| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/24/2009 12:09:42 AM | | This is just a great thread with wildly entertaining posts. I stumbled upon it and had to read every entry. So many folks with interesting stories to tell, and many with kinda sad outlooks. Every person's life is like a film with a unique plot. Those that choose to "give up" in the fulfillment department might as well turn off the projector. As has been pointed out here repeatedly, you are fine alone, if that's where life finds you presently. Strive to be happy, and even spread a little joy every day. You have one time around, so make the best of it. Happy people attract others, so when you least expect it, a love interest may pop into your life. Be ready for them by being content within yourself, and open to being completed by someone. Zero in on what makes you most happy, then center your activities and interests around those things. Others following a similar path are bound to cross yours, and magic could happen. The glass actually is half full, so drink up and toast your new beginning. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/24/2009 2:42:31 AM | | i think i have to agree with the op, that there are too many on here that try to shop for a partner like they do for a car i want this i dont want that, and i dont think there are that many success stories on here.... | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/24/2009 6:44:25 AM | I agree, i don't see many "success stories" online or anywhere else for that matter. It is exponentially difficult to find someone who is not a gold digger looking for a free ride or someone that doesn't want to contribute whether it be financially,emotionally or physically.
I also believe in probability and statistics and you are more apt to hit powerball after surviving a plane crash,naked, on fire than meet mrs. right in this day and economic times.
Sorry to be so grim Good luck to you all.
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:15:32 PM | good hell do you always over think things through... christ go out have a few beers find a woman and get laid.. and worry about the rest later.... thats the best advice you ever get form another woman... hammer down!! | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:45:03 AM | | I'm 41 and I gave up when I hit the big 40... on biological kids that is. Foster parenting is different then the 'traditional' family I imagined but it's what I'm looking to do as even finding a woman with small kids isn't very realistic now but I can't control what I missed so I'll just go witht he opportunities that are there. I guess you can give up and be positive at the same time. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:40:41 AM | Wow! When I opened this I didn't imagine the negativity that would be in the post! A few insights from MY PERSPECTIVE AND LIFE EXPERIENCE. I'm 33 and made the choice to have my tubes tied. My son is 12 and I didn't want to be starting over. I have my 5 year plan and the things I enjoy and having a baby doesn't fit in those plans. Like going out with the family on Sunday mornings to ride dirt bikes. Where do I fit a baby into that? You don't. Each person has their reasons for searching for someone to "fit" into their lives. So many of you say it's picky. Well damn right, it should be. Why would I go out with some hot young guy who smokes and wants kids but hates motorcycles? So I can say I have a boyfriend and great sex? No, I hate smoke so I don't want someone who does that and I will never get rid of my bike for some guy. That's not being picky, it's being honest and realistic. Maybe if you took time to know a person a little and understand them, you would see things a little differently.
For example, here's my take on what you call too picky.
Wanted:
Attractive man between 45 and 55 with a great smile who loves to dance.
Must be financially secure and love to travel.
Must love pets and sports.
Must reside within a one hundred mile radius.
Must be a Protestant
What I see when I read this is that she is a fun person who loves to travel and dance. She's looking for a partner who enjoys the same things so they can do them together. Must be financially secure: Means pay your own bills. She already travels, so she has the extra money to do that, she wants someone who can do the same that she is not having to raise and be responsible for financially. She loves pets and wants her partner to love them too, so she doesn't have to get rid of her animals for someone who may or may not work out. Most people believe that long distance relationships don't work so that's easy and I will admit that maybe being a protestant is a little much to ask for, but I can tell you now I wouldn't date someone who is determined to go to a Catholic church. I don't believe the same things.
Women who are in their 30's have a great understanding of who they are and what they want out of life. I'm sorry you guys have experienced something unpleasant on more than one occassion. But some of us are truly looking for the person who becomes our partner in life and not with an attitude of it's ok to rush into marriage if it's only going to last a few years. I have old fashioned values and looking for someone the same, not a bootie call.
We are all on here for different reasons, but you shouldn't critisize someone for looking for something other than what you are. Learn about compassion and open your heart to new experiences. It's hard to make a snap decision on a few sentances.
And most importantly, if you want something to happen, you have to put forth the effort. It's like everything else, I have nice things and great toys, I didn't get them because some man paid my way. I worked hard for what I have. Relationships are not any different, put in the time and effort that you do towards your other goals and you will see results. We all have those days where negative thoughts come in and put a damper on our outlook towards our future. Just remember it will pass, but you are the only person that has control of your outlook, change it in an instant. Just take a look at why you aren't getting the results you want and change your strategy.
