| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:30:49 PM | Women have sex in order to get love; men make love in order to get sex.
Women always have an agenda when they have sex which is to strengthen the connection with the man, to feel loved, to feel that the sex is meaningful.
Men often romance a woman knowing full well that she expects all of that, but what he really wants is great sex.
As a woman, I used to equate sex with love when I was VERY young. Now that I'm in my 60's, I find it irrational to assume that you would be madly in love with every man you date and have the hots for.
Sexuality is as much a part of life as breathing, sleeping, eating. Major anatomical parts of our bodies are devoted to sexuality, and sex is a fantastic exercise for the body and the brain. Nothing is more wonderful than intimacy, whether sexual or not, with a person who turns you on.
I've learned that sexuality is NOT a moral question for me; it's a personal choice. When I date a man, I ALWAYS assume that he has other women in his life, even up to the point that he claims never-ending love. When you start thinking of sex as something "special" that must have exclusivity, I believe you're putting far too heavy a burden on human sexuality. It's supposed to be fun and good for you, and NOT necessarily a behavior with a constant agenda of figuring out what somebody thinks about you.
Maybe because I was a hippie, but to me, I can't think of a better way to get to know somebody than to have sex with him. It's probably the only time a man can't fake it. If he thinks less of you for having sex with him, he's doing you a favor by showing how vulgar he is and you know he has no depth and it's time to move on. Men with double standards (men prove virility by having multiple partners; women prove they are "loose") are old dinosaurs that should be put out to pasture.
Women. if you're horny, go get some. That's what men do. Take responsibility for your physical needs and stop thinking your **** is a gift that you give. How patriarchal can you get? It's yours to do with you as you please. Find pleasure and stop worrying about "relationships'. Take lovers, don't date. Enjoy yourselves, and stop having "issues."
I would love to see women become far more aggressive; they would find better lovers if they stopped waiting to be asked to dance. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:42:33 PM |
luckylady4unyc wrote: Sexuality is as much a part of life as breathing, sleeping, eating......I've learned that sexuality is NOT a moral question for me; it's a personal choice......I would love to see women become far more aggressive; they would find better lovers if they stopped waiting to be asked to dance.
You make some good points. And yes, I think if more women were a bit more up front about liking sex with that special man, that it would help. The only caveat I have with the sleeping and eating being a part of life, is not everyone eats out of a dumpster, or wants to sleep in a vermin infested flop house. Some people want food that is clean and tastes great and a bed with nice clean sheets.
And while most men want, need and love sex, not all men want to have sex of any kind with any and every woman who is horny. For some men a penis and a Porsche have a lot in common, and its not just any woman who gets to ride them. While some man who has a junker car he doesn't care for, may well boink any woman.
~Beth~ | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:47:11 AM | | Well that's always the problem with all the online dating places. They breed serial daters. Everything is in motion all the time. Your on a date and her phone/text keeps going off. Shes polite enough- you hope -to not answer them in front of you. But you know they are there,especially if she is attractive. So you are always in the mix. If you comment, now your needy or possessive. I think this is why a lot of people drop out. It's just a lot of hassle. We all make fun of the bar scene but at least at a bar you know where you stand. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:32:55 PM | Dating is just dating. I've dated many men during all of my years of being single.
Only the chosen few, the ones who have been special enough that dating led to a long term relationship, got past that stage to intimacy.
I don't care how many women a man is dating if we've not decided to be exclusive with each other. I don't care how many women he's having sex with if we're just friends or just dating.
Only thing is, most men want to take it further than dating. After a few dates, if it doesn't become sexual, they move on. Which is fine with me, since it was just dating in my mind all along. If there is a mutual feeling of wanting it to be more than dating, we always know that from the beginning. So in that situation,dating, basically, is leading up to the next level.
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:23:19 PM | | Nothing wrong with dating more than one man, or woman for that matter.... but most men want something more than just dating. So i guess its a mutual agreement on the matter. Do whatever you feel is right for you. Hey, you are almost 45 yrs old.... with age also comes the right to do whatever YOU want... without having to worry about peer pressure or inhibitions. Who cares? Just do whats right for you, and everyone else will have to fit in with YOUR rules. YOU are in control sweetie. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:40:13 AM |
And while most men want, need and love sex, not all men want to have sex of any kind with any and every woman who is horny. For some men a penis and a Porsche have a lot in common, and its not just any woman who gets to ride them. While some man who has a junker car he doesn't care for, may well boink any woman.
Well said Beth and who the heck was a ride in a junker car? It usually is not all that safe..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/9/2009 4:35:05 AM | If I find myself dating more than one man and there is no sex involved (otherwise that would be kind of gross in my book) it usually means I am also not sure I like either one.
And I would say that if you are truly looking for someone than sex too soon can confuse the issue... for a woman not sure about a man... I have slept with men in the past and didn't feel much afterwards and unfortunately for me they decided it was wonderful and want to continue, my problem was I didn't...so don't understand the fwb thing...
But what I do like is if I sleep with a man and we agree to see each other only until we figure out if where it is going... I don't want to date anyone else...
I realize that men will go where the sex is available, but I don't see that it makes the relationship any stronger or longer lasting...
Yeah the double edge sword... damned if you do and damned if you don't.... | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/9/2009 4:39:38 AM |
And I would say that if you are truly looking for someone than sex too soon can confuse the issue... for a woman not sure about a man... I have slept with men in the past and didn't feel much afterwards and unfortunately for me they decided it was wonderful and want to continue, my problem was I didn't...so don't understand the fwb thing...
You and me both.. I can't for the life of me see this fwb thing. Like you if I felt nothing for the person I can easily find someone else to engage me that I just might feel something with?
So best to feel something for them first and then follow ..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:10:08 PM |
Yes, I do find that a bit of foreplay is always recommended
...A bit? So tell me...how do you measure a bit? And is it bigger than a byte, does it ever get to be "MEGA" Inquiring minds want to know.
...maeflowers | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/9/2009 11:44:14 PM | | Sex is really overrated. Been there done that . . but I most remember the soft and really qualities of the women I have loved. The tiny simple memories of how she laughed at a prank was really more precious to me than the sex. The emotional things make life and love worth doing. They (those I loved) were well worth my time and money spent on them and they are still precious to me this very day. | |
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| Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/10/2009 3:13:49 PM |
...A bit? So tell me...how do you measure a bit? And is it bigger than a byte, does it ever get to be "MEGA" Inquiring minds want to know.
Ya...please inform us...and include all the juicy details  | |
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