| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:16:17 AM |
To me dating more than one would not give the guy the best shot.
I agree with that, and likewise I would like the best shot as well.
However would accept it fine if he was dating around but chances are that scenario would have a short shelf life.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:00:26 AM |
Call me old fashioned or naive,,,
I thought dating was going out to have fun and getting to know them,,,
I thought "going steady" meant going out with only one person,,,
I thought engaged meant you were planning "long term" or permanent,,,
So, what I'm seeing here with some of the replies is that in order for you to "date" someone, it has to be exclusive?
Seems to me to be sort of an insecurity problem,,,
Or is it that some want a handle or grip on the other person at all times even though they're in the "just getting to know someone" stage,,,
I'd think it might scare off some potential suitors,,,
I am getting older and would like to possibly accelerate the chances of meeting "the one" by seeing some and sorting through them. As long as I make my intentions clear and they understand, how does "our age" play into it except that I will be dealing with more mature women who understand what I am doing,,,?
Two posts by NewToMichiana - and they sum up my view very nicely! 
I have been in the world of online dating enough to realize that there are many people, male or female, who just want sex.... plus an assorted medley of other games... as we all know. I am not in that category... I want something long term. I figure that by doing the casual dating of several "suitors" then they will weed themselves out... via the "disappearing act".... or the "push for sex" and if they don't get it, they are gone.... or whatever other game they wish to play. Time and time again I have seen the old adage prove itself .... Time tells all stories..... and I am just letting people show me who they are - all in time. If I am dating several people, I am "accelerating my chances" as NewToMichiana so succintly put it. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:31:46 AM |
Two posts by NewToMichiana - and they sum up my view very nicely!
I have been in the world of online dating enough to realize that there are many people, male or female, who just want sex.... plus an assorted medley of other games... as we all know. I am not in that category... I want something long term. I figure that by doing the casual dating of several "suitors" then they will weed themselves out... via the "disappearing act".... or the "push for sex" and if they don't get it, they are gone.... or whatever other game they wish to play. Time and time again I have seen the old adage prove itself .... Time tells all stories..... and I am just letting people show me who they are - all in time. If I am dating several people, I am "accelerating my chances" as NewToMichiana so succintly put it.
Exactly since it seems my experience has proved likewise. However how does one fit in all this dating in just a week or two? They do drop like flies in a very short time when they find out you are not ready to hop in the sack. Not like you are are dating one of them for any length of time here.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:43:48 AM | | ^^^^ too true. You don't have to date the players for any length of time... just past 3 dates, in my experience. So many men use the "reverse 3 date rule" as a friend of mine put it. The "reverse 3 date rule" is where if they don't get laid in the first 3 dates, they are gone.... I always go a few more than that.... you can't get much of an idea as to who they are and what their game is (or lack of games) in 3 dates. You don't have to date any one of them for any length of time... the "unsuitable suitors" show their true colours pretty fast, IMO. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:58:13 AM |
You don't have to date the players for any length of time... just past 3 dates, in my experience.
Never made it to a 3rd date.. Only two of the 7 I met waited until the second date..
Pretty darn sad really
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:32:29 AM | one quick question......why do u need a partner to participate in sex......idiot you don't.
the notion that you need someone else to watch to enjoy yourself is a lie....use a mirror..........
too many people just do not get the "self love" equasion if they drop the ball themself....too bad so sad love dad.
your boring if you can not do at least that for yourself....chuckles. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:08:51 AM |
one quick question......why do u need a partner to participate in sex......idiot you don't.
I think it was very obvious to most of us anyways that she meant with a partner
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:14:04 AM | My conclusion is that everyone finds sex important, wonderful, enjoyable and desirable, its just all the other things about the possible partners out there that are just too icky to tolerate.
I mean, you actually have to relate to another human being, and let's face it, we all have our little quirks that make use definite no-gos.
Of course, with all that logic, I don't really see where not having sex is any more of a solution to the issues than is having sex. Sex itself is not a relevant factor. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:21:14 AM | sex excluded is not a PARTNER. a partner is someone you have a business association with..roar! too funny
you folks complicate life to much 
to be atune with another human means you know their drive! not there grocery list....hehehe | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:10:57 AM | @rearguard and peekaboo
While that may be what works for you, it may not be for others. I think a huge part of it varies on what a person is looking for... you are looking for "friends" and "hang out".... and so casual sex may be part of that for you.... and if that works for you, great.
