| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:56:46 PM | For me the first issue would be *very serious* as I am a pretty private person; I would show her some tough love so that she knows not to do it ever again. Since you say you feel extremely uncomfortable too, that's something you should bring up and make clear that you will not tolerate it in the future.
For the second, if you're sure she's not reciprocating the attention she gets, don't lose any sleep it. She's trying to make you jealous, that's normal if she's still into you. When she mentions something related, you can either play it down (e.g. change the subject "oh really? Cool... so did I tell you what my dog did yesterday ?") or use a little reverse psychology to show you're secure and confident (like "oh really ? Was the guy cute ? You should have banged him right there and then, maybe he was The One!"... she'll probably laugh, hit you playfully and jump on you on the spot) .
I guess the problem I am having is that I am becoming quite insecure and jealous and it is getting me down a little bit recently. I know the common advice is communication, but I really don't think I am able to have that sort of conversation with her just yet.
And you think right. Actually, it's never a good time to discuss with her about your being insecure (except for making it easy for her to break up). Your insecurity is your problem; you should sort it on your own and by talking to (reliable) friends, not with her. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:10:36 PM | Op according to your follow up post you have not slept with her. She wants it she is frustrated she tried to make you jealous. But you are still not trying todo her. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:28:52 PM |
Op according to your follow up post you have not slept with her. She wants it she is frustrated she tried to make you jealous. But you are still not trying todo her.
F*ck, I missed that! It still baffles me when people over 18 keep "dating" for months and say "my boyfriend/girlfriend" before they have sex! Anyway, my first reply still holds but I'd like to add one more thing: if you're feeling jealous and insecure, well that's exactly how you should feel given you haven't really been together yet. You're not needlessly insecure, you're realistic. Get over your moralistic hangups or whatever holds you back and give her what she wants already, before she gets it from someone else! | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:44:55 PM | | women like to talk about sex. but to other guys might be a little iffy if she is in a relationship with you. have you told her it is something you are not comfy with? that way you guys are on the same page. it may make things a little easier for you since you are still in the early stages of dating. hang in there. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:54:09 PM | Who you waiting for, the Queen to give you the ok to communicate better with your girlfriend? There is no good or bad time to discuss this with the one that is upsetting you. Are you afraid she will dumb you? She is not the only fish in the pond you know. Go talk to her if it backfires,......go fish!
Better to have balls than to be a doormat or a a scared mouse. LOL | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:00:02 PM | You can get as up close and personal as two people can get, yet you can't talk to her?
And you say you know that the common advice is communication so what do you want from people of the forum to tell you?
She's telling about specific's about the both of you......you're part of that equation too.
Actually, I think that is downright disrespectful of her. Is nothing private with her?
If you talk to her and she gets angry at you about it then it's on her, not you.....you didn't do anything. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:43:38 PM |
The 'bedroom' related issue that she is talking to others about is the fact that I do not want to sleep with her yet. Its not a case of getting busy under the sheets, it is just a preference I have.
That's very different. This should've been in your first post. It changes my answer completely.
In this case, her behavior is reactive. She's almost certainly talking to your colleague in hopes of getting a male perspective on this, probably having never dealt with anything like it, and from her POV it's all the better to ask someone who's acquainted with you.
And, most likely, she's telling you about getting hit on because your refusal to share that closeness is making her feel insecure and unwanted in your relationship. It's probably unconscious on her part, but it amounts to a veiled threat: Step up or I can find someone who will.
I can't say I blame her. I would be more direct, but I am older, too - directness really does get easier with age.
So: IMO what you need to talk to her about is why you won't sleep with her, and give her some reassurance. Make that a lot of reassurance. Or, you know, just start sleeping with her. Actions speak louder and all that. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:55:01 PM |
The 'bedroom' related issue that she is talking to others about is the fact that I do not want to sleep with her yet. Its not a case of getting busy under the sheets, it is just a preference I have.
I didn't even see this........^^^
This is the freaking crux of your situation.
This is what you should have initially posted.
Just talk with her about it.
I swear, have people forgotten HOW to communicate?
She's talking to others because she's confused.
Either talk or leave or have sex.......... | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/10/2009 11:54:27 PM | Geez... is it THAT hard to post a question and include ALL the facts? But I still stand on my original advice... Why is it any business of your co-workers? Why would she talk to them about the way YOU feel regarding sex in a relationship? Dude... for me, she violated trust and respect by discussing such a personal issue with "work friends"... why can't she talk to you? Why can't you talk to her? You two obviously lack the ability to communicate. That's sad... communication between the genders is really easy if ya just let it happen. Why are you "uncomfortable" talking to her about this? Dude... be a man and say what you feel. Be a man and listen to how she responds, and THEN be a man and resolve this non-issue... Or just kick her immature dumb ass to the curb... which is what I would do... Plenty Of Fish out there Dude... sometimes ya gotta throw one back...
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/11/2009 2:52:53 AM | | You're feeling jealous because she's playing a game to 'make you feel jealous'. She probably wants more of a commitment from you but doesn't feel comfortable talking about it so she's trying to manipulate you into taking the relationship to the next level. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/11/2009 2:56:22 AM | If you can't communicate there is a problem you are wasting your time. The problem cannot be solved without talking about it. That's how problems begin to get fixed.