Best Wishes to you! | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:12:36 AM |
Why would anyone give up? Not put in as much effort but to give up, no no no...
Just keep looking....
Cherie xx
This would describe me... I don't put as much effort into trying to date as I used to but I'm not giving up. I'll keep looking, hoping and patiently waiting. Perhaps I'll be surprised when least expected. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:33:00 AM | | Really no need to give up.You just need to change the venue you look in.There is nothing worthwhile stateside (Good old USA). Do a little Google search on areas like Colombia, Mexico, Costa Rica, etc.Would help to learn a little espanol, which is very easy.That is where the best of the female species is. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:33:54 AM | For me I never really picked a magic date and said it's too late. For me is was more of a slower realization. At first I did not want kids and I got into a practice of doing my best to not have any children. However like many of us there were times for me that I could of got a lady pregnant. But those times were the exceptions. I have been a foster/step dad a few times and enjoy it. However I am now 44 years old and still do not have a stable enough life that I feel it would be a good idea to bring a child into this world. So, I now just pretty much accept the fact it was never supposed to happen for me, as far as having kids of my own.
But I now take it one step further, and this is still on topic in my mind: I have got to a point in which I have accepted the fact that I will likely never re-marry, nor maybe never really date again. It's not that I am bitter or anything, but I think about the one marriage I had for 3 years that was pure hell, we fought everyday. Then I think about the girlfriends I had, and I now see that I don't have a lady in my life. So not only have I accepted the idea I will never have my own children, but I also have given up on even finding a girlfriend. At 44 years of age I figure something is wrong, either with me, or in my expectations of others. So, I never really give up on meeting another lady, but I fully do not expect too find the right lady, nor have any children of my own. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:35:05 AM | I gave up when I turned 21 and realized that everything that I was told about love and relationships and, the "one day you will find some one " was completely false. I actually quit believing in love then especially when reality set in.. I pretty much exist because I like to drink and also to hopefully keep from disappointing my relatives and the few friends that I have left. Love only causes pain. I end up either getting my feelings hurt, hurting the feelings of someone who cares about me, or usually both. Anyway with that being said at least here is still beer... Cheers.  I am just not very good at this relationship stuff, but I do get very lonely so that is why I still try to date...Not to many matches out there who want a guy who's happiness is to sit on the couch, drink beer and stair at the ceiling in the dark, while wondering what is the point of all this, since everything is going to be turned to garbage some day. Oh well... of course if I change my mind about this then well you know... One day it is one thing, the next day it is another, and running out of excuses scares me more than actually living alone....LOL! | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:07:32 AM | OP: It depends on the person/people involved. I would suggest you make this decision when you meet someone that you are committed to/want to start a family or not with, and then you two come to an agreement.
No sense burning brain cells on this now. Giving up should not be your primary method for dealing with these issues. At times, the more you stop forcing/thinking about things, the more they tend to work themselves out.
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 7:54:38 PM | This thread demonstrates something that has been the focus of some empirical research of late. People are lonely. REALLY REALLY LONELY. And not only are unpartnered or socially isolated people lonely (which used to more be the case), but those with partners and/or extensive social networks are increasingly making up the numbers as well.
And what does loneliness lead to? Well, for men in particular, frequently it leads to untreated, unacknowledged bouts of depression, sometimes chronic and major depressive disorders in fact. And boy oh boy, is that ever evident amongst the posters here.
Of course women are no less affected in the depression stakes. It's just that, for the most part, they are *more likely* to acknowledge it and to seek treatment.
Late last year a study was published in Australia called "Loneliness in Australia". It makes for a very thought provoking, if not very disturbing read:
http://www.utas.edu.au/sociology/HACRU/HACRU_occ_paper_13.pdf
For those of you who have stated such very negative feelings about love, relationships, women/men (although it seems that far more men feel very negatively about women; follows with the tendency of women to blame themselves for their lack of success in relationships and of men to blame someone other than themselves - not a criticism, just one of those quirky human nature/gender type issues) - you might want to really think about how badly you are being affected by all this and how lonely you really are.
Don't brush it off. Don't write it off as a case of "it's just the way it is". It doesn't have to be that way at all.
Loneliness is serious, insidious and can lead to very real and chronic issues for which, not only is there treatment (both chemical and non-chemical -a combination of both is by far the most effective), but in fact without treatment, you may simply never be able to recover.