However, it has been my experience, considering that I am looking for a LTR, that if you bring sex into the equation too early, it quickly becomes a sex-based relationship. I love sex just as much as the next person.... but once you open that open that door, you aren't going to close it again. Sooo.... I would rather find out if the person I am dating is long term material OUTSIDE of the bedroom first... and then find out if they are long term material INSIDE of the bedroom. If all things work in both areas, then maybe he is a keeper and I will consider being exclusive with him... and see where things go from there. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:45:20 AM |
However, it has been my experience, considering that I am looking for a LTR, that if you bring sex into the equation too early, it quickly becomes a sex-based relationship. I love sex just as much as the next person.... but once you open that open that door, you aren't going to close it again. Sooo.... I would rather find out if the person I am dating is long term material OUTSIDE of the bedroom first... and then find out if they are long term material INSIDE of the bedroom. If all things work in both areas, then maybe he is a keeper and I will consider being exclusive with him... and see where things go from there.
Oh I so agree with you 13.. Something else people are missing here if you are truly looking for the last chapter is the following. If sex is so very high on their priority list ( in fact at the very top of their list) that they dump you what will happen if you were to become ill.. But then I have to wonder why I would even mention such a thing since we all know they are not looking for anything more than scratching an itch.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:53:49 AM | well i do know that bringing bad sex to the table requardless of the timing equates bye bye...roar.
the notion that sex can be boring or bad sex can be a dealbreaker for an adult would conclude not atune to YOURSELF than...because many just will not find for self and expect the "PARTNER" to solve.....too bad maybe in another life perhaps.
to many expect others to find their own drive and wonder why the oil presure is off the line good grief...thermostat need adjustment.........gotta go check it... many cars do not have there own BLOCK HEATER do they!
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:17:25 AM | I wonder where the notion that casual sex works for me came from my postings?
Probably didn't. Just another slander to discredit anything I may say on the subject, I suppose.javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:35:16 AM |
I wonder where the notion that casual sex works for me came from my postings?
rear reread what she had to say in her post
I think a huge part of it varies on what a person is looking for... you are looking for "friends" and "hang out".... and so casual sex may be part of that for you.... and if that works for you, great.
She was speaking about profiles and not postings and used the words may be ?
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:02:30 PM | Personally speaking, the vast majority of times that I have begun to be sexually intimate with someone I would not describe it as having been "casual". Others might, from the outside looking in, but not me. That wasn't my experience of them from the inside out. And that's all that really matters to me in the end.
By far the most "casual sex" that I've had in my life has been the sex that I've had within longer term relationships. Ironic when you think about it. In a certain sense, given this reality of mine, I guess you could say that it may be at least as important for me to know if someone has longer term potential for me inside the bedroom as it is to know if they have longer term potential for me outside the bedroom. Just another way of looking at it.
I just find it difficult to prioritize this inside the bedroom/outside the bedroom thing. And it's not merely about the actual sex-of-it inside the bedroom. There are intimate bonds of understanding, trust and affection that are potentially forged as two people become sexually involved with each other, ones that potentially extend far beyond the bedroom door.
It's really a chicken-or-the-egg thing to me. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:04:30 PM | some people really do read!....and many don't and expect what........hahaha
oh boo hoo can't slant the stick...perhaps cuz it has not been in gear in to long...
missin some pressure would mean a airlock in your system....you know you have to tap breaks to keepthem working sharp....well sex is like that....everyone has hands and they reach most things unless selfpleasure is taboo too.chuckles....
adjusts mirror................if i have to sequester approval on this subject i doubt i would be an adult.my azz is to small for all them kicks.
lays blindfold over shoulder.....only if your lucky | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:18:36 PM | | I want that one wonderful relationship. I don't go out and boink everyone and have never had the reputation as being a whatever you call it. But to me relationships are about balance....and sex is something that is right up there also. I will get to know them in all area's of their life and that is probably including sex....yes me who tends to be day dreamy about everything but real life. Ifs it going to be exclusive then it will be without me giving off any warnings about it. I don't have to malnipulate anyone or anything to get what I want.....so if I feel close enough to have a sexual relationship chances are I am going to know them pretty well and feel pretty confident doing so.... | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:55:32 PM |
By far the most "casual sex" that I've had in my life has been the sex that I've had within longer term relationships.
I am so very sorry to hear that.
