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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:13:49 PM | | OP, nothing wrong with it at all as age is just a number. I only date men over 30 myself as I find I don't have anything in common with men in their 20s (I'm also very mature for my age) and I find men in their 20s unsettled on various levels. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:39:52 PM |
Gee.. it only took you what.. 4 or 5 years to get around to talking to your niece about dating a 40 year old man? No worries.. maybe she was getting advice on pof
I do not appreciate the implication. She has a Father to guide her. If she'd wanted my opinion, she would have asked. I do not offer unsolicited advice. IMO, it drives people away. The other night is the first time she broached the subject with me. Any further details of our conversation is none of your business.
My 16 year old daughter has college credits. What in the world does that have to do with sexual maturity?
I do not see the topic as being sexual maturity. That is a biological function and achieved by the mid-late teens. A teenager thinking of their future (college) and taking on the additional load of college courses while still in HS shows forward thinking - mental maturity. I commend your daughter for her maturity and the effort it took for you to instill that in her.
I was simply giving an example that maturity is not equal to age, and that some mature sooner than others.
The young lady (OP) was asking for opinions about the age difference between her and a man 11 years her senior. I offered mine: age does not equal maturity and I don't see 22 and 33 an insurmountable age difference.
I don't know why you felt you needed to engage in a personal attack and go totally off topic. It's rather rude and well, immature.
Have a nice day.
just a few more thoughts | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:46:23 PM | | if he makes you happy what's the problem... i see a big problem if he were over 40 years old then we're talking huge gap... | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:38:48 PM | Is the age gap too large? Too large for what, is the question...
For a casual dating situation (with no LTR expectations at all)? No, you're fine. A casual situation just requires two people to be within the range of compatibility when it comes to how they spend their free time, along with attraction. He's not too old to be unattractive, and if you're mature for your age, you both could be just fine on the basic free-time-spending level.
For a serious relationship or any relationship with intentions of true possibilities for one? Pretty much, No. Not at this point anyway. You may be mature for your age in your persona, but you still have a lot of life to experience, as you do have things coming your way that will change/shape you differently some. I would say this usually hits around 25... your early 20s are your rookie years, and by the time you're 25 or so, less is "so new". If a guy's 36 at that time, then that could work out well assuming it's obvious that you both comfortably don't fit in stereotypical the generation gap.
Now, if you had kids at 17, and finished 2yr college, done the binge-bar thing already, living on your own with a decent job for a while now... then I'd say your life experience would be up to snuff. Pretty rare, though.
I don't think it's so much about "not being immature", it's more about life change... and at your stage, things of the adult-independent-life are still in clay somewhat, and well, you just change some. Hard to explain, natural to experience. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:02:55 AM | 20s tend to be a time for searching your own soul, exploring your boundaries. This includes sex, drinking, drugs...whatever you're into. If, by "mature", you mean "conservative", give your hormones a chance to thrive before you lay yourself down for nunnery.
As far as the older dude, I'm sure you look very good to him, and that's why he's interested. Maybe he likes your freshness, innocence (despite the fact that you may think you know it all) and thinks you're someone who he can control or mold into his loyal sex slave or something. Or maybe he wants you to be free, and is not considering this to be a LTR but merely a phase that you'll grow out of and eventually leave him, in which case he'll be free again-!
While I don't know either of your personalities (your eccentricities might gel together very well), over 10 years is a pretty huge gap. But, as long as you're both happy, go with it. Just don't expect a LTR or marriage. And, if you're together long enough for him to reach 50, be prepared for the inevitable physical health maladies that will befall him...reduced sex drive, aches and pains, high blood pressure, various forms of cancer, diabetes, etc. (it should be noted, however, that these can hit ANYONE at any age though).
See the movie Elegy? It addresses all the issues associated with a 25+ year age gap between the elder, Ben Kingsley, and the younger, Penelope Cruz.
