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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:15:40 PM | From the few posts I read, and I'm not sticking up for the husband either.
Many have told her not to give up on her morals and standards and to leave him because he refuses to quit smoking pot, that he is the one who gave up his marriage vows because he knows how she feels about it, and now their marriage will end because of him smoking pot because she does not approve of it, and she should not let him give her an ultimatum, their marriage or his pot.
So, tell me why the man has to give up himself to keep the marriage going? Why does he have to change? Why does he have to do something for the marriage and not her?
compromising is what its about....now that being said. (excluding the pot issue here and his manipulation tactics)
What I mean by that, if he smoked pot before he met her and i'm sure he has continued with out her knowledge. compromising here (excluding the other issues that came about in her posts ) he can smoke it but not around her, not have it in the house and around her or kids, if there are kids involved. That the compromise would be, if she sees he is doing that more and more, neglecting his duties and responsibilities, it starts to interfere with his job, money, abilities, friends, family etc...then there would be a problem and ultimatum, if all other measures have been exhausted.
He is using pot as an excuse to get out of the marriage. If he recieved sexy texts from his friends daughter, does his friend know about this? Did he go see her and or be with her during that time he left you? Is he using pot as his excuse to end it to be with her, assuming she is of legal age? Is he using pot as his excuse to justify his infidelity?
If he became that childish about the picture texts and picked up and left you, how childish do you think he will be in years to come? How many more times will you let him use an excuse such as pot for his unethical behavior of recieving sexy texts from other women when he is married and especially from his friends daughter.
Do you really have a struggle with his pot but forgiven him about the texts and that he left your marriage over the texts because you did not approve of them?
If so, you have your morals screwed up some here.
Go file for divorce and let him be with his pot and sexy pic texts. People will come up with excuses, espcially if it is something you do not approve of and have a strong opinion about to end a relationship, instead of being an adult and manning up to the real reason they want out. They are good at manipulating and twisting things for you to approve of their behavior and to hide the real reason they are trying so hard to hide so you can not figure out the truth.
His ultimatum isn't about the pot, its about him justifying his infidelity and believing the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:00:32 PM | I guess I tend to see things a little different than others, I have been on both ends here, I used to be so against people smoking pot, and recently I became a Part time Stoner and I realize its not as bad as everyone puts it out their to be, and I believe if everyone smoked weed than the world would be a better more peaceful place..
As far as this relationship goes, I believe its one thing if hes always smoking pot and spending all of his money on it, but if he does it occasionally and on his own than that shouldn't really be a problem...
For some reason I get the impression in alot of these cases that women just might be a little too needy, because really pot isnt really hurting anyone all that bad..... But again its the extent of it all thats the bigger concern....
Just because your Husband loves getting High doesn't mean he doesn't love you or cherish you, I bet as a matter of fact if you allowed him to do and didn't pester him I bet he would love you and cherish you even more! | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:26:06 PM | | You can't change the man, nor can you fix him. If his smoking pot is against your principles/value system, you have one of two things to do. Accept, or move on. It depends on how you value your principles, and what "battles", you are willing to fight for. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:40:58 PM | Tell this guy to F off. While I'm personally cool with pot smokers and shroomers, I don't do it for many reasons and also, it's easy to get booked for. If you're packing heat, it's a felony to have even a joint while in possession of a .22 or ak-47.
If this Dch-bag left you and wants to come back and make you surrender your morals to his bowl for smoking, tell him to go punch a cop.
This makes me sick. Dude probably ran off with his secret druggy chick, got on a meth-binge or whatever and once he got it out of his system, (or her out of his system) he's back at safe territory,(you) until he gets the urge again.
Once a druggy, almost always a druggy. I know, I've been a drinker and it's always waiting to return. Kind lady, please pack up and walk away.
Walk away.
Walk away.
Walk away! | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/11/2009 10:39:28 PM | The fact the husband needs pot to take the edge off reality should be a red flag.
But that's not where the problem lies.
First off you have this fantasy about soul mates which is just a chimerical dream, thought, wish or desire. Hope I don't step on any toes, it's just made up jargon, just a wish, no evidence. However just for humor, if there was such a thing, would your soul mate risk divorce over pot. If he was your soul mate, why would he mention divorce as you stated in your other post.
You mentioned you were married once before. Yet you rushed into this marriage only knowing the guy for 11 months.
One would think after going through one divorce, one would really take some time to get to ''know'' a person before jumping into another marriage again.
I don't believe the problem lies with him. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:58:00 AM | madam,
hope u dont get offended, guess ur a lovely lady but unfortunately u married a jerk and i suggest u forget about him cos i guess u deserve better!!! strike 3 me thinks!! | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:54:32 AM | I have some very good friends who have had long relationships - as stoners.
I have had girlfriends who have been stoners (and me not), but I gave up the weed many many years ago, I'm a better person for it, not an addict to that something.
Very occasional recreational drug use is fine - we all do it at parties etc, but smoking the weed becomes a constant ... I personally also think it warps the mind over a long period, and clouds your judgement, you can become slightly irrational when you dont get it ...