Ironic when you think about it. In a certain sense, given this reality of mine, I guess you could say that it may be at least as important for me to know if someone has longer term potential for me inside the bedroom as it is to know if they have longer term potential for me outside the bedroom.
I can only respond to the above as follows.. At our age their will be some rough roads ahead.. Our bodies will eventually breakdown and will unfortunately fail us in time. You will know who truly loves you by those that gather round your bedside to say their last goodbyes.. Because those bonds of understanding and trust and affection are forged and are not dependent on if you have sex or not.
One last thing to think about is why the most casual sex you have had in the past was in longer term relationships.. So where do you go from there keep it short and sweet so as not to repeat the beat?
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:11:46 PM | I honestly don't know how things became so complicated.
Dating has turned into a business, complete with job interviews,
probationary periods and lay offs. (ahahahahahaha)
I understand that dating is just that...but I've never thought
that meant dating more than one person at a time. If I meet
or see someone I like, I'm not really interested in checking out
someone else until after I see where the first "date" is going.
I don't want to constantly be looking for the next best thing.
If it appears things aren't going anywhere...I don't see the need
to hang onto the person and continue dating them...I'd just move
on.
I don't think I would like to be one of many persons someone
is dating...hoping to make it to the end without being kicked off
the island.
But that's just me.
Maybe that's why I don't want to date anymore.
It has a whole new meaning for me. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:45:04 PM | I am so very sorry to hear that.
There's no reason to be "sorry" for me about that. I would venture to guess that such is the case with most people, everybody who isn't lying, that is. You mean married couples, or long term couples don't have "casual sex" within their relationships? I must be living on a different planet. LOL
I can only respond to the above as follows.. At our age their will be some rough roads ahead.. Our bodies will eventually breakdown and will unfortunately fail us in time. You will know who truly loves you by those that gather round your bedside to say their last goodbyes.. Because those bonds of understanding and trust and affection are forged and are not dependent on if you have sex or not.
One last thing to think about is why the most casual sex you have had in the past was in longer term relationships.. So where do you go from there keep it short and sweet so as not to repeat the beat?
I was going to give you a more lengthy response, but I decided that you obviously just missed the point of what I was saying. Why bother. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:04:07 PM | I completely agree with you...well said! I do NOT generalize, but I will say that the men (yes, all 10-15 of them) that I've managed to have a conversation with made it very clear to me that sex is a HUGE priority for them...and not something they are willing to wait for. I must be looking in the wrong places, honestly, the men I've talked with have been more obsessed with sex than the guys I remember from my 20s and 30s.
I'll admit that my interest overall has waned a bit...but there are lots of reasons for that...but I can't/won't go with the mindset that "I gotta, if I want to see them again". No, I don't "gotta"....and if that even comes up, who wants them anyway? | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:41:21 PM | I think that is what most men feel too...they dont want a woman who feels she gotta...they want a woman who wannas....they want someone who finds them attractive and wants to with them, not with everyone.
Not saying that all the guys who are out there arent old horn dogs ...they still exist along with the women who find that sorta of man attractive....the online world is so big that it is easy to get lost in it and think that only sort of person exist...but it is just that one type that is open to self promotion...ie the horn dog old men and the women who have no desire to have sex again...the rest of us get to watch the fireworks when they meet. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:51:04 PM | I think that is what most men feel too...they dont want a woman who feels she gotta...they want a woman who wannas....they want someone who finds them attractive and wants to with them, not with everyone.
Not saying that all the guys who are out there arent old horn dogs ...they still exist along with the women who find that sorta of man attractive....the online world is so big that it is easy to get lost in it and think that only sort of person exist...but it is just that one type that is open to self promotion...ie the horn dog old men and the women who have no desire to have sex again...the rest of us get to watch the fireworks when they meet.
The internet dating thing is just plain weird. Let's face it. A different animal. I think the impersonal nature of it tends to exaggerate the worst behaviors and fears in both of the sexes. It's the decent people on both sides of the gender divide who end up getting burned from it the most.
I can't even fathom wanting to get intimate with a woman who didn't "wanna" with me. I'm just not programmed that way. A foreign concept to me. And in almost all cases, if a woman wants me too fast without me having the feeling that she's connecting up with a lot of what's inside of me, then I'm just as likely to not wanna.
You've just got to listen to your own heart, draw from your own experience. There's no rules for me going into it. That's the mystery and the excitement of it to me. | |
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