Oh, hell--go for it. Rock on. Life's too short. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:38:58 PM | Depends on who you ask. When I was much younger than you, I was hanging out with women much older than him.
On the other hand, I'm not a doting dad with a shotgun. I've been careful about that sort of thing. Don't want to just breed like a rabbit. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:01:26 PM |
For a casual dating situation (with no LTR expectations at all)? No, you're fine.
For a serious relationship or any relationship with intentions of true possibilities for one? Pretty much, No.
Sorry to bust anyones bubble. Age has nothing to do with maturity. My father was 11 years older than my mother. Hmm, let's see, she was 21 when I was born so that would make him 32. Add a year to each and you have your own ages OP. It all depends on how well you two get along. My parents were together untill my father died so I really don't think that the age difference had anything to do with them being compatible and staying together. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:23:45 PM |
I have a very mature 22 year old daughter.
Yes, the age gap is much too large.
I agree.
~OP~ Date who you wish. Just remember that 11 years will turn into 30/41, 40/51, and then what I'm dealing with 50/61 (45/56). That's just odd in my mind. I can't fathom being with a man who's nearly 60. But then again? I openly admit that when it comes to my personal life, I'm an agist. JMO  | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 2:28:23 PM | No ... not if you won't mind dragging around with an old dude in about 30 years  | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 2:52:54 PM | I apologize for the way my appeared to you.
The other night is the first time she broached the subject with me
The point was, had you talked with her at the time instead of years later, you would have told her you disapproved. Her reasons are irrelevant.
I was simply giving an example that maturity is not equal to age
and I took exception to your example as being a sign of maturity..
22 and 33 an insurmountable age difference
It's a huge age difference. He has "been around". She hasn't. They are at completely different points in their lives. IMO it will end badly.
don't know why you felt you needed to engage in a personal attack
I am indeed sorry if you took it as a personal attack. I simply respond to posts. There is nothing personal about it. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 3:12:29 PM | RE Msg: 33 by verygreeneyez:
Date who you wish. Just remember that 11 years will turn into 30/41, 40/51, and then what I'm dealing with 50/61 (45/56). That's just odd in my mind. I can't fathom being with a man who's nearly 60. But then again? I openly admit that when it comes to my personal life, I'm an agist. JMO You're 45. That's not that far off from 60, only 15 years, and 20-35 went like a snap, at least for me. It's just odd to me that you have a problem with 60, when to me, it's just around the corner. Mind you, that might be because I know people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s who seem to get around more than many 20-year-olds. I guess it's just down to how you see yourself, and how much you project your ideas about old age onto others. Some people might think that when they are 60, they intend to be home with a pipe and slippers. Others expect that when they are 60, they are painting the town red, even more than today. My first images of old age were my grandmother, who lived on her own, and went out by herself, all the way to 89, and then passed into a coma and died after a month. So my first images of old age were someone who would just keep going and going.
RE Msg: 35 by OnlyThis:
22 and 33 an insurmountable age difference It's a huge age difference. He has "been around". She hasn't. They are at completely different points in their lives. IMO it will end badly.
Life has changed a lot, now, though. So you often can get 2 people with the same age, and even from the same town, who have very different experiences, very different values, and very different aims for the future, and so, there are absolutely no guarantees at all anymore.
But if you come from a place where there are such guarantees, then you have a point, and you are a very lucky man, for finding a woman will be easy for any man in such a place. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 3:27:14 PM |
Really, the old "been around",
I just really disagree with some of you giving this your blessing. Someone in their 30s/40s or 50/60s can be at the same point in their lives and age will mean little. In this case, they are at completely different points in their lives and in my opinion (and i certainly could be wrong) this is a really bad idea.
Op... forget this guy, go out with your girlfriends and have some fun. The 20s go by pdq. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 5:10:10 PM | | women are more mature...do you find his attidue too mature of him boring...you need to decide...it does not matter what other people think | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:21:21 PM | I personally would not be happy with that sort of age gap.