I dont think he is directly chosing the pot over you, its just he's so addicted.
As you yourself not being into it cant quite understand whats going on in his head, and i think it will just lead to complications for you, you may even end up like him (which you may or may not like) ... at the end of the day its not such a terrible thing to do, but it will cause cancers, and you will die young !
I have even given up the cigarettes - the taste of a stoners mouth, their hair, there clothes - the bed - everything just stinks of it. Do you want to inhale all that passive smoke ? | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:05:18 AM |
I feel he is not cherising me and respecting me if he takes up smoking pot again knowing how I feel about drug use. I agree.
He's obviously not cherishing you.
To me, this pain I feel from losing my marriage over pot feels just as bad to me as when I lost my first marriage because my previous husband cheated on me. Maybe, in the future, you shouldn't be so quick to marry someone within a few months of knowing them.
Should I stick to my morals and allow this marriage to dissolve? I think you should. He was willing to chose his substance abuse over you. Why would you want to stay with him? | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/12/2009 12:39:57 PM | OP, your husband already left you. He has emotionally detached and seemingly entered into an experimental phase. He seems to be behaving in a selfish, self-destructive pattern. His leaving indicates that he is not in love the way you are. His issuing ultimatums over ANYthing (my way or highway) is indicative of selfishness. Add to that that he is drawing this line over something that is illegal and controversial knowing full well how you feel about it. He isn't interested in your opinion or best interest. He is simply telling you what he demands and if you don't bow to his demands, its over. I say its over anyway.
You are not losing your marriage over pot. Your husband chose to leave you and now he wants to bully you into submission with his threats. You are not allowing your marriage to disolve. It is already a puddle. Just step out of the muddy middle of it into the light.
Yes, you should stick to what ever it is you believe in your heart is right. You don't lower your standards because you are married. You do what is right for you. Your wedding vows did not include breaking the law and allowing him to leave and come back as he sees fit. You have the right to think of yourself and not that selfish child. Love yourself first. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/12/2009 12:43:02 PM | You know OP? What's even sadder than your husband's pot dependency is that you are in lala land and you aren't even stoned.
First off, the idea of there being any such thing as a "soulmate" is something that most of us question. My understanding of what most people call "soulmates" are two codependents who can literally finish each other's sentences because their dysfunctional methods match up perfectly, not because something destined them to be together forever.
Secondly, his addiction or dependency on pot (same thing) isn't about YOU. It's HIS addiction...so he isn't doing it to a) piss you off or b) demonstrate that he doesn't "cherish" you...
Third, he is struggling with a crutch that he uses to get by...he is in the cups of his addiction, hence his saying that if you really loved him, you would accept his addiction. In a way, he is right. Love is supposed to transcend people's flaws, but alas, soulmate love is soooo conditional, isn't it?
You didn't lose your marriage over pot, you lost your sober husband. Big difference. Your first husband cheating on you has nothing to do with this guy, so drop that. You're just going on a pity party.
Morals? How is your not accepting his pot addiction about morality? Are you like so many that believe that because their addictions/dependencies is different that they are somehow "better" than the one they are judging for theirs? Give me a break! You have a lot to learn about being human if that is the case. There is nothing moral about addiction. It's a substance that we come to depend on to get us through life. Most people eventually confront it when the pain of keeping our dependency outweighs the pain of letting it go. Until he reaches that point, he'll use pot.
The question here is how conditional is your love? You took a vow, for better for worse and take a look at yourself! You say you're more moral than he? Pffft...you know nothing about morality.
He realizes he's not accepted for his addiction and you just won't have it. That is perfectly acceptable in my view, but all the control mechanisms you are trying to put in place to make him not use it is pushing him toward it even more.
Let go and stand for what you believe in. If you didn't mean for better or for worse, then don't take the vows.
Every time I left a man I had committed to through marriage, I realized that I was committing an immoral act. I betrayed my vows. Vows that are way too difficult for some of us to live up to.
At least own that as YOURS, not his.
And let his addiction run its course. Set boundaries and respect your rights not to have it around you. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/12/2009 12:59:47 PM | msg 1...
Anyone can go on about what's right and wrong. Bottom line is that only the two of you know what you've got yourselves into.
What can I say... As a complete stranger with only your story to go on, it seems you have two choices:
If you can accept him, do so. If you can't, don't. Decide, and move on with your life. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/12/2009 1:09:11 PM | What on earth is wrong with smoking pot? Its a god given plant. I mean unless he plans on smoking an insane amount of drugs everyday all day I don't see the big deal. I used to smoke weed all the time. Did it affect me? Somewhat, but its no worse than smokes and beers. If your moral compass is soo messed up that you can't imagine loving someone because they like to relax by puffing on a joint once and awhile, I'd hate to see what other kind of hilterian things you have going on around the house hold. I bet you get offended if he masterbates to. Relationships are about compromise, pick battles that are worth fighting for. Unless he turns into an abusive **stard when he's high on marijuana, I don't see what you're buggin out about.  | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/12/2009 1:56:19 PM | The issue isn't pot. The issue is that he left the marriage and is experimenting with self destructive things outside of the marriage. (affairs/substance) He isn't married to you emotionally. He has left the marriage in his heart. He loves himself and is finding ways to satisfy his appetites that don't include you.
