| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:47:32 AM |
Stop generalizing. You make all women look stupid.
Fear not, we can distinguish between the nice and the kooks. Barely need to look past the pic and first sentence of her profile before sending Blondie to the discard pile. It screams loon. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 9:12:40 AM |
Good grief, now we have a 68 year old cheapskate. If you are too cheap to spring for dinner, how are you not gonna be to cheap to spring for Starbucks?
OP: These are the ones you stay AWAY FROM!!! | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 9:26:11 AM | | Coffee is a stimulant in addition to being cheaper and quicker than dinner. You would be more alert on your way home from the shorter encounter. Now, if you meet for drinks, the result might be that she starts resembling her pictures, or that you pass caring. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 9:40:12 AM | "Now, if you meet for drinks, the result might be that she starts resembling her pictures, or that you pass caring."
AAh, someone who orders above their ability to consume alcohol, can't handle their drinks. LOL. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 9:52:49 AM | It's one answer. But many are sick unto death of coffee dates.
One thing I do that works for me:
Ask to meet at the bar of a restaurant. That way, if he doesn't show up, I still have my drink at bar I like. If he shows up, we each have a drink at a bar I like. If we hit it off, we can have dinner together. If we don't, we can say our tear-filled good-byes, go to our respective homes, and eat our frozen dinners in front of the TV like always, with a big jug of "my life sucks" as a side.
Hee! But in all seriousness, I like this, too, and have done it very happily, whether we went on to have dinner or not (twice no, twice yes).
I also, since there is a beach within walking distance from me, often suggest taking a walk as an afternoon activity (this is in my profile, too). Then if we hit it off and neither of us has other plans for later, we can move on to dinner, which need not be pricey; the nearby clam shacks are good and inexpensive. Obviously in my area this is seasonal, it's just a suggestion that might help spark other ideas for you.
There are plenty of indoor things to do in an afternoon, too; galleries, book signings, library exhibits, museums... something in which you have an interest and that you will enjoy for its own sake anyway. And these things can be as short or as long as you like. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 9:55:07 AM |
I dont date cheap men with issues. I'm sure there are plenty of men for green-catchers with this sort of attitude.
Most of the recommendations suggested here seem pretty sane and reasonable to me. To protect oneself against someone misrepresenting themselves, treat internet first dates as first MEETS, and keep the meeting idea simple. There's nothing keeping anyone from extending the first meet into a date if both parties are amenable. I'm sure there are plenty of women that can attest to guys misrepresenting themselves as taller, less bald, less fat, wealthier, healthier, smarter, suaver than he really is.
This really isn't a gender issue; it's an internet profile misrepresentation issue.
Anyone else have other simple first meeting suggestions? I've met at a mall with the intent of doing some mild shopping. Anybody else with some constructive comments? | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:00:17 PM | As many others have stated, plan the original meet as short with the option to extend or bail depending on the situation. Offers for dinner have been made but I have never accepted.
My first meets have typically been at a pub - public, casual and the only expection is perhaps a half hour or hour over a beverage of some sort. If there is no attraction (on one side or both), it is easy to manage an escape. If there is an attraction, an extension is also possible. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:35:05 PM | Oh. My. God. I wish you people would stop using the term golddigger just because a woman says she does not want to date a cheap man. Stop automatically assuming that it means she expects him to shower her with lavish gifts or she is only after him for his money. I would hope that no woman wants to date a man who is so stingy and so selfish with money that he doesn't ever want to do anything that required him to spend money or complained about it afterwards. Sure, there are a lot of romantic things that you can do on a date for little money. We're all fine with doing that but if you are more preoccupied with making sure that you don't spend money on the first date than trying to show a woman a good time then you probably are cheap or broke. Maybe both.
