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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/14/2009 11:39:35 AM | So to all you ladies who are enabling these tightwads let me decode the cheap male language for ya.
1.What he says..." Lets meet for coffee"
What he really means.... I would really like to get laid, so i better check you out. For some men, sure; for most reasonably intelligent men and women who have been burned one or more times on internet first meets, OBVIOUSLY not; use your common sense radar when meeting someone for the first time. Now if you don't have any common sense radar, invent draconian rules that not many people understand; in other words, dumb things down to a level comfortable for you.
2. What he says," Would you like to go to dinner with me"?
What he really means.... Well, you passed the coffee test, uhm, i mean, the you look like i might be wanting to get in your pants at some point test. The "coffee test" if anything is really for both people (equally for the ladies wanting to get in the men's trousers), not just the invitee; reasonably intelligent people understand this; oh if guys pass the so-called "coffee test" with the ladies, then there's nothing wrong with shared expense dates if both parties agree, otherwise standard etiquette indicates that the inviter bears the responsibility of paying for the meals/entertainment.
3.What he says, "Would you like to go out someplace really nice for dinner"
Congratulations, you have just won the cheap man jackpot. To reasonably intelligent people, being invited out for a nice meal is a good thing, not a bad thing.
Of course, there are guys out there that resemble the 1.2.3. personality type described here. And just as readily apparent, it's easy for a reasonably savvy lady with good BS radar to weed out that type if that type doesn't "float her boat".
Next he gets so angry with you and himself that he goes on POF and starts a thread with the title Is Meeting Over A Cup Of Coffee The Answer. Some folks just go through life with poor reading comprehension skills and continue to misunderstand simple human behaviors.
I disagree on the short coffee meet . . . My reasoning, simple, a cup of coffee is not enough time for me. Generally the short coffee meets can easily be extended if both parties mutually agree to extending the meet into something more resembling a date--again this is something reasonably intelligent people with decent human BS radar understand.
Seeing my dancecard is full in the real world and my inbox is constantly full on POF,even though i state i am looking for friends on my profile. That's great; but this is really typical of most PoF ladies, who generally receive way more inquires than they generate themselves; whatever works for you is great, not suggesting that this PoF member change her behavior, but this behavior isn't really something to recommend to men AND women who look for, appreciate, and value reciprocative behavior from their partner.
What really made me think the op was a cheapskate was the fact he said these women misrepresented themselves. WELL, HELLO. he is a 68 year old man who was probably hoping for a 68 year old 10. That's not what most people interpreted from after reading Msg1. This dude, relatively new to internet dating, experienced several disconcerting first meets where the ladies he chose to correspond with had misrepresented themselves. Again most people feel like the discovery of one misrepresentation would probably lead to other more disconcerting discoveries.
If you have gotten to the point where you feel comfortable enough to ask someone out, the least you can do is pay for the date you asked her out on and not start a whiny man thread saying these women were just looking for free food. The OP is relatively new to internet dating and was seeking out other people's experiences. 90% of the people posting in this thread provided valuable feedback regarding how to avoid meeting deceptive people and wasting their valueable free time. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/14/2009 11:53:20 AM |
Maybe because he's got manners?
I'm sorry, did I say be rude about it? No, I said simply state to the person that there must have been an misunderstanding, explain that they were not the person you were expecting and leave. If I met a guy for drinks and he was 100 lbs heavier than his photo, I would have no problem doing so.
It seems to me if people would be more upfront about what upsets them at the time of the offense, it would be easier for all parties involved. The poor woman the OP had the meal with is probably on POF posting on a thread asking us why he never called her back after they had a nice first meeting. Five bucks says he never was straight with her about his feelings. If you are not interested, be honest about it. Don't waste your time, their time, your money, their money, etc. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/14/2009 12:08:32 PM | dreamcatcher- why do you assume that his expectations were too high? It's pretty well-known that a LOT of people on this site aren't accurately represented by their pics. A woman looking 20 years and 100 pounds heavier than her pictures really has mis-represented herself. I don't think wishing your date to somewhat resemble her pics is having excessive expectations.
While I don't subscribe to your method of dating, you're certainly entitled to do it your way, since it seems to work for you. You do seem to make a lot of assumptions based on some negative experiences you've had, and it really isn't fair to tar the OP with same brush as some of your inadequate dates.
OT, I think meeting coffee or drinks, or a walk in the park is perfect for a first meet. When dating in real life, you already know what the person really looks like and may have a pretty good feel for her personality, so a quick introductory meet is unnecessary. When it comes to online dating, it's the only way to go, IMO. Best of luck to you! | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:34:10 AM | | I really wouldnt recommend Starbucks. Really, they double roast their bean, they have higher acid content than smaller roasters and I really cant stand the trype they play as music. If you see me at a Starbucks, somebody has a gun at my back. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:56:44 AM |
Seeing my dancecard is full in the real world and my inbox is constantly full on POF,even though i state i am looking for friends on my profile. I guess you could probably draw the reasonable conclusion i have a little bit more to offer than your typical 46 year old female,who is so desperate for a date that they would more than willingly pay for a date or a meet that some dude asked them out on.
