| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:39:46 PM | I'm 35 and have pretty much given up on ever finding anyone. I've struggled with shyness and anxiety for my entire life which makes it extremely difficult for me to meet people. If that weren't bad enough, I'm also cursed with facial features that make me physically unattractive to most women. I've tried so hard over the years....forcing myself to go places where there are single women, forcing myself to talk to people...only to be rejected. I've spent at least eight years using online dating sites with no luck either, only heart break. Most reject me after I send them a few pictures, the rest just fizzle out before I ever have the chance to meet them. I've had my hopes up so many times thinking I finally met someone I have a real chance with, but I always end up hurt every time. It's hell living this way, I get severely depressed because I'm so lonely and I've thought many times about ending it because it hurts so much. It's especially difficult for me to even go anywhere besides work anymore because I always see couples everywhere and wish more than anything I could have that.
I don't hate myself, I think I'm an honest, good hearted, hard working man with a lot to offer...but nobody will give me that chance. I've never been on what I would even consider a real date, the only thing that came close was meeting a woman in the platonic section of craigslist. But even she rejected me after spending a few days hanging out. I've only been hugged three times in my entire life, all three times were with her. I've never held hands, cuddled, kissed, and I'm still a virgin. I'm literally starved for affection, I'd give anything to hold someone.  I honestly don't see much hope when I've been this way for so long. I do believe love exists, but I think some people are never lucky enough to find it and I feel I belong to that group. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:02:03 PM | | 30 is not too late to have a kid. There are lots of women, including myself back then, who want kids. Most men are just coming out of college and first job partying at that age, though, and hence not many families started:(:( By now, I've pretty much given up on having a kid unless there'd be some extenuating circumstances. It's about that bad as for finding the "right" person. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:17:01 AM | i think u should never give up the hope. there r women out there... u just need to find the one..... using these sites would b good start meeting ppl. ur still early 30s. what r u talking abt???? if u r amazing person, sure ur dream girl will appear in front of u someday....
don't b so negative. everybody is on the same page on this site - look for someone. kind of, lol. y nt take advantage of it???? be positive, live the moment, dnt worry abt too much of future. u might die tomorrow. so try to live the moment to the fullest. things r meant to happen, and they will - there is no such a thing ' coincident'. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/12/2009 1:03:02 PM | | Hey man I know what you mean!!!!!! I am not the greatest looking dude in the world and really have to work hard to get myself to a 6 (consider myself a 4 now) on the 1-10 scale. Don't ever give up though! Keep working hard and trying. You might try overseas dating though if you can't find any ladies in North America. Lot's of women in the Ukraine will date men who are stable and who are not the most attractive guys in the world. Trust me I know this because my friend Bret is probably a 2 on the 1-10 scale and even he can get a date in the Ukraine. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/13/2009 2:22:59 PM | ligonmaximus,
oh wow, I didn't even think about that option ... I'm sure the men in the Ukraine are pretty handsome, too, and would love a nice lady in the US? Hmm, gotta look into that :) | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/13/2009 2:30:35 PM | Never give up, never!
Sometimes we aren't meant to find true love until very late in love. Keep your eyes and heart open, always.
Don't let love pass your by because you were too cynical to beleive in it.
x | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/13/2009 9:21:28 PM | Giantrican,
Give up? Perhaps you could ask yourself this: if you had a child and they had some sort of physical or mental problem would you give up on them if it became difficult? Hopefully the answer would be "No!". Yet you are giving on finding the relationship that would produce a child. If you don't have the staying power to find a healthy relationship with woman then should you really breed? come on and think about it. The world doesn't need anymore split households or children with one active and engaged parent. If you are building the basis of a lifelong commitment to a spouse and a child (or children) why do you give up so easily?
I'm 50 and I can tell you from experience life doesn't get easier. Your life will be more rewarding and fulfilled if you are positive. Positive that you will find someone, your job will get better, your hair will grow... Really.
I have reached this point in my life without making DNA replicants or gone through a marriage. Do I like dating? Hell, no. Never have, but it is a necessary evil. I've dated for most of 33 years and for a while I'm just not going to get to worked up over trying to "find someone". Not giving up, but taking a much needed vacation. I have never shared your particular desire for a family, but wanting to find a stable long term relationship is challenging. Few things that are worthwhile are easily attained.
Put your big boy pants on and cinch your belt in a notch.