Everyone is hellbent on attacking Dreamcatcher but she did not say that she expects high dollar dinner on the first date. She was replying, in much the same way that I was thinking, that the OP's post which sounded like he was complaining because he felt like he lost money because the person didn't meet his expectations. Had the lady looked like she did in the photo or better, would he have still felt taken advantage of if things didn't work out? No, of course not. He chose to sit there and have dinner with someone he knew he wasn't attracted now he's complaining he was taken advantage of? Please. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:57:51 PM | she says...
are a lot of romantic things that you can do on a date for little money. We're all fine with doing that
and yet...
don't spend money on the first date than trying to show a woman a good time then you probably are cheap or broke.
tsk | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:02:04 PM | | The terms cheap and gold-digger are like light and dark. You can't have one mean anything without the other. For him to be cheap requires that she rate him by how much money he spends. For him to call her a gold-digger requires that he rates her by how much importance she places on money. It's the two sides of the pinched penny that is being grubbed after. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:17:58 PM |
I dont date cheap men with issues.
But you want to date men from 20 years of age upwards (according to your profile).
Ha, ha! Dream on *dreamcatcher*! | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:27:43 PM |
are a lot of romantic things that you can do on a date for little money. We're all fine with doing that
and yet...
don't spend money on the first date than trying to show a woman a good time then you probably are cheap or broke.
tsk
Love the way you left out the middle of my comment which said "if you are MORE preoccupied". | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:30:37 PM | Let's go back to being constructive shall we? I'd like to start my suggestions with the following observations:
I've met a LOT of nice people from Fish. Some were dates, and some were friendship offers and I enjoyed both. EVERY guy was at least as good looking as his picture. The vast majority were better looking. I only met three men that made me uncomfortable - neither were from Fish but from other online sources. Sadly, men don't represent themselves honestly all the time either; many shave years off their ages and once I know they lied, I don't bother telling them I would have met them knowing their actual age. I no longer make meets for Friday or Saturday nites. Those always seem to be the ones that lied about something or who call an hour before with mysterious maladies or car trouble. Friday and Saturday nights are for friends and real dates.
Coffee Meetups are horrible. I hate them. I don't drink coffee. I don't like to sit that close to someone and stare in their eyes. They make me nervous. I won't go out on one any more. I prefer:
1) Shoot pool. But you better be good or you will be putting your quarters on the table, and I will be doing the breaking. But if you are good, I'll be interested and I'll ante up my own quarters.
2) Walking the outlets. It's outdoors and they play music. When I'm done powerwalking off nerves, we can stroll and chat. Or I can power walk to my car, lol.
3) Walk the mall. Not as good as the outlets and not outside, but sometimes its raining or cold and it's a back up.
4) Any inexpensive ACTIVITY like minigolf, bowling, street fairs, apple picking, etc. Basically, anything where we are able to chat normally in the course of a normal activity. When you chat with strangers at the grocery store, the mall, etc...it is always about the "activity". Sitting down with a stranger and talking always seems to lead to way too many awkward silences and too many inappropriate personal questions.
Good Luck OP, just like everywhere else in the world...there are winners and losers, users, takers, givers and good peeps. May you find a good peep.
Annie | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:42:16 PM | Seems like people want to give up or that men are too cheap to flip for a dinner,even if you're first meet with someone is 100lbs more than described.
I got a strange idea,give correct and real facts about yourself,saves time.
Even when both parties are being truthful with each other,it's still hard to find someone you can click with. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:34:05 PM | | Yes, this is the internet. Once they meet your expectations, then go ahead and date them. otherwise just let them know later you're not interested. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:08:26 AM | Definitely agree here. .
First meets should always be short, whether it's meeting for coffee, walking around the marina/pier/park. You don't want to have to sit through a dinner, only to find that you both aren't compatible. On top of it being awkward, then you have the issue of who pays. My dates have generally paid, but I always offer. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:40:27 PM |
Ya know i have observed that most men once they reach the age of 40, really dont have alot to offer, besides a beer belly. Now they want to act like brokeasses too.
And this little nugget of wisdom brought to you by none other than a 46 year old who has...........what to offer a man?
