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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:28:36 AM | And what do you want?
When is enough, enough, anyway?
You could take up swinging together, that way you can both experience more sex partners and maybe your relationship will even survive it (plenty do, but some don't), and doing it together means you get to have some control over who he sees. IMO, however, you should focus on ONE relationship at a time at this age, and if that means breaking up, then you can be fairly sure you'll meet someone else before long. It sounds like he may not be ready to truly settle down at this point, even though he wants to keep you. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:32:08 AM | | I never felt like there was anything another woman could offer that was better than what happens when you are loyal. The loyalty makes possible an enjoyment of one person that is far better than the pleasure of indulging casual impulses. The job of the rest of the women is to remind you what's waiting at home. Cheating is about integrity not sex. I can't experience sexual desire at the same time as the self-loathing that would be necessary for me to disregard my principles. Not so far, at least. Maybe life has some surprises in store for me. One never knows. It seems to me a matter of how a man thinks of himself, and then what kind of relationship he wants, so that if these things don't matter all he will care about is the opportunity to have sex. Sex can be great but it is much less important than self-respect, which if you have some I'm not sure how cheating could even seem tempting instead of impossible to want to do. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:36:23 AM | how many is enough? Maybe he just feels you guys are moving into the crucial phase of your relationship and it scares him. just have open and honest communication and you may yet get through this.
Good luck to you,
Reverend Roland | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:39:36 AM |
I have been dating this guy for almost a year now and at the start of our relationship he said he felt like he hadnt slept with enough women. Its been months after but i still feel like he thinks about this a lot and that the more serious we get the higher the chances are that he will cheat. What do you guys think? and i would like a mans advice and comment on this as well! Thanks Speaking as a man, I don't care about how many women I've slept with, as long as 3 things are true:
1) The woman I'm with keeps me interested, so I don't get bored, and start not looking elsewhere. If I'm bored, THEN I'm looking elsewhere, and not otherwise.
2) I've slept with more women than she has men. If she's had more boyfriends than I've had girlfriends, I'm always going to worry that I'm not as experienced as her, and that there is stuff that she wants to do that she wants me to initiate, but that I don't know about because I've never done it, or will mess up due to inexperience, and if I cannot keep her happy, and she knows other men can, then I'm going to worry lots that she'll eventually go back to those guys, or a guy like them.
3) That she's not driving me crazy. If she's driving me crazy, then I'm going to start looking elsewhere.
Since he still wants to be with you, I think #1 and #3 are not relevant. So I'm betting it's #'2, that you've slept with more people than he has, and it's making him feel insecure. The thing is, that as long as you've forgotten about those guys completely, then it doesn't matter. But if you remember those previous relationships, then you'll act that way in your attitude, and he'll pick up on it subconsciously. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:40:29 AM | What is enough women to him.....10, 50, 100.
He "loves" you but feels like he hasn't slept with enough women???
Well, at least he's honest.....
Oh, brother-I see nothing but heartache (for you) in this relationship, and it's subsequent end.....and it WILL end, trust me. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:40:55 AM | Taliz88,
I'm not gonna tell ya what to do... but I will ask you to look at this logically...
He said he does want to experience more women. So exactly just how does he plan on doing that and still remain faithful to you? Sounds to me like he's pretty certain that you & he are only a temporary thing. But my honest opinion is that you two have been together a year, and should by now be able to talk to each other openly and honestly. I think you'll get more info and insight if you talk to him rather than us. He's the only one that knows what goes on in his mind. You are right to be concerned over what the future may bring... tell him those concerns, listen to his reply and then make a decision based on truth, not emotion. But at least he was honest enough to tell you he wants to boink more Babes... personally, I find that kinda creepy... what on earth will he gain by porking more women??
1) unwanted/unplanned children?
2) a few fun little STD's?
3) AIDS?
4) A reputation as a love-em leave-em loser?
5) A boost to his insecure ego?
It's your life Babe... make it a good one!! | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:41:02 AM |
I just figured she met him shortly after creating this profile and hasn't been back since, until now. Ya, I guess it's possible. But if not, kettle calling pot black, and she shouldn't be wondering if her dude will cheat when she's just as likely if not more likely to cheat. It's REAL easy to change one's profile, that's no excuse. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:02:55 PM | | I have spoken to my Boyfriend about this but he is adamant that he will ignore these feelings because he wants to be with me. Now i dont think he will cheat but at the same time i dont want to find out a few months from now he can no longer ignore those feelings especially when iv put in so much into this relationship. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:20:48 PM |
I have spoken to my Boyfriend about this but he is adamant that he will ignore these feelings because he wants to be with me. Now i dont think he will cheat but at the same time i dont want to find out a few months from now he can no longer ignore those feelings especially when iv put in so much into this relationship.
It's pretty simple: you don't trust him and what he MIGHT do. The above statement says it all: I don't think he will, but he might.  Why not just stop your self-defeating fears and enjoy your time with him? 99% of the things we fear/worry about don't happen. What a waste of energy and emotion. JMO  | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:22:30 PM | What would Spnioza say?
Human behaviour is fully determined, with freedom being our capacity to know we are determined and to understand why we act as we do.
Your bf's behavior is already determined. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:25:08 PM |
Cheating is about integrity not sex. I can't experience sexual desire at the same time as the self-loathing that would be necessary for me to disregard my principles.
Very well spoken. Simpatico. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:29:19 PM |
Is there a way to fix this problem?
Yes there is. Get off the dating site claiming to be single and take him every which way you possibly can. Show him that one woman can be all the experience he needs. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:53:36 PM | Msg 1.
