| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:10:28 AM |
As for the pets, it could be that they love animals but do not want that responsibility for themselves. For example, I don't have a dog because I live in an apartment, so I can't just open the door and let the dog out into the yard. Yes, I could take the dog for walks, and I wouldn't mind doing that, but when I think about doing it several times a day, even if I'm sick or have a broken leg or for whatever other reason I might wish I didn't have to walk the dog -- well, I have decided that it's best for me not to have a dog, since I live alone and there would be no one around to take the dog out if I were not able to. But I wouldn't feel I wasn't compatible with a man because HE had dogs. I like it when a man has a dog, or even several dogs. And in fact, I would be more than happy to share the dog-walking duties. Just wouldn't want the responsibility to be all mine. And I would find it odd if a man who had dogs felt I was incompatible just because I don't have any.
What you said made a whole lot of sense.. However what if the reason for not having a dog was because you wished to travel a lot and obviously you would like to have a partner that could do that with you.
Yes owning a pet or pets is a lot of responsibility and it does tie you down. The only trips I take are with my animals to compete in various CFA shows.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:15:07 AM |
So much of this hope is pinned on "I know all common sense says otherwise, but I think you'll be swayed if you actually meet me ..."
Either that or they are not thinking down the line. I would love to meet a man that has interests of his own. I would help to fan those flames and respect what he has chosen to do with his life.
I would not dream of changing him to be something he is not.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:22:48 AM | No, I think it's the opposite--younger people seem to accede more than older people.
What's funny is, I don't have any "must not dos". It's all in the OBSESSIVENESS of the doing. So, I don't care if a guy likes cars, but if he loves his cars more than he loves his family, THAT's bad. If he loves golf, or skiing, or smoking pot, or work, or ANYTHING too much, then he's too obsessive. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:39:24 AM |
The best love affair is the effortless one: A simple harmony of like-minded souls.
Wow ran you said that really well.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:41:01 AM |
Why does this sound like Look what these guys are doing to get in my pants, I just have them doing backflips
Probably because that is the way you think? I on the other hand am trying to find someone that is compatible?
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:45:38 AM |
So, I don't care if a guy likes cars, but if he loves his cars more than he loves his family, THAT's bad. If he loves golf, or skiing, or smoking pot, or work, or ANYTHING too much, then he's too obsessive.
So he can love something too much for your liking? My first husband loved basketball he lived ate and slept it. By the way I had no interest in shooting hoops but loved to watch him play.I remembering thinking to myself that at least he died doing something he truly loved..
I buried him with his basketball..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:48:30 AM | The best love affair is the effortless one: A simple harmony of like-minded souls.
ooooh.....I like that......
The whole idea of an in-sync relationship is more about ....." the shoe fitting", I would think. The more things people have in common, the greater the chance for success.
People who have little in common, but are turning themselves into pretzels, to fit with someone else, in order to have a relationship, have about as much chance of staying afloat, as the Titanic. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:53:54 AM |
What's funny is, I don't have any "must not dos". It's all in the OBSESSIVENESS of the doing. So, I don't care if a guy likes cars, but if he loves his cars more than he loves his family, THAT's bad. If he loves golf, or skiing, or smoking pot, or work, or ANYTHING too much, then he's too obsessive.
I guess Steve Irwin (the crocodile hunter) might have been written off you list as well? He risked his life because of his love for what he did. He was very fortunate to meet a woman that truly loved what he did.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:54:55 AM | Vice, excellent post in #14.
I do have my deal breakers like anybody else.
The shoe may not fit perfect but it should at least not hurt to wear.
Nobody is a Miss Perfect or a Mr Perfect fit
Really it's about someone who matches your weirdness You you Their weirdness.
If a woman gave up a pet to travel That would Bea deal breaker for me. My Golden Retriever passed away a year ago. I neverwould have given her up for anything or anybody. If I wanted to travel I would find someone to look after her. Otherwise she would hop in my truck and we would road trip. She loved taking road trips.
I use to bring Goldie on Dates. If the woman were cool with that. She got extra points and know we had at least love of Animals in common. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:58:48 AM | Absoluelty, Steve Irwin is not MY cup of tea. Do you have a problem with someone expressing her own desires?
You always argue with people; you always have to reply to them. To me, the Forums are to express many thoughts, not to get everyone to see things MY way. You ask your questions, and then go bye-bye. But with you, it's always about YOU garnering attention. I vow to never again participtae in one of your threads. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 11:04:29 AM | The best love affair is the effortless one: A simple harmony of like-minded souls. I don't know, RanRan, I think that line of thinking is what keeps people from putting any effort into relationships, and instead break up when the going gets rough. I'm all for compatibility, but I think effortlessness is a myth. True compatibility has more to do with two people being mutually agreeable about compromise than it does with how well they "match" on paper (or on a POF profile, which is even less like real life!)
