay for anything, so why even state this?
Why in the world does a potential "friend" need to know about what you are like "with the right partner"? Why would they care if you like candles or have no problem buying flowers?
Why say that everything starts with true friendship? According to you friendship is *all* you want, so it makes no sense to talk about 'starting' with friendship if you have no intention of ever progressing beyond that.
Why is it essential that you meet these "friends" and why are you only specifically looking for female friends?
Yeah, your profile is clear; CLEAR AS MUD.
Oh I see, they are all whiners.... all of this is mad up. I am sure some of it has a grain of truth to it, with an enormous of embellishment thrown in for the most part.
And yeah, you got it, there are an abundance of whiners on here. Stands to reason really. Those that use online dating as just one of many ways to be open to meeting someone and have no desire or need to be with someone if that person is not someone they really want to be with are out there, living their lives and/or meeting/having relationships with those people.
Those that can't......well we know where they like to hang out..... 
It may be time for you to pull your head from your ass. Yeah right. *I'm* the one with my head up my ass...... | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/7/2009 10:03:47 AM | | You give up when you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That is when you give up! | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/7/2009 10:15:02 AM | First of all, I never looked at dating, love, or relationships as a business plan, so the phrase "give up" isn't one that makes a lot of sense with this topic. I don't think it's something you can seek out and hunt down - it'll cross your path and either you'll be so narrowly focused you won't see it, or you'll be open to it in your already full content happy life. As far as kids and a family go, there are a lot of kids out there that need a home, does it HAVE to be yours? And if so, what's that about?
First off, I can’t really see why and how you can afford to be so picky...
I had to address this statement. It almost sounds like based on your assessment a woman not only should be trying to pair off to some extent terminally, but that she needs to pair off with men she doesn't like just to get the task done. Neither should be true.
How'd you like to be the guy some woman didn't want but settled for because she felt she was running out of time? Your answer will explain a lot, here.
What a lot of men refuse to deal with over and over again, is that a lot of women would rather die single than date men we're not interested in. Most of us are happier single than involved with someone we aren't into. We also don't think humoring other people to entertain ourselves is a good idea for either us OR the men in question. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:58:19 PM | Do you know how crazy and difficult it is at your age to find someone to date? Never mind a long lasting relationship. Average relationship last 3 years and I’m sure it’s on the decrease. What do you want? Fall in love, make kids? Just so she leaves you for someone else in 2 years, drag your ass in court for all you have and have your pay checks garnished for the next 18 years?
Amen to that!! The trick is finding a woman who wont divorce you so easily. America is the king of divorce, and while I know Ill get criticized for this, but it is a statistical fact that $$ is at issue in most divorces, that is a fact!! Look it up. And usually its the woman who initiate divorce cause they thnk her man isnt making enough money to support her. I know cause my best friend's dad is a marriage counselor. Go foreign and you can avoid this problem. And most foreign ladies, even ones who have been in the US a long time DO NOT typically use the courts for child support!! They are not programmed that way. Anyone here who has personal experience with foreign ladies can back me up on this. Some do of course, Im not saying ALL dont. But most dont. They take whatever you can give and are satified with that. American ladies use the courts for child support in a automatic, almost reflex reaction. I know many ladies who work part time or dont worlk AT ALL because they have 2 or 3 income streams from child support checks.Must be nice for those ones. Though I understand there are dead beats who wont voluntarily help out at all unless forced to, and in those cases, I would'nt blame any woman for doing what's necessary. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:12:48 PM | You have kids and are separated! Who got custody? Who kept the house? And who is paying child support? In Canada, men always lose in court. It’s due to the “Pendulum Effect”. The Pendulum is slowly coming back to the middle where is should be but the damage is done and left men with nothing for decades.
Again, amen to that. Hell, Id take the child support check and keep the kids anyday. Im all for child support, but too often the problem with current day child support is that it is excessive beyond what it REALLY costs to raise a child. Secondly, if you are unable to pay it, you go to jail!! Like I said, give me the kids and the check any day and let the ladies live with the threat of jail time. (actually, I dont believe anyone should have that hanging over their heads, man or woman) Im 100% for fair and equal rights for woman, but the pendulum has swung way to far. And yes, the men ALWAYS lose in court. Is that fair? No its not.
PS- and I say this not because of my own ecxperience, I have never been married. But Ive seen to many men get A** raped, courts always side with the ladies, ALWAYS. And you think that wont make many men bitter who have witness such injustices? Ok, whatever.
Also. Ref
No, we know what this is about; fantasy and unrealistic expectations. You can’t shop for a partner with your list of options like you shop for a new car. This is what people do on here. I want it all or I don’t want it! This is exactly why online dating doesn’t work and cause nothing but bitterness and deception.
Also, ref guy42 reply to meplus two
If you’re so right, why in the hell are there so many men making the same statement about crazy expectations? What is your inability to understand what they are saying?
VERY TRUE!! A list of demands is all you see from Western ladies profiles thee days. Most men fall short of the material/minimum income demands anyways. I think meplus2 found her professional & succesful rich man who can afford to take her traveling and out to fine ding etc, good for her. I know thats important to most western woman . If this exact same man only made $25 to 35K/yr, I wonder if she's still have been with him??? Anyways, the below post from one guy describes it best.