Got get what you really want and deserve. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thing I better get decaf next time... | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/15/2009 12:17:57 AM | | I'm in my late 30's still single and the only real friend that i have is my dog. I haven't had any real friends my entire life. I'm still trying to get some friends but no luck so far. I don't know what I should do. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:07:35 AM | Hey Ren do your homework!! Downs syndrome, along with a multitude of other birth defects, increase as women age but autism rates are thought to increase along with dad's age. The data is still being collected/ studied. I agree adoption is a good way to go. There are so many children in need of loving families.
In general I'm shocked to see how many people on a dating site have such a negative attitude toward dating. We all have days when we think there just isn't anyone out there for us but aren't we all here because we still have the tiniest mustard seed of faith and hope? | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:49:22 AM | | Don't wuss out man. You're in your prime. Technically your age group is my direct competition right now. I'd think you'd be getting all of the love from the women in their 20s since you have the older and established card going for you. Don't sweat it man. There's plenty of men/women who get married for the first time in their 40s. Look on the bright side. You can get women who are 20 years younger than you. You got it made man. I wish I was your age and single. Anyways don't wuss out man and don't get down on yourself. Stay strong and keep the faith man. You'll get married to a fine young lovely lady. Just gotta keep the faith man. Age ain't nothin but a number man so don't sweat it man. Look at it like this. As men the older we get the better looking we get to the women. So you got it made man. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:28:55 PM | | I've just accepted that no one is going to be interested in me. Single mom, almost 40, grad student, blonde, churchgoer. That's just the reality, no one wants that. I dont make others' views of me, others do, and when it comes to personal relationships, it does matter especially first impressions. Besides the fact I hardly ever get any messages on here (despite several profile reviews), nothing Ive done to help myself at all has worked. Lost a ton of weight, improved my overall health and appearance, even streamlined my expenses so I can get out more, and nothing is helping. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:39:10 PM | | Nobody should ever give up....If everybody was more tolerant..accepting and willing to put aside some of their pride, ego or requirements there would be a lot more people out there enjoying themselves. This isn't a contest. Appreciate what can be appreciated and take it for what it is. Sometimes this might mean being in a type of relationship you are not accustomed to. No compromise = high chance of being alone for a very long time. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:39:17 PM | bassgirl747 ,
I've just accepted that no one is going to be interested in me. Sorry to find you in the same situation.
Seems like once a woman turns 40, no matter how well she has taken care of herself, she gets treated like expired vegetables. I can say that, because it's Friday night, and it's going to be me and my knitting needles.
It's funny though, that I see the same men on here year after year. Either they are all players, or they are waiting for a rich woman that looks like a Playboy model lookig. THEY ARE NOT REAL! | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:51:21 PM | | Me too:(:(:( Though technically I'm sitting home getting over bronchitis, but otherwise there'd be no date:(:( Yes, I see the same ones on here my second year so far:(:( They're waiting for a baby barbie. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/16/2009 8:03:49 PM | I am not giving up. I have met someone and neither one of us is ready for a relationship so we are waiting. He is 43 and I am 30. The guy I met has one child and wants more. Age is not a factor. If you care for one another than this is all that matters. Sure there are more risks as one gets older, this does not mean I am going to give up all hope.
I don't think anyone should just give up if they want a family. Life is too short to stress or sweat out the small stuff--really, if you want a family it will come. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/16/2009 9:41:16 PM | | To the 2 40-ish ladies. If you are willing to compromise on the type of relationship you could accept you would open many doors.....doors that could eventually lead to a more serious relationship. An activity partner (someone to hang with, do things, go places, keep you company etc) with "benefits" would attract many more men than long term or just "friends". You have to be realistic. It's not about what you want it's about what you can get. I'm not saying you can't get what you want but it might be a LONG lonely wait..... | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:52:15 AM | Rarebird76,
Thank you for your honest opinion. However, if I was only interested in "benefits", all I have to do is go to a local bar and I have douzends of losers try to kiss my lucious lips and touch my soft skin and look at my well rounded .... you get the idea! I'm a good looking woman, and have no problem attracting a date for "benefits", if that is what I was into.
That's why we are online, right? To expand the circle of opportunities and hope to meet somebody that meets our criteria.