Um yea...
The only conclusion that anyone with eyes could draw is that you cleverly attempted (and succeeded) to evade the question posed in its entirety.
Pat yourself on the back for posting much and saying nothing.
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/15/2009 5:35:17 AM |
Pat yourself on the back for posting much and saying nothing.
I guess the fact that i dont have a lack of dates which would indicate im obviously bringing something to the table, flew way over your head. It also gives me the leverage not to have to date balding,beerbellied men with anger issues,who think i should pay for the privelige of their company.
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/15/2009 5:46:43 AM |
Ahhh but A question was answered---the one squeezed and twisted from the original one to fit this "untypical 46 year old female", the one with the full dance card! Full it is but full of WHAT? Does it occur to anyone else this "full dance card" is nothing more than a string of free dinners and drinks with very few (if any) repeat dates? But we all know quantity far exceeds quality so a "full dance card" says the allure is inescapable and irresistable. Sadly there's nothing about far, far away head shots in fuzzy focus to really see what's so special and entitles someone to a sense they're "worth" all that money.
But I wonder why this OP's age is even an issue? The not-so-well disguised disdain and criticizm about age has absolutely no bearing here unless someone believes by a certain age the expections are automatically downgraded ? In the real scope of the world a 46 year old female with a princess-like attitude she's entitled to special treatment for reasons absolutely NOT in evidence, who is married still would be considered washed up, out of favor and just way too old. Sure there are the young guys thinking or hoping for some Cougar-like sex romps with an old gal but does that help fill the dancecard? Maybe that's why it's so full now??
But if we're talking how to not encounter women who misrepresent themsevlves for whatever reasons; free food, drinks, entertainment---then a few very good ideas have been forwarded. If nothing else OP has a great idea of who's posted here is simply looking for special treatment "just because......" !! LOL {/quote]
The type of men i date are honourable men, who would be utterly baffled by your rant.
It has been my experience that men who whine about paying for dates or first meets, usually have far bigger issues than that. Thanks for reiterating that. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/15/2009 1:36:07 PM | Ahhh but A question was answered---the one squeezed and twisted from the original one to fit this "untypical 46 year old female", the one with the full dance card! Full it is but full of WHAT? Does it occur to anyone else this "full dance card" is nothing more than a string of free dinners and drinks with very few (if any) repeat dates? But we all know quantity far exceeds quality so a "full dance card" says the allure is inescapable and irresistable. Sadly there's nothing about far, far away head shots in fuzzy focus to really see what's so special and entitles someone to a sense they're "worth" all that money.
Oh Red, I do love ya.
The truth is anyone can have a full dance card (man or woman) if they have no standards. I know a woman (in the real world) who is constantly on dates all the time, she has like a five date rotation guy cycle. She has told me, she will go out with anyone, ANYONE, they treat her well, they buy her dinner and small gifts all for the pleasure of her company. Is she particularly good looking? No. Are the men? No. But they practice "dating bartering" nontheless. Well she does, she knows these relationships will never go anywhere, yet she continues to USE these men. All for the price of dinner, some flowers and chachkies. I don't know, someone who does that, strikes me as someone who has no dignity, integrity or self respect and will sell their soul for a piece of free piece of skirt steak. Me? I don't go out on all that many dates, but the ones I do accept are time well spent...oh and my self respect remains in tact. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/15/2009 2:24:35 PM | OP-
A coffee meet is NOT an indicator of whether somebody is cheap or not.
If a woman thinks this way, then it is perhaps she derives her sense of
self-worth by the amount of money a man is willing to gamble on her.
With so many people "fudging" on their profiles, I would be a risk-adverse
investor until my research (ftf impression) lives up to the hype of their
slick brochure. If they look, act and behave in a manner consistent with
their ad and prior communications(the numbers add up), then my tolerance
for risk is increased.
I may not have a degree in business and finance, or marketing but transferable concepts are a beautiful thing. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/15/2009 4:06:43 PM | Well, first meetings at a Starbucks or whatever coffee shop does not yield the entire answer, but offers a glimpse of what kind of an answer you are looking for with regards to the questions you have in your mind.
At the very least, meetings over a cup of coffee does not necessarily count as a date, and no pressure on you to keep fishing for topics or be slapped with a huge restaurant bill.
Insisting to meet at a Starbucks can be viewed as being cautious, but sometimes, it is a matter of semantics. The way you say it and how you say it matters because persuasion is a powerful tool in the hands master.
No go forth and make me proud grasshoppa. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:03:10 PM |
It also gives me the leverage not to have to date balding,beerbellied men with anger issues,who think i should pay for the privelige of their company.
Hmm...I suppose that men should rationalize with your mindset too then from now, and get the leverage to not have to date old, leathery skinned, bottled blonds way past their prime with entitlement issues who think we should pay for the *ahem* privilege of their company.
Yep. That works out just fine.