As heavily as the OP is moderating her own thread, it seems unlikely to me that she is interested in meeting anyone in the middle. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 11:21:34 AM |
I think that line of thinking is what keeps people from putting any effort into relationships, and instead break up when the going gets rough. I'm all for compatibility, but I think effortlessness is a myth. True compatibility has more to do with two people being mutually agreeable about compromise . Agree. The idea of effortlessness may fit well within the parameters of a 'love affair,' but a true, long lasting relationship is complex and full of depth...not 'simple.' | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 11:38:45 AM | The fitting of shoes is wasted effort in the land of barefoot fancy free.
Toes that will not consent to be girded must wiggle from the clutching grasp of the eager shoe salesman.
If the shoe fits, you must acquit.
You heel! How dare you insult the nakedness of my gleaming pedicure with your sole intention of enslavement? Something foul is afoot. We are arch rivals now. I kicketh thee to the curb. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 11:56:00 AM | I think that there are some things that are unchangeable, and some things that are not. People who live the single life get up to all kinds of things that they do not necessarily continue as a mutual life takes shape. Life as a single person and life as a married person are, to my mind, completely different in almost every way. Friends, activities, social patterns, eating habits, hobbies, interest,....whatever....adjust to the life of two people.
In that sense, I think its reasonable to at least investigate prospects that have features which you do not necessarily share. I also think that there are features that people claim for themselves that are really minor aspects of their lives. Travel, for instance, covers those who are on the road on their bicycle 365 days of the year, and those who make a 1 week holiday to different places 4 times a year, and those who go camping in their mini-van to different sites in their own province or state.
On the other hand, smoking is an addiction, and its hard to see it changing.
Who can say that they are open to a relationship, ready to compromise to make it work, but are committed to never change anything in their profile? That would be inconsistent, and I think you have to meet people and start living with them before you can really know what they will do in an eventual relationship. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 12:27:48 PM | "I use to bring Goldie on Dates. If the woman were cool with that. She got extra points and know we had at least love of Animals in common."
I totally agree. However, I will never forget the person who brought his dog along, and he expected this filthy, stinky dog to sit on my knee for a long drive. People who can't keep their animals clean would not be a good fit for me. It is unhealthy for the dog and for the people involved with the animal. Most of us have meet people who have a pet that is covered in fecal matter and urine, and then they love to tell us that they or their kids sleep with the dog every night...............ew | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 12:37:55 PM | "I totally agree. However, I will never forget the person who brought his dog along, and he expected this filthy, stinky dog to sit on my knee for a long drive. People who can't keep their animals clean would not be a good fit for me. It is unhealthy for the dog and for the people involved with the animal. Most of us have meet people who have a pet that is covered in fecal matter and urine, and then they love to tell us that they or their kids sleep with the dog every night...............ew"
A bit off topic but this is exactly why I always liked short haired breeds. Mine gets wiped down two to three times a day, face cleaned and teeth cleaned at the utility sink. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 12:45:57 PM | [A bit off topic but this is exactly why I always liked short haired breeds. Mine gets wiped down two to three times a day, face cleaned and teeth cleaned at the utility sink.]
Geez, Pete...is the dog getting ready to go on a date? *grin* | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 12:52:04 PM | Although I love dogs I'm not really fond of cats...one cat OK, maybe, as long as I don't get cat hair all over me...nor do I like litter boxes. So a woman with more than one cat wouldn't be a good fit for me!
Other than that relationships are all about balance, adjustments and concessions. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 12:55:31 PM | i don't think you can boil someone's "essence" down to a multiple choice box. if there is strong chemistry, beyond just the physical kind, you can both "choose" to figure it out. i don't appreciate someone lying about their smoking, as being near it makes me deathly ill with my post lymes. however, i have best friends who smoke and we work it out. so, i wouldn't race into a smoker's arms, but i would give it some attention--provided it was clear where i stood from the getgo and he would present his situation to me honestly. that would then include someone who wants to quit. the incentive? much better kissing!
i also would love to go on long hikes, but i cannot. but, i'm working on my stamina--also with the post lymes. for some reason, most of my platonic male friends are very, very fit. they manage to spend time with me on other things and even slow down when we take a mini hike. so, i suppose the same "might" happen with an SO. i think there is a difference between lying, omitting and trying to accomodate anyway. i think when two souls connect, they might just try the latter, as that type of connection is rare and precious.