Think of yourself and what you deserve in life. Make plans for yourself. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/16/2009 3:33:05 PM | MSG 119 FROM MOTHERBROTHER
What on earth is wrong with smoking pot?
if there's nothing wrong with it then i assume you want your baby, your children, your teenagers and your surgeon smoking it while he's doing open heart surgery on you.
Fool. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:52:34 PM | | definitely stick to your morals as you might be able to fake accepting it for a little while but in the long run you'll resent it. look okay you been married before so whats the wedding vows bizzo | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:24:42 PM | When substances are involved, people can get irrational. I'm married to a former drug addict. He has been clean and sober for years, now. Through being with him, I've learned a lot about drug addiction.
Pot is not considered physically addictive, but someone can get mixed up with it just the same and have a hard time extricating themselves. The "fun" is addictive; the laughing and spacing out and socializing....that's the part of it that draws a person in and leads them to crave it.
Personally, I would not leave someone over a drug problem unless the drug was harder (meth, crack, coke, heroin, et al) and leading them to harm me or my daughter. This man you're in a relationship with has a void in his life, I would guess; people who don't feel a void somewhere usually don't feel the need to use drugs. You need to find out why he's so adamant that he needs to smoke pot. What does it add to his life? Usually, after some reflection, even the most ardent pothead will see, in a period of sobriety, that pot diminishes their life, not enhances it. It robs you of money and makes you lazy and tired. It can give you a headache and make you fat. It messes with your short-term memory and will start to mess with your long-term memory if you smoke it enough. I've met a bunch of people who have smoked pot for thirty years or more, and they are usually not a pretty sight.
And as a former hippie from VT, I'm not unfamiliar with the life of a pothead myself. I'm glad to have left it behind, because I feel a lot better without that "fun". | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:30:09 AM | If he chose pot over you, then he isn't worth your time. I was with someone also who was choosing to smoke weed ( behind my back) and I broke up with him. It was the best thing I ever did. I would much rather be single, than to be with a pot head. ( And hello.... You can't hide the smell..no matter what you try to use to cover it up.)
Goodluck on whatever you choose to do. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:48:49 AM |
I would much rather be single, than to be with a pot head. I'd have to agree with this comment.
A lot of people may have occassionally smoked pot at some point in their life. And most of these people outgrow it. But, someone my age who still smokes pot is someone who's let it become a central part of their life. 30something, and 40 something potheads that I've known are usually people who spend too much of their day stoned, to the point where it interferes with all other aspects of their life. Which certainly isn't someone who I'd desire a relationship with.
I'd rather remain single and keep waiting for someone who I'd enjoy having a relationship with. Rather than settle for some burn-out who's pot habit is going to annoy me. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:46:59 PM | Hi l4m1l,
I hope you won't take this badly but I feel the need to speak up.
Pot is not healthy, but relax, it isn't the devil you make it. It's no worse than booze or cigarettes. Eating McDonald's 4 times a week is as bad for your health (really bad - cholesterol , diabetes, heart problems, obesity... ). Coca-Cola is bad, but that is treated like food and is given to children, daily. Sitting on one's fat ass all day and staring at a computer screen is pretty unhealthy.
There is so much crap out there about pot, most of it lies. Weed does not make people aggressive, alcohol does. Weed does not damage your liver, booze destroys it. Weed is not good for your lungs, but cigarettes are just as bad... and remember that people smoke way more cigs than they do pot (because they can). And yet cigs and booze are respectable.
By the way, there is a reason people smoke pot: it feels good! It helps them relax (as does alcohol). It is pretty close-minded to condemn it without even having tried it. It wouldn't kill you to know what you are talking about.
Now since when does cherishing someone have anything to do with smoking pot? There is no connection there. Your mate can cherish you and like pot. Did you not make a vow to cherish and love him? Did your wedding vow include an exception for pot smoking? If it didn't, you are as guilty of rejecting him as he may be of displeasing you. The art of compromise is more demanding than pointing out your mate's weak points.
Pot is, like many other things, a dependence. Your husband is just being who he is. He doesn't smoke pot to spite you and you shouldn't make such a case of it. To be frank, if my mate told me she was considering leaving me because I smoked weed, I would hold the door. You married the man - you didn't become his owner.
Lastly, you seem to think morals and pot are linked. This makes no sense. By your appraisal, would a person addicted to coffee be immoral? How about someone addicted to the illusion of being better than others? How about people who promise to love, cherish and obey and six months later add conditions? How many times have you driven by a homeless person and not offered help? If you want to be moral, go all the way.
I recommend you separate. If your feelings for each other are so shallow, you shouldn't be together.
Good luck and relax, it'll be a breath of fresh air!
Peace. | |
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| Should I Be Able to Accept My Husband Smoking Pot?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:58:06 PM | | you guys must be young, stop the pot ,stick to your morals and send him away if he can't grow up, how about this , if you love me unconditionaly you will let me screw arond, make sense to you | |
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