That's just because I want to find someone with about the same level as experience/intelligence as me. I'd feel awkward with someone who knows and has been through so much more.
However, if you are happy with this person, and not having an unreasonable amount of awkwardness, there is nothing wrong with your age gap.
If you had been underage, that would be a completely different story. But you're an adult! | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 10:17:13 PM | thanks for all the honesty :)
peace! | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 10:24:44 PM | No offense, but you ALL say you're mature at the age of 22.
You're not.
You may act it, but that doesn't mean you ARE it.And yes, he's too old for you. Or you're too young for him.
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/11/2009 10:35:20 PM | the age difference isnt that big of a deal... if it were an older woman to younger guy, that age range, simply due to the obvious maturity levels of guys that age, would be problematic.
it really depends on the individuals... however, you need to know, experience levels are different and what I mean by that is the emotional experience levels. I am sure you are very mature and beyond your years with that, but still, you maybe sometimes a little more keyed up about some things that you will be more relaxed about 10 years from now.
I am actually surprised to read all these comments on here, as it is not that uncommon for younger women to either be entirely captivated by an older man, experiment or appreciate the time-quality thing. Then again, it also depends on culture, personal experience and proximity. I think most women have dated an older man at some point in time. (then again a lot of women feel threatended by younger women dating men of their would-be age group, so take some of their comments with a grain of salt)
age is so irrelevant at times. But when it comes to deeper values, goals, emotional stability, it can likely be an issue. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:18:43 AM | | i dont find anything wrong with you dating someone ten years older. i am attracted to women who are older than me. in fact, im willing to date someone up to age 35, which is a full 15 years older. you just have to be very cautious and know that if something does not seem right in your relationship, the best thing to do is run. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:23:34 AM | ive dated a 26 year old man ..I felt that I was intellectually matured than him..then ive dated a 39 year old man--I felt that he was too way old for me in everything.
I onced asked myself wtf...i was dating too young and too old and I dont know where I would be? | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/12/2009 3:08:43 PM |
You're 45. That's not that far off from 60, only 15 years, and 20-35 went like a snap, at least for me. It's just odd to me that you have a problem with 60, when to me, it's just around the corner. Mind you, that might be because I know people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s who seem to get around more than many 20-year-olds.
Yep. I am indeed, 45. I'm not 55, however. The thought of seeing a 60 year old man or woman naked makes me shudder. Sorry ~ that's just not on my list of things to do in the very near future. Now when I am 55, I'll most likely feel differently. Until then? I'll stick with those very near my own age. And if you know 50/60/70 year olds that get around more than the 20-somethings, you ought to patent whatever it is they are taking/doing because I don't believe I've EVER seen someone my age get around like a 20ish person. , I know that I'm not meant to be with someone my step-fathers age (56.) Nor am I willing to be with someone much younger than myself. I want to grow old WITH someone, not watch someone grow old. Nor do I want someone watching me grow old. Like it or not, age is much more than just a number. Vietnam is vastly different from Desert Storm, 70s free love is vastly different than my era of HIV/Aids, the 80s big hair bands aren't anything like The Doors. And the list of things that I grew up with versus those even 15 years older is so paramount that it makes for some very different life experiences. To each their own, I'm not going to change my opinion nor do I want someone else to change theirs.  | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:04:30 PM | RE Msg: 45 by verygreeneyez:
I'll stick with those very near my own age. Good for you. I just don't know how to cope with that. I know people my age who've got GRANDKIDS a few years old, and I'm only 39. Most people I've met got married much younger than I am now, had morgages, kids, all that, and I've never done any of that. So it's quite hard for me to relate to people when I still think and feel like a single person.
