| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:23:18 PM |
But, then this morning he tells me he believes I am not the one for him because I do not approve of him smoking pot. He had quit before I met him, but he expresses now that he wants to take the habit back up. It's up to you. He wasn't smoking when you married him, so it could be argued that it was a part of the original agreement that he wasn't a pot smoker. Him changing the rules is not fair. You have to decide if you married him only because he was a non-pot-smoker, and if so, then get a divorce. But if you would have married him anyway, albeit with reservations, then he should be able to take it up later on.
But you're going to have to say in your divorce proceedings that if he had been smoking pot before you married, then you'd have not married him in the first place. So if you've ever dated anyone who was a pot smoker, even if you didn't know it, that will be brought as evidence, and will make you look a hypocrite. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:24:20 PM | msg.1
Firstly, you never should of married him, if you were going to have such qualms about him or his habits in the first place (including his weed habit). I find it quite distasefull that a persons moral convictions suddenly find an outlet when divorce becomes a viable possibility on the horizion. I always ask myself as to why they dissapeared during the pre marrage process. hmmmm.
Love is not an unconditional thing. And neither will the terms of your divorce be. I would advise that the next time you marry or even think about marrage, you resolve ALL of your moral quandries beforehand, and not use them to add spice to the inevitable divorce forthcoming.
Keep in mind, if your morals "stuck" in the first place, they wouldn't be so conviently quipping now. If the "weed issue" was that great you never would have gotten married.
Or is this just a case of his stash, not being big enough to share anymore? ;)
After all, I'm not seeing your moral problems with "weed", as he was smoking it then, will be smoking it now, and will smoke it well after your gone.
My point is thus: relationships will come and go, but a reefer afectionado always has a twenty spot for his or her first and only love. And that ain't gonna be you.
Lesson learned.
9to9 | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/11/2009 3:08:37 PM |
It amazes me how so many who respond to these posts, start an immediate investigation on the poster...isn't the goal here to simply exchange advice. Instead of making it a csi investigation and proclaiming judgement on the poster based on pure assumption, take them at their word and give your input...
Thanks to the posters that brought out the decreopancies by the OP!
Garbage in ..Garbage out ...
To give a fair opinion .. it would seem reasonable, to have the facts ... so few pertinent facts were given in this case.......... how could one have a fair opinion or make a impartial judgment of any merit without considering the other facts that were brought out?
I found the post by.. A.S. is .. the most desirable to sign on with ..who noted "looking at porn pics of his friend's daughter... ???!!!"
Ironically the "Kidy Porn" issue wasn't even considered a pertinent fact by the OP!
How Strange.....
As a proponent of the legalization of pot ... I see no moral issue with pot here .
But the persional liberty of each of us to make our own decissions as to who we associate with ... the pertinant factor.
If the OP finds her husbands pot smoking a "Deal Breaker" and can reach no compromise solution with him ... he or she should go .
I feel the same about cigarette smokers and persons that drink to much ...
it's a personal issue .. not a moral one .
So OP .. hit the road ... if you can do better .... why waste anymore time? | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/14/2009 3:19:34 PM | OP,
motown-cowgirl nailed it on the first page of this thread. there are SOO many things wrong with this post that i really don't know where to begin either.
please read motown's post and pay careful to certain lines like
he's your soul mate, but he left you 6 months into your marriage.
this is a very important line as REAL soulmates don't leave THAT fast lol. as someone above said as well, that word soul mate is way too overused.
the phrase "unconditional love" was uttered by at least one of the parties with a straight face.
i can't agree more. it's always unconditional love(and really convenient) when one party wants to use it to do drugs or look at inappropriate pictures sent by the DAUGHTER of a friend. OMG, please please tell me you are not worried about POT when the guy is getting dirty pictures send by a kid.
As someone mentioned before as well that there isn't really that much bad about smoking pot but in this case the person gave it up BEFORE marriage and you married them on the bases they were NOT going to do pot. also as someone mentioned there are the added costs and legal issues (it's not like you are in Canada lol).
Main thing is there are a lot of things wrong with the picture. If you post the information from our other thread about your husband not wanting to pay YOUR bills , as he calls it, and the fight over living in your mothers house. I think you really are asking the wrong questions. please go see a marriage counselor and get some professional help for both of you. I'm sure it will leave you both happier. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/14/2009 4:56:46 PM | | Wow I find myself pulled in two directions on this one. Although i dont think pot is anymore harmful than beer( depending on how much he smokes and when ) it does seem like he's picking it over you.Marraige is about compromise between both parties, so have you ever talked about why its wrong for you and your life together? are you against it for the moral reason that its illegal or because you feel its polluting his body? As i mentioned before time and place should matter here also. if he wants to burn a joint right before a football games on the tube and thats it for the week , is that really so bad? Now if he quit for a 1 1/2 then hes probably not the smoke five joints a day type so perhaps you two can come to an agreement. oh, almost forgot, you should really look into why he left before because i doubt it was weed leading him away. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/15/2009 8:59:14 AM | Are we still coddeling this woman? There are other issues involved than just his reefer use. They are having mother-in-law issues (both sides if I recall), issues on the house but oddly enough, she STILL doesn't have a problem with her guy getting nude photos of his friend's under age daughter!
Hey OP!!! What does the 'friend' think about his daughter sending your 'husband' nude photos of herself???????
Inquiring minds want to know. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:23:09 AM | Uh, no. Loving someone unconditionally does not mean that you compromise your beliefs, morals, and the freakin LAW. But hey, nice try on his part.
