| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:59:12 PM | Sometimes it's easiesr to let someone think they made the decision to end things when really the one who wants to end it, just didn't have the whachamacallits to do it. In other words, he made his decision, knowing how you felt, so if you guys end things, it was your decision. No skin off his back. If you know what I mean?
I think you have to ask yourself what can you live with. | |
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jbogie
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Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 54 | |
| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:14:49 PM | Should I stick to my morals and allow this marriage to dissolve? Or should I stick with this man through 'better or worse' as I promised in our wedding vows?
the word "should" has got to be the most utterly rediculous grouping of letters ever to appear in a dictionary. yeow gal, you're not really asking if your morals SHOULD come before a mans desires are you? are you really asking that? really????? jeez. | |
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jbogie
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Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 55 | |
| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:24:14 PM | I'm going to say - you have no right to prevent him from smoking.
You have no right to say ro do anything to stop him from smoking. It's his life, his business and none of yours
hmmmmmm. my ex was an alcoholic. may be that it WAS her business and none of mine. but when she chose what business her life would include, alcohol abuse, it had a tremendous impact not only on my life but many others who were close to her. i suppose if you were fired from your job it would be the company's business and none of yours as well. but you would feel the effect of the way the company chose to do business huh? | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:29:41 PM | You're from Paragould, Arkansas. Just be happy he's not smoking bloodhounds.
But like sometimes, you know, when you're like watching Transformers on like dvds and like it's Saturday morning and you're like so baked, are you ever like "oh man, I wish my prototype Robot Warriors V1 could like do that like whole Transformers thing, man. Like you know? Dude, you so do! hahahahahahahahaha
Crap. Where's the Trix? Dude, did you like eat all the Trix? | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:44:39 PM | I think 13karat says it best in her last two posts, OP. Read it again so that you can make some sense of your thoughts and perceptions.
I urgently advise you to go to AlAnon to get some imput about being a spouse of a habitual substance abuser who uses emotional blackmail on you so that he can have his way.
Then, if the light makes it's way to your self-esteem centre, you can make a sensible choice for YOU and be happy that you did.
My take on him? He's not worth 2 minutes of care and worry. He makes the idea and the sanctity of marriage a joke. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:46:36 PM | IMO he's using pot as a smokescreen (heh, couldn't resist). It's to distract you from looking at the issue of the friend's daughter's pictures. Now, maybe she's of age, I don't know. But maybe she isn't. Either way, you know now that this is a predilection of his.
Which is why I also think the most serious problem here is a practical one. Marijuana's illegal. Which most of the time does not matter much, because virtually nobody cares, but in this case it might.
Realistically, most casual users will never get arrested. But those who traffic in underage pornography will, and they will get charged with everything possible, including marijuana possession if applicable, as will those around them.
And I strongly suspect that a guy who is okay with prurient photos of a friend's daughter is also okay with underage porn, probably has some, and probably will get more. Which means that eventually he will probably get arrested. And how's it going to go for you when that happens? Not well. Worse if there's pot in the house.
So - my answer is no, you should not accept this risk being imposed on you.
Apart from the assorted problems of mental and emotional health involved here, which 13karat has enumerated admirably (and Al-Anon was a good suggestion, too), it is also important to quit letting him pull you around before he goes down and drags you with him legally. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:50:33 PM | Smoking pot is IMMORAL? Hmmm.. then drinking a beer is, overeating is, having too much sugar is.. and driving too fast is.
Betrayed? You KNEW he was a pot smoker before you married him. He is right about loving him UNconditionally. Shame on YOU.
Stick to whatever you want.. Stay RIGID.. but next time
find a man who is AS rigid as YOU are.
Edit: Pot was LEGAL (therefore MORAL) in our puritan society until the late 30's. That's when the POLITICAL (immoral) lobbyists of the cotton and paper industry paid money to get it OUTLAWED because HEMP was better than cotton or forestry products.