And if you know 50/60/70 year olds that get around more than the 20-somethings, you ought to patent whatever it is they are taking/doing because I don't believe I've EVER seen someone my age get around like a 20ish person. I don't exactly know what they do. It all seems to be that they just have a very positive nature, and a very outgoing nature, and somehow, the 2 just keep reinforcing themselves. Being more active means you get exercise just going out and doing things, and so your muscles get far more exercise, and that keeps your metabolism working fast and efficiently to allow you to keep active. The positive attitude means that nothing gets them down enough to stop going out.
I know that I'm not meant to be with someone my step-fathers age (56.) Nor am I willing to be with someone much younger than myself. I want to grow old WITH someone, not watch someone grow old. Nor do I want someone watching me grow old. Like it or not, age is much more than just a number. Vietnam is vastly different from Desert Storm, 70s free love is vastly different than my era of HIV/Aids, the 80s big hair bands aren't anything like The Doors. And the list of things that I grew up with versus those even 15 years older is so paramount that it makes for some very different life experiences. I guess it's very different for me. I grew up in the 70s listening to my older brother play Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (60s), watching Elvis on TV (50s), and listening to my mum play Vera Lynn (40s). I just kept listening to whatever was going on. So I'm almost as familiar with Bill Withers as I am with The Ting Tings, who put their first album out last year. I'm far more worried about looks. But there are lots of 30-year-olds in the UK who look as old as people who were in their 50s when I was a kid. So I think I'm going to have to learn to not worry about looks, or be very picky about who I date.
I also want to grow old with someone. When I was a kid, that meant retirement at 65 for a man, and 60 for a woman. But these days, there are many more opportunities for men and women to be active in their old age. Modern medicine has lengthened old peoples' lives a lot, especially women. So if any woman my age or younger is going to want to stay with me into my 60s and 70s, I've got to expect to keep very active well into my 60s and 70s. Even an older woman is going to want the same, unless she's pretty much signed off on life, and doesn't want to do anything but sit in her chair and not move, and then she's signed off on growing old with anyone.
But even without that, the problem of so many more old people, and the wiping out of so much of the pension market, is making government's lengthen retirement age more and more, and pensions are worth less and less with inflation. So if I want to have enough money to live on, I've had to change my expectations to expect to work well into my 70s, and maybe even longer.
Both those factors mean that because the world has changed, I'm no longer looking at growing older with someone, but living with someone, because once I reach the point at which I can start living like I am old, I'll be ready for the grave. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:18:31 AM | | My ex-wife was 12 years younger than me and I'll never do that again. Why? Because there is just too many differences in life experiences. I'd be very leery of such a dating arrangement. I don't think it's impossible for it to work but it's hard enough making relationships work these days without having to deal with age differences. And if you don't think it's a problem now, wait another 5+ years. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:01:43 AM | Age is but a statistic and the key things have been raised.
You need to think if you both have the same common goal, being together and whatver that may be, be that a few years of fun or more serious. I would say that as long as you both want the same it means nothing. People should be moaning more about their differences in qualities, not age.
If you enjoy being together, and are having fun, then get on with it.
It has nothing to do with inteligence too. I have a degree and professional quals and have seen a girl 10 years younger who was brighter, more cultured and more fun to be with than so many people I have ever met before. The key is if it feels natural and is not forced to get on with it.
Emotional inteligence can be lacking in people of any age and is very helpful. | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/13/2009 10:13:33 AM | no it's not too large. it does add some extra challenges... that large of an age gap sometimes means that the two people have different goals and things they want out of life and relationships... but fi that's not the case...
my girlfriend is 20 and i'm 32... we haven't had a problem with the age issue... | |
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| AGE DIFFERENCE?
Posted: 9/13/2009 5:51:57 PM | OP, do what you want. Don't listen to the haters. If it seems like it might be fun, go for it.
Simply put, haters are merely people that are angry because they don't have your options. Men that say it's too big of an age gap are angry because they can't get 22 year old women to say hi to them. Women that give you a hard time are angry because they are no longer 22.
Do what you want and have fun with it. If it doesn't work out, you've lost nothing. | |
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