Let him go, OP. A guy who would put pot before you would put anything before you...all while telling you that "if you love me unconditionally.........." | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:28:42 AM | Ok, now I'm LMAO over here. You are worried about this guy smoking pot? The pictures of his friends daughter (and how old is she?) were not enough for YOU to kick HIS butt out, but smoking pot would be?
This dude is a drug user and possibly guilty of something much worse (depending on the age of that girl) and you are worried about whether or not he loves pot more than he loves you? I wouldn't let this guy come near me, let alone touch me.
I just don't know what to say to you, OP. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/15/2009 3:57:33 PM | did you know he had smoked pot before you met?
if yes then you knew there was a possibility that he would do it again.
anyone could take up pot smoking, I suppose.
everyone I know is screwed in some way.
when you are married you put up with sh[t. [period!]
or you divorce and try AGAIN! for what? another imperfect guy?
Oh, and change the vows to maybe, when we get sick of each other.
as my oldest son says, we are all focked up. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/15/2009 4:45:01 PM | I have no problem on a person smoking Pot, but the effect on their mind is what bothers me, and that is very expensive habit... And I've read that on the long run they become sociopath..
I will be not be involve with a man who will mash his brain with pot/street drugs and I don't give a shyte the marriage vow " for better or worse".. I will run for my life and my kids life...
If it happened that he got sick of cancer or got accident that he become a wellchair bound ,yes I will stay to support and take care of him for "better or worse." it is not the marriage promise ,it is because I love him.... If it is a medicine for him it is okay ,I've read that some service that got sick form the war they take pot as a med. but if it for a habit I don't think I will stay with him .my 2cent. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/15/2009 5:08:49 PM | | But what crutches do you use to get through life? Smoking pot makes one relaxed, takes the edge off, and even though it is highly addictive, again I ask whether you could easily cast off those things you must have, but are at bottom, empty? | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 9/15/2009 5:37:54 PM | This isn't about pot. Your marriage has a few problems, and it will not get better until you can resolve the underlying issues.
I recomend you find someone to help you, perhaps a marriage councilor or priest/minister with experience helping couples resolve issues.
Good Luck. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:56:10 AM | | It happens. And after you accept the pot, what will he expect you to accept next? I went through the same thing. It hurts to have someone choose an addiction over you, but you'd be better off without him | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/10/2009 7:17:20 AM | you are putting yourself at legal risk. if you have children you risk losing them. your employer would frown upon this situation as well.
i am against any type of dope smoking.
America and society as a whole needs more clear thinking stable people, not brainless zombies twirling their way around in the twilight zone.
get away and find a normal man who is a good guy without illegal habits. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/10/2009 7:32:50 AM | | hi... OP, life is like... never mind... going on biblical principals you can stay and be a loving wife and let God deal with his choices or you can leave him because of the pot smoking but not remarry unless he is unfaithful to you.. no matter what, I would not recommend breaking vows over his poor choices... you have no control over whether he is going to leave over this issue, you only have control on how you are going to handle it..... I know that leaving and staying unmarried seems harsh but there is something to say about making vows and not keeping them... we teach our kids to stick with things then we role model giving up...speaking from experience, I wished that I had prayed for strength to overcome my ex's issues rather than to end it..... blessings for help and good judgement | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:00:16 PM |
He left a month ago because of another issue, I think. When he left over a month ago, the daughter of a friend of his was texting him dirty pictures. I felt it was inappropriate and when I told him this he became so angry, he left. But, if the truth be known, I have a feeling the real reason he left was because he didn't know how to tell me he wanted to smoke pot. He used the discussion over the dirty pictures as an excuse. This is what I believe, but I honestly cannot be sure.
Good god. You let a pedophile come back and you're worried about him smoking pot? You need to stop doing acid if you think the big issue is his smoking pot. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:02:29 PM | You indeed have a problem. Unfortunately, the problem is you. Let's go over a couple of things:
1) You say your husband's desire to smoke pot is a violation of his wedding vow to "cherish" you. I think you are confusing "cherish" with another vow--"obey." You are his wife, not his mother. You can't tell him what to do.
2) What the heck do you mean "lower my morals?" Morality has zero, zip, nada to do with pot smoking. Want to go on a moral crusade? Try speaking up for the millions of non-violent pot smokers now languishing in prisons for no good reason.
In any case, I think you and your husband are incompatible. He should find someone who doesn't have a moral hissy fit about a prefectly harmless activity; you should find some smug, self-rightious, judgemental jerk who you can scoff at the world with. Happy fishing. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:02:54 PM | | How is he betraying you by being true to himself? Why don't you be true to yourself and realize you can't change people nor would you want to and have a "soul mate" you can accept who he is. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:29:35 PM | | Pot makes people retarded but you can't force him to quit smoking, the decision has to come from him. But I can imagine what you have to put up with, that smell is UNBEARABLE lol! Gee, I don't know what to tell you girl, I would rather an alcoholic than someone who smokes pot. Can't stand that isht. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:34:00 PM | My ex chose pot over me too, although he did give up once, but then went back to it. He smoked all day.
TBH i knew he smoked it when i met him, so I could have walked then.
It caused arguments. I was worried about his health and mental health, but it would just make him mad. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:50:38 PM | it seems a lot of us [most] imperfect people want perfect mates.
I don't know if I could handle being with a perfect woman, [again!] I had one, and she left!
and yes, then there are cigarettes, drinking, farting, etc. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 2:53:49 PM |
even though it is highly addictive
No. It's not. Not even remotely. The factually inaccurate things the government would have people believe about marijuana are laughable. It wasn't even originally outlawed for any health reason or "moral" reason. It was a threat to the paper industry at the time.
OP, you two had no business getting married to each other in the first place. Too much incompatibility. Call it a day. | |
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