| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:57:54 PM |
We practically love all the same things.I mean heck she even works on cars and loves them which is a major plus for me.In other words shes perfect except one issue This isn't an issue. I respect where you're coming from but too many men stress over how many men a woman slept with and no matter how much she say's it's gonna be too much . . . "Two!!, Two???, guess it was just the way you were raised!". Normally I would say don't worry about who she banged before she met you and just be glad she's bangng you now. That would be somewhat irresponsible.
So my question is should i look past it and continue,or should i just run from it?Im afraid that it will always be in the back of my mind Only you can make that call. Personally if it were me, I would look past it but you are not me. It's a number do you want your life and your relationship to be controlled by a number? If a girl I was dating had slept with one of my friends prior to dating me I know I couldn't handle that so I would bounce! What I'm trying to say is start with a blank slate people change, life experiences and maturity factor into this. The person she is isn't necessarily the person she was. Also what if she had said "I've only slept with 2 men ever" when it was really 200? You really believe anybody tell the truth about how many people they've slept with? You are focusing too much on what's been said and too little on how you 2 vibe together and real talk - If you don't have a word with yourself you will lose her and it'll be your own fault so cogitate on that! | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:52:27 AM |
Contrary to what popular culture may brand as "studly" of guys who get around
I don't even think it's "popular culture"...
In my experience the only people who think it's "studly" are young males in high school or college who haven't matured yet.... Otherwise, everyone I know seems to have the same view... Male or female with a lot of partners you're looked down at...
As you say, lack of self-restraint, morals etc.... I think there's also a bit of looking down on someone as being somehow 'stupid'... In other words you're making dumb choices with your life...
There will always be people who don't care how many partners one has had, and there will always be those to whom it doesn't matter... the problem is if your past, doesn't mesh well with the person you're with today...
Some might say, it shouldn't matter because "the past is the past"... Well, not everyone feels that way... to some, the past is the best indicator of present behaviour, unless there was some major life altering change.... | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 10/30/2009 11:52:47 AM | where do you draw the line? start subtracting, it won't work. Be glad she gave you all the clues. Be a friend if you can handle it. If you want sex, go for it. If you want more, don't expect it. Run, never look back. She is sweet and has captivated you!!!! She knows what she is doing, look at all that experience and all she's gone through.
If I knew then what I know now!!! | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:40:23 PM |
to me, it matter if there were too many, it;s a turn off for me.
Yeah, the concept of my partner sucking and fcuking a large assortment of penis's and taking them in most of not all orifices... just doesn't do a lot for me either....
Sex is often not a pretty picture.... sure the media tends to portray it one way... Porn tends to portray it the other.... Real sex is often a clumsy mess of fluids and sweat and genitalia.... If people actually THOUGHT about what their partners have done with other people... I'm sure a lot of people would be turned off too..... | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:00:34 PM | Honestly, it shouldn't matter how many guys she has slept with. You are being shallow by judhing her on her sexual past. I a few people have mentioned this, but alot of girls associate having sex with someone as a way to get them to like or love them.
21 does sound like alot, but lets say this girl began dating and having sex when she was 15 years old she would basically average have a new sexual partner ever 4 months. Doesnt make it sound as bad that way.
Do you want every girl you like to not be willing to date you because you havent had sex? i really doubt it.
My advice to you would be to date her and see where it goes. if you cant get over her sexual past then maybe you need to look at yourself. | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:38:50 PM |
21 does sound like alot, but lets say this girl began dating and having sex when she was 15 years old she would basically average have a new sexual partner ever 4 months. Doesnt make it sound as bad that way.
And by the time she's 50 that might add up to what? 105?????
Doesnt make it sound as good that way.  | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:14:11 PM | Well...apparently it matters because it has triggered your moral judgement of her and it's based on you comparing her to your apparently superior self.
She may well have some issues that she's trying to superficially deal with through random sex but it's unlikely that your sanctimonious judgement will be much help in that.
Do her a favour and run away. You're not what she needs. | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:50:27 PM | Let's see.. 19.. that gives at LEAST 52 weeks of being 18.. or more
That's about one new guy every three weeks.. Not bad.
Now.. you say "really" twice to describe how much you like her ONLINE. then you say you PRACTICALLY love all the same things.. like.. sexual-self-respect that matches YOURS?? NOT
I have an idea.. go to your minister/pastor/jimjones-like cult leader and ask HIM how he feels about this 21 gun salute girl and how she would fit into the flock.
So 5 or 6 guys being a slut is OK.. but 8 is too much?? and 21 is way over the top? Hmmm
Oh wait.. you are 20 and a zealot. Yeah.. we cant help you here.. just sayin | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:20:15 AM | Really it depends on how long her relationships were. Since she's 19 she's clearly either had one night stands or really really short relationships. Both are bad signs.