I am lonely, very socially isolated and definitely have enormous trouble meeting people I am attracted to (moreso intellecutally). But I recognise that for what it is. It's not because I'm too picky, or the men are too picky, or that there's no such thing as love or that love only causes pain, etc, etc..... It's mostly due to my present circumstances.
Still sucks, but I haven't and never will 'give up'. Giving up is a serious matter. And if you have given up, I really hope you will think about the fact that it doesn't have to be that way. I'm not talking about some magical formula to meet some magically 'right' person.
But I know with absolute certainty (and from extensive personal experience) that if you are that down and that negative, you will never attract anyone into your life, friend or otherwise. And it may be you need some help to shift out of that mind set. There are some brain chemistry factors that you simply cannot do anything about yourself.
The issue is medical, not just psychological. No amount of 'just get on with it'/'pull yourself together' type thoughts are going to help. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:10:51 PM | Men can father children into their 80's...
Yes but sperm lacks stability as men age which increases the risk of birth defects. I happen to agree with other posters who wants to be a parent of teenagers in your 60's or 80's! It's selfish think of the kids they want parents who can interact and care for them. Even if you take really good care of yourself reality about your age needs to be a consideration.
I see this on men's profiles often, they are in they're late 40's and 50's and still want kids, and are seeking much younger women, get real! | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/30/2009 4:14:52 AM | | I gave up in my early twenties when I lost faith that I will ever find a guy who will stick around after he had slept with me for some unknown reason. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/30/2009 12:43:03 PM | "I gave up in my early twenties when I lost faith that I will ever find a guy who will stick around after he had slept with me for some unknown reason."
Ok the part of look at your past actions that haven't worked for you and change your strategy, that was geared towards things like this. Don't sleep with them until you are in a relationship, and you know they like you for you, not a bootie call.
Which as a female is very frustrating because so many of them just want the bootie call and even if they are dating you, they are sleeping with 3 other women until they narrow it down to just one. Do you realize that 1.700 people become infected with HIV DAILY!!! No thank you. Have enough respect for yourself to say enough and wait for the right guy. Not meaning he has to be the one you marry, but the right guy in a loving relationship with. Please don't take that as judgemental, I have been in your spot! | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:40:05 PM | | If we're all completely honest none of us want to give up, we all want the idyllic lifestyle. Some people want kids, others just want a partner and to be loved. Whatever age you are there is nothing wrong with it. I havent given up and neither should you!!! Good Luck xxx | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:21:50 PM | | I agree with earlier posts. Online dating sucks because people have a shopping list of qualities they want (too many for anyone to meet) and this just ruins the whole spirit of it. And most of the American ladies for the most part seem to be gold diggers. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:32:22 PM | | im giving up in may 2010 and on my birthday.. if i cant find one by then i know relationships just aint for me | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:31:21 AM | I'm 30 years old and I'll never give up! Perseverence. The right person is all a state of mind. There are a ton of right people out there, it just depends on what you define as "right".
I would also say that "family" is a state of mind as well. If you have love to give, then start sharing it with others. Be the change you wish to see in the world. - j | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/7/2009 10:09:56 PM | I think American men should give up on American women when they hit their early to mid 30's. If you haven't had much success with women in the good ole USA by about this age it's never going to happen.
I'll never understand why men in this country feel like failures when they are not successful with women in this part of the world, but it's very strange. If you ever travel, you will find that American women are not that popular in most parts of the world. But because we live in such an isolated country where women don't really have to compete that hard to get attention from desperate males, and then you also add into the mix that they have a lot of confidence in themselves, even when they look like Rosie O'Donnell, well, then you get a lot of women, and men with warped views on just how "great" American women really are.
So yeah, while it's neat they all have this amazing confidence in themselves, and that they sell themselves like they are a Maserati, in truth you will find once you get outside of these borders you were dealing mostly with a bunch of AMC Pacers. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:36:15 AM | I would go with Thrusday October 8, 2009 at 12:36am if I were you.
Its as good as anytime to give up. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/8/2009 7:14:05 AM | Well when I was younger, I was told that if by the time that you turn 30 you have not found anyone, then you never will.
And speaking from experience, I can tell you that it is true, I never found anyone before I turned 30, and I still can not find anyon, so I have decided that enough is enough and just gived it up | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/8/2009 4:19:36 PM | | Your children are only as bad as the parents raise them to be.If your kids are little ***holes then that is your fault not the kids.I have two wonderfull,loving children because I spend time with them and expose them to as many life experiences as I can. | |
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