So there is your POT morality in a nutshell.
sheesh.. she is on THIS full-of-crap dating site.. espousing morals.. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:01:43 PM | ^^^ Yes smoking pot aka doing drugs IS IMMORAL. It is a person choosing to abuse their body. Overeating is abuse so is excessive use of alcohol, cigarette smoking. All negative behaviours that are examples of an unhealthy way of life. Driving too fast is immoral as well and yep eating too much sugar is. All abusive.
So to you someone who doesn't support someone else's drug habit is rigid? Wtf yeah ok 
Her husband was not doing drugs when she met him. He was clean.
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:45:38 PM | If some of these "justifying" people would stop beating us over the head regarding "legal" aspects of pot, then they would see that legal has no bearing on drug use that can be destructive. It is a "red-herring" waaaayyyy past it's prime use as an argumentive point.
There are many legal drugs out there that have destroyed marriages and relationships. I was dating a man for a bit who played soccer and lived on pain-killers. He was a mess!
I ran from him and closed my door firmly.
As for the effects of being with a man who smokes pot frequently? I lived with a man like that for over 2 yrs. Before I met him I had a que sera sera attitude about pot. After a few months, I began to hate it. By the end of the relationship, I hated everything about him along with the pot and drugs! I went to AlAnon to gain a perception of my feelings as he used emotional blackmail on me, too. I was given ultimatums by him!! Then I realized that he chose his addiction/habit over me. Drugs, legal or otherwise have a habit of doing that to relationships. I also learned what "enabler" and "co-dependent" meant, too.
Too many people fool themselves about drugs and it's lethal effects. These days in BC, pot is NOT like what you smoked 30 yrs. ago. It has evolved and hybrided itself into a major drug with strong effects. Ever heard of world-famous BC Bud?
When someone chooses drugs or alohol over you and your relationship, then it's time to call it a day with the relationship. It's done. It's his ball now. Make him own it. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:14:46 PM | its up to you OP not people you dont know in a forum.
My ex did start smoking pot and I flat out dumped her after a while. I'm in the medical field and I get drug tested and I want NOTHING to do with that. Pot makes you hungry and lazy and it's illegal. For me it's a deal breaker; good luck. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:19:20 PM | | big deal the guy smokes pot. i had to quit 5 yrs ago due to panic attacks. as long as its a casual thing whats so horribly wrong with it. if he keeps it away from children and is discrete about it your probably overreacting. to me its the same as drinking on occasion. just check his pants for semen stains. ( if you didnt see fear and loathing you wont get that) if casual pot smoking could end your marriage i think your morals are fuked up, i dont think thats one of the deal breakers in the vows you took. i think this is probably an underlying issue to several bigger ones. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 6:27:30 AM | ok, let's get this straight here...use of marijuana does not denote drug abuse..drug abuse is drug abuse......by that rationale all social drinkers need to go to AA meetings. if that happened then there would be way too much competition and where would i go to get dates? omg that wasn't funny...THE REVEREND IS GOING TO HADES IN A HANDBASKET!!!
the issue here is the use of psychological games that are being played here in this marriage....he may be using marijuana as a protest or a way to incite discontent...
play me out fela
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsVwKS7dbds | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 6:57:11 AM | Wow, if pot smoke is the real reason, thats a joke, your heading should read, should my husband be ok that I am on POF looking for a long term relationship......you say you have been married seven months, but your profile says divorced....hmmmm now I guess we all understand why he smokes pot huh?, liars and cheaters are so much worse than pot smokers. I says he should roll a big fatty, and run away from crazy. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 6:58:34 AM |
You're a bit over dramatic in my opinion. But if that's who you are and how you are it's probably why he's wanting to smoke weed.
I think 'Sailing' has pegged it.
OP: You are a CONTROLLER!
He gave up weed for you. What was next that you were making him give up? That's how my ex wife did it and I think you're doing it to. Here's what my wife did and I bet you're doing exactly the same thing: First "you have to give up pot to be with me". (Sure, no problem.) Then "you have to give up cigarettes to be with me'. (Unnnnnh...okay. No problem.) Then "you have to give up drinking to be with me", (Definitely no problem a drink a month is not hard to give up.) Then "you have to stop seeing that friend if you want to be with me"(...aaaaaaaah...alright. )Then "you have to give up......" and it never ended.