so, if the answer can be misconstrued, then i'd give it a chance. cannot hurt. but, if there is downright lying, with no last minute 'fessing up--then that is more of an issue to me than finding someone to wear my shoes. i think that person who would fit my shoes, would probably be a transvestite-- and i tend to go for a more "manly" type, although i do have a transvestite friend. so, despite a lot of what we stand for--chemistry is chemistry. just for me, part of that chemistry is the grey matter and the spirit. if he likes certain things i don't like, we take turns or do our best to accomodate or "forgive". if he tries to change "me" (which is my essence) , that is a whole other matter.
so, i guess, as with anything, there is always risk and always the time it takes to know the deeper levels of a person. we cannot get an instant assurance. with aging, that becomes a worry at times. we figure we are running out of time, so we want this "list" to have check marks all the way down. well, it ain't gonna happen. or, we might as well date ourselves! yes, i know some of you prefer to do that anyways.  | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 12:57:01 PM | A true relationship isn't effortless at all. It takes attention and compromise.
Unless of course two perfect people meet...then yeah...that would be effortless
I guess.
I think people decide what they will tolerate and what they won't and pretty much
look for someone that fits into those perimeters. You have to be willing to be a little
bit flexible though...I think.
I think we tend to over analyze everything in here. I seriously don't do that in real
life and I hope most of you don't either. I'm assuming we're just spending/wasting
time here because sometimes it's sometimes interesting.
I do think some people take this and themselves way too seriously on here.
I have no clue where people get the time to a. think up threads and b. constantly
moderate them....especially when they claim to have a busy and fullfilling life without
a mate. How some of these threads make it past deletion is beyond me.
In the end...I've decided...it's not me...it's THEM.
Everyone is all messed up...except for me.
PS...How come I seem to be limited in how many times I can post to a thread
and others can post non-stop? Should I be getting a complex?
PPSS...off topic. Steven Irwin was a looney tune imo. I couldn't believe people said he
died happy doing what he enjoyed ...I'm pretty sure he hadn't planned on dying
that way...and I can't believe he was happy about it. In fact, I'm almost sure in
his final moments he realized what he was doing was stupid.
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 12:59:08 PM |
Absoluelty, Steve Irwin is not MY cup of tea. Do you have a problem with someone expressing her own desires?
No I certainly do not have a problem with someone that expresses their own views on the type of person they would wish to date.. I just was pointing out those that would appeal to me personally..
You always argue with people; you always have to reply to them. To me, the Forums are to express many thoughts, not to get everyone to see things MY way. You ask your questions, and then go bye-bye. But with you, it's always about YOU garnering attention. I vow to never again participtae in one of your threads.
When I deliver a topic for discussion I do try and answer many of the posters. Same as I did and do as a blogger.. I find that respectful of those contributing to it.
Sorry this makes you upset.. but as they say you can't please everyone.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 1:07:57 PM |
Really it's about someone who matches your weirdness You you Their weirdness.
If a woman gave up a pet to travel That would Bea deal breaker for me. My Golden Retriever passed away a year ago. I neverwould have given her up for anything or anybody. If I wanted to travel I would find someone to look after her. Otherwise she would hop in my truck and we would road trip. She loved taking road trips.
I use to bring Goldie on Dates. If the woman were cool with that. She got extra points and know we had at least love of Animals in common.
Good points about the weirdness art..By the way I did have two dates with men that had pets. The first one did bring his lovely dog along and the second one brought me to see his dog and I get to enjoy making friends with her..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 1:21:21 PM | | I can try to make a shoe fit . If I read a profile that a lady had a hot air Balloon . I want to ride in that balloon and I will pay for pet care to do it . I also would love to meet someone that travels to places I have wanted to go . I sometimes am a willing to be a participant to expand what I am . I met a lady that had horses and I loved it and became very good with them . We all start somewhere with Cats ,dogs and balloons ,I like the unkown. Show me something new and exciteing . The sexiest thing I can think of is mystery .Another neat thing is showing others new things. | |
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| Trying to make the shoe fit as we age
Posted: 9/10/2009 1:30:41 PM |
I would maintain that the effort required is in direct proportion to the 'fit' not being quite right to being very wrong. I don't think harmony is all that rare - we harmonize with friends all the time, two lovers can as well and for a lifetime. Think of it as a duet, not as two soloists clamoring for attention and top-billing.
That's really all warm and fuzzy and cute and all, but the reality is...even harmonizing
takes attention and detail. I'm not saying it's not easy to get along with people, I'm
saying for a long term relationship you have to constantly change your mind, change
your attitude and pay attention. EVERYTHING changes...we all change as we age...
although the true foundation remains the same. We can't be in agreement ALL the
time with anyone...even those we truly love and admire. If we were we'd have to be
dating/marrying clones.
People don't become part of a singing duet or any other kind of duet without
working at it and practicing....figuring out what works, what goes together and
what doesn't.
But it is a nice sentiment...I'll give you that. | |
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