So because of men like you, that label 40-ish woman as just good enough to be activity partners, we are forced to give up. Maybe if you would open your mind and see that 40-ish year old women have a lot to give, you woudn't be single like the rest of the men that only date 20 year old barbie dolls. So tell me, how was your date last night, or were you at home, wishing for a date?? | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:56:05 AM |
Thank you for your honest opinion. However, if I was only interested in "benefits", all I have to do is go to a local bar and I have douzends of losers try to kiss my lucious lips and touch my soft skin and look at my well rounded .... you get the idea! I'm a good looking woman, and have no problem attracting a date for "benefits", if that is what I was into.
That's why we are online, right? To expand the circle of opportunities and hope to meet somebody that meets our criteria.
So because of men like you, that label 40-ish woman as just good enough to be activity partners, we are forced to give up. Maybe if you would open your mind and see that 40-ish year old women have a lot to give, you woudn't be single like the rest of the men that only date 20 year old barbie dolls. So tell me, how was your date last night, or were you at home, wishing for a date?? I'm not labeling 40-ish woman just good enough to be activity partners (with benefits)...I'm saying if you want to speed things up and fill the void of loneliness that's one way to do it. By taking things a little less "serious".
BTW I have opened my mind and realized that 40-ish women have a lot to give....in fact I'm seeing one now (well she's almost 40). I'm not looking to date 20 year old barbie dolls just read my profile and check my mailing requirements. I'm trying to assist women like you.
Peace | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:52:52 AM | Rarebird76 ,
Thank you again for your advice. After your last answer, I decided to give your theory a shot. Maybe you are onto something, it's worth a try :)
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:22:12 PM | Never!
I've spent the bulk of my 41 years completely alone, and I still refuse to give up. I've never been married or even engaged... I refuse to give up. I've only dated one woman for longer than 6 months (we lasted a year), and I still refuse to give up!
All I know is that I'm very funny, cute, smart and creative, and one of these days I'll find the right one and if not...
Well, someday when I'm on my death bed, I might think about giving up... but only because "dead" is a deal-breaker for most women... | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:33:16 PM | You know the old saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" well that doesnt work with me and a lot of women. Especially as we gain more self esteem as we get older.
This cow comes with extra benefits on purchase  . I won't give up my body for someone who's not said to me they're ready to give up looking around.
Answer this one, do you REALLY want a relationship of any kind with a woman who will just say yes to anyone else who will? Didn't think so. | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/17/2009 10:42:04 PM | settling down ?? 
So many beautiful women out there!!!? Why settle with just one ?
I am not thinking about settling down anytime soon ....sorry!  | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/17/2009 10:47:32 PM |
You know the old saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" well that doesnt work with me and a lot of women. Especially as we gain more self esteem as we get older. This cow comes with extra benefits on purchase . I won't give up my body for someone who's not said to me they're ready to give up looking around. That's fine. But just know that there aren't a lot of men wanting to commit for life to a woman who has kids with another man. It's possible a man could come to fall in love with you eventually but if you put up the brick wall ultimatum of eternal devotion......well most men don't respond well to ultimatums/attempts to be controlled.
Answer this one, do you REALLY want a relationship of any kind with a woman who will just say yes to anyone else who will? Didn't think so. You're misunderstanding. It's not about getting with ANYBODY you can find indiscriminately. It's just to accept a different type of relationship than what you may prefer.
You previously wrote:
I've just accepted that no one is going to be interested in me. Single mom, almost 40, grad student, blonde, churchgoer. That's just the reality, no one wants that. I dont make others' views of me, others do, and when it comes to personal relationships, it does matter especially first impressions. Besides the fact I hardly ever get any messages on here (despite several profile reviews), nothing Ive done to help myself at all has worked. Lost a ton of weight, improved my overall health and appearance, even streamlined my expenses so I can get out more, and nothing is helping. So you even admit yourself you are not in the best circumstances yet you refuse to compromise........ | |
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| At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/17/2009 11:16:30 PM | So I should compromise my self esteem and private intimacy just to get in bed with people that aren't going to commit to me anyway? I'm not prepared to spend the rest of my life being a toy for gigolos.
Maybe in your age bracket you aren't willing to accept women with kids, but as you get older you'll realize that it will become harder and harder to find women who don't already have kids. You're going to make it very hard on yourself if you aren't willing to compromise.
There are plenty of men who are willing to accept a woman for who they are, kids or not. Just looks like you aren't one of them. | |
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