"Let's examine an example of a personal ad from a typical Kana woman 50 years old who has kept herself in reasonable shape and is still attractive.
More than likely her younger beauty allowed her to marry well and she has reaped the financial rewards of her prior marriage.
Wanted:
Attractive man between 45 and 55 with a great smile who loves to dance.
Must be financially secure and love to travel.
Must love pets and sports.
Must reside within a one hundred mile radius.
Must be a Protestant
Even if I met half of her demands (which I don't) I'm turned off by her spoiled and demanding attitude.
Regardless, I answer her ad telling her about me as I really am with my best picture.
Some respond with half hearted emails between their weekend excursions and trips abroad.
It doesn't take me long to realize that I'm fighting a really tough battle for her affections. It's obvious I'm not lighting her fire.
I refuse to settle for anymore half hearted relationships and even though I know there are some very nice women who are unattractive, I just can't get into the spirit of it.
Luckily, I find by chance an ad from a lovely foreign lady who issues little or no demands and who is a simple person like myself. She's only seeking love and marriage with a kind and decent man.
When I answer her ad she's totally enthusiastic and makes me feel like I'm the greatest guy in the world.
She has no little or no apparent animosity towards men at all.
She's totally genuine.
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:34:52 PM | First of all, you should stop worrying so much about if you'll be able to start a family or not. If you really want it to happen, then do something about it. Go out there and meet real women, not just women who type words on a computer screen. Go to social events and meet women. Eventually you'll meet the right one for you.
That's why we're all on this thing, hoping we find the right one for us. Some of us are so eager for it to happen that the thought of it keeps us awake at nights. On the other hand some of us, like me, aren't forcing fate. If we meet the right person for us, great. If not, then it will be a long lonely life.
The point I'm trying to make is don't make yourself so nuts about it. I'm sure there are a lot of other problems that you have to worry about. Finding the right woman for you and starting a family immediately shouldn't be a problematic priority.
Never give up on anything!! | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/8/2009 8:47:46 PM | Pickiness doesn't end, it actually starts in the 30s. Now that we're done exploring "meaningful relationship", "having fun" or whatever.
I don't plan on giving up on the idea of relationship until I find one. As for having children - it's easier if you're a woman. If worst comes to worst - you just have them, and then continue searching for the right guy. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/9/2009 3:30:58 AM | Women should give up once they pass that old 'trophy' age of 25. You get a grace period of 5 years after but after that you're just an old spinster who's only hope is for a 60 year old shuga daddy.
Men fair better and should give up only once they have reached 40 (35 actually, with a 5 year grace period). In your 30's your primed to marry anyone from 25-40 but after 40 people will think something is wrong with you since you're 40 and haven't been married with children.
I'm being sarcastic but this seems to be how it's playing out for real.
If you wanna get married, then just get friggin married! Who cares if marriages don't last a lifetime - why would you give up the possible happiness of being in a relationship for the seclusion and loneliness of never having had one? I believe in the old adage that is better to have lost and lost than to never have loved (or married) at all. People who get to be a certan age and pine for marriage but have never been married are just so pathetic. The older you get the higher your so-called standards get and nobody is good enough! And the ironic part of that is while nobody is good enough for you, you keep dating a$$holes to fill up the time until along comes mr or mrs right. But we all know that doesn't turn out well - you just wind up getting more disappointed thinking there is nobody out there worth your time.
I'm not saying not to have standards or preferences. You should. But at the same time it's about having fun, learning, sharing, and taking a chance. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:28:20 AM | LOL
You should NEVER give up! There are good men and women out there who want the same things as you do, it is only a matter of putting yourself out there and daring to give people a chance. After all, look at your best friends. Are they drop-dead-gorgeous, ultra-intelligent, super-rich? No, I am sure they are not. But you love them all the same and when you are with them you do not notice their faults because you are enveloped by their personality. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/10/2009 1:22:49 PM |
Bullcrap men want to screw women and thats it
I don't think so - that is not the whole idea. I am actually looking for someone I can talk to, understand me and have a real bond.
It's probably I am a Capricorn and a lot of us are looking for something deeper than just sex - man I don't know about you - but I am not wanting or needing sex all day long, people who are like that are Nymphomaniacs and need medication......
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/10/2009 1:42:08 PM | I think if you want a family and you're getting older you should seriously think about whether or not biological children are a necessity.
Plenty of attractive single moms out there, as well as adoption if it's too late.
I think people should have kids when they are ready for them. I'm still on the fence about them because I'm just not sure if I want to give up that much of my life for a family. If I want to not be able to work late, go out on weekends, travel, live it up, buy stuff I want, etc.
Some think that's a selfish way to think, but I think it's more selfish to bring children into this world when you're not really going to be a good parent to them.
If I change my mind though, I can always adopt. I don't feel that my "genetic material" makes any real difference on how a child grows up to be an adult. I believe it's how you raise them and take care of them. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:21:06 PM | | I think by early 30"s you give up on the pipe dreams and get more real. However you still have standards and aren't as willing to take crap, drama, or baggage like you used to just to be in a relationship. Now it's about finding something real with skills. | |
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