PS -- Red, you kick ass. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/16/2009 6:00:10 AM |
The truth is anyone can have a full dance card (man or woman) if they have no standards
hello, do you actually read the posts or are you just here trolling for a date.
Dont be generalizing now, my dancecard is full and i have standards.
I dont date cheap men who whine about paying for dates or meets
I dont date balding beer bellied men with anger issues
definently dont date POF men
I wont listen to some bozo ramble on nonsensically just to get free food
I know it must be difficult when you dont have any standards to imagine some women do and still have plenty of dates. You have just got to learn to set the bar a little higher and date a better class of men. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/16/2009 6:11:37 AM | Dont be generalizing now, my dancecard is full and i have standards.
Well it should be since you are still married.
You spend a lot of time posting for someone that has such a full dance card.
definently dont date POF men
So why are you getting into such a lather about the men of POF then if you don't date them?
I wont listen to some bozo ramble on nonsensically just to get free food
Oh don't kid yourself, you know you would sit anywhere as long as it wasn't Starbucks cause they don't charge by the hour and other people are watching.
Dreamcatcher, I don't know why you made this thread about the worth of a meeting. The OP is upset because his dates misrepresented themselves not because the dollar amount spent. His dates lied and he was a gentlemen and did pay for the dates. That is not being cheap. So your moaning about cheap men is quite embarrassing and laughable at this point. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/16/2009 6:31:52 AM |
Hmm...I suppose that men should rationalize with your mindset too then from now, and get the leverage to not have to date old, leathery skinned, bottled blonds way past their prime with entitlement issues who think we should pay for the *ahem* privilege of their company.
If it makes you feel better to try and insult me, go ahead. But i am going to give you an EPIC FAIL. You can jump up and down and stomp you feet all you like, but it is not going to change the fact that i have options,and choose to exercise them. You are very transparent and your anger issues are more than apparent.
Once again you have done nothing more than proved my point, that men who whine and complain about paying for dates and meets, usually have far bigger issues than that.
PS -- Red, you kick ass.
Whats that old saying, birds of a feather flock together. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/16/2009 6:49:20 AM |
Well it should be since you are still married.
Seperated my dear.
So why are you getting into such a lather about the men of POF then if you don't date them
Not in a lather at all,cheap men are quite amusing.
Oh don't kid yourself, you know you would sit anywhere as long as it wasn't Starbucks cause they don't charge by the hour and other people are watching
Thanks Tips, I guess if this works for you, it would probably work for me.
Dreamcatcher, I don't know why you made this thread about the worth of a meeting. The OP is upset because his dates misrepresented themselves not because the dollar amount spent. His dates lied and he was a gentlemen and did pay for the dates. That is not being cheap. So your moaning about cheap men is quite embarrassing and laughable at this point
Thanks again Tips, I think it is quite apparent to anyone with any reading comprehension skills at all, that this thread was quite laughable from the begining. We should all be embarrased for even posting in it. I didnt quite drive it off topic myself, i did have a little help from the ol peanut gallery. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/16/2009 7:56:35 AM | hello, do you actually read the posts or are you just here trolling for a date.
Yes, as a matter of fact I do and your dandy entry caught my eye.
I know it must be difficult when you dont have any standards to imagine some women do and still have plenty of dates. You have just got to learn to set the bar a little higher and date a better class of men.
Ummm...do you read the posts? Furthermore, I only date men with class.
The men of pof are notoriously cheap. Just read the above posts for verification, so i dont date em girl. I Never run into this in the real world.
Ummm...no they are not. They just don't like a sense of entitlement.
I guess you could probably draw the reasonable conclusion i have a little bit more to offer than your typical 46 year old female
I assure you, no one in this thread has come to that conclusion.
I didnt quite drive it off topic myself, i did have a little help from the ol peanut gallery.
You know, I hear Mr. Planter Peanut is looking for a wife and it is rumored that he has old family money, you may want to look into that, might be a match made in Heaven.
As for OP's original question, I am not really a fan of short first meets because before I go out with anyone we have established a good deal of interest via phone and email. While some people think this is a waste of time, it is either this or a waste of money. Like I said, I don't go on that many dates because of those incrediably HIGH STANDARDS of mine, but when I do, even if there is no "chemistry" enough mutual admiration has been established to at least enjoy the meet, regardless of how long it is or what activities are involved. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/16/2009 8:11:46 AM | Holy Doodles do threads ever go off topic huh?? 5 pages of useless diatribes and flaming. This one should get a purge...
The answer is rather simple and should have been clear long ago. The first physical get together is NOT A DATE. It is a MEET. It should not include any meals or hotel rooms or walks on the beach. It quite simply should be a non alcoholic beverage that can be swallowed quickly.
If the two decide to meet again, this will be considered a "date" and can include fine flatware and candleabras....
Save your money people... save it for someone you have determined is worthy of an investment... | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:28:42 AM |
oly Doodles do threads ever go off topic huh?? 5 pages of useless diatribes and flaming
i agree, Thank you fine ladies and gentlemen of this thread, for pointing out to me the error of my ways. I shall go forth and sin no more......I love you all. | |
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