Do this man a favor and get out of his life. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:11:41 AM | looking4my1love,
first off, your profile is quite contradictory to your story so if it's just a matter of updating then i think you need to do that first.
nonetheless, i'm sorry but i think you guys met under false pretenses and as you may well know, it's only a matter of time before the true person shows himself for who he truly is.
your partner is showing you who and what he is really all about and it's far from what you thought and bargained for.
it seems that he laid out a plan, you fell for it and now you're only starting to realize the true condition of his life and that it's far from being pretty.
i'm sorry that you got taken as i'm sure you're emotions are all in a knot right now and the betrayal you're feeling is true.
forget the wedding vows as he already has proven himself not to be worthy of you and it is he that has trampled all over your vows so you are well within your rights morally and legally to put on your running sneaks and find yourself an attorney that will be well worth your money to end this farce.
do not accept him the way he is. he's truly just waiting for you to be the weak little woman that will put up with his addiction(s) and then you'd be sure to live a miserable life as he continues to pull you down with him.
i think you need to end your marriage and chalk it up to having been manipulated by someone that has issues that you need not settle for.
get his stuff out of the house, go find yourself a good attorney and put an end to the lie and deceipt your living.
he may not be cheating on you with another woman but drugs and addictions of any sort dole out the same pain and are just as devastating.
lots of love and luck to you..........you deserve better than that.
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:56:12 AM | It amazes me how so many who respond to these posts, start an immediate investigation on the poster...isn't the goal here to simply exchange advice. Instead of making it a csi investigation and proclaiming judgement on the poster based on pure assumption, take them at their word and give your input...
OP... this man is choosing a drug over you, as always an addict will do. Compromising your morals is not the answer. It really sucks because you must have a lot of love between you two in order to marry, so I feel your pain. There is no hurry to divorce, how about just a legal separation? Let him know that if nothing changes within a reasonable amount of time that you will file for divorce. Hug him and kiss him goodbye, but stand firm on your morals. He will respect you for this, probably not now, but in time to come--- and more importantly, you will respect yourself!
Good luck Girl | |
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Fi6969
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Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 70 | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 9:21:06 AM | | it was suggested to me by a physician that i smoke marijuana to alleviate anxiety but as i get drug tested i havent used it for that reason and in a while...i dont think we are talking about medical marijuana use here...this sounds like recreational use... | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 10:48:32 AM | your husband is looking at porn pics of his friend's daughter... ???!!!
and the "issue" you're hung up on his he smokes a friggin weed??? wow
IMO you really need to check YOUR morals if pot is a bigger deal than a grown man looking at bloody teenage girl PORN!!!
holijumpinbatcrap!!!!!!!!!1
Marijuana is a WEED - it MIGHT BE habit forming but it is NOT addictive.
The WORST thing that MIGHT happen if someone is smoking WEED is they'll clean your cupboards of chips, cookies and other assorted munchies and they MIGHT fall asleep watching TV blahblahblah .. Rotten g.d. weed smokin hippy types anyway!
Unbloodyreal!
OT - you want "advice"?? Get REAL! How could you even consider a 'person' who thinks naked teenage girls is ok for his viewing 'pleasure'?????? This just pisses me off.
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:05:31 AM | I think she has that damn syndrome that most every woman has
you know the "he is the most awful man in the world yet i can't get enough!" let her sink with him all she is paying attention to is the messages like "give him another chance" or "I am being a total *itch because i won't let him smoke pot and F uck underage girls wow i am a horrible wife how do i improve myself to please this god damn jerk!!!"
she will never learn and lost causes should not have time wasted on them I personally hope she stays with him til the bitter f ucked up end. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:01:51 PM | If you don't approve of him smoking pot and you cannot foresee it not being a problem in the future.. then leave!
However, one comments... ITS POT! Let him smoke like a chimney. IMO! | |
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