Either fix it or end it. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/11/2009 3:31:00 AM | | Judging from her behavior, OP, I wouldn't say she considers herself your "girlfriend." You are probably "uncomfortable" bringing all these issues up with her because you know she will just move on rather than deal with them. The two of you aren't an exclusive couple , as much as you'd like to think you are. Time to move on! | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/11/2009 3:58:15 AM | It sounds to me like your girlfriend perhaps has issues from the past, perhaps a boyfriend did the dirty on her? If she has not discussed her past relationships with you, it might be an idea to dig a little deeper on the subject, 2 months, after all, is a considerable amount of time, at least to understand her past history.
I do not think it is acceptable for her to be sending or receiving texts from any male, regardless if he is a colleague or not, regarding personal issues between you and her - certainly not your sexual activity!!!.....that is a no no, don't accept it! If you do, she will carry on doing it and this is highly offensive.
It also has a great deal to do with how exclusive both you and she consider your relationship to be. If it is entirely exclusive, then you really need to set some guidelines as to what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. Clearly, if the way she is behaving at the moment is making you jealous and insecure then you need to let her know what she is doing wrong in no uncertain terms.
If she is not willing to change her behaviour in any way then it may be time to call it a day as if you let it continue it will affect your self esteem in the long run. You need to know that you are the one she wants and she should make that clear both in her words and her actions. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/11/2009 4:19:42 AM | 2 months in and she's already disrespecting you? What do you think will happen later?
Also, 2 months might not qualify her for "girlfriend" status. Maybe she doesn't take the relationship as seriously as you do. IE, she already met your family - have you met hers?
Maybe you need to slow down and treat the relationship more casually, like she does (without the insensitivity, of course).
What do you like about her? Think about it. Maybe you should be dating (NOT SLEEPING WITH) other people too, since that seems to be where she is.
Bottom line - I think your gut is telling you that you deserve better. Listen to it.
Sorry, and good luck.  | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:59:50 AM | 1st, I want to thank you for using the proper spelling of "advice" and NOT using "advise" for what you are seeking.
2nd. DTB as they say.. as in Dump That _______
You are getting a huge heads-up about how she is going to treat you FOREVER.
If you want this behavior, plan on marrying her. If you dont like it, change women.
We teach people how to treat us, by what we allow. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:20:08 AM | she's a smarmy little skank and inconsiderate b1tch, and what she is doing is ENTIRELY inappropriate.
your mistake was not reading her the riot act the minute you found out she was sharing very personal information about you so casually with other people. good for you for not jumping in the sack with her before she demonstrated such an abysmal lack of character!! aren't you glad you never did????
let that be a lesson to you. my recommendation is to dump her azz... like yesterday.
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:01:57 PM | Considering the fact that she would even talk about these personal issues with other guys is rather quite disturbing. Especially if it's bedroom related. She has no reason to run her mouth to every random guy out there, whether they are her friends or not.
However on the flip side, she could be doing all this just to push your buttons, whether she's trying to test your boundaries, or to simply piss you off. Talk to her about it and she what she says. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 10/23/2009 7:44:50 PM | Two months does not a girlfriend make....she is goading you into negative behaviour and you a a willing participant. You have issues with yourself. You are responsible for your own behaviour. She can do what she wants. Let her act two...as long as you can act four you've got the upper hand, so to speak. There's another elephant in the room. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:37:23 PM | I'd have issues with her speaking about private matters with my co-worker. However, I agree with another poster that she is likely confused by your behaviour and is speaking to people to try to get clarity.
I suspect she has likely bought into the "all guys want sex" myth and thus is rattling around with insecurity about what it means that you don't want sex with her.
Two confused people talking to everyone except the one person who could actually resolve the problem.
Talk to her. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 10/23/2009 9:13:04 PM | Talk to her and say what happens in our bedroom stays in our bedroom. Let her know you are not comfortable nor is it acceptable for others to know the intimate details of our relationship. That is all, please understand and respect my wishes,otherwise there is no use continuing this relationship.
It is a disrespectful act to put on display by way of personal conversaton your personal relationship with others, especially other men. I dont see why someone would subject themselves or thier mate to such behavior. This women sounds like she has some mental/sexual issues. If she continues this behavior look for a better women. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 10/25/2009 5:49:55 PM | hmmm.....so while in spain, and spending lots of time with her friends boyfriend, she finds it interesting that this friend was jealous. and she liked to talk about it to you.
dude she's a total creep. not even loyal to her friends. i knew a woman like that once and she had no moral compass and was highly jealous of other women.
there's got to be someone else out there for you. hurry up before she causes you problems at work. | |
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| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 10/25/2009 6:30:06 PM | | Personally most women do something in one way or another to make their partner jelous and its usually on purpose. My opinion is she just wants you to tell her that you feel grateful for being with her. | |
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1jamez
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 49 | |
| I am having a few issues with my girlfriend
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:17:15 PM | you have a graduate degree and are dating a flake? Shame on your poor judgment.
what do you expect anyone to say, oh girls will be girls, she will change...heh
how are her table manners ? | |
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