What do you bring to the table at 46? Remind us... | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:59:32 PM | based on your experiences to date op, i agree that you HAVE been taken advantage of... in particular, by four losers with little in the way of personal integrity. it happens often with this internet dating stuff. there are lots of half-desperate dysfunctionals out there who would tell any kind of a lie just to get a little action, because hey that's so much easier than being genuine & authentic. these social retards are actually hoping that you'll be so enraptured with their charismatic personality, that you'll happily agree to future dates regardless of the bullshit they fed you right from the start. go figure!
that's why in most cases, the first time you get together with somebody I.R.L. that you've met online should be relatively brief & casual. | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 70 | |
| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/12/2009 1:16:00 PM | Dinner is for women that you KNOW you have chemistry with and she has expressed an interest in seeing you in the future.
I no longer do dinner when I meet someone from online for the first time. I've encountered too many women that I culd get ahold of before we get together but after the date when she's not interested in getting together again they don't have the decency to return a phone call or text. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/12/2009 2:47:29 PM |
Oh. My. God. I wish you people would stop using the term golddigger just because a woman says she does not want to date a cheap man.
In the context of this thread, she is accusing OP of being cheap because he feels ripped off by paying for the meals of women who mis represented themselves. I dont care if he is cheap or not. No one should pay for a meal for a woman who misrepresented herself. Common decency and all that jazz.
The OP did not complain about the cost, but about feeling decieved, made to play the fool. And I think he is right to feel that way. And so do the others, who have stated, he should offer to meet for coffee instead. She came in accusing him of being too cheap to do to starbucks. It was out of context of this thread.
On Topic, my experience still says keep the 1st meet simple, cheap, free even...each buy thier own 'whatever' and just check one another out. Arrange a real date after that. Or carry on right then and there...but do not commit to spending hours, and money on someone you may not even like the smell of upon meeting. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/12/2009 3:10:20 PM |
Any inexpensive ACTIVITY like minigolf, bowling, street fairs, apple picking, etc. Basically, anything where we are able to chat normally in the course of a normal activity. When you chat with strangers at the grocery store, the mall, etc...it is always about the "activity".
I'm with you, Annie, an activity date is a good date even if the other party turns out to have misrepresented. At least you'll still be having a good time!
And, bejart, it really is okay to tell them more or less immediately that you will not be continuing the date as planned because they were not honest with you. I know it isn't the easiest thing to do, but it is well within the bounds of well-mannered and honorable behavior, as long as the way in which it is done is within those bounds. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:19:24 PM |
I am 68 and new to online dating. The women who appeared only slightly resembled their photos in three of four first-dates. I felt like a fool and taken advantage of free food and drink for what both knew from the start would not lead to a second date. Is insisting on first-meetings at Starbucks the answer?
Where do you live, Mali, Ethiopia? What's this constant crap about women dating duds for the free food? Times are tough but last I checked I had groceries in the closet. And money to buy my dinner (and many of guys' dinners I've dated as well.) | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/12/2009 5:08:37 PM | I've had first meets in parks or just walking down the mall with no expectation of going into any store. I prefer it that way because it's easy to make a quick exit. You just never know who is going to show up. I've had a guy who could barely walk get out of his car and try to keep up with me. I was so surprised and gawking that I couldn't even say anything at first?? But I've also had a guy invite me out for dinner and then reneg and I'll never accept that treatment again. If you offer to take me out to anything, you should follow through. There was no contingency if you like me or not. I'll never let a guy get away for free with that one ever again. I also don't accept invitations that have contingencies.
I'm home at this minute because someone stood me up tonight...mmmmm..it's not all women that are dufusses on here.
I'd be curious how exactly these women misrepresented themselves, though, because sometimes men either don't really look at the pics or ignore features in them. And if she doesn't have current body shots posted, he needs to ask if he's going to be choosy about that when he meets her. That much responsibility is on his own self, not her. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:08:19 PM |
she is accusing OP of being cheap because he feels ripped off by paying for the meals of women who mis represented themselves. I dont care if he is cheap or not. No one should pay for a meal for a woman who misrepresented herself.
Why go forward with the date if the person misrepresented themselves and you're not attracted? | |
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