A woman that has tons of very short relationships is bad news. She either rejected, got rejected, or didn't care about being with 21 other men. Their is obviously something wrong with her because clearly she can't stay in a relationship.
Why are we even discussing this? It's a blinding flash of the obvious. | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:48:47 AM | Uh yeah.
At the very least she's exudes whore-ish behavior. I believe she has mental issues to boot. BANK ON IT. 21 partners at the age of 45 is different... still high, but different. @ 19 means she was probably sexually abused as a child (see bad Uncle or neighbor) and this is the result. I would steer clear, especially if she does not seem too shy about sharing this info with you. That tells me she doesn't feel it's wrong or indicative of low-self esteem or a problem.
I've had girlfriends/friends who have been abused sexually and their esteem is such that it's a never ending cycle throughout their lives. They equate sex with love and they did it often and early. They will be in a constant state of depression and will be taken advantage of over and over because they date men who show 1 ounce of affection regardless of their future potential/education/personality/respect for women. They also NEVER go without a boyfriend.... ever. One after another.
It's a bad scene. | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:53:37 PM |
Not to discount your religious beliefs, but, while I understand the "spiritual purity" aspect of waiting, I think waiting for marriage to have sex is sexual suicide. Those are waters that, in my opinion, need to be treaded WAY, WAY before marriage (or even decide whether you want to be married at all). How do you know you really like each other until you've been completely intimate?
I couldn't agree more AND I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE! When we got married, she was still a virgin. Yeah we "did" some things, but I always gave more. She kept saying 'once we are married'. Guess what? Total bull shoot. Put up with it and other things WAY too long; tried the marriage counseling bit; she picked one out from church. I wish I had a way to contact the s.o.b. right now, and if he is really licensed in the state he moved to, I would love to have his license yanked. He fvcked me up so bad; he had me convinced I was some kind of pervert because I wanted sex more than once a week. Said we needed to "schedule it"!
Bottom line to the sex before marriage idea, kpooks is RIGHT ON with his statement!
As far as your "dilema", obviously it DOES bother you or you wouldn't be posting here. Like the lady said (and I am going to loosely paraphrase her); if a man has many conquests, he is a stud, sex on the first date? He's a master c***sman. A woman who has had many partners? She must be a slut. If she has sex on the first date she is really a ho.
Where in the hell did this "unwritten rule" come from? If a woman had 1 more partner allowed by this silly a$$ rule then she would be a slut, right? Even if she "missed" by having one extra partner in the time span by one day?
Get over it! A person's past is NOT your business at all, unless there are some OUTSTANDING criminal issues. It doesn't matter if they have been in jail (sexual predators and rapists excluded, and in my opinion they should never be out anyway but that is getting off topic). Now if there are any issues in a person's past or health history that COULD directly affect you, then they are germain. Obviousy any active STDs should be disclosed and you need to abstain until they are cured or in the event of something like herpes, you go into it with eyes wide open. If this is leading to marriage and kids, if there is any genetic predisposition to health problems that could affect the kids, that is germain also. Everything else? Forget about it. Guys, do you tell your prospective partners how many partners (conquests??) you have had? If you don't then you have no right to be inquiring about hers. If she chooses to share that information with you, then take it for what it is, information. If it bothers you then pass on them and look further. As long as we are bringing the Bible into this, whatever happened to "Judge not lest ye be judged" | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:00:48 PM | And how many is too many? If you set 10 as the limt and meet someone who says they have been with 11 but everything else about them is great, would you still pass on them? You can't change the past, and you are NOT guaranteed tomorrow, so carpe diem! ("seize the day" for those of you who have heard that and don't know what it means).
The Grass Roots had a great song, "Let's Live For Today"; you might want to Google it and read the lyrics. I would post them here, but there would be an issue with posting copyrighted material and rightly so. Just my humble opinion though, just think before you act. | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:04:15 PM | | Agree Annie, and the converse is also true. What matters is today, what you feel for each other right now. I know in this case, she came out and told him (at least that is what I got from the OP), but how many people here yeah people both men and women ask their prospective partner about previous partners? I got a very good piece of advice from a buddy in Korea; "don't ask the question if you can't stand the answer". | |
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| Does the number of people a person has had sex with matter?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:09:53 PM | | Again I ask who are you to judge others? I respect your opinion and would never try to change your mind, but that is what is right for you. I think the posts that told the OP to look inside himself and decide for himself were dead on. No one can make that decision for him, and trying to instill one's personal values on another is not "right" in my humble opinion. I just got out of a LTR with a woman, I never asked how many partners she had previously been with. There was one time when I sensed she was going to tell me about a previous partner and I told her "that is your business, it is in the past". Of course I knew she had had at least one previous partner, she was divorced. Besides that, I don't know and didn't care to know. | |
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