Well then don't add to his dilemma. If he's hellbent to sleep with (x) number of women before he feels manly enough for a serious relationship, why are you staying involved in the contribution to his soon to be STD infected hellride?
Unless you are stupid enough to think that you can chain up his inner freak, with some often and varied sexual freakiness of your own.
Get out, before you end up on medications like Valtrex for life, or other meds to keep you same after putting up with this type of B.S.
Not that I care, it's your life. Destroy it at will, but its always nice to know that others are more than happy to help. ;)
9to9 | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:54:35 PM |
What do you guys think?
I think it depends on a lot more than what is typed here.
I mean did the conversation go something like:
"I feel a little insecure with you Taliz because you've slept with so many more people than I have, I don't have your experience. Part of me feels like I haven't slept with enough women to feel connected to you that way, or we are really disparate in our experiences."
Do you want to sleep with more woman?
"No, it's not that, I just feel weird like am supposed to have slept with more people than you have. Like I haven't slept with enough women to be on par with you."
Or "I feel pressure from guys, as though I haven't slept with enough women. All my friends talk about their conquests and how awesome they are. But in comparison and in their perspective I haven't slept with enough women."
IMO just not enough context to the actual relationship or conversation.
Not to mention you bring it up now...as you said
Its been months after but i still feel like he thinks about this a lot
So it sounds more like your own insecurities than anything he has actually done.
Just something he said in a conversation we (or at least I) have absolutely no contextual information about.
You believe he thinks about it a lot. That is far different than I know he thinks about it a lot. You are putting what you fear into his head and holding him responsible.
Maybe he only considers it when you bring it up. Or in c0ntext to the conversation.
So to me it sounds more like you are fishing for things to pin on him in order to get out of the relationship so you can blame him for it not working.
the more serious we get the higher the chances are that he will cheat.
The only thing (IMO) that makes someone "cheat" (I define "cheat" as having a specifically hidden and lied about relationship, for gratification purposes, behind the back of someone you are specifically committed to, for short) is being in the wrong relationship in the first place. Kind of like what you are doing now. You are cheating on the relationship IMO by not bringing up your fears with him, but seemingly hiding your fears and coming to other people.
Having to go outside the committed relationship for what you want, and not being able to tell the person you are committed to. That's what cheating is to me.
If you two actually communicate, and he wants to be committed to you, then he's going to remain faithful to his commitment...IMO.
Hi, well i asked him again that question recently and he said he still does but he will "ignore" them because he wants to be in the relationship with me.
Maybe he doesn't, but knew you wouldn't believe that, and also believed you were fishing for validation.
Maybe he knows you wouldn't believe him if he said "no."
Plus if he said he'd "ignore" them it wouldn't carry as much weight. So maybe (from how it's typed here) he was simply trying to say "I am committed to you, you are important to me." But you took it as justifying your fears.
Should i get out?
IMO yes, but it's because the way I see it you don't really want to be in the relationship.
It's more a favor to him than to protect you.
And you are more likely to "cheat" than he is according to my definitions of the term.
As you seem to be going behind his back rather than talking to him about any problems and concerns you have with the relationship. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 12:57:49 PM |
I think it depends on a lot more than what is typed here.
I mean did the conversation go something like:
"I feel a little insecure with you Taliz because you've slept with so many more people than I have, I don't have your experience. Part of me feels like I haven't slept with enough women to feel connected to you that way, or we are really disparate in our experiences."
Do you want to sleep with more woman?
"No, it's not that, I just feel weird like am supposed to have slept with more people than you have. Like I haven't slept with enough women to be on par with you."
This one you wrote popped into my mind right away for some reason. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:04:59 PM | I think there is a difference between ignoring the feeling to sleep with other women and being monogamous. I don't want to be monogamous i simply am. I don't have to ignore urges or suppress my feelings. If you are asking the question then i would think that you are either not naturally monogamous and think that him ignoring the feeling is natural, or you are completely blind.
Really think about this, what does it mean to be monogamous? Are you monogamous? Do you have to suppress urges? What were you thinking at the beginning of this relationship when he said he didn't think he has had enough women yet? Did you think if he began to love you he would change his mind? What has blinded you into thinking he would change? | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:26:33 PM | I just read this on Overheard in New York and it made me think of this thread.
Guy #1: I want to finish on a girl's face one time man, that would be sic!
Guy #2: Amy told me I could do it to her once.
Guy #1: Are you serious!?? I never thought Amy was that hot, but ****, she just moved up in my books. Was it good?
Guy #2: I couldn't do it. I would do it to a random chick, but not my girlfriend. Every time I kissed her I would only ever think, her face was decorated with my cum.
Guy #1, laughing: Decorated! You sound like the Santa Claus of porn.
--Lower East Side
Maybe your boyfriend has some things he'd like to cross off his to-do list but doesn't want to do them with you because he's fallen into that madonna/whore trap. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:28:00 PM | 'he said he felt like he hadnt slept with enough women'.
op, you shouldn't be wondering too much about this man in the first place. he has already told you who he is.
don't try to change yourself for him in this case, it's not you, it's him. you could have been anyone in his life at this moment, and he still wants to experiment with other women. | |
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| My boyfriend feels he hasnt slept with enough women.
Posted: 9/11/2009 1:29:31 PM | Taliz88
You need to find the specifics. What does he mean by not enough women? You need to ask him to be specific. Does he mean quantity of women, different nationality of women, or sexual experiences? Even, though your heart is longing for long term commitment, he might not be ready for that. It not right for u to feel like he will cheat on u, and it’s not right to prejudge him, too. Talk to him about how you feel, why u feel that way, and what you are afraid of. Instead of reminiscing on the problem, seek resolution to feel secure about the relationship and prevent any infidelity. | |
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